Relationship panic

[GirlAfraid23]

Hi guys, I feel like everything is going wrong for me lately :(

Okay so I've been with my boyfriend (long distance) for 8 months now. He said "I love you" first and then after that a fair few times now and again.

A few months ago, he has stopped saying it as much...he only says it when I say it first. But last night I said "I love you very much, goodnight x" via text and he just text back "goodnight. Hope you have a good day tomorrow x" I felt really hurt by this...he just completely ignored the I love you, which is very important to me.
He has told me before that he is the kind of person who likes to save certain things or words for special occasions and not to let them get over used. But not hearing it at all is pretty bad I think :(

He does a lot for me...and always makes an effort to contact me etc. he even took night shifts instead of days in his new job because days would have meant weekends and not seeing me.

Last time we were together, he kissed me and gave me a hug and said " I love you". And when he looked after me when I was unwell I said I was very grateful and he said "it's because I love you". But since then, nothing. I'm scared about saying it now, after last night, in case he doesn't say it back.

Should I just let it go or do I need to mention it? It's making me quite anxious :(

[Oosh]

Sometimes I think people's attitude is to use it at certain times so it is something special.

When you hear "I love you" a lot you can also be hearing "I want you to reassure me that you love me".

He may be that kind of person who wants it to stay a special thing to say at the right time rather than overuse it as a source of reassurance. Stop using it for a while and see if he uses it in a nice way but just less often and in more special moments. I think that's a good thing if he does. Things mean less if you overuse them.

[I'mdave27]

Imagine how stupid and desperate you'd sound bringing that up ! Men are very different to women we don't go around saying I love you all the time lol you don't watch a lot of rom coms do you ? Lol *that's a joke peeps incase you don't get humour*

[Tessar]

Hello GA. I reckon if your bf has mentioned saving certain words for special occasions, if he is anything like me, then perhaps he wouldn't think it out of the ordinary not to say I love you back. Reading your post, he does sound like me. I find the "L" word expert her scary.....so perhaps the words might feel rather scary for him but it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. his actions and other comments demonstrate he does love you. Ohhhh I wish I knew the answer.... I don't think his lack of saying it is a bad thing it might just be his way :-)

---------- Post added at 22:47 ---------- Previous post was at 22:42 ----------


Imagine how stupid and desperate you'd sound bringing that up ! Men are very different to women we don't go around saying I love you all the time lol you don't watch a lot of rom coms do you ? Lol *that's a joke peeps incase you don't get humour*

Dave u make a valid point. i do believe as humans, men and women alike, there are different mindsets & levels of ability or willingness to express oneself. as GirlAfraid is feeling fragile, perhaps using words like stupid or desperate are a little over the top. But I think perhaps u do mean well. Excuse my ignorance but Wot r rom coms?

[Fishmanpa]

Imagine how stupid and desperate you'd sound bringing that up ! Men are very different to women we don't go around saying I love you all the time lol you don't watch a lot of rom coms do you ? Lol *that's a joke peeps incase you don't get humour*

Maybe I'm different but I tell my wife I love her all the time. I can see why the OP is wondering if that type of communication suddenly stopped. Yes, men and women are different but it doesn't mean men can't express themselves. Long distance relationships are trying at best. Perhaps things are changing. I don't see any reason not to feel things out.

Positive thoughts

[GirlAfraid23]

Thanks for the replies.
He does say it in person as I mentioned in my original post...but seems to have a hard time saying it over text/phonecalls etc. maybe he thinks it will mean less that way?

Should I mention it? I'm not sure how to bring it up? "Do you really love me?" "Do you still love me?"
He was the first one to say it when we got together so I feel a bit pathetic asking that. I'm also worried I'll hurt his feelings as he does a lot for me...

[I'mdave27]

Well if he says it in person you have nothing to worry about and maybe he just feels silly saying it over the internet as if he says it he can read it back and he might feel less 'macho' , he is a young man after all. Personally I think you are making something out of nothing as I don't see how anyone can worry about something that has no valid evidence to support you're worries - get what I mean ? Love is a very powerful thing and it's more then a feeling or emotion it's not meant to be understood. A couple involves 2 people so if the woman says I love you and the man says it back but doesn't mean it so to avoid pain or confrontation he will live a lie leading the woman to believe she is in such a deep love but she isn't , far from it. One day she'll find out he's seeing someone else then she'll be distraught because she thought she had love but love can be abused by man , women can abuse it too but they tend to be more naturally spirited beings. That's why the keeper of earth is a mother = Mother earth because women love all things and tend to be natural carers. Then you have people who meet up one time and they fall in love instantly... that's confusing right ? Sure is but it goes to show you can't understand or plan to understand love as it's not meant to be understood. Love is a natural thing so you must let it do its thing NATURALLY let love do its job , not you.