View Full Version : Panic over Cancer!
Really worried and panicking. My Partner went to see a consultant about a small lump on his face which has now turned out to be Cancerous. The Doctor wants him to have an operation and have it removed incase it goes in to the bone. I have only just lost my Father and I am panicking about my Partner now. Has anyone got any clear advice on how to calm down over this. I am making my Partner worse because I keep cuddling him and telling him I love him, which is freaking him out a lot! :scared15:
Remember, it has been picked up and is going to be removed. That's something to be positive about :)
I can tell you from one who has been through this that a supportive partner is vital. I know you're worried but what your partner needs now is strength, calm, support and a positive attitude. Whatever you have to do to put your worries on the back burner, do it.
The cancer was caught and they're moving forward with treating it. Cancer is not a death sentence. It sucks but getting well is certainly doable. Been there, done it. If it weren't for my partner, now my wife, I wouldn't have been able to get through it. She was my caregiver, my comfort and my rock through it all. Dig deep and you'll find the strength. You'll be surprised what you'll be able to do.
Positive thoughts
I was hoping you would come on this thread Fishmanpa. I know you been through it and come out the other side. And I wouldn't be on this Site if I didn't suffer from Anxiety; that's what makes it worse. I will be there for him and support him and be strong. We haven't even had our Life together yet as we have been caring for our Parents and their illnesses. I feel sort of cheated, if you know what I mean?
The one thing that puzzles me, is that he has had this lump for years and I have been nagging him crazy to get it looked at. My worry that if he has had it for years, that it would have spread to other places. I am so worried about him. I went through Cancer with my Mum as a child and it was not very pleasant growing up to say the least. :scared15:
The uncertainty is the most difficult aspect. I don't know how things are where you are but here in the States there are Comprehensive Cancer Centers.These are facilities that deal almost exclusively with cancer and related illnesses. They work in a team. Medical Oncology, Radiation Oncology, Surgeons etc. This approach gave me a lot of comfort and confidence as they all know what was going on and worked in my best interest. I sought treatment at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore MD. It's the top hospital for head and neck cancer in the US. I was very fortunate to have some of the very best in their field on my team. Don't be afraid to seek 2nd opinions if something doesn't sound or feel right.
Do you know what type of cancer it is? Has it been staged? Have they discussed treatment beyond surgery? Once you have a game plan and know what you're dealing with, it will make things easier as you'll have something to focus on.
Get yourself a notebook or ipad/tablet and take notes, write down questions. Your partner is probably a bit overwhelmed and it will help to keep track of things. You are your own best advocate so don't hesitate to be an active participant in doctors visits.
Feel free to write. I'll help if I can. There are some great support forums and legitimate information I can direct you to. Stay the hell away from Dr.Google, especially now ya hear!
Positive thoughts
Sunflower2
09-11-14, 09:49
Carnation, I don't have any advice other than this - you've proved before with your other life experiences that you are one tough cookie and will always cope with whatever life throws at you. For some reason our anxiety makes us very able to deal with the more difficult things in life. Now use all the techniques you've been taught to try and control your worry. And remember it's natural to be worried, so don't feel guilty about that! And keep talking, don't bottle it up!!
Thanks Fishmanpa, I am a bit in the dark about it all at the moment. My Partner is very relaxed about the whole thing; actually he is relaxed about anything that is chucked at him. You are right, once we know what stage it is in, we can deal with it better. I am obviously worried about losing him, but on the positive side, we have had it diagnosed and dealing with it.
Thanks Kimberley, just knowing I have support and friends on here means so much to me. My Partner is my World and I wouldn't have got better without him, so it is now my turn to support him.
I agree with Fishmanpa's suggestion about getting a notebook and writing things down. When my mom was sick, I felt like there was so much information coming at me from all different providers and it was really hard to keep track. She needed her family to be strong for her and that became my job. We wrote everything down, including questions we had as well to make sure we didn't forget them.
Try to take it one step at a time (so hard to do sometimes) and work with what you know right now instead of the "what ifs." Make sure you have somebody to talk to as well, as you can be strong for somebody else, but you also need support too. Feel free to come on here for support as much as you need to.
Thank you Swgrl09, it means a lot to me to know I have support on here.
Well, haven't heard anything from the Docs or Hospital yet. Should I be doing something? Maybe this is a good sign if they are not rushing my partner in. :ohmy:
I had a couple rounds with Hodgkins Lymphoma 25 years ago. I found that knowledge is the best panacea for worry. Once you know what the treatment plan is, you'll focus on that rather than all the unknowns.
And to echo Fishmanpa's words: Cancer is not an automatic death sentence. There are plenty of people (Fish and I included) who can attest to that.
Thanks Canbud. It's just the waiting.........:scared15:
We got a letter today, a Hospital referral. It states a 1cm nodular basal cell carcinoma with significant overlying telangiectasia. I haven't got a clue what this means???? :ohmy:
We got a letter today, a Hospital referral. It states a 1cm nodular basal cell carcinoma with significant overlying telangiectasia. I haven't got a clue what this means???? :ohmy:
That's one for the docs (and your notebook) but I do know that basal cell carcinoma is one of the most curable types of skin cancer and rarely if ever causes long term issues.
Positive thoughts
Thanks Fishmanpa, that's a little more reassuring. My partner does not seem to worry; I do that for him. He has already told me not to Google and all we can do is wait and enjoy Life to the full until then. Apparently it is caused by either too much sun, sunbeds and ultraviolet light. He has never sunbathed, used a sunbed, but is continuously on his mobile phone. I have told him to keep the phone away from his face. My Anxiety is bad at the moment and my partner suffers with Anxiety too.
We take turns in comparing our muscle twitches.
Oh, doctor language. I was going to say don't google that, but your partner already did lol do you have an appointment with the doctor to discuss the treatment plan?
Of course both of you will be anxious at the moment. Some feelings will feel magnified. You are heightened due to this and that is a normal reaction. Be kind to yourself. You are right in just living life, as it's either that or worry, and neither will change the outcome, but one will make your life much more miserable than the other.
:hugs:
Thanks again swgrl09, but between you and me lol I did Google to find out what it meant and I was none the wiser and left it at that. As you say, best to take this up with the Doctor. We have an idea what is going to happen, but it is more what they are going to find!?!?:unsure:
Sunflower2
15-11-14, 22:05
Thinking of you Carnation! :hugs:
Still waiting for Hospital appointment! :shrug:
Finally, 5 months on and we are due to got to the Hospital so that my partner can have his facial lump removed.
We've had a right song and dance with this. The Hospital lost the notes and we had to go through the whole administration thing again.
Obviously, I am nervous, but it has to be done. :scared15:
Wow, took five months?! That's terrible!!!! Happy that you are finally going to be able to put this behind both of you.
Thanks, Swgrl. It was actually nearly 7 months in total from the beginning of the consultation. :lac: Great for Anxiety sufferers; don't you think?
Wow, unbelievable. Well, if you can get through 7 months of waiting, you can handle anything!!!
MyNameIsTerry
18-05-15, 05:31
Thanks Fishmanpa, that's a little more reassuring. My partner does not seem to worry; I do that for him. He has already told me not to Google and all we can do is wait and enjoy Life to the full until then. Apparently it is caused by either too much sun, sunbeds and ultraviolet light. He has never sunbathed, used a sunbed, but is continuously on his mobile phone. I have told him to keep the phone away from his face. My Anxiety is bad at the moment and my partner suffers with Anxiety too.
We take turns in comparing our muscle twitches.
I didn't know about this thread, Carnation, or I would have commented because my dad had one of the lesser skin cancers removed a few years ago. He had it on one side of his nose and overlapping to the front.
The specialist said it was extremely common in people who spent a lot of time in the sun. He had worked outdoors for over 30 years so has a deep tan on his face.
He went in, had a local and they did the removal and a little bit of cosmetic work was done at the same time with a graft. That was it and then just the usual healing stage.
The funny thing was, they gave him a round bandage that they taped to his nose and they must have thought a skin coloured one would be less intrusive...but it was orange! It would have been better to use a normal white one because this looked liked he'd sellotaped a clementine to his nose! :blush::D
I'm sure everything will go well so hang in there with the hospital.
Oh Terry, you have no idea what I have been through with worry and stress over the last ten years! This is just one of those worries I have had to deal with. :ohmy:
Well, this morning went ok. As usual we were running late; Hate that!
We couldn't park. Panic, panic, panic.
Eventually got a space and went in.
Doctor was waiting for us in the Reception. That's a first!
And there was me ladled with books, magazines and drawing paper.
I was listening to the Receptionist talking to her Husband for a full 15 minutes!! Yes, I timed her. Only because there were people coming in and standing around waiting to get checked in and the girl next to her was doing all the work. Do these people have no sense of guilt?
45 minutes later, yes just 45 minutes.
There he was standing in front of me; my Partner, that is. Ready to go home.
:shrug:
That was quick!
Well, I can tell you, he looked a state. If there was a play on advertising for someone to play 'Van Gogh', he would have got the part.
He looked a right state. Blood pouring down his face, a few little sticky pieces that were obviously not holding anything in and a big whole next to his ear that I could have put my finger through. His ear was completely white as if it had been drained of blood and the side of his face was a funny yellow colour and very swollen.
He looked like he had done 5 rounds with Tyson.
He had 5 injections and was told the pain would start after a couple of hours.
He told me that he could hear them working away on his face because the lump was right next to his ear. He could even hear them pulling his skin off of his face!!!
So, we got him home. I made him lie down and he fell asleep.
He hasn't improved since this morning, so I hope tomorrow will be better.
So, pleased it is over, well, the worst bit.
Terry, it must be different in your part of the world, because it doesn't sound like your story at all. :shrug:
Sunflower2
18-05-15, 20:53
I'm glad everything went smoothly, hopefully a speedy recovery too! Make sure to rest and recover yourself too! :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
19-05-15, 07:19
My dad did have some blood on his face, a basic care cobble up really, but otherwise it all went well. He was a quick in & out. Most of the time was the hours waiting for the doctor to turn up as he was on the wards somewhere.
Hopefully he will be feeling better in a few days. All the swelling will be normal for it, the face can look worse than other areas when there is trauma.
Sounds like a typical NHS receptionist there! In the private sector that would be a matter for a rollocking and if not previously authorised, a matter of cost too. Cash strapped NHS, eh? :rolleyes:
I'm glad that the op has taken place and that your partner is home, Carnation. Don't worry too much about his appearance at this stage-swelling goes down very quickly. Just make sure he takes the appropriate pain relief if needed.
Wishing you both a peaceful night with some much needed rest and relaxation!
I'm so glad its over, he can only feel better from here. How's he doing? And how are you?
Thanks Pulisa. It's like a Hospital Ward in our House at the moment with my partner and his face, me with my thumb and my throat thing and Anxiety, not forgetting my Partner's Mum and her ever increasing Dementia. :ohmy:
I normally hold everything together, so it is a worry when I am not well, as nothing gets done! Then I get more stressed, and then the Anxiety gets worse.
It's like going round in circles! Even the Cat was unwell this week. :unsure:
Muscle twitches have come back with a vengeance too. (Thought I had got rid of them.) :mad:
Hope you got through your Monday ok. :)
The Hospital recommended Paracetamol
MyNameIsTerry
20-05-15, 07:10
I think those muscle twitches are all connected to higher anxiety levels. When you get to a better stage they seem to mostly go away and then appear on the odd times you have the blips. I wouldn't let them worry you, daft thing to say I know :doh:, but you know they will go once you get through this difficult time.
Try to take some time out for yourself! Your plants want some attention off you :flowers:
I am pleased to say that my Partner's Cancer Op has gone well, has been given the all clear and been discharged. :):):):)
MyNameIsTerry
10-06-15, 07:19
Thats good news, Carnation. :yesyes:
Did they give him a skin graft? My dad's stood out for a while but you notice it less as the skin starts to change colour.
Have they told him to use a very high factor sunblock going forward? I know they told my dad this.
Thank you SWgrl.
Yes Terry. My Partner is very fair skinned and he also said about wearing a hat and sunglasses. (Even if it is not bright sunshine, the rays can still get to you; apparently).
The scar is healing up nicely, but he still can not feel part of his face. (The Surgeon said that this can take up to a year!).
I am so pleased that ordeal is over with. I handled it all pretty well, but it is always the aftermath that affects me with my Anxiety.
Like I have said before. I am ok in an emergency or crisis, but when it is over, the body just wants to flop.
I have noticed that I talk incessantly when I am nervous and all sorts of rubbish comes out of my mouth and I am end up feeling really embarrassed; even complete strangers. :blush:
MyNameIsTerry
12-06-15, 05:49
They said the same to my dad and his skin is a deep brown as he has been working outdoors for 35+ years. They said use a really high factor sunblock on the new skin.
Yes, we don't realise that in this country, its nothing to do with it being burning sunshine, its the UV.
They probably said to wear a hat to prevent in the future too as thats general advice in the sun. I would wear a "Jason" horror mask but it might not go down well in the supermarket...:winks:
People often do talk quickly when they are anxious. We do ramble on and forget to take a breath, its probably some form of coping mechanism I guess.
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