I'm scared if mental ilness

[Nan797]

Hello all. This is my first post. Il cut right to it I'm terrified of developing schizophrenia (primarily) or any other mental illness along the line. I am 20 about to be 21 and incredibly stressed from not being able to do what I want in life. That's a long story but basically my whole life I planned to join the military but can't because I'm color blind which restricted me from anything I desired to do militant or civilian. Okay so it all started 4 months ago I woke up and was in a massive brain fog and experienced my first derealization/depersonalization. I immediately thought I was developing a brain tumor but after several doc that was ruled out. The derealization subsided. Month later I got chest pains; heart problems came to mind. Nope said the echocardiagram. I was fine for about another month until this past week where I got another episode of derealization/depersonalization which is really severe. It is driving me crazy nothing feels real I'm scared I'm gonna start hearing and seeing things that aren't there and everyday is a mess. Everyone tells me I act the same but I don't feel anywhere near me. I feel dreamlike. My Doc prescribed me meds and suggested therapy but with my desire to find a way into law enforcement I don't want either on my record and bring up a flag to agency. Can someone pls tell me I'm not the only one :( no one in my family has any mental illness. I'm sorry for such a long post but I feel like any day now I'm gonna break and lose all reality. I just want to be normal.

[nomorepanic]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your post was moved from its original place to a sub-forum that is more relevant to your problem.

This is nothing personal - it just enables us to keep posts about the same problems in the relevant forums so other members with any experience with the issues can find them more easily.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Welcome to NMP :welcome:

I would suggest you search using schizophrenia as a keyword because this worry comes up from some people. Others, myself included in the past, have also been worried they are losing their minds, going insane, etc which is common in anxiety disorders because we feel like we can't take anymore.

I don't really know much about DP/DR, its one I've never experienced but there are plenty of threads about it so suggest having a read of those. There is a DP/DR board on the Symptoms board which might help you find something closer to your issues. There are a few members that discuss this more or seem more clued up on it such as PanchoGoz.

I realise you are concerned about future employment but I think you need to consider that your mental health is more important than any job. If you can't recover could you cope in those careers? If you declared this, would it stop you entering them? Or maybe if you get the help you need and recover it will show how you have conquerred these difficult conditions?

I don't know how past mental illness will reflect on a career in law enforcement and there could be differences between countries anyway so I can't comment, but I think you need to consider that in not getting the help you need to recover you are limiting yourself and could be losing more time to being like this when there is an option to recover and live a better standard of life.

[debs71]

Hi Nan...:) I know what you are feeling/fearing hun. I had the exact same fear when I became ill in 2003. You are INDEED not the only one, I assure you.

I had never suffered from any mental health issues before that time, and my symptoms were exactly like yours, but were preceded by depression after a lot of stress - feeling weird and brain fogged first and then what sent me to my doctor was the terrifying DP and DR. I also had the scary buzz word that is 'schizophrenia' in my head, but it wasn't for me, and it isn't for you.

DP/DR DO MAKE YOU BELIEVE that your are going insane or may become schizophrenic. Trust me and others when we say YOU WILL NOT!!!!!!!!! All they are is the brain's way of detaching us from high anxiety - self-protection as it were - nothing more, nothing less.

Anxiety plays tricks on us. It messes with our thought processes because we are highly stressed and anxious. Not only does it give us the God-awful DP/DR but an inability to think rationally, so we start thinking that because we are having strange anxiety symptoms, we are actually going insane, but we are not. It is just high anxiety causing our problems.

Schizophrenia is an entirely different thing, and totally unrelated to anxiety.

As far as the physical symptoms go, anxiety causes our bodies to go haywire - so we get the racing heart, the sweating, the chest pains, the breathlessness, and it is unfortunate that these symptoms can make us automatically think 'heart problem' but again, it is not....it is anxiety.

As MyNameIsTerry said, there are lots of posts about DP/DR on the forum. Just search at the top of the page and you will find them. Many members have posted about it, myself included.

I would also agree that your primary focus should be on your mental health and getting yourself to a better place. Putting extra pressure on yourself by being worried about the impact on your career choices/desires will just make your anxiety much worse, hun. First things first....your health is more important, then you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

You will NOT lose touch with reality. The mere fact you are here and focused enough to type how you feel should encourage you about that fact.

You can and will feel normal again, but only when and if you address the anxiety, but you will need help with that, and it is out there x :hugs: