Falling in love when you have anxiety?

[Blondiexxoo]

There's this guy I really like but I just don't know how it can ever work with my anxiety being as bad as it is. He's very adventurous and fearless, whereas I'm scared of everything, even the simplest things. He likes to rockclimb, go hiking, and camping. I haven't been hiking since I've been younger, and never been camping or rockclimbing. The last girl he dated he made dinner for her one time which is so sweet and also took her out to eat another time for her birthday. One of the main things you do when you're dating is go out to eat and I have a lot of fears surrounding food and out to eat restaurants and potentially getting sick. I like to prepare my own food. I also can't try new foods I haven't eaten before. I eat the same food everyday, for the most part. I never go out to eat unless it's pizza and it's always the same pizza place with the same guy who knows me. When I get very panicky, I will shake my hand like from side to side which is such a turnoff and I can't seem to stop myself until I calm down. Also, I get panicky when I'm kissing a guy and have to keep stopping for breaks. It really scares me. Like I want to do that kind of stuff and even take it further but I'm just so scared. When I stand for too long like at the grocery store, I get anxious and start feeling like I'm going to pass out. When I'm out in the heat for too long, I get anxious and worry I'm going to get overheated and pass out so I start getting panicky. This kind of stuff is something that no guy is going to put up with, especially the one I'm interested in who is very fearless. What should I do?

I'm already on Zoloft 50mg and I really don't want to go up any higher nor do I want to try a new medication.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Its hard with anxiety, it cuts off so many normal avenues that people take for granted. Its like learning to live all over again but 10 times harder.

I understand about the food and social setting, I've been through a lot of that myself. This will reduce as you recover. Its a common one with GAD that we fear the unknown a lot or change. The way to get past this is through exposure but coupled with other techniques to reduce our overall anxiety levels such as relaxation techniques, challenging thoughts as in the CBT side, improving out confidence, etc. Mindfulness is a really big helper as well, I always suggest anyone with anxiety should start this practice...it helped my OCD far more than CBT ever did.

In terms of eating though, this guy is an outdoor type so I'm betting he would appreciate a picnic. That way you can try to control the foods and setting. Is that possible for you? He likes cooking, so you could both do this for each other as well and you could try to hint at the types of foods you prefer and he will hopefully pick up on it.

Another thing you could try is talk to him about your anxiety. You don't need to go into details, that will come as the relationship deepens but he sounds like a mature caring kind of guy so I would hope he would be understanding. If he likes you, surely he would be willing to give it a go and see what happens?

I understand the kissing thing too, and the standing thing, I've been through all that too when my GAD was much worse. Again, this will improve as you recover. Breathing & muscle tiredness are big things for us and we have to learn to accept them as being normal bodily functions and to let go of them. I know that sounds impossible right not, but it won't as you get better. I can recall the kissing issue with breathing but the more you are able to relax and remain calm and do it, the easier it all gets as you start to accept that its nothing more than symptoms.

[johnno]

Yes anxiety complicates the things most of us take for granted doesn't it ?
so I'm guessing the guy you like doesn't know you like him or doesn't know about your current state of mind/body ?
If he doesn't then when the opportunity arises just explain it to him. Another thing is that if he does rock climbing now then why would you be a hindrance to him continuing his adventures ? He must be finacially independent. So he can do all that with his mates.
in regard to eating on a date, don't until you feel comfortable. It is also important that he at least accepts your anxieties because if he doesn't it can make a relationship a whole lot harder.
So I think as long as he is considerate, you are open and both not going to be financially reliant on each other there shouldn't be an issue with you both getting together.

[Ikaeoph]

As long as they know and understand it will be fine, they could also prove a great help for your Anxiety, my gf does :-)

[Charlotteee89]

Ah, I know the feeling! My last relationship ended a few months ago and I didn't realise until after we broke up just how anxious I was during the 2 months we were together. I haven't had a relationship for years up until that point and everything felt new to me. I am so self conscious which doesn't help.

I understand it must be hard considering that you're just getting to know each other and you probably don't want to 'scare him off' by being too open about things, but you don't need to make a big deal out of it, you can make it more casual when you mention it. A lot of people have fears of restaurants and food. You can just simply have meals together at home, I find that romantic! Just don't rush into anything, just go with the flow and don't overthink too much.

It's simple really, if he really likes you, genuinely, then he'll understand and he'll be happy to go at whatever pace you're comfortable with. :)

[GadGirl]

If someone really likes you or really loves you they will accept you for who you are, I met my partner 5 years ago and explained my GAD to him and he very understanding and supportive and when i have my moments he knows what to do and how to calm me down. I have also done things i was to anxious to do before with him and his support and its helped alot.

[Sunflower2]

Well I'll just put this in here.. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years now, and I've had anxiety for 9. I've panicked my way through our relationship, have a terrible eating/food problem and don't eat out, worry about him a lot, pretty much everything you said you were worried about I've done. And I've still got him! Either he's just a saint, I'm just lucky, or when we are in a relationship these things don't matter when you find someone you really care about. Don't let your anxiety stop you from falling in love, it's only one small part of you and the right person will see past this and love you anyway!

[Blondiexxoo]

Thank you for the advice everyone! This gives me hope that I can still fall in love and have a successful relationship while having anxiety :)