HA after giving birth - struggling to accept this

[Lozzianne]

Hi,

This is my first post on here I'm new to the site. I had my baby 14 months ago and had a traumatic birth, haemorrhaged massively, retained placenta etc. so took a long time to recover from it.

However it seems to have triggered HA in me. I already had social anxiety prior to having her but now I just feel like I'm losing my mind. I developed ectopic heartbeats, would have hundreds a day, I convinced myself I had a heart condition but after tests all was ok. Then I got IBS, ended up going for a colonoscopy because I was terrified I had colon cancer, but again all ok.

Now I've had daily sharp pains in my head for a month and even though I've seen the doctor twice, I can't understand why she's not more worried. My mother died of a brain tumour at 36 so it does happen. I can't leave my daughter without a mother, like I was left without mine.

This can't all be anxiety related can it? What if this time it's something bad? I feel like this will never end.

[flatterycat]

Hello

I just wanted to say I understand how you are feeling. Although I have always suffered with anxiety, it was after having my little girl that my HA developed. She's 5 now. I haven't been bad the whole time, but the first couple of years were really bad. Now I seem to go through phases. I'm also low at the moment with brain worries.

X

[Lozzianne]

Thanks so much for your reply. I wonder how common this actually is? I sometimes think it has a lot to do with hormones. I've been given antidepressants for the anxiety - my mood is actually ok - but haven't started them as I've just started meditation which I'm hoping will help enough so I don't need the meds.

I'm just so fed up of the worrying, it's exhausting. I feel like I'm stuck in an endless loop of negative thoughts.

[flatterycat]

I've spoken to so many others on here who have had the same - HA after having cchildren. I think it's more to do with the feeling that I have something even more precious to lose since having my litte girl

[lily1]

Hi,

I feel for you as I feel the same recently, when will the symptoms stop. I didn't have a colonoscopy as luckily my stomach symptoms subsided but I have ongoing breast problems going to the clinic again soon :(


I get pains in my head on and off I think it is stress. Does it go if you are occupied?

[Lozzianne]

No it happens no matter what I'm doing. I spent a good few days just lying around and stressing about it, then realised that its going to happen whether I worry or not so just been getting on with things. It does help to take my mind off it for a while but as I have GAD i can't go out very much, so I'm stuck indoors most of the time.

When I explain all the things that are wrong with me it seems silly! Any change in physical sensation freaks me out. Even something as simple as getting hot and sweaty makes me think I'm giing to have a panic attack or I'm coming down with something. Ridiculous I know!

[oldnews]

Hi, I had the exaxt same, i gave birth 12 weeks ago, my daughter was back to back, i hemmoraged 3 times in 6 days and had retained placenta that they missed, i have suffered several womb infections and prolapsed pelvic walls. I started to suffer VERY VERY bad HA whilst in the hospital i didnt want to go home. Please look on my threads for the full story of my HA. I am now in a rut and dont know how to get out of it. It seems the hormones and the strange feelings (been out of control during labour) set this of in us. I would love to chat if you want. I can COMPLETY understand everything you say, its so hard especially with a baby xx

[Lozzianne]

Thank you... I'll have a look through your posts now. You're probably right about not feeling in control at the birth, I had a pretty traumatic experience too. Plus the thought of dying and leaving my poor girl... I just can't have that happen, I need to stay well. But I'm not well am I, mentally, and it's my own doing! Haha crazy or what! Glad to know I'm not alone in feeling this way though, thanks to all for your replies :)

[oldnews]

if you read my thread - MY STORY WITH HA AFTER GIVING BIRTH - it says every symptom i felt. I have had them all. in the past 12 weeks i have been back and forth to hospital....my last visit was only on sunday. my latest scare is bowel cancer. :\

last week it was liver and kidney disease

the week before it was dvt (PE) but it was anxiety related tightness which has now gone. symptoms come and go everyweek. im never worry free

---------- Post added at 17:20 ---------- Previous post was at 17:15 ----------

You are definitly not alone, i thought i was, i thought i was going crazy. I felt if i didnt pack it in i would be sectioned. Thats how bad i was, every single waking hour was worry worry worry. I didnt even recognise myself when i looked in the mirror my eyes would glaze through. I was very scared. Its defiantly the hormones and the unknown of the birth especially when you imagined it to be different and it doesnt go smoothly and gets out of hand, it seems we had a similar birth with the hemmoraging and retained placenta. I was also cut and im not the same down there (sorry for tmi) but im scared to look and that gives me more anxiety

---------- Post added at 17:23 ---------- Previous post was at 17:20 ----------

Oh yes i also thought i had a brain tumour (due to pressure and constant sharp stabbing pains) that soon passed and i developed other symptoms. anxiety can pretty much mimic any disease and illness.

[Lozzianne]

I've just commented on your post giving a bit more info. Yes very similar experiences. I tore, I wasn't cut but needed stitches too. It does go back after a while you know :)

[mummyanxious]

Has your gp referred you for cbt? I think this will help you tremendously as it works on changing negative thinking patterns like you say you're stuck in a spiral of worrying thoughts you can't get out of. This is precisely what it aims to stop. If they haven't then I suggest you go back and have a chat with them and ask for it. Antidepressants are all well and good but once you stop taking them, if you haven't adapted your coping mechanisms the problem will just come back. It's like sticking a plaster over a festering wound.
Sounds like you've been through the mill somewhat. I had a traumatic first birth. Nothin like yours but traumatic in its own way and it certainly didn't help with matters. Have you spoken to anyone to get your thoughts off your chest? Perhaps you could write down how you feel about it and get it out of your head.

[stu78]

I have to agree with this,after my fiancee gave birth to our child,I would say I have developed a bit of health anxiety.Previously I never gave anything a second thought,my baby has also been in hospital for a couple of things and I also think that has contributed to it.Now every little lump and bump and cough I freak out

[Georgie14]

My son is 15 and I've had health anxiety since his dad died when he was 5. I worry constantly about leaving him. Mentally, I have been miserable for the last 10yrs. I hate myself for it. I feel like I can't deal with the smallest thing.:mad:

[Sproutly]

I am in a similar situation. I gave birth 5 month ago to my 1st child. I was induced but after 4 days of pessaries and hormone drips they gave me an emergency cesarean. I recieved pretty well other than an infection in the wound. The past month or so I appear to have developed HA. My dr has linked it with being post natal. I'm convinced I have cancer and it won't be diagnosed in time. I lost my mum at 49 to cancer, as well as several other relatives. My dr has prescribed duloxetine but I've only just started it. I'm praying it works because I hate not feeling like me.