View Full Version : Why does anxiety have to make more 'normal' stress worse?
Charlotteee89
09-11-14, 18:56
Just a bit of a rant.
My anxiety is so on and off, I can be okay for a week or two then something suddenly throws me off. :wacko:
My closest friend at work is hoping to change her shifts which will mean I won't see her at work, at all, if her new hours do change (I also want more hours and to do more day shifts rather than all evenings) and the thought of not seeing her is kinda freaking me out, and thrown me right off.
I'm also getting a bit sick of being at home all day before work (I start at 5pm) and not being able to do such small things like pop to the shop, go into town etc as I can't drive yet, I'm learning though and have my second test next month. My anxiety makes me feel panicky being at home too much, I start to feel trapped and claustrophobic. I know that being stuck at home and not being able to drive would frustrate anyone but my anxiety can exaggerate those thoughts and feelings so much! I feel so much better when I'm out my house. I'm over-thinking everything at the moment, I feel a bit out of control with my thoughts - very restless and stressed.
If it wasn't for the anxiety at home I would be fine! As soon as that box in my mind is opened it's then easier for other anxiety-based boxes to open, if you get what I mean? It's an endless cycle.
I spent years being content and happy at home (due to severe SAD and agoraphobia) and now it's the complete opposite - I just want to be out, doing stuff, socializing as much as possible! And the fact I can't do that easily is really annoying the heck out of me!
I woke up so angry and snappy the other day cause all I wanted to do was pop into town and do some food shopping but I had to wait for my dad to be ready and take me but I didn't have time to do everything I wanted before work so that just made me even more angry. When I got to work I just felt so stressed and just wanted to cry. :doh:
Gah, I hate anxiety sometimes! I just need to be patient and chill out about things but it's so hard when your mind is jumping from thought to thought!
I think it's natural to be worried about your friends shifts. That sounds very normal and understandably unsettling.
I had the same discomfort after a panic attack at home. It can have this horrible tendency to associate times, places etc with the panic attack. I was bothered about my parents house for years. But it's gone now. I'm sure it'll go for you too eventually. Redecorate and change the room it happened in maybe so it doesn't fit the memory anymore.
I think lots of us will naturally worry about anything and everything but I think you're doing ok. I like the direction you seem to be going in. You sound like someone who's continually recovering to me. All the drives you've got sound like the right ones pushing you in the right direction.
Pass that test !
I would reccomend going for a walk or even better a light jog, would help the anxiety and tension and feelings of been trapped.
Charlotteee89
12-11-14, 23:12
Yes I definitely have bad association anxiety with my home and it's definitely a hard thing to deal with. I keep having little re-lapses, I can feel okay for a week or 2 then suddenly something happens and I feel like I'm back at square one again.
I'm getting obsessional thoughts about being lonely/having no friends again, I think what triggered it is the idea of my friend from work changing her shifts. I've never thought of myself as lonely, I'm just bored with certain aspects of my life and of course the home anxiety doesn't help. They all kind off link together. When I'm feeling anxious at home my thoughts are "Ugh, I need to get out of my house! I need to stop being here so much, If I had more friends..." and then that triggers my obsessional thoughts! :doh:
As soon as my anxiety hits, I'm so self aware of myself, constantly checking and scanning myself wondering how I'm feeling and if my thoughts are still here. And then my obsessive thoughts come at random. I feel so out-of-control, it must be the adrenaline, the fight or flight response. My mind is constantly trying to find the danger, it can't find a real one so it delves back into my weak spots - my anxiety. And then I get angry at myself (My Therapist always tells me off for that) which makes me more stressed and emotional.
I will overpower this latest bout, I have done many times before, it's just so hard when it's here, it takes over everything.
Yeh I know what you're describing. I have suffered from that. It's a crippling self consciousness. I'd describe it like if you can imagine your awareness is multiple movie cameras pointing outwards. But when it hits it's like, in a movie, where the director uses that effect where all the cameras quickly turn in on you.
You go from flowing and just being without thinking to becoming hyper aware of yourself. You're then looking at yourself and analysing everything that you are or are not doing.
What you have to do is look outwards and forget yourself again. Think of the things that make up your current world like your job, your future, your interests and especially anything that gives you cause for confidence and high spirits and build your mood back up and get your focus on the external again.
DONT explore and analyse yourself and your anxieties and start worrying about yourself.
What you focus on determines what mood you'll be in so it makes sense to think what things you can focus on to fill you with confidence, self esteem and enjoyment and focus on them instead.
Anxieties about the friendship with your friend are valid and normal. Its harder as you get older to make quality good new friends and feeling isolated is a worry for many people. Try and think of the problem constructively though ie be solution focused.
Charlotteee89
13-11-14, 23:07
You described it perfectly!
It's a very difficult thing to 'snap out of' once it's been triggered. I get it the most when I'm at home and become very aware that I'm at home, it just causes the anxiety and obsessional thinking. One thought leads to another thought, which leads to another thought.. And so on. Rather than just enjoying the moment and allowing myself to relax, when I'm at home during my day off, not doing much, obsessional thoughts like "Ugh, I'm at home doing nothing again, how embarassing! I wonder what other people think I'm doing?" that crippling over-analyze-ment of yourself starts.
I had a driving lesson today which went relatively well. I notice though, that when I'm anxious it affects my driving, I panic easily and struggle to multi task and can make silly mistakes. A lot of times though it's other drivers doing something stupid which I suddenly have to react to, which throws me off. I really want to pass my driving test next month but I don't know if I'm confident enough or good enough still, if I'm anxious then the chances are I probably won't pass. I also get very nervous over the idea of me being in control of a vehicle, my anxiety makes me feel very out-of-control which doesn't help. I'm scared that if and when I pass I'll have an accident as obviously my instructor won't be there to advise me or to even use the dual pedals if something happens. Like he had to use his pedals today as I didn't stop quite quick enough when a car tried to budge through past me.
I've also been thinking of my future today, wondering what I really want to do with my life. I never went to College so now I'm thinking that I could maybe do that and potentially go to University. When I was younger I wanted to be a Psychologist/Therapist or work in marketing/advertising or became a PA so I could maybe pursue one of those. The World's my oyster really but I need to be patient.
I know. It IS hard once it pops into your head. But I shrug these off daily now. In your post you reveal that you start to THINK about them. That's the mistake. You may think it's not possible to NOT think about them but it absolutely is. I do it all the time.
You're watching telly.
The first thought BEGINS to shape in your head and you feel your belly plummet as anxiety is triggered.
"Oh it's one of those thoughts"
"Carry on"
"Now where was I up to"
"Watching that man on the telly"
"Got to focus away from that thought and back to where I was up to"
"I'm a bit distracted now."
"Ok a quick recap on where my progress is at the moment. Why I'm excited and what my exciting goals are. What did I do today that was a step forward. What gave me a buzz. What/who do I like. What can I do this evening or tomorrow to take me closer to the things I want. (bye byeee anxious, confidence sapping thought. I see you falling further and further behind me and I feel my mood and confidence returninnnnnng) ok so I can skim over my driving test book. I can do that now. Where's my book. Am I hungry. Maybe a drink. Another driving lesson tomorrow, what did I have difficulty with that I can tackle now in my free time. "
Etc etc
It's about recognising them and looking away and letting them drift past with all the other nonsense that pops into your head.
You're worried about your friendships ? Then you think constructively of ways to solve that. University social life, new careers, your own place and a new social life etc etc
Do not allow self esteem sapping thoughts like "oh how sad does that make me" pop in there. And if they do then look away from the thought before it forms and get back to where you were up to again.
I think uni is a great idea. At this time in your life I think it would be really useful to start a new chapter that involves a group of people like you. So that you can find yourself a new positive career AND a social group to be a part of.
At first you worry about the vehicles size and dimensions but your brain ends up recording this like it records the width of your shoulders when passing through doorways. It becomes subconscious and automatic. Once you pass your test it'll already be feeling subconscious and automatic.
Aware drivers are good drivers. Use your anxiety vigilance. Make it work for you. Be aware of everything going on around you. Stick to the speed limits. You can fail for going too slow as well as too fast.
In the future you are going to be a very good, aware driver. Have confidence in yourself.
Charlotteee89
15-11-14, 01:56
I think I've always struggled to shrug the thoughts off - they're just so strong!
I wish I could just enjoy being at home, being able to relax after a horrible shift at work without over-thinking and getting anxious over things that my mind is trying to convince me off. I'm just very aware of myself right now, it's doing my head in!
I'm definitely going to try and think more 'simply' and maybe try my mindful techniques again.
My obsessional thinking is trying to convince me that I'm alone/lonely and so it's trying it's best to nit pick at my friendships! I found myself getting jealous over my two closest work friends talking and laughing together, it was so silly and I got so annoyed with myself! I'm constantly analyzing my friends at the moment which is ridiculous. The root of the problem is the home anxiety I get, all my anxiety/obsessional thinking seems to lead to that. My two closest work friends have serious boyfriends and I found myself feeling low as I don't have a boyfriend, but all the thinking just lead to thoughts of "If I had a boyfriend I could be with him not stuck at home feeling bored and trapped!" It's just proving how strong my home association anxiety is at the moment.
Next weekend is my birthday weekend and we're all going out for a meal and drinks afterwards so I just need to concentrate on that! I don't want to be in a bad mood for it.
I know. It's hard because of the predicament you're in. I think it's important for anxious people to get and stay in a healthy situation because out of a good situation our minds really go to town on it all.
A new situation will be so healthy for you.
The sooner you move onto the next chapter in your life the better. Until then and stuck at home it's going to be hard for you to stop that anxious thinking.
Jealousy, insecurity about your friends and their boyfriends, it's all very natural and understandable. I and many others would be the same way. It's pushing you in the right direction.
Make some positive changes as soon as you can into a situation where you can get the things you need/want.
Charlotteee89
16-11-14, 21:43
I don't know what's happened to me but I'm getting quite emotional over the fact I'm single! :scared15:
I also realised that feeling rubbish about it is actually normal! Soooo many people feel that way.. I just need to stop feeling overally anxious about it and worrying that my low mood is going to lead to full blown depression (for some reason I get those fears when I'm feeling low, I over-think it), I really hate feeling low, I just want to feel happy and secure.
I think it being close to Christmas is making it worse! All my loved up friends are all talking about their Christmas plans with their boyfriends and I'm feeling pretty jealous and left out! I LOVE Christmas! I spent so many years not wanting a boyfriend as I had no self confidence and was pretty happy about being 'independent' but now it's the complete opposite - I'm now yearning for more 'normal' things as my confidence has grown and my anxiety is exaggerating those thoughts and feelings and making it worse. And of course there's the whole home association anxiety thing. Ugh.
Charlotteee89
25-11-14, 02:29
Ugh, still horrible anxiety.
I still feel pretty rubbish about being single but the bloomin' anxiety over being lonely (which I'm not) has crept back up again. I find it so difficult to control the thoughts of being lonely, it's a really horrible, stomach churning feeling when those thoughts come. My mind is constantly trying to 'prove' them to me too. Boredom is my main problem, I think. Boredom is causing my anxiety to get worse, to over-analyze myself and everyone and everything around me.
I'm feeling sensitive about silly little things which isn't helping. I'm getting jealous over my close work-friend getting closer to the new girl who I'm good friends with too, they've spent a bit of time together outside of work this past week and I'm feeling left out. Also, today at work, my close work friend was having conversations directly with her about things, and again I felt left out. It's just stuff they've already talked about at work before when I wasn't in or around which she'd only really know about but I still felt left out. But I know it's silly and just my anxiety over-exaggerating it due to the anxiety about loneliness. They've involved me completely in all our plans together and one's they've cooked up together with me involved, they couldn't wait to tell me about them! So I know it's very silly but and I'm annoyed with myself for feeling like this. Me and my close work friend went out on Sat night together after my birthday meal and it was nice just me and her spending time together like old times. They both have serious boyfriends so that's something they have in common and obviously talk and gossip about too.
I seem to be going through this needy, appreciation phase at the moment, it's like I need reassurance that people care about me. :wacko: (Probably anxiety induced!)
I think you sound very normal Charlotte. Ive felt like that and i reckon most people do. Its not very enjoyable but everything is about how you choose to see it. And i think you should see this as evidence that after lots of social anxiety in your past you now have all the normal drives to be in close personal relationships again.
The thing is, you can be surrounded by your work mates and so on but, ive found, what makes you feel secure, is having people of your own, who are there for YOU. Having that someone who`s more special than your work colleagues and is YOURS.
Without having those closer relationships you will naturally get insecure around your work colleagues and friends when you see them getting on and with their special people because, once again, you feel like youre looking from the outside without having that special person in your life who you feel is yours and there for you.
Im not only talking about partners. It can just be a really good friend you trust and who you know genuinely cares about you, like the mate you went out with on your birthday. It makes all the difference having those people in your life. And with a lack of them you`ll naturally feel insecure in all sorts of people situations.
On the other hand you sound like you have good mates there at work who are including you and you have this good friend you spent your birthday with.
To be honest, without being in a close relationship with that type of person id expect you to feel quite lonely. I think thats normal. Theres nothing wrong with feeling lonely. Its not sad, its normal.
Also, when you say that things are "probably anxiety" i think you should consider that things can be the result of having too much time alone to think and being too "in your own head". Its THAT that makes you anxious.
You need a new life in 2015 where you can find these things that youre needing now. New close people who are there for YOU, be around people so youre not given time to get in your own head too much and an exciting new job/environment to get your teeth into !
I see you in the RAF with a big hunky RAF bloke staring at you dreamily, youve got your own place, money in the bank and lots of opportunities. :yahoo:
Charlotteee89
27-11-14, 02:57
I hate obsessional thinking so much! I literally spend all day obsessing/over-thinking about my obsessive thoughts. :wacko:
I do have friends, and a few who I'd class as really close friends. I think I'm just feeling a bit down about not having friends who I can spend time with as much as I actually want too, I'm now yearning to do more social stuff, and the fact I get so anxious being at home too long just makes those feelings more intense. Most of the problem is my awkward hours at work - I only work evenings and so do my close work friends and we don't have the same days off so it's difficult to plan stuff, and of course there's the money side of things. And they all have busy lives outside of work - family, boyfriends, horses, etc, whereas I don't really. I'm also feeling very insecure about myself and I just seem to want reassurance that I'm cared about. Like I mentioned above.
I wouldn't say I'm lonely, maybe a little, more so in the sense that I haven't got a partner/boyfriend (And I really want one too! :frown:, there's a guy I've been talking to but I'm unsure about him). I think boredom is the main problem, like I also mentioned above. I'm sick to death of my job, I can't motivate myself when I'm there and I just cannot be bothered with it anymore, I have no interest in it. So that's not helping, it's just making my anxiety worse and making me over-think and be 'all in my head'.
I just feel so stressed! I'm going to be working ridiculous hours over Christmas too. :weep:
Tut. Yeh, sounds like you're in a bit of a sticky situation. Working evenings is rubbish. I've worked nights and it's hard.
The last thing you need when you're trying to build a fuller social life is a job that gets in the way of everything.
You still live at home. Can't you jump into some sort of daytime admin job now ?
At least that helps with your social life.
Don't jump into a relationship with someone you're not sure about. It just ends up biting you on the backside later on.
Charlotteee89
27-11-14, 23:16
I just need to stop over-thinking. :doh: Stop paying too much attention to my obsessive thoughts and letting them have power. I used to have just the thoughts and not much physical symptoms with my SAD, now it's both - once you start getting panicky with your anxiety that starts making it worse, you feel over-whelmed and could easily have a panic attack. I can handle the thoughts just not the intense physical reactions I get. Not having control over yourself/life/body has got to be the worse feeling ever.
And I would much rather have a job with day hours but my close friends are the ones I work with so seeing them won't be too much easier. I think I just need a whole new lifestyle, it's just hard to know where to start! I'm going to have to reschedule my driving test until the new year now too but it wouldn't make much difference if I passed now anyways. I'm working too much and won't have time to fit in getting used to my car etc. So after Xmas would be a better time - I'll be more relaxed and will have my normal shifts back, so more time in the day and week to fit it all in. Then I can start looking for a new job!
I just need to concentrate on the moment, and not myself and everything around me, stop thinking off 100 things at a time. :doh: I don't want to have an anxiety flare up now! Just got to remember everything I've learnt with my Therapist. :D
Charlotteee89
28-11-14, 23:06
Ugh, just another rant.
Well I've had a TERRIBLE day! :weep:
I woke up feeling anxious and tired and tried to get myself some good discounts (Black Friday) on online fashion retailer websites but that just didn't work as all the websites were too slow or kept crashing so that just stressed me out and put me in a bad mood. Then I saw on Facebook that my closest work friend and our the newer work girl who we've become good friends with have today booked tickets to see someone in concert and that just did it! My first reaction was "OH, well THANKS for inviting me!" especially since I said in conversation a few days ago I wouldn't mind going. So that just made me feel like crap. I've already lost a good friend who I've known since I was little due to her being a rubbish friend in the end, the last thing I want or need right now is to be thinking I'm losing another, or to feel that I'm being replaced. I know it's silly but I've been so teary eyed all day. :weep:
They were both at work today but finished not long after I started and I was so off with them and walked off (I feel terrible now for that), they clearly knew I was in a bad mood and one asked if I was okay and I gave her a very blunt "Yeah I'm fine." and she said that I was the worse liar in the World and asked again but I just shrugged. Afterwards we was hovering by the desk and I ignored them and I could tell they were wondering what the hell was up with me and looked concerned and confused and I just walked off... After I walked off from them they didn't follow they just left to sign out. Maybe they felt awkward and felt it was best to let me get on with with it or thought I didn't want to talk about it. Another colleague also knew I wasn't right and asked and I eventually told her and see said she thought that was the problem. Not sure if they think so too.
The newer girl will be working the same shift as me tomorrow so she's bound to ask me if I'm okay etc, I think I'm just gonna tell her the truth - I'm feeling sensitive atm and that just threw me off and I just don't want to lose anymore friends. She's very easy to talk too.
Ugh. :doh:
It's not silly. Most people would be bothered by that, I would. Just explain to them (even stuff about feeling left out because you lost your bf) I'm sure they'll understand.
Charlotteee89
29-11-14, 23:49
We've sorted it all out! Phew!
I was worried they were annoyed with me but they weren't, they were both worried and concerned that they had upset me. They talked after they finished and the newer girl said to my more close work friend that she'd talk to me tomorrow (today) and sort it out with me and told her not to worry. I was pretty open with her about how I felt and she said she understood completely and that there's absolutely no way they intentionally left me out or anything like that, it was all just a very spontaneous thing, very spur-of-the-moment and apparently when they mentioned the concert to me earlier in the week I didn't seem overally keen. She was really lovely about it and I could tell she felt awful about upsetting me. I told her I was scared of losing anymore friends and she said "Don't be stupid, you know how much I love you and how much she loves you too! You couldn't get rid of us that easily!" She also said that if it seems she's stepping on anyone's toes then she'll take a step back. So I feel better about everything. I'm glad they took my bad mood seriously and didn't laugh about it behind my back or think I was being pathetic. Just shows that I do indeed have good, true friends. :D
Charlotteee89
30-11-14, 16:10
It's just what I needed to hear after having such a stressful/high anxiety ridden week. :D
But now because I've had such a bad week with anxiety my obsessive/intrusive thoughts about suicide have flared up again! :mad: I think I saw something on the news about it and of course that suddenly triggered it. They were so intense last night! I thought I was going to have a panic attack, I just had to try and fall asleep. And then once they come back I feel rubbish and quite low and that then makes them worse as my thoughts then have another reason to come. :doh:
Gah, I hate obsessional thinking! They can appear at any time. I remember being in such a state about them with my Therapist and she was so lovely and made me understand them, I literally thought I would have to sectioned or something! I was terrified. I still do get scared when they appear, I feel like I'm losing control of myself and a panic attack is what normally follows. :mad:
Oh you're having fears of losing control ? Oh phew, thank god for that. That's the most clearest sign you could ever have that you only have anxiety/panic :)
Breathe a huge sigh of relief every time you have that fear and thank it for reminding you that you only have anxiety.
Anxiety/panic likes to make suggestions to you, especially the things you fear most. Every anxious person fears losing control and all the other big fears. Throw a bit of self doubt in there and you have that lurching stomach feeling as you entertain the fear that it really might be true.
The thing is, all you need for it to be totally powerless is to KNOW that it's not true. And its NOT true. You just have a bit of anxiety and panic that's all. It might be occasionally unpleasant and uncomfortable and VERY annoying but it's NOT going to make you do anything you do not want to do.
You ARE in control.
Laugh it off. Ridicule the suggestion. Picture your arm coming up and trying to beat you to death with a banana and you're like "oh nooooo, I KNEW this was going to happen !"
Never going to happen is it :)
Like it or not you're in charge. Laugh at and ridicule any suggestion that you're not.
Charlotteee89
30-11-14, 20:28
Oh yes, those "What if" thoughts! And then a lot of others also relating to suicide. I had a bit of a 'moment' earlier when an obsessional thought of "What stops me from doing something like that?" popped into my head! I then couldn't think of anything so I panicked even more! :doh:, it's not exactly a question we ask ourselves everyday or even think about on a daily basis so I know my reaction to not being able to think of anything good was silly but I freaked myself out! Then because I panicked my obsessional thinking decided that panicking was a cover up and I should just let myself 'admit it' :scared15: I then panicked even more as that's definitely NOT the case at all. Ugh.
I read someone about obsessive/intrusive thoughts being an outlet for anxiety when there's excess adrenalin... Definitely feels like it! :mad:
I just need to remember how to stop giving these thoughts power and not to react to them as they'll just carry on and get worse. Don't give them any value at all. Not easy though! :doh: I have a severe fear of losing control or becoming so depressed that suicide becomes an option. I think that's where the intrusive thought of exactly that are coming from. Playing on my worst fears.
What if you become so depressed that the s word becomes an option ?
Well if you look at it, it's just a suggestion. It's just a question it's asking you.
If its asking you this question it could be asking you one of a billion+ questions.
Like -
What if you become so depressed that you push out of your comfort zone and build a great life and look back when you are an old lady and smile at it all ?
Or -
What if you try and try and try to become so depressed because you are so fed up but you just can't because that's just not how you're wired so you get bored and stop trying ?
You can ask ANYTHING you want because they are all just anything you can think up. They don't HAVE to be the type of questions that disturb you.
Now you maybe find it hard to stop those initial panicy suggestions from popping in there but you're most certainly in control of what you can suggest to yourself after it appears to make fun of it and take all of its power away.
Your what ifs don't HAVE to be scary. Those scary ones find it pretty hard to stick around if you're just going to keep making fun of them after they appear !
What if you wake up and your ears have turned into tomatoes and you have to go into work and everyone's going to be going "omg omg look, charlottes got tomatoes for ears what's goin on, what's goin on, this is outrageous !"
That's as valid AND as ridiculous a suggestion as your anxieties what if about dep/sui.
Make fun of "What ifs" !
This is how you can take back control. This is how you can change your state to whatever you want it to be.
Ask whatever questions/suggestions you want ! It's your imagination !
Leave yourself giggling not stressed !
I don't really have friends but I get separation anxiety when my husband leaves for work... I'm sorry you're going through this, just know you're not alone.
Charlotteee89
01-12-14, 22:44
Yeah, I suppose treating those thoughts/suggestions like any other thought might be a good idea! It's the power we give the thoughts that causes the problems!
I'm not in work till Friday now and yesterday and today I've been at home all day... And I'm bored! I'm used to having Sunday's off so that was fine but now, on a Monday evening I'm just BORED lol! I hate not having a car as I can't just go out and do what I want, when I want! My cousin popped in earlier so that kept me occupied for a few hours.
There's only so much tv, films etc to watch! It's crazy how now I get cabin fever after being at home for ONE DAY! A few years ago I could go 2 WEEKS without leaving the house and be fine as going outside was the issue! :scared15:
I'm thinking about going into town tomorrow to attempt some more Xmas shopping. That's a start atleast. I've texted my close friend from work suggesting that if she's free over the next few days then she could come round for a bit and chill or something. But she's normally really busy (horses, big family, boyfriend) and tired on her days off so I'll have to wait and see about that. If I could drive then I could do pick her up or pop round hers rather than her always having to drive over to mine from the other side of town. Sigh.
Ugh. I spent long amounts of time there.
I joined a health club and went swimming and used the facilities.
As a female you could also do the classes health clubs offer like Zumba etc. You can then be around lots of other people and enjoy yourself.
Maybe you could end up chatting to a few of those familiar faces after you've been attending for a while.
Going shopping sounds good.
Is it possible for you to do an adult education course in evenings or at weekends ? Learn something and hopefully be around some nice people on a regular basis. I did Spanish. Something where you're cooking might be fun. There might be some hunky introverted dude there who doesn't drink and is hoping to find a gf.
Buy a moped until you can drive. You could be on the roads after only a one day course called a cbt. Pass your driving test then sell the moped and get your money back. You'd be mobile a lot quicker then and gain valuable road experience. Just an idea.
Charlotteee89
12-12-14, 23:14
Why am I just SO sensitive! :lac:
Basically, my 2 close friends from work went out for a meal together tonight (I've been at work all evening) at a restaurant they've been talking about for weeks. That's completely fine, but it's almost like my very close friend out of the 2 didn't tell me purposely earlier at work (probably due to the whole concert ticket drama) and when I mentioned it she seemed a bit uncomfortable and awkward (I found out through another friend at work) and she said she's not sure if they're going yet. We'd all planned to go out up town afterwards but we've decided to reschedule for next week as they're too tired.
Now, I'm not bothered that they went, I'm more bothered that they felt like they couldn't tell me they were, if that makes sense? I'm not sure if they would've mentioned it if I didn't mention it myself on our planned night out tonight, I hope they would've, otherwise that would've been awkward.
I'm just feeling meh. I still feel jealous though, I just need to get used to the idea that they're going to spend time together without me at times, but I can't help but think my closest friend prefers her to me, now. I know that sounds crazy but I'm feeling so sensitive about it.
Should I just not say anything at all and play it cool? Or mention that I feel that they didn't tell me purposely? I just don't know! If it's the latter, than that's just going to cause even more problems tbh as that will make our friendship awkward and me look like a jealous so and so.
courierdude
12-12-14, 23:37
you wont achieve anything by telling your friends that you are jealous of them. ive only started reading what you have told us and it seems that they are getting together and want to spend time alone together. of course that will diminish your relationship with them as it does with all friends once they get hooked on their new partner. ..there really is no need to tell them how you feel so i would save it for places like this.
i like ooshs take on things, that you should just get yourself out there and look for ways to enjoy your time around other people who are also there for the exact same reason.
its not just you as im sure that you are aware.
Charlotteee89
12-12-14, 23:59
Yeah, me getting sensitive (again) will just make things worse. I will play it cool and be all "Did you have a nice meal?" etc etc. If they did actually not tell me because they thought I'd be bothered I need them to not think that, I don't want to do anything to encourage it and for them to start resenting me. We're all going out next weekend now instead.
It's just always been me and this work friend so I suppose I need to start getting used to having a third person involved now. But 3's a crowd and all that. I know it's nothing personal, it's not like they don't want to spend time with me, it's pretty simple really - they both finished work at the same time (however the other girl wasn't at work at all today) so it was a perfect opportunity for them to go to the restaurant they (well all of us) have been talking about for weeks. I did feel a bit meh that they didn't wait to go with me, but oh well. They're friends who went out for a meal together, that's all.. But I do feel like a bit of a second fiddle now, I suppose all this is normal, loads of people go through this type of thing in friendships.
:shrug:
EDIT: Maybe some of it is me feeling a bit down as I was stuck at work unable to go out and have a social life, maybe it's not all to do with them personally. I know they would've invited me if I wasn't working and it's probably something they decided during last night's shift as they both work together on Thursday nights. Not an overally pre-planned thing. I just need to get over it, stop over-thinking everything. They made it clear to me last time that they really care about me etc etc. *slaps self*
courierdude
13-12-14, 00:19
nothing wrong with digging around or asking how they are getting on no?
it is sad when that happens but it is very part of growing up and the other side is that i am envious of my mates who all hang out together and dont have to be responsible to anyone.
Charlotteee89
13-12-14, 00:51
Time will tell I suppose. I know most of it is silly and just me being all sensitive and paranoid. Like I said in previous posts, they made it clear to me last time that not asking whether I'd wanted to go to the concert too was nothing personal and that they love me and that I 'can't get rid of them that easily!' etc etc, I think I'm more concerned about my closest friend, it's nothing really to do with the 'new girl'. I just hate to think I'm being replaced or that she'd rather spend time with her, than me. And that inviting me along to things doesn't even cross her mind. Bleh. I'm just over-thinking everything.
I hate being at home all the time as it just makes me anxious, so yeah, I think a lot of this worry is anxiety-based. I just want to be out all the time so when I'm not (cause of work usually) and my friends are I feel crappy. :doh:
They're both in work tomorrow so I'll see how they are with me.
I need a new job where I can make even more new friends and have a better social life! These evening shifts are such a pain! I need a more day-time-y job. And a better pay.
It WILL happen! :)
Just continue to be the best friend you can be. GIVE her a good friend.
GIVE the new girl a good friend too ! Be there for both of them.
If you keep being cool and giving good friendship you'll always be an invaluable friend.
Keep working on that new situation you can put yourself in where you have an abundance of friends and bf opportunities. Feeling insecure like this is a symptom of the situation you're in at the moment.
Charlotteee89
14-12-14, 01:03
Yeah, I need to get over it and stop over-analyzing the whole situation and convincing myself I'm being replaced or now second to this new girl.
I'm just stressed and frustrated at the moment, I wish I had more time to do stuff and could actually physically do it - I really do hate not being able to legally drive and I've had to push back my driving test too and it's now in early February! I'm really hoping I can find an earlier date. I'm really starting to hate my job, I really have no motivation for it anymore. I hate being stuck at work in the evenings whilst my friends are out doing things. I need to decide what I want to do, but not being able to drive is putting a massive hold on everything, my confidence when driving isn't great either, I panic and go blank so easily. I'm just so 'blah' at the moment, I want so much that it's just stressing me out! =/
Charlotteee89
15-12-14, 02:04
Just another rant!
UGH, I went to my work's Xmas party tonight and all was going well until my ex bf and all his friends from work showed up and he was mainly with this other girl from work, he walked in with her, he was standing with her, talking to her, sitting with her, just looking quite close. And throughout the night it wound me more and more up! They kept walking off together and went outside a few times for whatever reason. It made me feel so rubbish. :weep: I've no clue if anything's going on between them but just seeing him being close with a girl when he's always been very nervous with girls just hurt, it used to be me who he was close too now it's clearly her... Ugh, such a horrible, gut wrenching feeling! And he didn't even say hello to me or even acknowledge me, so yet again, that hurt. I might aswell of just never existed sort off thing. :weep:
All my work friends were telling me I can do better anyway which is probably true! He was too young for me but he was a lovely boyfriend. Just ugh.
Charlotteee89
20-12-14, 03:05
The ex-boyfriend thing wasn't what I thought, he suddenly started talking to me after work in person this week and we talked about a lot of general things including the Xmas party and I mentioned that he seemed to be together with this girl a lot and he said that she was really drunk so he was looking after her and that his mate got annoyed as he thought he was trying to 'get on her' which my ex-boyfriend said he said to him "No, no no, I have absolutely no interest in her at all, go for it mate" so that made me feel better.
However, the friendship thing at work is getting worse. I really can't believe how much it's bothering me as it just seems really silly! We had a girls night tonight with another girl from work (so there was 4 of us), and I basically spent the whole time analyzing my closest friend and the other girl's relationship. They directed a lot of conversation at each other and seemed very close and had a lot of in-jokes. I'm definitely feeling 'put out' by my closest friend and of course very jealous over how close she's suddenly got with the new girl. They've spent a lot of time together the past few weeks as they finish work at the same time at the moment (5 or 6pm), whereas I'm always working in the evenings. I feel like I'm playing second fiddle now and it's really horrible! And I'm not sure how to deal with it. :weep:
Sorry I missed your post last weekend. That sounded difficult. Forget him and ignore anything he does or doesn't do. In the next so many years you're going to have settled down with a nice bloke and you'll have more confidence in yourself and you're going to look back at these lads from work and will curse yourself for caring and letting them see you care. You are worth more than that. You mightn't feel it now but then just act it until you feel it. Carry yourself with more value. He lost out and he also lost his chance. You go on to bigger and better things now.
Horrible situation with your friend, especially coming from a period were you suffered from social anxiety. Friendships become very important and I'd feel insecure too. But as much as you want to get bitter and hurt about it all you have to remember what the end result you want is. And that is for your friendship to be valued by your best friend and this new friend too. So stay cool. Don't be jealous of them both, LIKE them both.
What's likeable about this new girl ?
What do you like about her ?
Maybe she could become your good friend too.
Try and have some cool plans lined up and invite your best friend and even this new friend too ! Like them both, include them both. People often like who like them so the result would be that they'd both respond positively to you and like you and two would become three.
Keep looking at that big picture and that goal and develop social skills and some tactics to achieve it.
Find some work that fits in with your friends !!!
Is there ANYTHING a you can do about that ??
It's natural for mates to become chummier from time to time and this time next year it might be back to being you and your best friend again. So don't create any scenes or fall out with them.
It would be useful to be seen to be hanging out with other friends or to have a date and a bf on the horizon. Is there anything you can do about that ?
It's not healthy to have all your eggs in one basket (your best friend). Work on having multiple friendships and relationships so these times have less of an impact on you.
Roll on 2015 with your driving license and big life changes !
I really think you need a new healthy situation with lots of new social opportunities. A new place with new people and new lads. Uni, raf, anything like that.
Charlotteee89
21-12-14, 19:28
It was just very hurtful as we're meant to be 'friends' but I was happy when he talked to me the day after though. It was random, but a nice, surprise conversation.
Oh, don't get me wrong I do like the 'new girl', we're friends. But today more than any other day I noticed how clingy she is with my closest friend. They went on all their breaks together at work and were working together. I spoke to her earlier in the shift and she was down as she feels lonely (she moved to my town to live with her boyfriend and all her friends from her home town resent her for it) so that just made me realize that's why she's clinging/latching. Another friend from work mentioned that they were 'discussing' about me being jealous of them the other day as they were (my closest work friend and the new girl) having a girly night a few days previous as I made a comment of "Oh, wish I could've come" (I was clearly annoyed that they were having a girls night and I was stuck at work) and saying that my jealously is silly as I apparently have already been offered doing earlier shifts but turned them down (not true!) so that's annoyed me a bit. It's nothing to do with my shifts it's the fact I'm not being included in things, generally.
However I went up town with my closest friend last night as our other two close work friends are back from Uni for Xmas so they nagged us to come out. It was a good night, and I was happy to be spending time with her on my own. But she didn't really talk to me at work, as in, she didn't approach me first to talk, I talked first. The new girl, like I said, was very clingy with her - I'm surprised she hasn't noticed! :unsure:
It's just a difficult situation. I'm just gonna try and bite my lip and not say any comments, and just be a good friend to both. Suggest us doing things as a three etc.
I'm actively looking for a new job so if I get one that will help me make new friends. :D
Charlotteee89
30-12-14, 00:26
Just a bit of an update.
Hope everyone had a nice Christmas. :D
My anxiety/obsessional thoughts are very on and off. Work has been a major distraction though. I've worked so much these past few weeks! I'm so tired.
I'm still feeling down about not having a boyfriend, I'm generally feeling down about my life though - I need a change!
My insecurities with my friends haven't changed much. I suppose I just need to get used to the idea of 'sharing' my closest friend with another girl, but the other girl's very obvious clinging is bothering me though. It's clear that the other girl (who I am good friends with) is closer to her, it bothers me how me and the other girl don't do things outside of work, it's always them two or me and them two. And they have a very different relationship too. They're always joking with each other and winding each other up, but that's just not my personality, I'm a lot more laid-back and chill. I suppose that's not a bad thing, but I can't help but feel left out at times. :shrug:
Bleh, I'm sure I'll get over it eventually.
Dont fall into the trap of comparing yourself or your friendship with this new girl or her friendship. It's a very effective way to get insecure and lose all your self esteem.
Remind yourself why you're a good friend. Think only of that.
When I was in your situation I wasn't happy with my friendships either. Something had to change. I built up the courage to take some action to find a new relationship. Only for that action I'd still be in my bedroom on my own now.
What action can you take to find new people who need/want you in their life ?
I found my wife on something called faceparty. I've just checked out Aberdeen (if I remember rightly you're in Aberdeen) and its crawling with blokes between 25-30. Embarrassing, cringey, worrying profiles admittedly, but there could be a cute introverted lad in there who will think all his Christmases have come at once to know you're out there. Let them know you're alive. Keep some distance. Drag it out and know them well before any meetings. Talk on the phone. See them in real time online. This is just an example.
So many people are finding and looking for partners online these days.
Make sure 2015 has some fundamental changes so you don't have to sit worrying about your best friend making a friend this time next year !
You've done really well to get where you are Charlotte. It's time to start opening some new chapters. You're going to need to make some changes and take some action to make that happen.
It's funny, you'll look back and say "if I'd never have done THIS then this good thing/new relationship/new life you like, would never have happened. And you realise how crucial to your progress those times of change and action are.
Invite your best friend out. Tell her you miss doing stuff. Go and watch a film or something.
Charlotteee89
31-12-14, 00:46
Maybe I've become a bit too dependent on my friendship with my closest friend, but we've been so close for a year and a half now, so I suppose it's normal to feel a bit put out by another girl coming into our friendship and them seemingly becoming very close. At the moment I'm constantly over-analyzing our friendship, it's so silly! Maybe what isn't helping is that I've started to see another side to this girl, a side I don't think I like.
I'm going to try my best to not let it effect me, just get on with it, join in. Bite my tongue. It's just hard, having to see it every other day at work.
I'm sure in the coming months I'll pass my driving test, get a new job and make even more friends! :)
Charlotteee89
01-01-15, 21:48
This 'new girl' situation may be a bit more complicated than I thought.
Clearly, she has some issue with me. Last night we were all up town celebrating New Year's Eve and she barely spoke one word to me, let alone look at me! I tried my best to talk to her and include her but she was just so off and distant. She was absolutely fine with my closest friend though! :huh:
Maybe SHE'S the one who's actually jealous? Maybe she's trying to push me out so she can get even closer to my friend?
I'm perfectly fine for all us to be friends and do stuff, but she seems to be purposely pushing me out and only actually including me in things cause she feels she has too! :mad:
She's been massively clingy with my best friend for a few weeks now and now it seems obvious why! This is going to get difficult. :lac:
I'm really angry that I thought she was genuine and a lovely person now I'm not sure who she really is...
I'm just going to do my best to be normal and talk to her and suggest us doing things and just be a good friend to her, just in case it does all get turned onto me. I don't want it to be a case of that she feels uncomfortable because she thinks I don't like her, but if that's the case then why isn't she making more of an effort? And why ignore me like that? When I tried my best to talk to her etc?
Such a weird situation.
Oh poo. Mates, who needs em.
Well she has been your best friend for a reason. Just have a chat with her without bunny boiler about. Tell her just what you've said here ,just cool and matter of factly.
"Yeh listen I understand you two are good friends now. My hours have had me missing a lot of stuff lately. It can't be helped. I just want to be clear with you so there's no misunderstandings. The other night I tried with her but she blanked me all night. Slightly awkward when somebody ignores you all night lol.
I just want you to know it's not coming from me that's all. "
The balls in your mates court then. If she allows this girl to blank, exclude, slag you off then that's up to her. I'd just try and stay cool and transparent with your mate and be there.
Maybe one day bunny boiler will get a new bf and drop your mate like a bad habit.
If you three hang out together again let your mate see you ARE making an effort with her. Show her you're above any weirdness.
You need options. It's rubbish being too dependent on specific people.
In 2015 Youre going to be too busy venturing out into the big wide world to be bothering yourself with this kind of thing.
All these little discomforts help push you into a better situation.
Charlotteee89
04-01-15, 23:05
Me and the new girl had a bit of a fall out the other day but we've seemed to of sorted it, however, I still don't trust her, actions speak louder than words in my opinion and no matter what she says her actions and words are NOT matching up. Her boyfriend is also causing problems between me and a guy I'm talking too.
I'm just going to sit tight and keep an eye on the situation, but I know at some point I'm going to have tell my closest friend how I feel as I don't want any issues or misunderstanding's to cause a rift in our friendship. I know this situation isn't going to get any better, but as the new girl has made an effort to reassure me that she's not pushing me out etc then I'm going to have to just wait and see if that's actually the case. She's very sly though, very sly.
2015 is going to be a good year for me! New job and new life hopefully! :D
Charlotteee89
19-01-15, 03:05
Wow, I'm such a mess when it comes to my love life!
I was talking to this guy non stop for a few months, but I think he was just a rebound from my ex, I wasn't feeling it to be honest, I was just happy about having attention again. In the end we both faffed it off, he was finally fed up of waiting for me to meet him so he said he's not interested anymore and I was a bit gutted but then realization hit - I don't actually care.
Sent my ex a text earlier tonight (a general text, as we haven't spoke in weeks) and wow that didn't go to plan! We've just had a massive argument. No surprises there. But at least now I've got closure. I know he's moved on, there's not going to be an 'us' ever again. Tough to digest but I needed to know. I can't keep holding onto to it, even though he did, at the time, give me reason to - he said when he's ready we could get back together, clearly that's not the case and apparently that's all my fault. A week or so after we broke up we had a massive text argument and I was quite nasty to him and he said tonight, that made him get over me quicker. Clearly he saw me in a different light. Ah well. He also said that we just didn't work out like he hoped he would, so maybe after everything he said, he figured out, it was me, he wasn't feeling in the end, not just that he wasn't ready. Tough to digest again. :weep: The argument was about many different things and I saw him in a different light, that maybe he's not so nice and sweet as I thought he was. He's changed. I don't like this person he's become. He's too young and immature for me too.
Of course my insecurities are shouting at me, "Maybe my weight put him off? Maybe I was too skinny for him!" "Maybe I was too boring, not interesting or fun enough!" My anxiety was so high when we were together which didn't help.
Ah well, time to move on. I'm just not sure where to go from here? All my friends have boyfriends. So one big smack in the face there. Such a disastrous week with guys! :scared15:
Aah, you shouldnt have texted him. Youll kick yourself in the future that you did. He`s just a young lad. He`s probably acting like you`d expect a young lad that age to act.
The other one wasnt a disaster, you knew you didnt like him enough so let it die. The danger would have been that you would have gone out with him simply due to a current lack of options.
You need a new situation and new people. Youre going no where there.
Hows your driving lessons coming along ?
You made any concrete plans for change in 2015 yet ?
Charlotteee89
20-01-15, 23:09
I don't think I shouldn't of texted him, we're suppose to be friends, we do occasionally talk at work and still exchange glances and smiles. It was just a general chit chat. Then something was said and it just all escalated.
But I'm kinda glad I did text him, at least I got closure and realised he isn't actually as lovely as he once was, he'll be 19 in a few months, he's got a lot of maturing to do. Once he has a few more relationships he'll soon realise they're not as straight-cut as he thinks they are, and when someone's hurt, it's so easy to say things you don't mean - clearly the argument we had after we broke up really hurt him and put him off me for good. The argument wasn't even bad, so I find that strange. I don't think he can emotionally deal with it all yet. He's a bit too sensitive.
I just need a change, I'm so bored of my current situation. I'm applying for jobs but haven't had much luck yet. It's something that will take time I think. My driving is going ok, my test is coming up in like 5 weeks or something. Once I pass my test, that'll open up a lot more options for jobs and friends. :)
Charlotteee89
23-01-15, 00:39
My anxiety is starting to flare up again due to boredom and routine! I had a feeling this would happen once the new year came and I was back to my original contracted hours at work.
It's weird how a few years ago I LOVED routine and got really panicky when I suddenly had plans and had to mentally prepare myself for whatever it was! Now I just want to be doing stuff all the time and get anxious when I'm at home too much.
All of my friends are pretty skint and when they're not working, I am. So it's always difficult to see them.
My anxiety loves to make me anxious over not doing stuff and not doing stuff with someone, which just causes the obsessional thinking to start... It's so silly and annoying. :doh:
Hang in there Charlotte. It's a crappy time of year. Focus on your test and an exciting new year ahead.
Get as many hours practicing on the roads as you can. It'll really help.
Charlotteee89
26-01-15, 00:08
I have a phone interview type-thing tomorrow to discuss my application for a job I applied for earlier in the week! It's an administration job, so that's one step in the right direction! Just gonna see how it goes. :)
The idea of changing jobs and doing something completely different kinda scares me! I suppose change no matter how much you want it is scary for everyone - you kinda get comfortable with what you know and jumping into the unknown is a bit :scared15: but it's a good scary! I just lack self confidence, especially with new situations.
I just desperately want to be happy and not stressed and bored. Once I get out of working evening shifts all week, my social life will be so much better which will make me happy! I hate not being able to do things because of work. Especially at the weekend.
That's great news about the phone interview. Tell us how you get on. I still see you joining the RAF and marrying a hunky dude, being based somewhere cool surrounded by loads of RAF mates though. But if an admin job is what will make you happy then that's great too.
Change TERRIFIES ME. But you know what, often things are better when things have changed and you end up so relieved you did it and got out of a stale, unhappy situation. Corny but feel the fear and do it anyway.
Maybe change to your admin job and then decide if you fancy even more change. Big world out there and lots to see. It's very exciting and stimulating putting yourself in new places and situations.
Charlotteee89
27-01-15, 01:06
It went well! I've been invited to a seminar on Thurs evening, where I'll be learning all about the company and I imagine they'll be assessing me, I'll also have a one-to-one interview at the end of it. Kinda scared. :scared15:
I just need to move forward, can't be having all this stress and unhappiness. I need a change, more hours of work-time and ideally, more money! There's so much I want to do, like move out! I'm 25 years old and I need to start living like I am. I'm just frustrated that my life has come to a bit of a holt, I need to re-start it again. Anxiety has consumed my life for so many years. I just want my life back! :)
It went well! I've been invited to a seminar on Thurs evening, where I'll be learning all about the company and I imagine they'll be assessing me, I'll also have a one-to-one interview at the end of it. Kinda scared. :scared15:
I just need to move forward, can't be having all this stress and unhappiness. I need a change, more hours of work-time and ideally, more money! There's so much I want to do, like move out! I'm 25 years old and I need to start living like I am. I'm just frustrated that my life has come to a bit of a holt, I need to re-start it again. Anxiety has consumed my life for so many years. I just want my life back! :)
:yahoo:
Don't chicken out. Changes like this are just what you need. You'll settle down into whatever new it is you have to do.
Make sure it ticks all the boxes though. There's no point changing just for changings sake. Make sure it's an improvement. So it'll be you interviewing them on Thursday and making sure what they're offering is good enough :winks:
Charlotteee89
28-01-15, 21:52
I've decided that the Thursday recruitment thing isn't for me! I've been emailing the lovely lady who's recruiting for it and basically the role is an apprenticeship which is not something I'm interested in and I really can't afford to lose so much money a month on an apprenticeship wage (if I was to even get the role), the role will suit someone else so much better I don't want to potentially ruin someone else's chances.
So onwards and upwards! I'll keep on applying and I know something will come my way eventually! :D
Charlotteee89
29-01-15, 03:02
I'm also really nervous about a guy I'm seeing (hopefully tomorrow)! :scared15: I need to get on a train and meet him at the station and then he's taking me out (first date kinda thing)... Omg I'm so nervous! I haven't met him properly in person yet so I'm just freaking out over the most smallest things! I'm thinking "Omg, what happens if I get so nervous that I freeze and can't even get on the train!" "Don't look out the windows when you get into the Station, just get up and walk to the door incase you see him through the windows and freak out!" "What happens if I get off the train and he's not there? He's like down the other side of the platform or on the wrong one! ARGH" "What if he see's me and is disappointed?" SO MANY THINGS! :doh: I think it's the anticipation... I'm not thinking too much about the date itself to be honest, just the initial potential awkwardness. He's very confident so he'll be fine which will probably make me feel more at ease!
I just need to breathe.. All will be fine! :blush: Haha!
Oh well if youre not after an apprenticeship, no point bothering with that then is there.
Youre seeing a bloke "tomorrow" ?? Thats quick ! Its not that one you said you werent interested in is it ? Tell me you havent done a u-turn.
Oh god, ive met people for the first time off the net quite a few times. When i met my mrs i dropped my money all over the floor lol. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Everything changes once youre actually in the persons company. Just start thinking then instead. All the anticipation and nightmare scenarios you think up arent even real. Theyre a total waste of time and energy. Just get yourself there and start thinking about it only when he`s standing there in front of you.
Good luck.
Charlotteee89
30-01-15, 01:26
Yeah, I didn't go to the recruitment thing in the end, no point!
The date went well.. I think! He's got one of those very witty sense of humor's that if you're not quite used to it (like me) you don't know how to react so that made things a bit awkward at times but ah well! We went for food and a drink and then he came back to mine and chatted to my parents for agessss and we went upstairs and had a bit of a cuddle. :blush:
Not sure what he thought of me though, I think he thought I was a bit weird/quirky :whistles: not sure in a good way or a bad way tbh! It's just his sense of humor is completely different to mine.
And yes it was with the guy I was talking to, I just thought you know what? I'll give him a chance and see how it goes, I do like him, but if I didn't go on a date with him at least I think I'd regret it, I was afterwards when it kinda went a bit sour. But he came running back and he's genuine so it could be worse. :shrug:
Well you're meeting new people. That's good.
Charlotteee89
01-02-15, 00:00
Probably shouldn't have bothered with him! He hasn't spoke to me since, I've texted him but nothing... :mad: It's really confused me, he seemed really keen and I gave him an open invitation to come into my house after the main date, I said "You can come in, if you like..." He seemed pleasantly surprised, jumped right out of his car and said he'd have a light with my dad, he spent a very long time talking to my mum and dad... He was very sweet with me in my room, when he left he kissed me on my lips and said he'd text me tomorrow and said nice to meet you to my parents.. How odd! I'm kinda hurt, not gonna lie. I feel like a bit of an idiot, he was spoken badly off by my friend's boyfriend a few months back (half of what he said actually isn't true) and she didn't want me to get hurt so did her best to convince me to stop talking to him. Now, I've just got to brush this under the carpet and not tell my friends I actually went on a date with him as they all think we've stopped talking... I don't want "What did we tell you?" bleh.
Ah well, I suppose a lot of girls go through this with males, I'm just very sensitive so I always worry how my anxiety is going to react to these 'real life experiences', I spent so many years house bound that all this sort of stuff is still quite new to me.
Onwards and upwards.. :D
--------------------------------------------------
He's replied to my text and clearly doesn't think our date went well... I'll update this after we've spoken more.
I just knew my awkwardness/weirdness (I was SO nervous) was obvious...
Okay oops! Scrap that ^^ He thought I was really off at times, kept looking at my phone, not talking to him much etc... He said he was unsure... Oops my bad! :doh:
I think he's thinking that I'm not that interested, he did make a big effort, he came in and met my parents... I was trying NOT to be too keen as it was our first date! Clearly I was a bit TOO off, but when I'm nervous I do go quiet and withdrawn and I'm just not used to dates! And when he kept contradicting things I said that threw me off as I wasn't sure how to react to that kind-off humor! (my friend said her boyfriend does that all the time, it's probably a guy thing!) I felt really self-conscious and tongue-tied which didn't help. I feel terrible now! :( I need to relax more, but that's not easy when you have anxiety!
Any tips on how to respond to witty/sarcastic people? Without looking overally offended and making things awkward?
Like for instance on my date, I was waffling on (nerves) and I said I don't really like the taste of lemons (as in the fruit) and he quickly replied, amused with "But you're drinking lemonade...?" I didn't know what to say so I just said "Oh yeah, but it taste's different, nothing like actual lemon juice.." he was all like "Nah, it taste's the same!" And I was like "No, no no, it doesn't actually..." and laughed and he just shuck his head and laughed and I felt SO awkward! Little witty amused responses like that I kept getting all night... :blush:
Haha I know exactly how you feel. You sound like you were exactly as someone with a history of social anxiety would have been. But you DID it. You went through with the date and meeting new people and that is fantastic and extremely brave. You just need to do it more and build up your confidence in yourself.
I can be the same with those kind of people. I think the problem is we are usually worrying about what to say.
Don't take it personally. Don't see it as something that's necessarily being aimed at you. Like when you watch telly and appreciate humour, appreciate the humour in your interactions. It can be fun. So think instead of how you can make fun of him back and enjoy it. Enjoy him looking silly.
"Sorry, didn't realise you were an expert on lemons"
People like us don't spend a lot of time thinking about having fun with interactions like this and are usually just insecure, anxious and worrying about them.
Google witty replies on the net. Don't copy them just enjoy them. Enjoy how it makes the other person look daft and funny and just appreciate the humour.
Next time he does it try and think of your own reply to make him look funny.
"Oh sorry, didn't realise I was on a date with a lemon specialist"
And don't take any of it personally. It's just the funny dialogue between two people. You might really enjoy thinking of your own.
Just tell him you're shy and sorry if you seemed uninterested. It can probably come across as a bit rude. Sorry about that. I said the same thing and ended up married so don't worry about it. We are who we are. Just communicate and let people understand.
Do it more and your confidence will build. You are on the right track.
Whatever happens with him it's ok. You are gaining experience all of the time. That experience will give you confidence in the future.
Charlotteee89
01-02-15, 18:47
I think I spent most the night analyzing myself! I was constantly trying to not say or do anything embarrassing that I just forgot about him I suppose and how my body language was coming across to him. :doh: I was extremely self-conscious, next time I'll try not to be.
Ahhh yes! Give him a witty/sarcy reply back! :D (obviously with a smile on my face and a giggle) Didn't think of that. However I'm not sure I'd think of something good that quickly haha! I think I just took it personally and was thinking how mean he's being unnecessarily and took it as he's being like that because he doesn't like me! I need to stop being so sensitive, I'm terrible for taking jokes too personally anyways!
I'm hoping the situation can be salvaged, he hasn't replied to my text from last night which he clearly read after falling asleep. A bit later on I might just text him what I would've said if he hadn't fallen asleep - "Did I give you the impression that I wasn't interested in you or not enjoying being with you? x" Just so I know exactly how he feels and go from there! I'm hoping I haven't put him off completely! :blush:
Well if you're going to message him again, just ONE. :shades:
If he doesn't reply then I wouldn't send anymore until he has replied.
Don't get down about it. These early steps are bound to be hard. It took a lot of bottle to go on a date with a stranger at all.
Play it cool :shades: :shades: :shades:
Charlotteee89
01-02-15, 23:56
Was clearly wasting my time! :mad: After a bit of conversation he's just said "I'm just not feeling it, sorry, but I wish you all the best, I'm glad we finally met up and I did enjoy it." After ONE date he's made his mind up? Oh. :mad:
I can't help but think my slim-ness put him off really...
I suppose I should think of it as I'll find someone who won't give a hoot about my weight and will just like me, as a person...
It's just annoying how he came into my house and met my parents, we cuddled and kissed etc.. I always get a little emotionally attached when that happens. :doh:
Ah well. Moving on! I'm not having much luck in the guy department it seems! :dry:
I'm annoying myself with how much I want a boyfriend/companionship, maybe I'd just like some company? I'm not feeling very fulfilled in that area at the moment, I've barely done anything with my friends for a good few weeks. And I do really enjoy that talking phase with a guy, it's nice! I think I need to figure myself out first, and sort my job situation out and do what I can to put on weight which help my confidence anyways!
Update (sorry about my ranting!)
We've talked some more, I asked him whether regardless of my off-ness, he's not feeling it anyway? And he said no, basically saying what's the point in a second date as why would I be any different? Clearly he was very offended by my offish-ness, and that I kept looking at my phone and didn't talk to him or ask him anything about himself. "You don't know anything different about me then you did last week, you barely spoke to me so it's not like it'll be any different next time is it? Even when we got back to yours, you didn't want to cuddle, you were more interested in your phone! I didn't learn anything new about you, I tried my best but I got nothing in return so it was really flat" And when I said about first date nerves etc etc he just replied with "I've been on a lot of first dates and nobody has ever done that to me before. Bizarre way of showing it" JEEEZ talk about judgemental and stubborn! He can't even give me a break and let me redeem myself... Rude. :dry: He's basically not worth it, is he? I shouldn't feel like I have to re-ask for another chance, he should WANT to give it another go because he likes me!
I remember him saying his longest relationship is 4 months but they were on and off... So it makes me wonder just how DIFFICULT it may be dealing with him anyways, and I wonder how many of these first dates he's referring to have led to second dates? I don't want to be with a guy who's that stubborn and judgmental, I want a guy who's kind, understanding and patient... And MATURE! Rant over! ;)
Bullet and dodged come to mind. I just don't think he sounded your type.
You know there's an awful lot of daters out there with lower confidence. Not everyone's gonna want a song and dance from you. He sounds a bit difficult. I'd keep looking. Find someone more at your level.
I mean, maybe after a few meetings, decide you two are not suited and that maybe you are too quiet for him but after the first date. Very harsh.
One girl from Manchester told me I didn't have much confidence. But then others didn't think there was an issue and one married me, so there, get lost :shades: (hate that girl from Manchester :lac: )
I think you're right too. He's supposed to want a second date. You shouldn't really be chasing him for one. Tell him to take his lemon knowledge and stick it up his arse. :shades:
Going forward only you know if you're underweight or not. I know you've said in the past you were underweight but you never seem to be bothered about it so I stopped mentioning it. Find out the healthy weight range you should be within. That'll give you an idea of whether you should be making any changes there.
Unfortunately it's gonna take a few instances like these for your confidence and experience to rise. You're in there and doing it. Give yourself a pat on the back for that. It's not easy.
Charlotteee89
03-02-15, 01:24
I more than likely have dodged a major bullet! :yesyes:
We haven't spoke since the last text I sent him last night which was just me yet again trying to explain myself after the text he sent "I've been on a lot of first dates..." yada yada yada. I'm not wasting my time anymore, he's not worth it. I was going to send him this text "I think we can still be friends, if you want to be? And if I'M completely honest, the fact that you're not understanding, giving me a break and allowing me to redeem myself just shows me you're not that bothered about me anyway. I shouldn't have to ask for another chance or keep explaining myself, you should want to see me again because you're suppose to like me. Simple as that. First dates are not always perfect but if you like someone enough you appreciate the fact they admitted to being nervous and work at it. Maturity, kindness and understanding basically. Clearly you're not that person so at least I know that." But you know what? I can't be bothered, I'm not going to chase him, it'll make me seem desperate or clingy or even bitter or whatever. He's not worth it!
No matter what I say it's not going to make a difference so he's not worth my time, he's a stubborn idiot! And to be honest, his personality was a little off for me too, a bit too witty and kind-off rude, I didn't feel comfortable with him, I just felt self-conscious and that's not right.
I was talking to my friend and she told me that she's terrible at first dates as she gets nervous too especially if it's a meal out. So she suggested that I find a guy who I can open up too and explain my nervous-ness too and maybe suggest taking it slow and doing casual-like dates to begin with, like she did with her current boyfriend. They walked his dog round a lake first, it was very relaxed and casual and nothing that would make her feel pressured or have too much expectation. Someone who's kind and patient, and just a genuine decent guy! That's what I need. :yesyes:
Don't send it ! :)
I'm a bloke. It would say "please give me another chance". You don't want to be communicating that to anyone. You keep people by having value. "Give me another chance" gives them all the power/value. It also leaves you open to being mistreated, not respected.
It's a paradox. Your best bet of getting the right sort of attention from him is to communicate you have value by being fine with putting him behind you now. That means no more texts. It's you who gets chased not him. You have the value not him. He works to please you not you work to please him.
No more communication from him, no loss and your self respect remains intact.
You chase him and get rejected or mistreated and you'll kick yourself in the future.
He didn't sound like your type anyway.
Charlotteee89
04-02-15, 01:23
I'm not going too! I do have self-worth and value. :D
I'm just going to see it as another learning curve, and appreciate that I'm experiencing them rather than still at home, terrified of people and the outside world. :yesyes:
However, my obsessive thinking has come back with a vengeance, probably because I'm feeling so insecure and frustrated by certain things. As soon as I lack direction in my life it comes back, as soon as I have no distractions. It's so annoying! I then can't help but over-think everything my obsessive thoughts are telling me which causes my anxiety to flare up! :glare:
Obsessive thoughts like:
"Omg I'm at home again, not doing anything, omg I have no life!"
"Rather than enjoying this programme I should be out with friends, which I don't have many off, how pathetic!"
"I wonder what people think I do when not at work? I do nothing basically, how sad am I!"
"How pathetic am I, no boyfriend, no plans, no nothing!"
I could just be watching a programme innocently and something will happen on it like a group of friends talking over coffee and my obsessive thoughts will come "Ugh, wish I had a friend I could do that with!" I don't even like coffee, however.
These constant thoughts, day in, day out. So distracting from normal things! These thoughts just make me think I should be doing something else rather than what I'm actually doing! Frustrating.
Lol at "I don't even drink coffee"
I know too well what all that feels like.
I can't emphasise enough how healthy it would be for you now to find a whole new situation. A situation where you become part of a group who are all starting at the same point and going through the same thing. Because I think you don't only need a date that goes well but you need a fresh group of good friends and a stimulating new environment.
There's something really good about going into something together with others. A course at college/uni, training for one of the services, it's a quick way to make a lot of new friends and enjoy this ready made new group. Enjoying all of those different personalities and enjoying reaching those same goals together.
And if that new group is also your new career then your whole life will change for the better and you'll look back at where you are now and shudder.
It's hard going from where you are to being dependent on one person only then another new person only and the painful bits in between. Better to find a whole new situation were you can not only find that special person but a group of new friends too who are in the same boat as you.
You don't want to be too dependent on the next person to come along.
Pass your driving test. Spend your free time thinking up some exciting new plans. :yahoo:
Charlotteee89
04-02-15, 23:27
I definitely need a whole new situation, my current one just isn't making me happy or making me feel fulfilled. Probably why my obsessional thinking has started - my anxiety is obsessing over things I've been thinking about and time-sing them by 100.
I would really like a small group of friends, people I see regularly and do more stuff with and be able to confide in. Don't get me wrong I've got a few close friends now, but we don't see each other that much and trying to organize anything is such a task, and they have their own life's, boyfriend's, fiancee's etc. And we don't really confide in each other, like we'll listen to each other's problems but we'll just get on with it, there's no "Awww hun, it'll be fine, you've got us! Come round after work for a girly night and a rant!" (I think me wanting that is to do with me feeling insecure about my friendships and wanting to have that female close friendship(s) like I see all over social media) And of course, me working 5 evening shifts a week makes planning anything even more difficult.
I've been applying for jobs, had a few interviews but nothing yet. There's a retail park opening up in my town later in the year so if no other job has come before then, then I'll be applying for the retail stores that'll be opening like Debenhams, Next, Outfit etc as they're more 'me', I've had enough of supermarket retail.
One day in the future I'd love to move to London and have an office job like admin, marketing, advertising, working for a magazine, or for a fashion retail store's head office.
Well you know what you want.
Are the changes coming soon enough ? Do you really want to wait until the 2nd half of 2015 for change.
Are you reaching high enough ? Listen, you're never going to be younger than you are today so if you want to aim for something special, start it NOW !
You are still in the starting blocks. You are at a perfect place to start a new exciting venture. Once you start on something and get a way down that road you might find it a lot harder to aim for something better. Mortgages, bills, relationships, childen all come along and suddenly you can't aim for much anymore. You may then look back at this spot you are in now and wish you'd aimed higher. Don't waste this opportunity.
I know what you mean about friends you can confide in. You have to meet lots of people to find those kinds of individuals. They ARE out there. Comes back to getting out there in a new environment where you'll be around lots of new people.
Why don't you go and get a summer job abroad this year. Go and work at a resort and have the time of your life. Get a mate to go with you. Then come back and go to college/uni to get a quick qualification you can use in London in 2016.
IDEAS !
(I'm gonna say it) THINK OUTSIDE THE BOOOOOOX !!!
"Boooooooooooooooo" ( everyone throws fruit at Dave for coming out with a super corny line)
:blush::yesyes:
Charlotteee89
06-02-15, 00:13
I've been applying for SO many jobs, but a new start isn't that easy! I need to pass my driving test first. There's not much else I can do in the mean time. And I live in a small town.
Patience is a virtue.
I don't have much interest in working abroad, cruise ships is interesting but extremely hard to get into without any qualifications, depending on what you want to do.
College is another option, but I don't have the money right now for the course fee's (being 25 years old has it's downsides), and I'd have to re-take certain GCSE subjects to get anywhere as I didn't do well in my GCSE's, it'll be a very long-winded situation. But not one I'm ruling out completely, I would simply just like a new job at the moment, somewhere I can meet new people.
Everything I want will happen eventually, I just need to stop getting down and anxious about it, I'm just forever bored right now, I need some spontaneity! :)
Charlotteee89
06-02-15, 23:12
Ugh, Just a bit of a rant!
I'm starting to feel the effects of not doing much lately, my anxiety is getting really high again! The more time I spend bored in my house the more I get anxious. Routine gets me anxious too. I think my anxiety just exaggerates my frustration of not having much of a social life x100 and gets me all panicky about it and makes me feel like a prisoner in my own home, makes me feel claustrophobic.
Fortunately I do am doing something tomorrow - going shopping in the day. I was meant to be doing something with my close friend in the evening but she has hardly any money left so not sure what's going to happen now, probably nothing. I might suggest a few drinks out which I can pay for. But an older work colleague has invited me out with her and her work friends who I don't know... So I'm a bit unsure. It's always awkward going out with her as she just makes a fool out of herself when drunk and wanders off without you knowing and just goes home, so her being my only 'friend' out up town, that worries me, I don't want to be left feeling awkward with people I don't really know as she's disappeared. Kinda torn. I know it'll be nice to meet new people but these people are quite cliche and I'm not sure how open they are to 'outsiders'. Earlier at work my close work friend and our section leader were talking about their potential trips to theme parks soon (which I think they discussed first the night before with another colleague as she was mentioned) and I stood there feeling awkward as I didn't seem to be invited. I always feel really insecure and sensitive when that happens. Thoughts like "Oh, at least they have plans soon! I have nothing, don't really like rollercoasters anyways but it would've been nice to be invited and actually have plans!"
I definitely need a new job and a new circle of friends ASAP or maybe I need to be comfortable being independent and enjoy my own company a bit more. :shrug:
I think you should suggest a few drinks out which you can pay for :)
If that falls through, go out with your older, more rubbish mate and say at the start of the night that you won't be out super late because you have to be up early for blah blah. Then if she goes off and joins the foreign legion half way through the night and leaves you on your own you can make your excuses and leave. OR you might like someone else there enough to stay for a bit.
I think it's important to stay out there as much as possible and take every opportunity to stay involved.
Have a good time shopping.
Bit rubbish about the theme park stuff. Enjoy being more forward and cheeky. Try it on for size. Say what you feel. "Oi, what's going on. How come I'm not invited. Im bored off my face at the moment. Can't I come ? "
Maybe they think you wouldn't want to go. Try out being a more forward, pushy, cheeky you. Take what you want. I understand about the over sensitivity. I'm exactly the same. It's a bit like an open wound. It's very easy to feel stung when you already feel so sensitive about things.
"Oi ! Theme park ! IM COMIN ! "
Charlotteee89
09-02-15, 01:25
I had such a busy day on Saturday! Was shopping most of the day then I suddenly got a text of my close work friend suggesting just a meal out (I was surprised she did that as my impression the day before was she's too skint to do anything at all) as she's skint so I suggested coming round mine for pizza (which I paid for) and pre drinks and then making our way to town, and to cut a long story short that's exactly what we did! :D Had a good day and night even though I've been really rough all week with a bad head cold.
Even I was invited to a theme park I wouldn't go tbh as I HATE roller coasters. :scared15: I don't want to try and pressure myself to go one, especially since my anxiety is acting up and dizziness/lightheadedness is something I'm very prone too.
I hate it when my home anxiety starts up! It's SO intense. It's SO hard to deal with. :weep: I think it's only come back due to how fed up I am of my job etc, just over-thinking really, it's triggered it. Obsessional thinking/thoughts are easily triggered.
Oh that's great. I'm glad you got to go out with your good mate. Engineer it so it happens more often now :shades:
What about doing some distance learning from home ? Might keep your mind busy when you're stuck at home as well as giving you something useful for your c.v and future plans. Something in I.T, Admin, that kind of thing.
Charlotteee89
13-02-15, 01:57
Last week I decided to branch out and find new ways of meeting a guy, so I downloaded Tinder on my phone, and I've been talking to a lot of guys on there but there's one in particular who I've been talking too (who's the only one to properly ask me out, in a gentle-many fashion, who's genuine) non stop that I like - he's lovely! My age, got a good job, very laid-back but confident and we have a lot in common - what I need really! He really wants to meet me but I'm scared of dates! :scared15: Especially after what happened the other week. He's asked me what I'd like to do and I said something quite relaxed and casual so I said like a drink? And he said but has it got to be in the evening and I said no, it can be in the day time too. So I think that's what we might do - go for a casual drink in the day time. :D Once I build up the courage to tell him when I'm available. :blush: I don't want him getting too frustrated especially since he's been let down in the past. I'm so insecure and socially awkward in these situations! He also agreed that going out for food was a bit too in-your-face as a first date. Phew!
I just wish I could skip the awkward dating phase and get myself a boyfriend! :blush::whistles:
Good luck with your date :winks:
Charlotteee89
17-02-15, 00:39
Still haven't organised it yet. :blush: I'm still SO nervous ugh!
But I'm also really fed up. I'm getting to that point where I'm completely sick of my job. Absolutely loathe it! I've no idea why it's gotten this bad. I'm just so BORED of it. Especially since I work evenings and at the moment it's so quiet and unmotivating, I just tidy all evening which can get done pretty quickly. It's so repetitive. I have no interest anymore.
And cause I'm so annoyed with my job it's affecting everything else, I just feel so frustrated, moody and anxious all the time. I just need a change.
I'm also losing confidence with my driving, I'm going through a phase of feeling scared of the idea of me being in control of a vehicle, I'm over-thinking it so much. My test is coming up soon so that's probably why I'm panicking. Also if I don't pass by the end of March I'm going to have to re-take my Theory Test which is stressing me out. :wacko:
Be nervous and yet watch yourself arranging and going on the date. If you are short of confidence, experience and excitement they will all come with "doing". So don't wait around, feel the fear and do it anyway. It'll all feel more enjoyable when you've done it a few times and have some experience/confidence. Get there quick as possible (Be safe !) (Tinder !)
And those rubbish bits on the first date, they can be ironed out on the next ones. Anything you weren't happy with, how can you improve ? You'll get a lot better during 2015 and build a social life for yourself.
Can't you ask your boss to give you some day shifts ?
Cars are easy. They're just like go-karts. 2 wheels at back and 2 at front. Steering wheel. Some brakes. It's not complicated. Don't make it complicated. It's just new that's all. Do it as much as you can. Your body does it without even thinking about it very quickly. Repetition. Rack up those hours behind the steering wheel and you'll be doing it without even thinking very quickly.
Like anything, don't be focusing on what can go wrong. Focus on how basic and simple and fun it is.
The instructor tries to get you to repeat the right way. Think about what he shows you and do it over and over until you no longer even think about it. When you are at home think about what he shows you and why. It'll be easier if you understand it.
Go through it all in your head repeatedly, it works. Repetition doesn't necessarily mean you have to be in the car.
Show the instructor and examiner how aware of everything you are. You are confident and you are aware, to them that equals safe and you will pass. Anything you don't feel confident about, think it through first.
Charlotteee89
03-03-15, 23:38
Just an update :D
I've been unwell non stop for weeks now, constant viruses etc. After having blood tests, they've found that my iron levels are very low again so that would explain why I've been so run down and stressed.
My anxiety has been very on & off again. I was off work for half a week poorly and found my anxiety was low for a change but once I went back to work it got high again - and I know why. My anxiety (social, general etc) is making me over-analyze my friends and how they interact with each other compared to me. I'm clearly feeling very insecure at the moment. Whenever I 'see' something that bothers me I get automatic thoughts like "Oh, she definitely prefers her to me.." , "Ugh, why does she always go to her? Why doesn't she come over to me for a chat and a laugh.." Just silly things like that. It's really irritating. I do wish my social life was a little more 'happening' so that's probably why my anxiety is doing it, trying to make me feel rubbish and 'convince' me that I don't have any real friends to do anything with.
And then I realise the reason why it feels like people are being not so talky with me is probably because I'm being quiet and maybe come across as moody and not interested, when you're constantly analyzing people and situations around you it can make you look like you're being anti-social as you're so pre-occupied with your thoughts.
I do struggle in social situations still, I get really shy and nervous at times. And I struggle around people (females especially) who have very bubbly, out-going personalities.
Charlotteee89
08-03-15, 21:14
Had a bad few days with obsessional thinking - my loneliness obsessional thinking. It's come back, again. I don't actually feel lonely (bored, more so) but my anxiety is trying it's hardest to convince me I am. I've been really stressed all week with money and work and it's just opened a void for my anxiety. Whenever I'm thinking or doing something my anxiety is going "Yeah but.." and trying to push in the obsessional thoughts. Reminding me of them as I'm not thinking about them for a brief time. :wacko:
Because my anxiety has been so bad it's hard to figure out what's normal thoughts and anxiety thoughts. It's draining. I've been getting bad headache's/borderline migraines too, due to stress probably. :lac: Routine makes it worse too, I get irritated and frustrated when I'm doing the same thing day in day out. Obsessional thoughts/thinking are definitely the worse, the constant repetitive whirling of thoughts, going round and round in your head, taking up all your 'thought space' so to speak. It's like you're on a never-ending merry-go-round.
Hang in there Charlotte. Don't feel the need to categorise your thoughts as anxious or not, it doesn't matter just keep bringing yourself back to what you want for your future and what you enjoy. We all go down the rabbit hole and think anxiously but it doesn't mean anything. Just keep returning your attention to healthy, constructive things and trying to occupy yourself with things you enjoy.
Find some company. It'll help get you out of your own head for a while.
Keep things light. Smile where you can. Things aren't as bad as they seem and can change quickly. Don't let things get you down.
Charlotteee89
10-03-15, 02:45
I'm trying my best to think constructively and to concentrate on the future, it's not always easy though! Constant anxious thoughts taking up my mind at the moment. I wish I could do more, but my shifts are so difficult to fit anything around, and most of my friends are working when I'm not, busy etc. I can't wait to get a new job where I can meet new people. I could do with extending my friendship's beyond what I have now, it's not fulfilling me. Rather than depend on a few people to do stuff with, to be able to have a few more friends would be great and would make me a lot happier.
I'm also stressed about this girl I used to be good friends with who's good friends with all my friends, I don't like her, she's been really off with me since before Xmas now and has been shady, however, none of my other friends know the extent of it and I think it's about time I was open about it, but I'm kinda scared to be, I don't want to cause problems. But the more they spend time with her the more it annoys me and makes me feel rubbish. It's a difficult situation and not really a 'win' situation for me, I can't gain anything from it. But I think my closest friend should be aware of it as she's probably the closest one to her.
Ugh, stress, stress, stress. :wacko:
Charlotteee89
18-03-15, 23:34
Sorry, another rant. Love having an online diary type thing. :blush:
Insecurity, low self confidence and social anxiety are not my friend so far this week! I'm SO sensitive. :scared15: I'm becoming very paranoid that all my work colleagues don't actually like me very much, it's probably ridiculous but I'm just analyzing everything. I'm also getting jealous over my work friends doing stuff with their friends and eachother, I think I just want my social life to pick up and do more stuff so as soon as my friends are 'socializing', I get jealous. A couple of work friends are hoping to go to Alton Towers on Easter Sunday, but I seem to be the only one until tonight that had no idea about this plan, at least 6 of them are going now. One of my work friends was even telling me that she's booked off Easter Sun the other day but conveniently didn't say why... Now I'm thinking that she didn't want me knowing why. :wacko: I mentioned it to one of my work friends tonight at work and she said that of course I can come if I like and that everyone else just jumped in and invited themselves as soon as they heard but now I just feel awkward. When a few of the girls were discussing it earlier (me not having a clue what they were on about), no point was there an "Ooo Char, do you want to come to Alton Towers? Quite a few of us are going!" I'm just being silly I think. And there's only so much room in the girl's car who's driving. And I'm not particularly close to the girls who were discussing it earlier. And to be honest, I'm not a massive fan of roller coasters!
I've got an assesment in a week or so for a new retail job, if I get it and take it (depending on what hours they can offer me) then great! I can hopefully make new friends as it's for a brand new, large Matalan store that's opening up so no one will know each other which is ideal. I just hope there will be staff around my age not just an abundance of teenagers who I can't really relate too or socialize with very well.
It's only important to like yourself Charlotte, start there. If you don't like yourself it leaves you open to feeling insecure about yourself and wondering if others dislike you too.
If you see a you you like, you feel secure and don't doubt for a second or care if others don't like you.
You are a good loyal friend who enjoys laughing and having fun. You are very strong and very supportive. What's not to like ?
It can often be the way that we give off vibes that we don't like or are not interested in others and that's why we aren't the first person people ring when there are new plans. Give off vibes that you like them and want in. EVERYBODY loves to feel liked and you'll inevitably get it back. Only confidence in yourself will stop you doing that and that's understandable.
I'm pretty sure what's not the case though is that the people at work don't like you.
Good luck with that new job opportunity :)
Charlotteee89
24-03-15, 00:45
Definitely, worrying about how others view or think of you is normally due to your feeling insecure and having low self esteem, which I have. I'm constantly over-thinking and analyzing myself - typical social anxiety traits.
And also if someone is being a certain way with you it's probably them, nothing to do with you. Especially when it comes to females haha!
I told a work colleague/friend something in confidence about how and why I dislike a girl everyone's friends with and she's gone and told that girl I don't like her even though I told her to not say anything... :mad: Why are (younger) girls so bitchy and two-faced? I think she knows I'm annoyed about it. That's not helping.
Also, my ex is now 'seeing' another girl from work who's only 16 years old... Not helping either! :glare: I think I'm more annoyed with myself for hoping he'd come back to me when he was ready, like he said he would. But we've had a few arguments since then and clearly he doesn't like me anymore because of it. Clearly, he couldn't handle it. Emotionally immature.
But it's hard as I'm still attracted to him and see him at work quite a lot, and today was the first time I saw him and his new girl together... It hurt. :closedeyes: It's just awkward how he's moved on even though he broke up with me cause he wasn't ready for a relationship and it was all 'too much too young' and there's me, still single. :doh: I'm just feeling really rubbish right now.
Your younger work colleague "friend" sounds really annoying :/
I don't think I'd be telling her any secrets anymore.
Yeh, your ex is emotionally immature. Hard with that in your face every day though I know.
Hopefully you'll get this new job and a driving license this year. Fingers crossed.
Charlotteee89
28-03-15, 01:57
My job interview/assessment is on Monday - I'm nervous! :scared15:
My anxiety has been SO bad this week too, obsessional thinking wise. I's really frustrating me. No matter what I do my mind is completely full of obsessing over me being 'lonely' - which I'm not! Bored, yes. When I'm at work my mind is constantly analyzing everything and everyone around me, trying to 'convince' me. I need to try and over-power these thoughts but it's so hard as they're so intense and I could easily have a panic attack, I'm surprised I haven't yet!
I need to be able to even say the word 'lonely' in my head without getting panicky, I know from CBT that getting used to a word, thought etc will actually stop the thoughts in the long run - not giving them power. I need to think more simply, not allow my anxiety to exaggerate or over-think everything I think of.
Once they come I freak out mentally even more thinking that I could develop severe depression and could possibly not want to be around anymore as I'm feeling that lonely.. I think that's my worse fear! My anxiety is playing on it.
:wacko:
Good luck with your job interview/assessment on Monday Charlotte !
Feeling lonely is a really good, healthy sign. It shows everything is working and in the right place. Everybody probably gets lonely for periods of time every single day, I do. It's a waste of energy even thinking about the subject. Human beings are supposed to notice loneliness. It's built into us to push us towards other people. Put it in your mental bin, get this job tomorrow and have a great week.
Charlotteee89
05-04-15, 00:04
My assessment went well :) Have to wait 10-14 days to know whether I've got the job though. If not, there's always other jobs!
And yeah it probably is normal, but my anxiety likes to times these thoughts by 100 and make me really panicky over them.
It's hard to control, and I'm way too in-tune with myself and my feelings. I need to chill out and stop over-thinking everything. My anxiety makes me really sensitive and quite emotional which also annoys me. I've realised today, that my ex has pretty much deleted me out of his life - facebook, snapchat etc. I've no idea why he's suddenly decided to do that. I remember seeing him on my timeline on facebook a few days ago. So that kinda hurts. I haven't done anything, we haven't even spoke for 2-3 months. Weird.
Anxiety for ya eh. Sigh.
Charlotteee89
15-04-15, 03:04
I GOT THE JOB!!!! :yahoo:
I'm really happy but really nervous! I've got another week left at my current job then I'm going straight in with my new job, it's going to be a busy few weeks! I hope my head will be a bit clearer - my anxiety and obsessional thoughts related to friends are SO bad right now! :dry: I'm hoping that I'll meet new people and friends at my new job but my anxiety is going "Oh what happens if you don't?" "What happens if there's no one there you get on well enough with?" "What happens if you're miserable and miss your old job and the people you work with?" :wacko: I suppose a lot of it is normal. I'm just going to have to go into it open minded and stop over-thinking. Not easy though!
Congratulations Charlotte !
I wish you well in your new job.
Don't worry about it. Just think what you can like and enjoy.
Make sure you tell us how it goes. :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo:
Charlotteee89
22-04-15, 23:16
It was my last shift tonight! Very bitter sweet to tell you the truth.
It feels weird knowing that I won't walk into the place as a colleague ever again, and won't walk up and down the 3 flights of stairs ever again, or go into the warehouse ever again etc... And of course I will miss my work girls terribly! But we're all close outside of work and we're planning a night out during bank holiday weekend as my 'leaving drinks' and I've already been +1 to the summer party! I feel a bit emotional and unsure, I suppose all of that's normal. When you're feeling nervous you always cling onto whatever makes you feel more relaxed and comfortable, and what you're used too and what's familiar, as soon as I start my new job I'll feel better.
Onwards and upwards. :)
It takes a lot of confidence to change jobs, well done.
You said you would make changes to improve your situation in 2015 and you're doing it, that's brilliant.
I think the change will be good for you. I think all the changes I took ended up being an improvement for me. New stuff is exciting.
You want to have better working hours, good friends you like and a good laugh at your new work so be looking for those things and I'm sure you'll find them.
Charlotteee89
25-04-15, 18:58
Had day 1 of my induction weekend for my new job today. :D
Part from my anxiety playing up it was quite good - mentally draining though, so much information to take in. :scared15:
There's a lot of young people who already know eachother through college and that so I can imagine they'll be all quite cliche. Not sure how easy it'll be to make new friends, but it's early days yet. I'm sure once we start working in the store it'll be easier.
But my god my anxiety! :lac: My anxiety plays up when I'm tired and it kicked in about mid-morning and just got worse. I really struggled to sit down for each session we had (4 x 1 hour sessions/presentations) and concentrate and take everything in. I just felt so exhausted which just made me really anxious and agitated. Normally when my anxiety is bad I walk around as that distracts me but all I could do was just sit, it was really hard! I was so figgity as I needed to move around my chair to help ease my lightheadedness, palpitations, hot flushes and overall extreme urge to flee. Even now I feel really lightheaded.
Blommin' anxiety. :doh:
Oh no, I'd be a mess if I had to go through that tired. Try your best to be well rested. Last thing you need is to be fighting tiredness.
Lots coming from college then who won't have bags of workplace experience like you.
Make yourself comfortable there, a home away from home, enjoy yourself.
Remember we tend to like who likes us so look for things you like in people and it's good if they notice you like them. They'll probably like you back, especially at the start when everyone's new and nervous.
Look for things that make you laugh as much as possible. It'll make it all feel so much easier, less frightening and more enjoyable.
Youve done all this workplace stuff before so be confident. Keep an eye out for anyone who looks like they're a bit nervous. You could help them and that would be a really positive thing.
Charlotteee89
25-04-15, 23:22
I even woke up feeling really energetic and motivated! Not sure sure what happened.. :unsure: Probably the fact we were all sitting down having to listen to senior staff members talk at length, watch a load of videos and go through a very thick 'welcome' folder... Mentally draining when you're not used to it.. I felt like I was back at School again - too much concentration and the lack of sleep just kicked in I think.
And yeah, I was definitely more at easy socializing with more shy people like myself and there's a few I can kinda hang out with tomorrow for my second induction training day.
Once we start working in our actual store we'll have to work as a team and we can socialize with each other better, we'll have to support each other. We've got a very busy 2 weeks ahead of us!
Hopefully my clothing retail experience will help others massively. :)
Yep, good ideas there.
To keep me alert I stay away from carbs in the morning. I try to have only protein, fat and veges, especially if I'm sleep deprived. Just an idea to maybe stay awake while you are going through this training stuff.
And I have EARLY NIGHTS ! (Lol)
Charlotteee89
26-04-15, 19:06
Had a better day anxiety wise today, I was still very anxious and lightheaded most of the day but it wasn't as debilitating as yesterday. :)
I've got such a busy next few weeks work wise! Early starts and longggg shifts. And us full timers are going over to a different store to train for the day on Tuesday so that's a bit nerve racking! :scared15: But at least I won't be going on my own.
I'm going to be pretty responsible for the kids department, I'm the only full time staff member on it and will be the Kids-Wear Manager's mini me so again that's a big thing - a very responsible, busy job. I was kinda hoping I could be serving customers on the fancy, touch screen tills aswell but I don't think I will be as we have till and customer service staff for that, but I may inquire about it anyways. Our staff coach/team leader is lovely and said if any colleague's have any issues with their job/department they've been put on to talk to her about it.
I would love to make new friends, I'll just have to see when we actually start working in the store, it'll be different then. Not so cliche like our induction days seem to have been. Everyone will be working different shifts and of course we'll all have to rally round and support and help each other in the lead up to our store opening. It'll be easier to socialize then. :)
I'm glad today was better :yesyes:
You're sounding confident !
Kids department, I'm sure that must be one of the better departments to work in, all those cute kids clothes.
Give yourself a pat on the back. You've done well getting that induction weekend out of the way. :yesyes:
Charlotteee89
01-05-15, 23:44
I was doing so well until I came down with a bad head cold that's really threw me and my anxiety off! :mad: I was meant to be doing a 12 hour shift yesterday (Thurs) but I could only hack 2 hours of it before I had to go home due to feeling so rubbish, my anxiety certainly wasn't helping!
I think I've gotten poorly due to stress, my body just goes through hell when I'm stressed.
I suppose it's understandable that I'm anxious over my new job, it's just the physical symptoms I struggle to control. And with this job comes a lot more responsibility, which on one hand I'm excited about but on the other hand I'm terrified about so of course my anxiety is concentrating on the terrified side. :doh: I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and the fact I've been getting up so early which I haven't done since School has thrown me off, I'm not used to it and just feeling so exhausted. The reason I go to sleep so late and wake up so late because my mind is going "That's less hours of the day to feel anxious..." Whereas now, starting work at 8-9am I do have more hours in the day and so more hours to feel anxious, even though I'm actually busy at work, it's not like I'm sat around at home doing nothing which is what usually makes me anxious... It's so frustrating.
I WILL get through it and take control of my anxiety.. I WILL. :yesyes:
I'm the same. I dread colds. They make everything harder. I think I'm lucky in that more often I feel my immune system working instead these days instead of just immediately catching something. That means I feel like I'm running at 50% for a couple of days though.
Awful timing or what hey, nevermind.
Charlotteee89
05-05-15, 00:35
Yes, illness + anxiety are not a good combination! Thankfully I'm feeling much better now. My work anxiety has calmed down quite a bit now but that just means my other anxiety is creeping back in. All my obsessional/over thinking about not having many friends, or friends I can spend time with regularly or having a boyfriend. I just want my life to pick up a little bit, it's a bit boring at the moment, I suppose I want to start living life since I spent so many years cooped up at home being too scared to go out into the World. I want to do so much! I
I wish I could think more 'simply', not over-think everything. Not dissect every little thing and my anxious thoughts and to stop allowing myself to think deeper and deeper about them. I'm still very fearful about getting so low/depressed because of my anxious thoughts too, that's probably why they're coming - I'm constantly scanning myself, wondering how these thoughts are affecting me. And I'm constantly wondering how others perceive me.. I always feel awkward for spending a lot of time at home and feel like I should be doing stuff and I wonder what others think I do in my spare time.. I feel like at 25 years old I should have a better social life and a boyfriend, everyone my age seems to have that and I feel embarrassed that I don't and my anxiety is timsing those thoughts by 100. Baring in mind I only started 'living life' about 2 years ago when I got my last job and made friends through that and I was terrified of anything social, my SAD was pretty bad back then and it eventually calmed down a lot to the point where yes, I struggle with self-confidence and insecurites and always worry about what others think of me but I now LOVE social things! I just want more of them! It's crazy how it can turn around like that. I should be proud of myself for coming so far not anxious because I want more. Sigh. It's so mind-consuming! I have plenty of other things to be thinking about! It's so frustrating.
Anyways, rant over. :blush:
I was in the same place exactly. I had to cut myself off from the group I was hanging around with. SAD also stopped me seeing them unless I reduced my anxiety with alcohol. The result was I got into fitness and started college and for the rest, read what you wrote.
Everything going through your head is normal for someone in that scenario. It's the outlook of an isolated person watching life from the sidelines. Imagining this, fearing that, insecure, low in confidence, shame, comparing yourself unfavourably.
Unfortunately until you are involved again that's sort of how it feels. Lots of time to think about these things. Then the feelings those thoughts produce.
Your insecurities can only really change, your self esteem can only really lift, your fears can only really subside when you have other people there to interact with. That's why it's "action" that's important. Thinking about stuff is useless.
I was terrible with this. Probably a lot worse than you. I wouldn't have gone out with everyone from work for example. My way out was through dating and relationships.
Take concrete action as often as possible to change the situation and it will change. Then down the road YOU will change and become someone different as you iron out the issues the isolation left you with.
Don't live life avoiding, imagining, get involved in everything you can and feel the changes in yourself that those new scenarios bring. I'm a different person now because of what I've experienced after getting out and throwing myself into those scenarios that terrified me. I wouldn't be this new me if I hadn't taken the scary actions I did.
Dont wait for change to come to you. You have to think what steps you can take tomorrow or the next day.
You need good friends like you as a support network. Otherwise you become too reliant on the next bf for everything emotional you need.
Clubs, courses, forums, sport, groups, your new job, ANYTHING, find some likeminded people for friendship and support. Then try some dates and see if you can get a partners support too.
Until then, the overthinking, i literally say "shush". When I feel a self esteem/self image sapping thought/suggestion coming I shush shush shush shush. Like radio interference right over it. Don't allow this rubbish to form and steal your attention. Then see a more positive direction for your focus. It's getting into the habit of managing what you allow your focus to be on. Recognise and shift your focus away immediately. The alternative is to give it the stage and all your attention and follow it to its conclusions and end up down the rabbit hole.
Much more fun and uplifting to have your focus on new people in your life and things that make you feel confident etc
Feel the fear, anxiety, insecurity, shame etc etc and do it anyway !!!
Around people you trust to be yourself if you can.
Rambling, too many cups of tea, sorry.:yesyes:
Charlotteee89
14-05-15, 19:28
Well the last few days have been AWFUL :scared15:, I'm not sure what's causing it to be honest but it seems too severe to be just anxiety...
I've had very intense/severe lightheadedness for the last few days which has made work very difficult, it's been so hard to not faint or black out and I've come very close dozens of times. I feel very unsteady on my feet, even when I'm walking on normal, leveled flooring it feels like I'm walking across cobbles or something. My body feels very heavy but at the same time I could easily 'drop' and my vision goes all weird, everything seems brighter and spaced out and standing and sitting still makes it worse so I have to move around. When I'm standing still I just feel like my body is swaying, it's really weird and scary - kinda like I'm intoxicated. It also makes me feel exhausted. I've had bouts of nausea and hot and cold flushes aswell. It's been horrendous. I was stressed/anxious initially but this is just ridiculous, it doesn't feel like a virus. Someone at work mentioned that maybe my anxiety brings on vertigo? I've had this less intensely before when I was anxious where I have indeed blacked out. It just seems too intense and severe to be anxiety? Unless I'm just very sensitized at the moment. I'd much rather have a proper panic attack, get it out the way than severe long-winded bouts/attacks of this, this is debilitating. I just don't know, I just want it to go away. :weep:
Oh no. Have you been checked out by your doctor ? It could be just your immune system fighting something mixed with new job anxiety.
I used to get light headed. I appeared to have terrible balance but it must have been my head not my legs because it's been gone for ages. I can only guess why that is. This and brain fog seemed to go for good when I started high dose fish oil/EPA. I can't be 100% sure that's why it stopped but my mum also reported she felt a clearer head after starting it. It is supposed to clear inflammatory pathways in the brain. It's an anti inflammatory.
Keep things like sugars down. I found they made things like brain fog and balance worse, maybe.
Are you eating whilst at work ? Keep your blood sugar up.
Charlotteee89
15-05-15, 23:08
It's been a bit better today at work but it's worse now I'm home.. I think it's cause I just can't relax, I'm feeling very overwhelmed and tired.
It is just anxiety :scared15: I've realised that today. I haven't felt this bad for over a year so that kinda sucks. :lac: Not sure how I got myself in such a state, I can't control it very well and that's the worst part of it. But I have managed to control it just before a full-blown panic attack though, just. It's draining.
My panic attacks aren't your typical panic attacks though. I start off by feeling very lightheaded and unsteady, then my heart can start being really fast (not always), then I get nauseous, then my whole body goes weak and I get horrible butterflies in my stomach and it feels like someone is squeezing my belly area... Then I might just faint or black out. Sometimes the fainting happens very quickly without the rest. If I haven't fainted then I start breathing more heavy and my vision goes all weird. Then I don't know as I usually am too fare gone to be aware of what's happening or I've already fainted.
I've had this for the last 4 days now. :weep: A lot of it now seems to be anticipatory anxiety - I'm anxious over the thought of being anxious. :doh:
I'm hoping I can control this over the weekend ready for work on Monday but I'm kinda scared to go to work on Monday now.. Ugh.
Enjoy yourself over the weekend. Put your mind on enjoyable things and forget about work and anxiety all weekend. Go shopping or something. Treat yourself. You work, you have money, buy yourself a gift. Get your mind off this stuff. Allow your state to return to the more relaxed, confident you.
If your anxiety has flared up a bit lately, that's ok, you've done all this before, feel confident in your experience and know that it will definitely pass. And when it does you'll still be functioning in your job and life confidently.
Do a bit of mind management over the weekend and remember where you've come from and where you are aiming and what point this is on that path.
Remember things that remind you of reasons to be confident. Remember things you enjoy.
Make sure you're eating properly and your blood sugar is stable.
How are your driving lessons going ?
You got any more dates lined up ?
(Forget work, forget anxiety and enjoy things you enjoy !)
Charlotteee89
16-05-15, 20:32
Definitely no hope of that today! I feel too poorly to do anything but laze around the house. I went to bed before 12 last night as I was shattered and kept coming too close to having a panic attack too many times. I just couldn't cope. I slept for around 12 hours... Too long I think.
I don't feel great today, I feel like I'm drunk or something - very lightheaded, off-balance, I keep swaying and I feel disorientated and spaced out. I don't feel like I'm really here, depersonalization I think. I feel like I'm losing control and perceptive of my life, I don't have any plans and work is stressing me out so I just feel overwhelmed. I'm too scared to have a shower incase I faint, I'm too wobbly and weak. I know it's Anxiety too and that makes me so frustrated! I KNOW I can control it... Eventually. It's SO hard though.
:weep:
A long sleep will do that to you. Make you feel drunk etc that is. Try and have the right amount of sleep tonight. Set an alarm to wake you after 8hrs. Set it as you are getting drowsy.
So you've got some physical anxiety symptoms. DONT let it get on top of you and start to let it affect your thinking. Nobodies losing control of anything.
I've had that dizziness. I was worried to stand up in the cinema. I feared id fall down the stairs. It will go.
Hope you don't mind me asking but are you still underweight ? You feint when the blood doesn't reach your head and that can be affected by blood pressure. So if you are underweight maybe it contributes.
Keep 2015 on track Charlotte. You will be so glad later on this year if you can keep things on track.
Maybe see doc on Monday and get a little check up. Say you've feinted a few times and want to get things like blood pressure and any nutritional deficiencies checked out.
Hi Charlotte,
from my understanding anxiety makes normal stress worse because our bodies are more tired than normal, because we are constantly putting it under more stress from our constant worry etc.
I get tension a lot, especially in the tummy area. I have it more or less all the time. I used to have constant palpitations, sweat a lot, and get the shakes, as well as feel very nervous and on edge!
What I have learned is tha my nervous system records all my emotions, as well as their intensity, and because I have been overworking it throughout the years with all my worries ie bad emotions, such as fear, frustration, anger etc it has become very tired.
The involuntary nervous system control certain organs and glands, like the heart, bowels, sweat glands, adrenal glands, etc etc. And these organs and glands react more readily to our emotions when we are fatigued. So we stress out way more than what we should.
Hope this helps! Sorry I was unable to read all other posts, there´s so many replies.
But I hope things pick up for you at work!
Best,
Jon
Charlotteee89
17-05-15, 20:53
I feel better today, a bit more 'with' it. But I'm still quite lightheaded and I feel a bit disorientated and having a lot of depersonalization symptoms.
Yeah, I think I'm just exhausted and that's just making my mind and body more sensitive. I haven't worked so hard and such long hours, well, ever. I'm getting used to a whole new routine which is bound to make me anxious etc until I'm used to it.
I am scared about going to work tomorrow, but I need to stop thinking about it, the more I think about my anxiety and how I'm gonna feel at work the chance is that, I will be really anxious anyways. I need to not allow myself to associate work with feeling anxious and just live in the moment.
And I've been eating really well since I got this new job, I'm just exhausted and the stress is probably making my immune system a bit fragile too. Stress causes so many problems.
Good associations, that's right. You might need to actively try to do that but make some better associations with work. Work - a home away from home.
What things make you comfortable at home ? Try and incorporate some of them into your work environment to make it feel a safer, homely environment where you can feel more at home.
And remember your confidence. You have a huge amount of work place experience. You are a success. Your last work environment was happy with you and you did a fair bit of socialising with the people there. When you feel confident you have more of a chance to forget yourself and enjoy yourself.
A picture of mum.
Foods and drinks you like at home.
Your favourite song on hand.
Any little accessories your fond of.
It's your place. Work is your friend ! Your workplace is most happy when it sees you arriving through the door. (Lol)
So many good things associated with this workplace. It's the job change you made that brought all the good things in your life that are to come.
You'll look back on this workplace when you are older with fondness as the time good things began to happen.
Feel at home !
At this difficult time give yourself some enjoyable things to look forward to, some treats. Then look right past work at these enjoyable things.
What makes you laugh ?
What kind of things ?
What things in the past have made you laugh ?
Well remember them and think about them more.
Think about these funny things happening to people at work.
Humour is a very quick way to lighten your mood and let you see that things aren't as bad as they felt a moment ago.
It often doesn't come naturally. But if you make a conscious effort to look for what's funny you can start to find it and improve your mood and outlook greatly.
If you see anxious movies playing in your head about work change them. Make an effort to see happier, funner stuff there instead. The anxious way to see these things can be the default and you need to actively try to see things in a better way.
It's gonna be a great week. :)
Charlotteee89
22-05-15, 19:17
Everything's getting a bit better :) my anxiety is a bit more on and off than just constant! However my job isn't going well! I don't think I want to stay there to be honest, the amount that is expected of you is just too much for me and after my 4 week review today I don't think they'd keep me on after my 13 weeks probation anyways! There's an issue with my flexibility, they want me to start as early as possible even though when I had my interview for the job I had the same availability (8am start onwards) and they offered me the job but now they're saying they would rather I started earlier at like 6am.. If I knew that then I wouldn't of took the job. :shrug: And they don't think I'm quick enough at working deliveries, which yes I'd agree with. I'm just not used to the amount of rails/stock that I'm expected to put out on my own, they're big deliveries and they haven't really supported me or gave me any advice on how best to deal with it. Us full timers have just been pushed in at the deep end and expected to just get on with it. :mad:
My love life is looking a bit more promising though! :D I've been talking to a few guys recently (none of which seem to be going anywhere) but suddenly a few days ago a guy who I used to work with in my old job who I had a MASSIVE crush on when I was there, started talking to me! :scared15: Long story short, he's always liked me but hasn't long come out of a serious relationship (3 months ago or something, it was a bit messy) with a girl I used to work with who I was ok with. He popped into my new work place a few weeks ago and we spoke and since then he's been building up the courage to talk to me apparently! He doesn't work at my old job anymore and he's my age! :D We used to have little chats and exchange smiles when we worked together and I was always bummed that he had a girlfriend who I thought was a lovely person. He wants to see me soon and get to know me more. :D :yesyes: He's a nice guy, not a player or anything!
Sorry to hear the jobs not as rosey as we hoped Charlotte. You know if it's for you or not. What will you do if you leave ?
I'm really made up you've had some positive developments on the relationship front :) Its about time something went your way. I told you 2015 was going to be a good year for you. Have a good weekend.
Charlotteee89
24-05-15, 22:49
I don't know what to think of it anymore, I just know it's making me really anxious and stressed. The woman (a Manager from another store who's helping us out) who I had my 4 week review with was really horrible to me and made me feel so rubbish and upset and now I can't help but think she's got it in for me and is watching me like a hawk, I feel so paranoid when I'm at work because of it. She shouldn't be allowed to make me feel like that, clearly she doesn't think I'm good enough for the job, she made that perfectly clear. She's meant to be an 'employment coach' however I have yet to see any coaching from her... I always feel awkward to ask for help or advice on anything as she just looks at me like I'm an idiot. :lac:
I'm looking at other jobs again and have applied for a few more. :)
Oh you don't need someone giving you grief like that every day. What a pain. Off to the RAF it is then :)
Charlotteee89
25-05-15, 17:03
My actual Department Manager is really nice so that's good! :) I think she understands that we're all finding our feet still and it's going to take time.
But regardless, I'm still gonna keep looking!
I seem to of attracted a lot of male interest lately :blush: I've gone from having none at all to quite a few guys showing interest! The only one that I'm interested in and can see something pretty amazing happening with is the guy I mentioned above. :) Watch this space!
Charlotteee89
29-05-15, 20:07
Well I applied for another retail job recently (a new Debenhams department store opening up soon) and my application has been successful and I've now got a telephone interview! :D
I'm also seeing that guy tomorrow night and oh my god I'm kinda freaking out! :scared15: I put so much pressure on myself and I'm so self conscious about everything. When I'm really nervous the only thing I can concentrate on is myself - I'm too busy analyzing myself to remember normal social interactions! The last date I went on was awful (if you recall that..) so I'm getting all sorts of insecure thoughts like "What is he thinks I'm boring.." "What if I'm not what he expected?" etc etc. Me and my cousin had a bit of a serious talk yesterday about the fact she feels like I don't care about her or her life as I apparently never ask her how she's doing etc.. I do have a habit of forgetting about the other person when I'm anxious, however she asks me TOO many questions and I always feel on edge and guarded as she's always so opinionated.
I'm just doing what I suppose most people do in this situation! But it's not like I've never met this guy before or talked to him... But I'm still nervous! I really want a boyfriend but I'm so nervous about actually having one, most the nerves are about myself though.
:blush:
Oh well done (Debenhams) I hope that's a better fit for you.
Yep I remember your last date.
Don't go into your date thinking "what if he thinks I'm boring". It sort of sets the theme for your whole outlook and behaviour on the date. Change that theme and change how you see it all and maybe end up liking yourself way more in the process and discovering sides of yourself you didn't know were there and consequently feeling your confidence and self esteem rocket.
Don't put him on a pedestal and feel he is the one with all the importance, that person with lots of confidence who's "normal" and judging me etc
See him as a person and human, flawed, occasionally insecure and low in confidence and thinking thoughts like "what if she thinks this or that".
See him as human, practice. Imagine his nervous, insecure inner dialogue.
Aww feel sorry for him a bit. You don't want to reinforce any of those insecurities. You don't want him to feel so nervous. So how can you go about making sure HE feels comfortable ?
Well what makes people feel comfortable ?
Making it easy for them to talk makes people feel comfortable and people like to talk about themselves more than anyone else so ask him about himself and what he's done, how he feels about this and that and be interested. Find him funny and generally make the theme for the date to make sure HE is ok instead.
If you stare at your phone he may see that as a sign you're put off by his big nose or silly hair and he may get on a downer and feel he is a bit rubbish. You don't want him feeling that way so it now becomes more important how he feels than you looking at your phone. It makes you feel good knowing he his happy and having a good time (it also makes you happy seeing YOU being so nice and confident with your date.)
Another theme is just what do you enjoy ? Picture what images of the date would make you happy, laughing together maybe. That would be a successful date right ? Well what would you be laughing at ? What makes you laugh.
What funny things could happen on that date to have you laughing. Imagine it and picture this date where he is nice, human, a real person with issues just like you. This puts you at ease, you feel the same so are making sure he is comfortable and at ease too. And you can picture things you enjoy and that make you laugh and can aim to enjoy those kinds of things on the date.
Or you can spend the whole date self conscious wondering if he thinks you are boring. Watching yourself, hating it, wondering does he think this etc etc
Change that underlying theme, outlook and you'll stand a much better chance of discovering a you that you like better and having a successful date.
God, ramble city, look at all that lot. My fingers hurt :weep:
Charlotteee89
30-05-15, 22:11
Well the date didn't happen! Last night I started to feel awful - so headache-y, sneezy and I had a sore throat. Overnight I was very feverish and woke up this morning with what I think is the flu - I've been bed bound all day. :weep: Nevet felt so ill in my life.
He's hoping I'm going to be better tomorrow but I highly doubt it and I feel bad, trust me to come down with something on my weekend off and when I'm meant to be having a date! So frustrating.
But yes, I need to change my thought process and stop being so hard on myself. I think become he likes me a lot I feel more pressured and that's making me feel more insecure about living up to his expectations. I've never told any guy I've been involved with about my anxiety and my friend suggested bringing it up at some point casually, maybe that doesn't help my insecurities, if I was more open maybe I'd feel more relaxed and not so overwhelmed and guarded.
I think that's a good idea. You don't have to tell everything. Just a bit to explain behaviour he may not understand. That's what I did.
"I just want to explain up front that these things make me incredibly nervous so if I go quiet (and am staring at my phone :) ) then you know why. So please don't take offence. It's nothing you've done. I come out of my shell after I get more used to people"
I literally wouldn't go into detail about anything else. You are the you that you are today, not your past difficult times. You'll grow in confidence and change in the relationship so I don't see much point in painting a picture of yourself for him that you were in the past in more difficult times.
Just a brief explanation will give you space to be the shy you without fearing you'll upset him.
Charlotteee89
31-05-15, 20:02
I probably wouldn't say how nervous dates make me as I don't want him to feel awkward or even more nervous if he's even feeling nervous. I'd just find an opening to bring up my anxiety in some way... Like for example if we're talking about theme parks or heights I'd mention that I get terrible anxiety in those situations and that generally I get a lot of anxiety.. Just make it as casual as possible at first.
He's got a lovely, laid-back personality so I'm hoping that'll put me at ease, I cannot deal with someone sitting there looking for any opening to take the mickey or put me down even if it is just their sense of humour. I don't want to sit there feeling self conscious because of that. I want to show my slight awkwardness and weirdness and be free to say whatever I want without any fear for judgement or contradictions. :)
However I am feeling a bit sensitive over the fact all my ex-work colleagues are out tonight at a restaurant.. Can't help but feel a bit left out. Even though I'm too ill to do anything anyway. I am seeing my close friend from my old work on Tuesday (she's at the restaurant too) so that's good. :) It's so easy to make plans when you work together, but still, being kinda forgotten about generally, scares me. I haven't really kept in touch with many of them, it's not easy too. I knew this would bother me about leaving, leaving all my friends and not really seeing them outside of work. Ah well.
Yeh, bring it up however you feel comfortable. Just as long as it enables you to "show my slight awkwardness and weirdness and be free to say whatever I want without any fear for judgement or contradictions."
I think it's just about explaining those quiet spells etc where his mind could start to wonder why and come up with wrong and not ideal conclusions. The last date bloke sounded pretty outgoing and, to him, it sounds like his conclusion was a lack of interest from you in him. I personally don't think he sounded your type but it's not ideal for your date to be left to draw that conclusion that what he's seeing is that you don't like him. I think everyone can be shy and nervous on these occasions and so communicating to him that
1. That you can have a bit of anxiety in these situations and (quite a common statement that) you take a bit of time to relax and come out of your shell.
2. That you like him
Will help HIM a lot and consequently help YOU a lot.
It's hard not knowning. If he understands these basic things it helps a lot from the other persons perspective. However you want to do it. Then phones, quiet spells etc don't become a worry and you feel you can be yourself more.
No, I agree with you. Mickey takers can get lost. "oh, what's he going to take the piss out of next". Who needs that.
Well now your hours have changed isn't it easier to socialise with your mates from work ? Just force yourself to contact them and force yourself into the loop. Don't forget, if it's not communicated properly people can see what we are like as a lack of interest. I've had that all my life. People think I don't like them. You have to make sure you are communicating to people in some way that you like them and want to be involved with them. People like to feel liked. Strengthen those "communicating to people in some way that you like them" muscles. It's very rewarding. People change in a positive way when they then feel that you like and enjoy them.
And then putting that in place enables YOU to be yourself without worrying about it.
Charlotteee89
01-06-15, 22:36
I kind off mentioned it today without really thinking about it! We text all the time and he asked me how I was feeling and I was honest - I said that I still feel rough and I felt so poorly at work this morning that my anxiety was bad and that I have anxiety but don't like to admit it but feel much better now I've eaten. He didn't really say much apart from just "Ok fair enough, glad you're ok now though :) how you feeling now? And what you up to? *kissy emoji* xxx" SO phew he seemed fine. :) Hopefully he'll digest that information.
Clearly this guy really likes me, I was talking about shopping and things and he's all like "Maybe we could go together if you like? :)" He's also invited me to his family bbq etc etc! :D
I'm annoyed with myself though for feeling self conscious and insecure about this situation, thinking oh no it's all too good to be true, he's gonna think I'm boring or not what he expected etc! Clearly my last date experience has had an effect on me! :mad: That frustrates me. Before that date I wasn't so self conscious about myself in that way, with my ex I wasn't, I was more concerned about him and his shyness!
Once I'm more open about my anxiety then I'll be more comfortable, I'm always going to be analyzing myself hoping that I'm not being too off or something. :doh:
Oh well that sounds like a good start :)
Shopping with your new bf/gf is great !! DO THAT !
I got dragged around, holding hands etc doing that. Lots to look at and do and stuff. I can't see that going wrong, great idea.
A fear you are not what he expected is based on a belief you are a bit rubbish in some way and that he is going to come to see this. Accept, you are not a bit rubbish in some way. Work on it, see what's good about you, focus on it.
You are not boring - you enjoy laughing and fun etc like everyone else, FACT.
You are not your anxiety. Your anxiety is one of many of your states. It's been dominant, it's not the only way you can feel, FACT.
You have LOTS of qualities, FACT.
It's very easy to take these negative beliefs as written. Challenge them, they're not even true and when you start to see this you can feel the weight lifted.
When you feel more secure in who you REALLY are the self consciousness lowers. "Why monitor me ! I'm ok "
Why am I ok ?
Because I'm all these wonderful things and enjoy these things like everybody else. I'm just the same as everyone else.
FACT !
(You're saying fact too much)
I'm saying FACT too much, FACT !
Charlotteee89
04-06-15, 20:14
Yeah, I just need to change my negative mind set. Easier said than done though! Almost feels like it's automatic.
Work is causing my anxiety to be really high, my job is really full on and stressful with added pressure of manager's watching you like a hawk and not exactly helping or advising you and it's just stressing me out so much. Every morning I wake up anxious and nauseous and I don't know whether I can override it. I need to stop being so scared and worried of how stressful work is and just take it as it comes, I'm not the only who stressed at my work place, everyone is, everyone's fed up, I just unfortunately have anxiety which causes me to have intense physical reactions to relatively normal stress. It's really inconvenient at times! I then get even more anxious over being anxious so everything's just a bit much at the moment. I'm not sure whether I can hack it. My anxiety is just too intense. And I'm on the feet non stop for 8 hours and I'm just so tired every day and it's really affecting me. Tiredness makes my anxiety worse anyway.
With my old job I never knew what to expect when I went into work and work never really affect my anxiety, I suppose I was just used to it and my job was pretty easy and when I started that job 2 years ago my anxiety (physically) wasn't as bad anyway and I enjoyed being at work and socializing. Whereas with this job, I know when I go home that the next day is going to be horrible and that just makes me feel anxious.
Everyone has stressful jobs and I can see how that kinda stress can make you ill! :/ My uncle was off for a long time from work due to how stressful his job was and how ill (mentally and physically) it made him.
Maybe you'll settle in more as you get used to it ? New jobs are always stressful at first.
How's that Debenhams one coming along ?
What would your idea of an enjoyable, low stress (realistic) job be ?
You met Mr gorgeous for this date yet ?
How's the driving lessons coming along, you passed yet ?
Charlotteee89
04-06-15, 23:29
Hopefully! It's been like 3-4 weeks since the store opened and I suppose it's still early days yet but I just hate how anxious it's making me as it's affecting everything else.
I'm way too anxious to even think about driving lessons, I don't feel very control of myself at the moment and the thought of being in control of a car just makes my stomach turn in knots.
And I'm hoping to meet the guy in the next few days! I'm just really hoping my anxiety doesn't cause problems as I am very nervous/anxious about meeting him. :blush:
And with the Debenhams job, I have my face-to-face interview at the beginning of July so just gonna have to wait and see!
To be honest I've no idea what the ideal job for me would be, I don't mind Retail but the pay is rubbish and it is a very intense environment to be in at times. I wouldn't mind an office-y style job, like something in Marketing or Advertising or being a P.A - they would be stressful jobs but in a different way, at least I probably wouldn't be on my feet all day, trying to be in 5 places at once, with a very long list of jobs to do with a very stroppy, unsympathetic acting Store Manager on my case every 3 minutes!
I just need to get this anxiety at bay then I think I'll feel much better. :)
Your body has to go to work but your mind doesn't. Try to keep your thoughts off the place. You know the kind of thoughts I'm talking about.
"She's watching me again.
She hates me.
I bet they don't like me.
What was that comment supposed to mean.
They probably think this.
What if I get anxious.
This scenario will happen I bet.
I hope I don't have to do that job I hate again.
Worry worry worry"
Keep your mind always in a better place.
The woman's watching you ? So what. Is there a minimum requirement of work you can do to keep her from actually saying negative stuff to you ? Then just be sure to float along in that 2nd gear then completely forget her and think of thoughts that put you in a less anxious place.
You can actually float through just about anything without your mind being present and on that thing.
I bet the job at work isn't incredibly difficult. It's probably more the mental impact. So let your body do the job and let your mind be consumed with other, more enjoyable subjects. Pride yourself on your ability to manage your mind/focus. Others may get stressed but Charlotte knows how to keep her mind in a better place. Where your thoughts go your mood follows.
Whatever happens with anyone at work you are going to be able to handle it.
Why ? Because you feel secure that you are a good, likeable person who is kind to others and enjoys fun and laughter and all your interests like everybody else.
Doesn't matter what anyone would think because you would turn it around and make friends out of them. Keep reminding yourself of what a quality person you are. This is a perfect time to actively attempt to raise your self esteem and consequently your confidence and change some negative beliefs.
Confidence and improved self image is won in these situations. It's an opportunity.
Navigate it with your thoughts. Problem - solution. Problem - solution. You navigate through it until you reach a more peaceful, more enjoyable, less stressful place. Then you look back and say "look what I did". Confidence and self image improvement, changes in belief.
Anxious about driving lessons ? Feel the fear and do it anyway. Driving is easy. It is simply repetition. You go through the movements so many times it becomes muscle memory and you do it all without even thinking. The size and shape of the car becomes part of you. I throw my van through the narrowest gaps because I know exactly how big it is purely through repetition and the amount of time I spend in it.
Take a lesson, say you feel anxious and can we keep It simple today.
The more you do it, the easier and more automatic it will become.
Picture the rewards of having your driving licence/own car. It was a life changer for me.
When anxiety gets stronger push it back. Don't let IT push YOU back.
Feel that fear and do it anyway and it will recede.
A change in job role is a different subject. You might prefer a desk job. Is that opportunity for you in London with the relative still there for you ?
Charlotteee89
05-06-15, 21:27
Yeah, I just need a different thought process and to try not to overthink about work whilst I'm there! I just feel very overwhelmed about my job, it is just the pressure to get everything done and to please the Manager's, I don't want them on my case, probably cause I'm insecure and sensitive and let it get to me. I need to be more tough and secure in myself to not care what others think because at the end of the day I'm trying my bloomin' best!
I had a weekly review with my Manager (my actual Department Manager, not the horrible one) today and she said that I've really improved since my last review and that things are coming a long nicely and if I carry on improving then I'll have nothing to worry about. I also impressed her with a few things and she's seem very happy and said I'm doing a brilliant job. And that I just need to 'pick up the pace'. I am still getting stressed about the deliveries though, I feel so under pressure to get it worked quickly and that's really making me anxious and stressed. I'll have delivery rails to work tomorrow morning. Ugh.
I also have a date with my guy tomorrow evening! :) I'm nervous and anxious about it.
And of course my thoughts are "Ooo, what if I'm too anxious?" "What if I get really lightheaded?" "How will I cope?" etc etc. So annoying! Anticipatory anxiety is the worst at times. You just get very anxious over the thought of being anxious. :doh:
Omg you get all stressed then basically say your manager thinks your ace ! :)
"My managers happy with me" Just think that.
Any worry ""My managers happy with me". Easy to remember. Keep it simple. Then relax and try and enjoy yourself.
Picking up the pace will come in time. They'll give you time, relax.
Sounds like you are doing ok :)
It's not a date, it's the return of all that nice bf stuff you miss, remember ?
Enjoy it.
You won't get too anxious.
You won't get lightheaded.
You'll be able to cope.
And managing those things in the moment will give you a lot of confidence.
Have a good day at work and a lovely "boyfriend stuff".
Charlotteee89
14-06-15, 20:46
Seemed to have got myself a boyfriend. :D:D
This time around I definitely feel more at ease and comfortable, I think he's perfectly suited for me. Time will tell :). My anxiety is still high though! My appetite is all over the place too which isn't helping, when I'm overally stressed or nervous I just can't eat, it take's a while to sort itself out. When I have control of the anxiety I'll hopefully get my appetite back to where it was.
Oh that's great news !:yesyes:
It's about time things went right for you.
Keep it all really stable in the early days. Manage things internally first and think things through well before getting too bothered about anything. This relationship will be great for building your confidence back up.
Brilliant news :yesyes:
Charlotteee89
14-06-15, 22:47
I just need some happiness! Things have been so rubbish!
But I hate having anxiety whilst having a boyfriend, but as this one knows I actually have it I think it will make me feel a lot better, not so guarded and off. He's a lovely, kind, laid back, respectful kind of guy :) not arrogant or cocky in the slightest. He's very accepting and understanding. I'm sleeping round his next weekend and I'm worried about my anxiety, but I know I shouldn't worry about it as that just makes it more intense, I need to not be so scared of it, that will just make it more powerful - I need to gain control of it again. It's so hard though! It's so intense this time around.
You're supposed to feel anxiety about things like this, in a good, normal way.
It's good for practicing some mind management.
Take your mind off anxieties and focus them on all the positive things that come from these latest developments. Focus on how this all enhances your life and what you can enjoy about it.
When you catch yourself focusing on insecurities and anxieties focus on those positive things instead. Do it over and over. Shift your focus, thoughts and consequently mood. Keep doing it and create a new habit, a new style of thinking and a new you.
Charlotteee89
16-06-15, 16:02
You know I mentioned that female manager being a pain? Well she's started again. She's always going on at me about starting at 6am but I've always said I can't as I can't drive and getting a lift into work at that time is borderline impossible and taxi's are expensive. She's asked one of the manager's to discuss it with me and I'm livid! I thought her and my department manager had discussed it and she was fine about it and understood well clearly not! She thinks it's unfair how some of the other full timers start at 6am and I don't even though I've never said I could and on my availability sheet I put from 8am onwards and they offered me the job so it's not my fault! She keeps changing her mind and being a massive hypocrite and I'm just not having it anymore and I know she's going to have a go at me tomorrow about it and the fact she asked whether I could come in a little earlier today and I said I'll try to but in the end I couldn't so I started my shift just half hour later which was my shift anyways! I'm so angry and I'm just not gonna let her walk all over me, I don't care if she's the store manager now, I've just had enough! She can stick her job if she's going to be this awkward.
Rant over :)
No I agree with you. I've always been the same. I've always hated the workplace environment so have been strongly against being pressured into overtime when I don't want it or staying into the evening until the work is finished. What about my life you bloody idiots !
Employers are always trying it on and you feel pressure to do what they say. I've seen so many take the abuse out of fear but I've said no. But I've been lucky in that I've generally had a contract in the past. Do you have a contract ? If so what does it say about your starting and finishing times ?
I've called ACAS many times over issues in the past to find out exactly where I stand and if I can say no and ignore the pressure. They have a helpline.
See what you've agreed to in writing and go from there.
They've spent time and money training you now so may not be as eager to throw that away and start again as they make out.
Tell her you can't come in early because you stay up late into the night worrying about her moaning, pan-like face hehe.
Charlotteee89
16-06-15, 23:42
There's nothing much in my official contract, the handbook says more though but it clearly states that it's non-contractual and shouldn't be taken as so. It mentions that sometimes you'll be ask to work different shifts, overtime etc and sometimes at short notice etc etc.
I'm just so angry that she keeps trying to put pressure on me to start really early because 'that's what the company expects' when there was no mention what so ever about us full timers expected to that extent to work such early hours until we actually signed our contract and walked through the door then she happens to mention it doesn't she! :mad: She doesn't have the right to put pressure on me, when we had our interview(s) for the job roles we filled out a availability sheet and never did I tick 6am or even 7am and they still offered me the job. I'm going to make a point and say that, it's just so out of order. I'm so tempted to hand my notice in, I've just had enough of the place and the way she's clearly planning on running it. I don't earn enough to put myself under so much stress and anxiety everyday.
I'm just going to stick up for myself and not let her walk all over me, I'm 25 years old and I'm not going to be bullied or pressured into anything.
Ugh.
Charlotteee89
20-06-15, 18:20
Just need to have a rant.
Why do I have such bad luck with guys?! :scared15::weep: I've no clue what's happened between me and my new 'boyfriend', everything seemed fine yesterday but he was apparently feeling a bit low but said it was nothing to do with me but I've heard nothing from him all day and he hasn't even bothered to reply to a couple of messages I've sent him even though he's 'read' them... What the hell... :shrug: I was meant to be seeing him tonight... UGH. I literally feel like I'm gonna cry, I can't believe this seems to be happening to me yet again... I just knew it was too good to be true. I feel so crappy and upset right now. :weep:
Just gonna have to wait and see how this plays out. :meh:
Work is getting better but I still feel like handing my notice in. Sigh.
Oh no, I wonder what's happened there. He's feeling low ? Maybe he has chickened out because he is nervous too ? Does he have anxiety issues too ?
I think I'd back off and not contact him for now and wait and see what he says when he next contacts you. You don't want to be getting too heavy or chasing him around at this stage. Make him feel that if he wants to disappear you're not going to lose sleep over it. Probably expecting you to bombard him with texts so may surprise him when nothing comes from your direction.
Keep your cool. It can pay off in the long run. You don't need any heaviness at this stage. But when he does, an explanation would be nice wouldn't it :). (The annoying git)
Charlotteee89
20-06-15, 20:49
Yeah, he did seem a little off during our messaging conversation last night so I asked him what's up and he said that he just feels low today and that he's aching a lot so I asked him why and if it's anything to do with me and he said no and that his head is all over the place and that he's probably just over-tired, but he was nice about it, normal, sweet, in fact. Didn't say why his head's all over the place however... He first messaged me yesterday saying he's coming to pick me up to go back to his soon if I still want to and I felt really poorly yesterday so I said not tonight and he was fine about it and said we can reschedule for tomorrow and later in our conversation I doubled checked that I was seeing him tomorrow (tonight) and he was like of ofcourse you are seeing me tomorrow with smiley faces, love hearts etc. So I'm baffled. :wacko:
He's never mentioned anything (so far..) about anxiety issues, depression etc... When I've mentioned mine he's always been very sweet and caring and understanding.
He was taking a while to reply to my messages though, unusually so, so I had a little feeling something wasn't right... :shrug: I've no clue what's happened.
Yeah, it's so tempting to go in all heavy and emotional but clearly he doesn't want to speak to me right now so I'm better off just leaving him be, giving him space, I don't want to make anything worse.
All week he's been saying how much he's fallen for me and how amazing I am and how happy he is and how perfect he thinks we are and all lovely other things so this has thrown me... :shrug:
I'm so confused...
Did his comments about his head being all over the place come after you pulled out of him picking you up and taking you to his ? Or did he make those comments before he offered to collect you ?
Maybe he is feeling you aren't interested in him like the last bloke lol
Remember what I said about making sure he knows you like him ? You have done that haven't you ? :)
Charlotteee89
20-06-15, 21:36
Afterwards... But I made it perfectly clear that I'll make it up to him tomorrow (tonight) and he seemed quite happy about that and I've definitely made it clear to him that I like him generally, and I'm always saying how much I can't believe that he likes me too after me fancying him for 2 years but I've also made it clear that I'm insecure and he's always been sweet and understanding about that.. :shrug: And I'm always talking about us making plans to do stuff etc.
My mum also suggested he might have the 'hump' as I didn't see him yesterday but that seem's pretty immature for him, but saying that he did say "If you still want to" after messaging that he's coming to pick me up and take me to his and then said about rearranging for tomorrow 'If I want' so hmmm.
I've really made an effort with this one to show him and tell him how much I like him. I dunno, who knows eh? :shrug::wacko:
Yeh, might be a teeny weeny hump going on there, maybe :)
Could be an element of "oh, she thinks she's calling all the shots does she. Well maybe tomorrow night I'm washing my hair! " (lol)
Or if there was any doubt there or even just a bit of insecurity on his side it just might have sent his mind into overdrive.
"Don't want to make a fool of myself if she's not keen"
"Maybe I should play a bit harder to get instead of just being always available"
Just see how he is tomorrow maybe.
God, dating, who needs it.
Charlotteee89
20-06-15, 22:25
I just don't want to get my hopes up thinking it's resolvable because for all I know it could actually be a case off he's just not feeling it anymore or thinks it's not going well, or thinks we're not such a good match, etc etc... Even though he's been saying the complete opposite all week... :meh: And when I asked him if his low mood had anything to do with me he said 'no' so hmmmm.
Even though he is very laid-back he does have a slight awkwardness/nervousness about him, so it could well be he's feeling very insecure about how I feel about him... It could be anything to be honest! :unsure: :wacko:
I don't know how to approach the situation, I don't want to chase him and be all needy or clingy, but at the same time I don't want him to think I don't care... But I did message him twice with "Hey babe :) <3<3 xxxxxx" and after he didn't reply I put "???????" so it's not like I'm not making an effort. In my head all I'm thinking is no, he's feeling me anymore... What else could suddenly stop him from talking to me? I've been through this sort of thing before... But this time we're meant to be boyfriend and girlfriend so a different situation I suppose than just talking or dating....
:shrug:
Charlotteee89
21-06-15, 17:37
Still nothing! :shrug:
Literally have no clue what to think or do... It could be anything I know, but of course in my head I'm thinking the worse - that he's not feeling it anymore or he's not ready and thinks we're rushing a bit, and he's trying to build himself up to tell me, etc etc. Everything seemed to be going well, he was all up for me going round his Friday night and seemed fine about us rescheduling but throughout the evening he was taking longer and longer to reply to my messages and then didn't at all after I said something insecure about a girl from work being bitchy about me (I messaged him saying that I feel a bit rubbish cause this girl from work is another person who thinks I don't deserve anyone..) so of course I would've preferred a reply to that.. :wacko: Maybe my insecure comment annoyed him? Who knows!
If he doesn't speak to me in the next few hours I'm just going to have to say something, something light and non emotional or desperate. Maybe something like "When you're ready please can you talk to me and tell me what's wrong. :( " :shrug:
Gosh, I really do hope I'm not going through all this emotional torture over him being in a mood with me... :mad::weep:
So difficult to know from here. Yeh maybe just send one neutral sort of text today to see if he is responding.
"Feeling any better ? "
See if it gets a response. If he doesn't I'd leave it again until tomorrow. Then at the most I'd say "Right. Obviously ignoring me. Bye"
If he cares, he'll be in touch. What a wally. Keep your cool :shades:
Charlotteee89
21-06-15, 19:56
Sent him a text about half hour ago saying "When you're ready to, can you please talk to me and tell me what's wrong. :( xx" He's seen it but has yet to reply... :mad::mad::mad: I'm starting to get really fed up. I just don't get it. Surely he's just not going to talk to me ever again? :scared15: I work closely with his best mate's sister in law and I can imagine how she'll react - she'll go mad! :ninja:
I just don't get it... I really don't. I'm at a loss. I feel so down and helpless, I just don't get why he's just not talking to me... What the hell has happened. :weep: I have such bad luck with guys clearly! Jeeeeeez.
Co dependence? Eh?
No, I'd be upset too. I don't blame you.
All you can do is give him some time. Maybe he's just in a mood.
Charlotteee89
21-06-15, 21:07
Doesn't help that I'm the most impatient person going! :whistles:
It's only been 2 days since we last spoke so not long really, but it feels like 2 weeks as we've talked every day for like 3 weeks. :sad:
My mum is all like "Ah maybe he's blowing you out!" Cheers mum, but then when I tell her how he's been all week and on Friday she's all like "Oooh, that's a bit strange, maybe he has got the hump then..." But it just seems out of character for him to be like this, but then again I suppose I don't know do I? We've only been together for a week, maybe he has issues with this sort of behaviour? Who knows! :shrug:
This is infuriating, I'm just so confused. If he doesn't want to be with anymore why can't he just say so? :lac: And I'm so tempted to send a more angry text but I need to restrain myself!
Lol thanks mum.
No, keep cool. Give it some time.
Charlotteee89
21-06-15, 21:19
My mum is terrible for that! :dry: And she's also saying "Maybe he just wanted to get his leg over..." "And cause you blew him out and he wanted some 'action' on Friday he's now in a mood and blowing you off cause of it.." Yeah cheers mum.. :ohmy:
Yeah, I need to chill and give him time, I need to concentrate on something else... I haven't got work for a few days now and had plans with him... So not a good start! :sad:
I'd be lying if I said the same thought hadn't crossed my mind. Your mums on the ball lol
Charlotteee89
21-06-15, 21:44
Yeah and now I'm thinking about that being the reason myself... :scared15: Everything has basically gone against that thought this week and I've known him for 2 years and I couldn't imagine him treating a girl like that... Ugh. Sigh.
And he's on Facebook seeming perfectly fine uploading things and commenting on things he's been tagged in. :mad:
This is just excruciating. Can't believe this has happened to me yet again... :doh: :sad:
Well it doesn't HAVE to be necessarily as black and white as that. I mean, have you been avoiding meeting in general ? Not meeting for that but just avoiding meeting full stop ?
If you have then he may have just thought "oh I just knew there'd be another excuse to not see each other "
Charlotteee89
21-06-15, 22:06
Nope, we've seen eachother most of the week. We haven't even done 'that', we've got close to it though. And I told him I didn't want to rush into it and he said he perfectly respects that (that was last Sunday).
He spent all last weekend at mine, met my parents, had dinner with us. He's been round mine in the week, took me to work, picked me up from work, come into my work a few times aswell as when he's picked me up, told his friends about me, got a bit annoyed when a guy from work was a bit flirty with me in front of him, told me all sorts of nice, sweet things, made plans with me, told my dad to email him if my dad see's a job he's interested in at his work place, etc etc. :shrug:
But no, I haven't avoided it, I just didn't feel well on Friday (my anxiety was terrible) and we rescheduled for the next day... But then like I said throughout our conversation on Friday evening he was taking longer and longer to reply so I got the impression something was up and I've already mentioned what he said.
So confused. :wacko:
Oh well if he is getting a bit annoyed by blokes at work then maybe he's just a bit sensitive. Keep your cool until you know what's going on. You've had a lot of contact so I can imagine you'll talk this week at some point. :shades:
Charlotteee89
21-06-15, 22:39
I just have this horrible gut feeling that he's never gonna talk to me again... :sad:
I just don't understand why he just can't say SOMETHING just so I'm not going too crazy! The fact that he's not even bothering to do that just makes it worse...
I've never been so confused... None of this makes sense. It all just seems so out of character, I never would've expected this from him. :shrug::wacko::mad::weep:
I know. Regardless, for now. Keep cool :shades:
Charlotteee89
21-06-15, 23:07
I'll try. :sad:
I just want to cry, maybe I should, let it all out my system.
If he hasn't spoke to me by tomorrow evening I'm just gonna have to say something else, something more angry and probably admit defeat in the process. :weep:
Ugh. All I want is a bit of happiness for goodness sake! :mad::lac:
Think I'm better off being single to be honest! Not sure why I was getting down about not having a boyfriend! Definitely don't want to go through this again anytime soon.... :nonono:
Charlotteee89
22-06-15, 20:22
Still nothing... Don't think he's planning on talking to me ever again.
I'm just going to text him one last time and that's it, I'm not going to lose any self respect over him. Something like "This is just getting silly now, if you don't want to be with me just tell me. Have the decency to talk to me and be honest. I'm a big girl, I can handle whatever it is." Nothing too full on or emotional, just straight to the point.
Literally have no clue where to go from here... When things like this happen I'm so tempted to start a new life, just up and go... No clue where to start with that though! Might start applying for jobs in London or something. I'm 25 years old, I'm an adult, I need to start thinking about my future.
:sad:
You're joking. What an idiot (him)
Just remember that once you send angry or insecure messages it can spell the end. And I know from last time you fell out with that younger lad from work you would look back and say things like "I guess it was probably the big argument that put the final nail in the coffin". A week after the emotional texts you may wish you hadn't but then it's done.
I think you'll baffle him and maybe annoy him by not chasing him or flipping out at him or showing him you feel insecure.
If you have a relationship with him it's on your terms. I say give him radio silence and let his mind work. He's not punishing you, you're not losing sleep. You unearthed his true colours and threw away his number unless he comes creeping.
Ive always said you need a new environment with new people. Getting out of your home town and putting yourself in new places and in new scenarios where there are opportunities can really change you and leave you looking back at your home town life in horror. (Which I do)
Keep your cool !
Self control !
Keep your eye on the goal you want to achieve. You may want to flip out now and get angry and tell him how he's made you feel but does it achieve any goal you want other than venting right now.
When you let people know how insecure you feel you give them the power to treat you like this. You give them all the value in the relationship. That's why at the start I kept how I felt to myself.
I dunno Charlotte. It's your call. Flip on him if you need to. I could understand if you did.
Charlotteee89
23-06-15, 00:54
Yeah that's the thing - I don't want him to have power over the situation or for me to show my vulnerability too much.
But I've NO IDEA whether he wants me to chase him or leave him the hell alone :wacko: the fact he hasn't said anything makes me think the latter. But none of this situation makes sense, none of it I would expect from him. The silent treatment is excruciating. If he needs space why not just say that? Or if he's been leading me on or wants to 'fob me off' why not make up an excuse? "Hey, I just don't think it's going to work, I'm really sorry.."? In the long run he's just digging a bigger hole for himself.
I don't know what I'm going to do yet... I'm back at work on Wednesday so I'm intrigued to see whether he'll say something tomorrow as I'll be seeing his best mate's sister-in-law and I will tell her exactly what's happened and I can't imagine he'd want to be on the receiving end of her... :whistles::lac:
Charlotteee89
23-06-15, 20:48
Guess what... Nothing! :weep:
I'm just going to have to settle with whatever it was, is now over and he's clearly not going to explain his self.
I was talking to a male cousin earlier who's not exactly a saint when it comes to females and even he was baffled, he said it sounds like for whatever reason he's run scared (very quickly) and probably feels too bad and awkward to explain and let me down after everything he's said to me, he's probably thinking if he just pretends that I don't exist anymore and doesn't communicate then I'll get the message, even though that's a crappy way of doing things and he doesn't sound like the type to do that. :shrug:
Who knows eh, don't think I'll ever know what happened. It's just horrible that he doesn't think I at least deserve an explanation, like I'm not even worth that... Charming. :meh:
Still haven't decided whether to send him one last message just in case he is feeling too awkward to explain as he thinks I'll get really angry and upset.. if he knows that I'll be pretty calm and grown up about it... I don't know, maybe I will tomorrow. At least then I'm not wondering if it even would make a difference cause it probably won't. And I shouldn't have to send him a message anyway should I? :mad:
Onwards and upwards I think!
That guys about as useful to you as a chocolate teapot Charlotte. Kick him straight in the bin.
It sounds like you do have good people in your life so appreciate that and add to them.
I think ignoring you this long is disrespectful. Your standards are higher than that. I say lose his number and move onto better things without looking back. He knows where you are if he wants to explain.
You said you had plenty of interest a few weeks ago. Focus on that and focus on positive future plans.
Charlotteee89
23-06-15, 23:07
I'm definitely worth more than what he's been treating me like.
It's just so hard to digest, after 2 years of fancying him, I seem to finally get him, now it's all fallen apart out of nowhere with a guy I thought I might actually have a future with. It's all so bizarre. It's almost like he's been posessed, this can't be the guy who I've spent 3 weeks with... So odd. :lac:
I certainly did have quite a lot of interest, nothing now though!
Just need to get my head back on track and concentrate on myself, my own happiness is so important, I'm not gonna let my happiness be defined by having a boyfriend.
Charlotteee89
27-06-15, 18:30
I still feel rubbish, I'm going through that typical post-break up thing where you start thinking you're never going to find someone and start getting into a right state about it. Doesn't exactly help that my teenage ex boyfriend is still all loved up with his younger girlfriend and posting it all over Facebook. Not helping. I think I'm just over-tired, I've worked so much and it's not going to get better, I've got to work a 12 hour shift (4pm-4am) tomorrow on my day off :weep: I really could do with a break. Luckily I've got most of next week off. And trying to organise anything with any friends is becoming a chore, I just need a bit of uplifting really, this 19 year old from work sort off asked me out but I definitely don't see him in that way and I'm never going for anyone that much younger than me again. But I think I might be out next weekend with my new work friends so hopefully that happens!
And of course I haven't heard from my sort-off-ex-boyfriend whatever the hell he was, my cousin thinks I should send him a text asking him what the hell is going on but I just don't think it's worth it - I don't think I should be trying to force him to talk to me, he should want to himself.
Blah! :sad:
I know what you feel like Charlotte and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Can't you stop following the 19 year old lad so you don't get the unpleasant updates anymore ?
I had an ex live in the house opposite once. That was fun.
No, tiredness won't help.
This job was supposed to make organising stuff with friends easier !
ANOTHER bloke has asked you out ??!
Bloody ell Charlotte, you're a bloke magnet :shades:
19 :/
Night out with your new work buds sounds like just what the doctor ordered.
You getting on with everyone at work ok now ?
"Sort of ex bf, whatever the hell he was"
Let's call him
Not (an) Ordinary Boyfriend.
Or NOB for short :shades:
Forget him.
Bullet dodged.
Charlotteee89
28-06-15, 00:21
I suppose I could delete him as a friend but I don't want him to think he's got some kind of upperhand if I did... He'd love the fact that I deleted him, he thinks I'm really bitter. :lac:
And well it's definitely not making it easier as I struggle to keep in contact with friends, whereas before, I used to see them everyday so could arrange and make plans easily.
I'm also really annoyed with one of my closest friends, she's being difficult, not answering my phone calls or ringing me back (she's pretty crap at that anyways!) and she's been making plans with this other girl who I don't get on with and I feel a bit replaced... I've been feeling that for months. It's her birthday soon and she mentioned about doing something (with a few of us) a few weeks back but as she's seen the other girl recently I've got the feeling they've organised something together as I know she's got that weekend off as it's her birthday and their boyfriends are good friends.
Just ugh, just feeling a bit low and needy at the moment I think. I'm exhausted to be honest. And my dad had a hip replacement last Monday and he's at home at the moment and is really struggling with the pain and the side effects from the morphine. So everything's stressful at the moment. Can't relax at home without hearing my dad moaning cause of the pain.
And yeah I get on with most people so that's good. :)
If it bothers you, delete him. Don't let him have any bearing on what YOU want to do.
If it comes up just tell him "aaaah sorry about that, no offence meant I promise. It's just its all you and your gf. I liked you so, come on, be realistic, why would I want to see that everyday ? :) We can still be friends. I was just tidying up my friends list etc. I have all sorts of annoying crap I wanted off their, not just you :) " Then still be friendly towards him in person (no evidence of bitterness)
He might even get an ego boost because you said you liked him. May then even at some point in the future try again with you in which case you can knock him back and tell him he's too immature.
Balls to him Charlotte. Do whatever you want. Who needs that in your face every day.
Well here's hoping you can befriend a couple of similar girls in your new work place and make some plans to do some stuff you all like outside of work.
Yeh I remember the mate you're talking about. That's annoying. It would bother me too. Look forward not back. You will look more appealing even to her if you are seen to be doing well and socialising with new people. So make new friends and hopefully that will come back around again stronger in the future.
Oh no, sorry about your dad. That sounds rubbish :weep:
I was in a truly crap spot like you Chatlotte and thought I'd be there forever but I got out and you will too.
Bring new things into your life. Everything in my life now is new compared to then. It was terrifying but you've got to keep ignoring that fear and bringing change into your life.
Be nice to your dad. He'll be better soon.
Go to the works night out next week.
Look for a couple of new girl mates at work. Size them up and see if there are any who you feel particularly comfortable with who you can trust and have fun with. Actively look for it.
Pass your driving test and make your world bigger.
Make positive plans for improvement in the future.
And have a nice Sunday :D
Charlotteee89
30-06-15, 20:08
He hates me so I highly doubt he'll ever come running back, he's an absolute moron! Good riddance to him. :whistles:
I've finally got in contact with my friend, she's just had a busy week so hasn't got round to getting back to me. Hopefully I'll be seeing her on Friday. :)
I'm still feeling low about what happened with that sort-off-boyfriend now ex boyfriend of mine.. Obviously he hasn't spoke to me but I'm still tempted to text him something, just so I've gotten it off my chest, I think it's justifiable but I know it's pointless but it'll give me closure I think. Chances are, he won't even read it let alone reply anyway. My dad asked about him yesterday and before I could answer my mum interrupted by laughing "Oh he dumped you didn't he Char?" which led to us having a massive argument, she's so unpleasant when she's had a drink, so horrible and rude. :lac:
I've got my interview for the new Debenhams store tomorrow :), I'm not really nervous to be honest, I haven't really thought about it, I don't want to get my hopes up really.
I just feel a bit lost, I hate my current job with a passion and I hate not being able to drive anywhere and I hate that I'm not doing much, don't have something to look forward too, or have many friends that I can spend time with regularly. I want to see the World, travel, etc. And a few weeks ago I thought my life was finally picking up, I had a guy in life who I could share my life with and we were making plans but that fell apart and I don't know why and I'm still reeling from it even though I'm trying to stay strong.
Ah well. :shrug:
How's your debenhans interview gone ? :)
That's right, arrange something for the weekend and try and look forward not back. Start moving toward the next things. If there aren't any, create some. They'll probably be better than the old things.
Oh that's a bit mean of your mum. You have to remember she's older though and so has probably been through all that herself so is a bit desensitised to it. After a drink it probably doesn't seem like such a big deal to her. Nevermind, what can ya do.
Have a problem solving attitude and fix these things Charlotte. This new job and latest relationship were another good exercise in facing your fears. Now go and face some more and get some of those things you want in your life. :yahoo:
Book a driving lesson. Even if you don't feel up to it, do it anyway and let's get this driving licence.
Charlotteee89
02-07-15, 00:59
I'm not sure, I think it went alright, but you know when you wish you said certain things afterwards? So annoying. :doh: It was an assesment/team building thing at first, I definitely felt overshadowed by other girls who wanted to show themselves off - couldn't get a word in edge ways at times!
I was left in a room with the new Store Manager and I assumed she was my interviewer as she just asked me so many questions and I think I did well there, but then a guy came in and said he was ready to interview me now which threw me off and he just read questions of pieces of paper, most of the questions were customer service based which I think I did well on, but I forgot to mention some of my other skills when he asked what I would bring to the team - I think I said my personality and my retail experience but I can't remember what I specifically said about my retail experience but I think I must've mentioned about my shop floor skills as I remember him then saying "Oh so out of the 3 areas we were talking about earlier, would you say you'd be better in the product area (shop floor)? Do you do that more at your current job than service (tills)?" And I said yes, my skills more so lie on the shop floor with working with the products/stock. So I dunno. :shrug: It was boiling hot today which just made it harder to think. But I think a lot of the people who have applied will be looking to work on the tills rather than the shop floor, so I think I'll have an advantage with that, they need people who know how to handle stock, delivery, promotions, p.o.s, vm's etc.
My cousin has recently moved to London with a new job, working for a recruitment agency, and she says she can help me get a job if I wanted her to, so that's always an option! I've always said I wouldn't mind moving to London one day - she said she's hoping to get a flat or a flat share in a few months and that I could flat share with her.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself at the moment, I need to pick myself back up and stop dwelling on what can't be changed and move on. :doh:
I like your angle. You've tried to position yourself for one of those shop floor jobs and I think you might succeed from what you've said. Fingers crossed.
Oh
My
God
That "London with your cousin" idea sounds like THE thing that you should do RIGHT NOW !
Your own place.
Living in London.
New job.
And a welcoming cousin to keep you company !
I say kick your stinky home town in the bin and jump on the next train to the capital to start an exciting new life. I've moved to a few new places and it is so refreshing and stimulating.
You won't need a driving licence down there either because nobody can get anywhere in their cars :D
Charlotteee89
03-07-15, 21:27
I'm not sure.. I think there's going to be a lot of really good candidates, so stiff competition really and I know they've had over 500 applications for 55 jobs. I'm not sure whether I 'sold myself' well enough to the guy who did my proper interview - I didn't get a lot of opportunity to really sell myself as he just stuck to his questions which weren't really about shop floor work, more customer service focused but I think I answered them well. And I'm not sure whether my talk with the Store Manager will mean anything, whether that'll work in my favour. Have to wait and see really! :shrug:
Depending on how the Debenhams job turns out I might actually say to my cousin "I'm going to send you my CV and yes, please, let me know of any jobs that would suit me that come your way". I think it's about time I started thinking about my future, I don't want to be in retail for the rest of my life, the pay is crap unless you're high up, and I think I'm over it to be honest, I know I can better myself, I want a yearly wage job, something that suits me more. I just want a new start and I want to be happy! I'm not getting anywhere right now, I feel like I'm in a lull.
And I'm still feeling really upset about what happened with that guy.. I have moments where I just want to cry... I'm still so angry and hurt. I think it's going to take time for me to get over it.
Your situation sounds so similar to how mine was. I even had to struggle with a break up too. I was in bits, a real mess. I spent another year in my room in agony afterwards. I know exactly how difficult it is.
It hurts until the new things come along and the new things have to be brought into your life. The change comes about through taking real actions to create change.
Do not take any negatives from that experience with him. That would be a mistake. He liked you enough to try for the time that he did didn't he ? So you are capable of attracting positive attention and he hasn't been the only positive attention you have received. That's a reason for self esteem. Take that idea and grow it, pad it out and go in that direction instead.
Fear and insecurity will keep you stuck there, worrying about what could hurt you next, believing all sorts of fearful scenarios. Do it anyway. Deal with the reality in front of you and not what you imagine. It's how you iron out the worries and negative beliefs. If you're weak in areas it's how you get better, stronger and more confident.
You seem to be capable already, way more capable than I was. I started with a two year welding/fabrication course and spent every break hiding in my car. But before the two years were up I'd met someone and moved somewhere else.
I think the best thing about your cousin idea is your cousin, a companion you can trust. Right away that makes things much easier than doing these things on your own. You don't want to be going to a new city alone but with your cousin sounds like it could really help you.
Charlotteee89
04-07-15, 17:28
Yeah, I've had what, 4-5 guy 'situations' in the last 2 years which were short lived but at least I've had something. :) It just hurts like hell when it falls apart.
And oh, that 'friend' of mine I mentioned about struggling to get in touch with, well, we were meant to be doing something last night, I texted her but no reply, but today I've seen on Facebook that she's out shopping with another girl from my old work place. Oh. She told me earlier in the week she was working 'all weekend'. Oh right. Can't help but feel a bit slapped in the face. :dry: But she did say that she hadn't look at her rota yet so maybe it was a spontaneous thing but still... I'm just getting tired of having to chase her, whereas it seems pretty easy for other people to spend time with her. Bleh.
I just seem to go through such crappy situations, I really want good, real friends in my life but for some reason, it seems hard for me to find any, but some people seem to make friends really easily? :shrug: I think working in retail doesn't help, I'm surrounded by young people rather than more my age group.
Sigh.
Yeh it's difficult. I think it's about finding suitable friends. Suitable friends might be people who are looking for friends too.
Who might be looking for friends ? If they were at a loose end in a place, what are some of the things they might do to meet new people ?
I remember a girl with social anxiety who had moved city to go to uni. She said she joined a local hiking group. Every weekend or every other weekend they'd all meet and do a well known hike for a few hours. The walks were full of nice friendly older people and single people at a loose end trying to meet new people.
If you can imagine an introverted person who is not keen on drinking might be joining these kind of things because pubs and clubs aren't an option.
I knew another girl who'd been at uni doing psychology degree and also was in one of these walking clubs. She met a single bloke there and went on a few dates. I remember thinking "jeeze, it's all going on at these walking clubs !"
My sister went on a singles holiday, something like that were lots of strangers all alone go on an organised holiday together. It was for people who needed someone to holiday with. She was single at the time.
Where else might these quieter, non-drinkers, introverted types be looking to meet new people ?
Night school classes ?
Book clubs ?
Health clubs ?
What interests do you have ? Look for a get together with others who like that thing too.
Look for specialised dating for shy or non-drinkers.
You like animals ? Do some volunteering somewhere.
Find like minded people.
Find people like you !
Pen pals and meet ups on social anxiety/anxiety forums.
Imagine all the single people in places like London attending all these different things trying to meet new people.
Cookery classes.
Art classes.
I think it's probably a lot to do with being in the right place, being around the right sort of people.
Where can you put yourself to meet new people who need new people in their lives ?
Can you see now why looking in retail in your home town is such a tiny fish bowl ? It's natural that opportunities are limited.
Charlotteee89
05-07-15, 14:41
Well if last night was anything to go by I wasn't a quiet non drinker :whistles:
I went out with a few friends from work, and a few friends from my old job, my female friend from my current job just got too drunk and was a mess, we've now found out her drink was spiked with Ketamine :scared15:. I had a few too many cocktails and kissed the 19 year old guy from work who fancies me (who's also bisexual) and then a guy who's friends with a friend from work tried it on with me and got thoroughly put in his place but my friend from my old job... :scared15: Was a bit dramatic! Also, yesterday, a 17 year old from work kept messaging me asking me to go round his for erm sex (obviously I didn't go round..)... :blush: Eventful day for me! :scared15::whistles:
Yesterday, I also posted a quote on facebook talking about true friends and my close friend who I was meant to be out with on Friday suddenly texted me saying sorry that she didn't get back to me the night before, she fell asleep, and asked if I was free Wed evening for a few drinks... :shrug: So I think she felt a bit guilty...
Oh my... I get myself in such predicaments. :roflmao:
"Well if last night was anything to go by I wasn't a quiet non-drinker"
Haha.
Omg look at you ! I think it's YOU who should be giving ME advice !
Sounds like a good end to the week. I hope you see more of your old mate now and it's good you're socialising with your new colleagues.
Charlotteee89
05-07-15, 21:52
I definitely drank more than I probably should have :whistles: oops! Ah well, at least I had a good night. I've had a rough few weeks so that was needed I think. :)
But now I'm definitely in a predicament! That guy I kissed really likes me and if I'm honest I do like him a little.. And apparently I told him that I liked him last night and was all over him... :scared15::doh: So I mean I dunno.. I don't know what to do! He said about us seeing eachother, really casually taking it slow which I kind off agreed too.. Just yet again, he's 19 years old and I've told myself I'd NEVER go for someone that much younger than me.. But he is quite mature and definitely not shy or awkward like the last younger guy I dated... He's more sure of himself, confident but he's a little camp at times... Just argh!
Think I'm just gonna see how it goes... But it's going to have to be very casual and slow!
Jeeze, isn't there anyone in Aberdeen older than 19 ? :)
Your call Charlotte. Keep learning and trying to produce better outcomes. :yahoo:
Charlotteee89
11-07-15, 18:46
Work has thoroughly stressed me out this week! I had my 8 week review today and it wasn't exactly positive but a lot of things my Manager said I need to improve on I didn't even know I was allowed to do to such an extent as no one tells me anything! :mad: She was all like "You need to drastically improve your productivity and effectiveness, you need to drive stock out of the stock room and find somewhere to put it..." Yeah okay that's fair enough but I was off all last week on holiday and before then we had no space on the shop floor for anything, and we had too much stock in the stock room which she was aware off? How hypocritical is that and I didn't even know I could just move around what I like willy nilly as no one has told me I can, I'm probably just not used to having so much responsibility, but they should've outlined everything weeks ago... :mad: It seems the other full timers know this but I wasn't aware that I could play with stock on my own agenda without consulting my manager. She also like "I know you have it in you, you have the talent to visual merchandise, I've seen it, you just need to act it out on your own without me telling you so, you need more confidence..." Well why didn't you tell me this weeks ago? She also said I have 4 weeks until the probation period ends and I really need to improve if I wish to keep my full time contract.
I just think the Management are so dis-organised and not properly talking to their staff and what's expected of them, not that I like my job enough to be so efficient at work but it's still frustrating as all the Manager's apparently agree that I'm just not good enough and now I feel really self-conscious when I'm work that they're watching me like a hawk.
Bleeeeeeh. :wacko:
Ah I'm sure they're just envisaging the probationary periods coming to an end and are trying to stop staff slacking off and to make them feel like, if they want the job they need to work harder. It's probably the right thing to do if you are in charge of that side of things. They'll be getting pressured to achieve certain levels of productivity too.
Just look concerned and eager and thank them for the input. Do the new stuff they've (only just said) and walk around looking busy until your probationary periods up.
In 6 months you'll be really good at the job, feeling confident and glad all this nonsense is out of the way.
Charlotteee89
11-07-15, 19:57
We've been in sale now for the past week so we have no stock :roflmao: it just really wound me up.
I'm also a bit annoyed as you know I mentioned about my close friend's birthday weekend and that she's probably made plans with the other girl I don't get on with, well she has and also with another girl I used to work with in my old job. I've been saying since the beginning that I want to do something that weekend with her and she originally involved me, she wanted to go to Bristol for the weekend but wasn't sure how to organise it, then the other week she wasn't sure what she's doing, but then the girl I don't like was saying on facebook that she can't wait to see her 2 weekend's in a row so they must've been thinking of something, then since last week the other 2 girls must've made plans with her and she told me what she *thinks* is happening now... She's going out with them, where the girl I don't like now lives.. So frustrating! However we have made plans for the following weekend. I know it's probably nothing personal, my close friend has a lot of friends outside of work and who I've never met who she's known for years and she hasn't made plans with them, the more time she spends with certain people doesn't seem to effect how she feels about her other friends.
My friend from work is like you need to talk to her about it and tell her you feel disheartened that you haven't been involved in the weekend even though you've been asking her about it for weeks. I imagine the main reason is because it includes the girl I don't like.
Just eugh!
Rant over, hahahaa.
Sunflower2
11-07-15, 20:01
Charlotte, I just realised, are you from Aberdeen?? :ohmy: I thought I was the furthest North poster!
Charlotteee89
11-07-15, 20:14
I'm actually not :) I'm from the Midlands.
Sunflower2
11-07-15, 20:41
Ahh, got excited haha! :)
(Oh god, I've eaten way too much take away and now I'm apparently saying everyone's from Aberdeen. It's all going wrong. Keep it together. Keep it together)
Haha sorry for some reason I thought you two were from Aberdeen. I have no idea why. I know Kimberley is but for some reason I thought Charlotte was too. Hello Kimberley by the way !
Oh your best friends annoyingly popular isn't she.
At least you have managed to stay friends through all of this. And you're making friends at the new place too so that's good.
Yeh I agree with your mate. If you're good mates just be honest with her. Tell her you don't want you two to lose touch and always feel that things like this are signs you're drifting apart.
Sunflower2
11-07-15, 22:12
It's because Aberdeen is the place to be of course!
Hi Oosh, long time no speak :)
Charlotteee89
11-07-15, 22:19
Yeah, she is clearly! Haha. She probably likes having loads of friends but struggles to juggle them all.
And I do genuinely think she purposely made the effort with me when I posted a friendship quote on facebook.. And I mentioned we needed a 'proper' night out and she quickly responded with next pay day weekend and I said I'll buy her a few belated birthday drinks. I just feel a bit crappy at the moment, feeling a bit needy and down about life. So I'm over-thinking everything and letting things get to me that aren't really suppose too.
Aww she sounds like a nice friend.
You just got to work to make nice things happen Charlotte. At least you're involved, jobs, relationships, at some point they'll go right if you're involved.
New friends at work.
Driving licence.
Better relationship with your best mate.
Keep your eye out for more suitable bf material.
Look into the London job.
Like pieces in a pie chart. Work on all of the areas and I'm sure you'll start getting somewhere.
I know it's miserable but it'll get better. Be confident and make it work.
So exciting :yahoo:
MOVE TO ABERDEEN !!!:shades:
Charlotteee89
15-07-15, 14:45
Feeling a bit sensitive again today! Nothing unusual there ha!
It's my close friends birthday today and I should be seeing her next week at the weekend, but this weekend she's going somewhere with the girl I don't like, a few girls from work and a close friend who none of us have met yet (and who I didn't even know was going) I don't know why it's bothering me, she said she can't wait for the weekend, but maybe I'm just a bit deflated as I wasn't invited, but I assume it's cause the girl I don't like or get on with is going... I just feel a bit left out is all. I said happy birthday to her on Facebook and said how I can't wait to see her next week so we can celebrate it, but all she replied with is "Awh thank you :) xxxxxx" whereas with the other girls posts which have mentioned this weekend she's put things like "Can't wait" and "So excited!" and I'm just like oh... I'm probably just being silly.
Maybe it's cause I feel like we're drifting apart.. She's seen the girl I don't like who now lives in Wales more than me lately! Just ugh.
I don't blame you. I'd be on a downer too. I think all of us here would. Nobody likes feeling left out
I wouldn't read too much into her messages. She replied in a nice enough way so that's fair enough really.
I think you should just try and arrange things with her in advance from now on and keep yourself involved in her life.
Like when is your birthday ! Make sure you have her company booked well in advance !
You're the centre of things anyway Charlotte, not her. Have confidence in yourself and pull a few new friends, from the new work place, around you and be seen to be doing well. Make it happen around you. You enjoy a good night out as much as anyone so you can make things like that happen.
Have plenty of self esteem and feel you can be the centre of attention not her.
Charlotteee89
16-07-15, 22:43
I think I'm just going to be on a downer this weekend, since it's her birthday weekend. The girl I don't like posted a status on facebook earlier talking about birthday preparations and how she can't wait, then my close friend commented saying how she can't wait for the weekend either... Just bleh. It's going to be all over facebook, snapchat etc, bleh. I just feel like she's not really bothered about us going out up town next weekend.
I'm annoyed how even her close friend who we haven't met has an invite.. However when I was last with her she did mention that she needs to speak to her and she hasn't for ages so obviously she did, this was after we made plans for next weekend. When I next see her I might mention that I feel like we're drifting apart and that the situation with the other girl makes me feel really uncomfortable as I just get left out of things because we don't get on.
Also, my manager was so rude to me today that I almost flipped at her, I'm so done with that place, I'm getting anxious just thinking about having to go into work so early again... I just don't want too.
Yeh, have that talk with her. I think it's best to be open.
Get out of your probationary period and then your manager can get stuffed.
Then I imagine you'll have a certain degree of protection. She can whinge at you all she wants then, you just make sure you are doing around about what it says in your contract and ignore the rest of her moaning. If she crosses the line you can bring it up and suggest she shouldn't be talking to you in that way.
Superiors always try it on. They see if you let them. If you are doing your job to a reasonably acceptable degree they shouldn't have too much more to say to you. So then if they continue to harass you, you can highlight it. In one ear and out the other. She'll be moaning at others too.
Charlotteee89
17-07-15, 10:22
Thing is I don't think my department manager was planning on keeping me on after the probationary period as she pretty much said so during my last review last week, she said unless I make significant progress then they can't carry on with my full time contract. She was horrible and kept bringing up things that I didn't even know about as she doesn't ever talk to me or tell me what she expects, if she had just mentioned them to me in conversation then she wouldn't have to make it all official on my file. The girl who was on kidswear with me has quit and I think my manager was hoping to offer her more hours and drop my hours and now she can't as she's left.
I've been really run down all week, exhausted and drained, mentally and physically, I had to leave work yesterday as I nearly fainted, I just felt so weak and light headed, probably from stress, my anxiety is so high and I really have had enough, I don't want to be feeling this low over a job that I don't even like or want to be in. I've been nearly in tears at work this morning.
Oh that's nice of her. Sounds like she's already made up her mind.
Maybe office work would suit you better ? You could use this opportunity to make that kind of a change. Use any contacts you have and see if you can make it happen.
Charlotteee89
17-07-15, 20:43
I think office work is more me, less physical so I wouldn't be so tired.
I have an assessment for the retailer Outfit in a few weeks as a Brand Specialist - a very similar role to what I'm doing now, just on a smaller department/area so maybe less stress? High fashion retail is different to more budget style retail like I'm in now. I'm more reluctant though, I think my confidence is low due to my experience at my current employee. I'm thinking that I'm just not good enough for the role, but I dunno maybe fashion is more 'me'? Rather than kids clothes. With the Brand Specialist role I will be using KPI's, financial reports, figure sheets etc, I don't have too much experience of this but I know the basis of it. Again, a very responsible job but I suppose I just need to believe in myself and have more self confidence on my own abilities.
All you can do is try it.
My job changed. I'd dreaded it but ended up preferring it to some extent.
Trying new things is a good habit to get into. Give it a go and just see what you think. Problem solve when you're in it and see if you can make it work for you.
Charlotteee89
18-07-15, 16:53
I'm so livid! my manager definitely has it in for me. She was having a good rant about me in the stock room with another manager saying how she's angry that I took 2.5 hours to work a delivery rail (I didn't) and that she's going to have to do another official meeting to discuss it - another colleague over heard her and told me straight away. And so about half hour later I was called into the office and sat down, she said another manager will be present this time (the manager she was slagging me off too) and went through this long essay she wrote on this official document thing. She also had a go about the fact I missed a few markdown items and the only reason she knew that was because she didn't trust me to of done it properly so she scanned everything herself (charming), and said she doesn't think I'm capable of following instructions and getting jobs done properly. She also had a good moan about the fact I took a while to work 5 rails on Thursday (I didn't, I was working it by each kids section/department so each rail would've had stock from the departments I hadn't worked yet), all the rails were pretty much full of new stock so it took a while to put it out and re-jig the shop floor accordingly. I was also very poorly on Thursday which would've made it a lot harder for me.
I didn't have any of it, we argued quite a bit and I was really blunt with her and told her I feel like she's victimising me and told her I didn't agree with anything she said, she just said if I feel like that then she'll tell the store manager to discuss it with me. All she does is put me down and make me feel utterly useless, there's a way of putting concerns etc across and she's doing it all wrong. She also made a comment about me to another colleague - Not long after our meeting I walked past her and the menswear colleague and he grinned, he told me afterwards that she made a comment of "Apparently I'm a B%%%%" to him which I think is pretty unprofessional.
I don't even think the menswear colleague was pulled up about failing important availability checks!
:mad::mad::mad: I might not bother going back, or I might just see whether the store manager does talk to me about it on Monday and go from there, I can't carry on working with my manager if she carries on treating me like this. I don't want to go to work dreading it and feeling self conscious, that's not going to make me motivated to work is it!
Ugh, rant over! :whistles:
Oh dear :/
What ya gonna do then ?
You could tell the store manager your concerns. People like that can often attract lots of complaints. You may not be the only one.
Charlotteee89
19-07-15, 17:03
I've no idea to be honest! One half of me wants to go in tomorrow and see what happens but I'll take my notice with me aswell, but I'd rather not work my notice period but I'm not sure what they'd do if I didn't considering the reasons why I don't want to work there anymore... The girl who was working on my department with me left and didn't work her notice period and they classed it as 'with immediate effect' but I'm unsure whether she's in trouble for it, I might ask her.
The other half of me just doesn't want to bother waking up at 6.00am for a 9 hour shift, and no doubt they'll be ringing me non stop tomorrow morning if I didn't turn up but I'll just tell them the truth on the phone, hopefully my department manager has told the store manager that I need to speak to her like she said she would... But what's the point of me going? I hate working there.. My department manager clearly doesn't want me to stay and probably won't take me on after my 12 weeks anyways and I don't think the relationship between me and her can recover now, since I accused her of victimising me. It's just gonna be too awkward. I don't want to work there anymore, simple as that.
My friend from work didn't come to work for a week after her boyfriend who works with us dumped her, she just didn't turn up one day and I think it took a while for them (the manager's) to get in contact with her, they decided to let her have it off as holiday, but she's back now.
I've no idea what to do. :shrug:
Update:
My department manager has just texted me like nothing is wrong saying "Sorry to bother you on a Sunday, I have left a handover for you on desk. I'm not in till 12 if you have any problems text me." Is she for real? Acting like everything's normal and fine... It definitely isn't.
I suppose it's up to you if you don't want to go back in anymore. I can understand that. I've walked out of horrible jobs.
You may not get any due wages if you don't work your notice though :/
Charlotteee89
19-07-15, 20:12
I get paid tomorrow night, and the cut off date is 10 days before every pay so I'm already (9 days I think) into next month's pay... But cause of the circumstances around why I want to leave/quit then I'm not sure what they'll do. I won't know until I talk to the Store Manager I suppose, I'm sure it won't be long till she rings me if I don't turn up tomorrow.
It's a hard decision... :shrug: But I can't carry on being this fed up, low and stressed over a minimum wage paid job.
Charlotteee89
20-07-15, 16:45
I've done it, I've given them my notice with immediate effect. I feel a lot happier now but at the same time I'm worried about being out of work for too long, I can't afford it but at least I've got a few things in the pipeline.
But I'm also feeling really down about the situation with my close friend, she clearly had a great birthday weekend and was very open about that on facebook and said she can't wait for them to have another night out in Wales soon which they've planned.. I think I just feel left out, and that we're drifting apart. It's always going to be an awkward situation when she and few other girls get on completely fine with the girl I don't like, just means I'm not involved in things. I'm just going to have to mention something, maybe this weekend if I find the right moment, but I don't want to spoil the mood. Not sure how to address it without making the tone and night out a bit too serious.
Ah bet you feel great now you don't have to endure that anymore. I'd jump right into something else quick though. Confidence ebbs away quite quickly when you step out of things. Jump back quickly into something you'll feel happier in.
Enjoy your weekend with her. Have a really good time. Then maybe mention at the end of the night that you wish you could do this more often as you miss her and feel you are drifting apart. Personally I'd mention how it's obviously tricky for you because of the other girl. Be forward and ask her for exactly what you would like ie "make some time for us to see each other like old times. I'm not getting a look and in anymore with her around" etc
But do it at the end of the night after you have had a good time. :)
Charlotteee89
22-07-15, 00:03
Yeah I just need to remain positive, not easy though!
And yeah, I need to find the right moment, we're having a girls night out so there will be alcohol involved :whistles: I might suggest that we get ready round mine with a takeaway which would be a good opportunity to bring it up, lightheartedly that is. I might ask her how the birthday weekend was, then bring up the girl I don't like then mention how I find it awkward that me and her aren't friends anymore so I can't get involved in things and go from there.. Whilst trying to keep it casual and non-serious! And I don't want to get too deep and emotional on a girls night out haha!
Yeh, I like that idea.
Let's hope she doesn't bring her mate !
Charlotteee89
24-07-15, 19:04
Nevermind she's bailed on me..
We had to reschedule to tonight as she's got to be up really early on Sunday, but she's just texted me saying she's only just about to sort her horses out so won't be ready till quite late and she can't stay out too late as she's got work in the morning and cause the weather is horrendous (chucking it down all night!) she's not feeling it (she's always hated going up town when it's raining - she's such a girl! Haha) which is fair enough, I was thinking the same myself...
No clue how to respond, I did really need to talk to her, but I seriously just don't think she's that bothered anymore...
I might just be cool about it and ask if she's free next week so we can go out for food or something... She's going away next weekend so can't see her then.
:dry:
Oh no :lac: :weep:
Really sorry :weep:
I'm not helping am I :doh:
Call someone from new work. Don't stay in. Find someone else to go out with.
Try and see her this week. Give her a knock for a coffee.
Charlotteee89
24-07-15, 23:37
I did text her back but she's yet to reply... Nothing unusual there.
If she doesn't reply by Sunday I may just text her again (my phone does actually have a habit of not sending iMessages) to see if she's free in the week or even if she makes time for me anyways, she didn't say anything about doing something else in the week like she does sometimes when we've had to cancel or re-arrange plans. Meh.
I think I might be seeing my friend from (new but old now) work next weekend, we said we might go for food and drinks, she's more reliable anyway. I'm not going to keep on chasing 'friends', if they want to spend time with me they'll make the effort, simple as that. Time to make new friends I think!
Good idea :yesyes:
See her THIS weekend :yesyes:
Charlotteee89
25-07-15, 00:14
Can't see her this weekend as she's away with her family.
Might try and spend some time with my cousin, she's back home from London this weekend so she said let her know if and when I want some girly, chill time. :) Need a good rant to be honest! She's had a rubbish week herself, so called 'friends' too.
Just need to remain positive, I am getting a bit agitated being at home though, getting bored doing the same thing everyday, but I can't get anywhere easily as my dad's had an operation and can't drive for another few weeks yet and buses are a bit awkward where I live and I really shouldn't be spending too much money anyway as it's got to last me as I'm currently unemployed. But I need to relax as my doctor thinks I'm suffering from exhaustion caused by being over-worked and over-stressed, too much going on mentally, physically and emotionally, so I need to get some blood work done, hopefully on Monday if I can get a lift to the hospital to have a blood test.
Yeh I suffered with exhaustion too at one time. Every night I'd watch telly and flap because I couldn't take a proper deep breathe. Suppose it didn't help that I'd overtrain all day and not eat until tea time. :doh:
Hope your dads back on his feet quickly.
Charlotteee89
26-07-15, 21:44
It's horrible, I just can't motivate myself to do anything, I'm just too tired and lethargic. At least I'm catching up on all my fave programmes on Netflix though with all this spare time I have! :tongue:
Still haven't received a text back of my so called 'close friend', I know she works a lot in the week and doesn't have a lot of spare time with her siblings to look after and a load of horses to see to twice a day. But I may just text her again tomorrow evening as I'm not sure whether she still has Tuesday's and Wednesday's off from work...
Not sure how to word it just incase she hasn't actually got my text as she doesn't always get them (and everyone else) as my phone is kinda messed up...
I don't want to be too pest-y with her. So something like "Hey hun, not sure whether you got my text back the other day, but are you free any time this week? We could go for food somewhere? Xxxx" Or maybe I'll drop the "Not sure if you got my text.." bit.. Hmmm... :shrug:
Yeh, say something like that.
Or even, invite yourself over "hiya. I'm at a bit of a loose end this week. Any chance I can drop over and see you ?". Then specify an actual day or evening maybe. Can't be too difficult to let you pop over. She doesn't have to go anywhere.
Charlotteee89
27-07-15, 21:36
I would, but she lives on the opposite side of the town to me and I don't drive and can't get a lift over, she's usually sorting her horses at the yard that's like 20 minutes away in the evening at some point aswell.
I'll just text her and see whether she bothers to reply.
---------- Post added at 21:36 ---------- Previous post was at 18:54 ----------
After a week of being at home, not doing anything, not really venturing outside I've finally got sick of it, doing the same thing every day, not doing anything at all really and not socialising with people apart from family, my anxiety is getting bad again, I just feel so bored and frustrated with my life. Unemployment is not doing me any favours. I'm really trying to find another job, I've applied for tonnes.
I've been trying to keep myself occupied by doing housework, reading books, watching Netflix but as soon as I connect with the 'outside world' by looking on facebook and see friends talking etc on there with eachother I just get a horrible, automatic stab in my stomach and all sorts of obsessive, irrational thoughts (like "Why don't they ever talk to me like that? Why doesn't she ever put a love heart at the end of messages to me? etc) my insecurities are so high right now, and I still haven't recovered from the situation with my ex so-to-speak, that's definitely not helping my insecurities. Is it odd that when I feel really insecure about my friendships that's when I decide to text them and try to arrange things with them? I always fear that I'm not being a genuine friend, that I'm only pursuing friendships out of boredom or even a bit of loneliness... Where do you find the middle ground with that? Is it wrong to pursue friendships?
Ugh, I'm waffling tonight, clearly I'm over-thinking everything asusual. :wacko:
I know Charlotte, ive been there. Take anything for now to keep you earning and involved, even part time hours, just keep your confidence up. Lowering confidence doesnt do your anxiety any good. Confidence drops, anxiety rises, for me.
Look at what else is out there. Office work, work in a health club so you can meet plenty of people, what about a different shop environment, something smaller and more handlable.
Use the opportunity to entertain new ideas on which direction to take.
Did you see your cousin and ask her about those office work opportunities in London ?
Could you maybe go to college/uni to learn something that`ll help you ?
Great way to meet new people too. Even i found that when i went to college and im the most socially anxious person on earth.
Are you a member of your local gym, swimming pool ? Get out of the house and around other people.
Use the time as an opportunity to go in a direction you feel good about.
Youre not doing NOTHING, youre going to do something NEW.
Charlotteee89
28-07-15, 21:50
I'm really trying on the job front, I have an interview in a few weeks though. Because I can't drive I'm limited to where I can apply for - I've got to be able to get there easily.
Living in a small-ish town doesn't help either, not many opportunities and everyone else applies for the same jobs when they do come about. The only upside is that there's a number of retail stores opening up soon on the new retail park, I've already got an interview/assessment for one, just waiting for the others to start hiring.
And I've mentioned a few times to my cousin about keeping an eye out, but she hasn't said anything since, but she's a story teller so there's always a possibility that she was exaggerating about how easily she could get me a job, she works in the temporary job department, apparently. It's probably just as likely I could get my own job down in London without her help.
I hate it when I feel a bit lost and lacking direction as my anxiety just goes sky high, it clearly doesn't like me not feeling in control of my life, even though everyone goes through it my anxiety still can't handle it even though it's pretty normal. Definitely getting cabin fever stuck in this house, but there's not much I can do as I shouldn't really be spending my money, and getting out of the house will require that to a certain extent and of course I don't drive anyways, and I will have to re-take my theory now as it's expired, but I just can't motivate myself to revise for it again, it took me soooo long the first time, luckily I just about passed my theory first time. It was hard work and I've definitely forgotten most of what I learnt.
My obsessional thoughts are back with a vengeance too, even though I know they're obsessional thoughts I still can't shake off the fear I get when they come, I get so emotional and scared, I don't want them thoughts in my head, they almost bring on a panic attack. And when they come I can't not think about them, I'm constantly checking to see if they're still there and checking my reactions to them. Scanning myself. There's triggers for them, situations like the one I'm in now causes them to come - I just feel so lost and all over the place, being housebound is not helping at all, I'm going to try and get out the house - I need too, otherwise I'm just going to feel worse. I need to not let the thoughts over-come me, I don't want to end up in a mess like I did last year. No way.
Anyways I'll stop babbling on. :blush:
You're not blabbing on !
Yeh it does get worse when you have nothing to focus on that brings you back to optimistic, confident, HOPEFUL. Without that thing to focus on you're just left a bit vacant really and that plays into the hands of anxiety and that style of thinking.
That small town doesn't have enough opportunities. You may end up going from one similar situation to another.
You can pass that theory again. It'll come back to you so quickly. Just skim it and the having something constructive to focus on will help your anxiety a lot ! I once observed that studying for college was saving me from my anxiety. I could feel it gnawing away at me peripherally but studying was occupying my mind and keeping it at bay. There's also a positive result at the end.
Having a driving licence will change things a lot for you. If nothing else, for now, I'd focus on that.
Keep busy. Go swimming, walking or window shopping. On a bike if no car ?
Charlotteee89
29-07-15, 17:24
Yeah it does, anxiety just reacts to your emotions and current situations, trying to find any opening. Such a nightmare.
Yeah, I think I'm going to start revising again, I tried last night but I just couldn't motivate myself, let alone take anything in. Might start taking the mock tests on this website that my driving instructor gave me as that worked first time around.
I really need a haircut, but I'm tempted to get it cut short, be a bit ballsy, but I've never had it that short before and I'm kinda reluctant, but I need a change, a new me, maybe I should start with my hair? :laugh:
I can't even swim, never learnt properly, and deep water scares me. :blush:
I'm going shopping with my mum soon so that's another thing to cheer me up!
EDIT:
Now I'm irritated again, I text my 'close friend' again Mon night asking if she's free at all this week so we can do something and she text back saying she's quite busy this week so can we do something next week and I was like yeah yeah that's fine.
I've just seen on snapchat that a few of my friends from my old work including my close friend and the girl I don't like are out having a picnic today.. Oh... I'm getting more and more infuriated about this situation than ever now. Can't any of them see how awkward it must be for me for all them to be hanging out all the time and for me to just be left out, probably because the girl I don't like is with them? It's like they're a little close cliche now.. It's really, kinda, hurtful. I mentioned a few months ago that in the summer we should all go for a picnic and everyone was like yeaaah we'll do that! Charming... I probably am being over sensitive about it, but I've seen less of my friends than the girl who moved hours away and I live in the same town as them! If I do see my friend next week I'm going to have to mention something as I'm fed up of it. She had a pleasant conversation with my dad when they bumped into eachother the other day and she mentioned a few things that I didn't think she'd remember so I think she's still interested in being my friend...
I think you'll feel better once you start studying. Choose a time of day when you can focus. I prefer when I first wake with a few teas.
Get your licence and car and broaden your horizons.
I used to love getting my hair cut. Now I just shave it again. I like that too though :yesyes:
I say go for it and use that momentum to do other positive things.
Don't fall into a rut. Keep flying forward.
Swim in the 3 foot end then with some arm bands on then :yahoo:
I don't think you're being over sensitive. I'd be hurt too. I think it'd be useful if you can get to have a one to one chat with your friend. Might be better to tell how you two are these days. I hope you can make that happen.
Charlotteee89
29-07-15, 23:52
I just need to put things into perspective and keep positive as best as I can. I'm going to try and get into revising for my theory, gonna try and stick to it. And I will get that hair cut! :)
Not easy when you have anxiety and over think and over analyse everything. You can't think simply, you niggle at and analyse every little detail. I can't just think "Oh, my friends are having a day out, how nice, it's a shame that me and that other girl aren't friends so I couldn't join them, ah well." Instead of "UGH yet again my 'friends' are hanging out without me! Why didn't they invite me? Nothing unusual there! Oh so when my friend says she's 'busy' this week she means she's busy with her new cliche! I see! How hurtful!! Clearly I've been replaced!" :wacko:
I will definitely mention it to my friend if I do see her next week at some point, not sure how I'm gonna word it though, I don't want to be angry or off with her as I don't want to ruin it. I need to say what I need to say in the right manner. Another friend from my old work place who's a lot older is going to ring me tomorrow for a catch up and I'll probably be honest with her about everything, whether she relays some of that to the rest of the girls, I'm not sure, she might do if she's worried about me, apparently a lot of the girls were worried about me when I left as I was exhausted then.
:shrug:
:yesyes:
Stay involved with as many people as you can.
Charlotteee89
30-07-15, 17:46
I'm trying, not so easy when there's not many people in my life to get involved with.
I've been feeling so emotional for the past week about so many different things, I just feel really sad and down and my cousin has told me off today and told me that it's okay to feel that way and not to get angry with myself for it. I was in tears when I was talking to her, even now my eyes are filling up.
I need to be happy in myself first before I even think about having another relationship I've decided. If I'm happy and secure in myself then that'll make any future relationship so much easier. I need to stop wanting everything so quickly, I need to concentrate on a few things at a time and stop overwhelming myself and putting pressure on myself.
I'm also going to talk to my friend about how I'm feeling when I next see her, she needs to know, how else will she know anything is wrong if I don't tell her? I can't keep putting on a happy face all the time. It's a struggle.
I just need to accept that right now I'm not in the best place, but that's okay because it will get better and everything will work out in the end. :)
I think it's good to have a little cry with your cousin. I'd like to think you could spend more time with her. You need good people around you. I know she may have her faults but she's family so I'd like to think she was pretty genuine and reliable.
Yeh but remember if you're low on confidence and feeling insecure you can also find those things in relationships too. But maybe you could find those things in good relationships like with your cousin or other trustworthy friends too, so yeh maybe you're right. It depends on the individuals involved really I'd imagine. If the right bf material came along then that could help too.
Well if your best friend is a real friend and you tell her how badly latest developments have affected you I'd like to think it would help the situation.
Everything WILL work out in the end. One day in the future you'll look back and say "look how far I have come from there to here". But it happens because over time you keep taking steps to change and improve things, positive action and not just positive thoughts.
You look back and see how the things you have wouldn't have happened if you wouldn't have done certain things.
That's why if there's obvious things on your list to improve your situation you need to do them, the future you will thank you. Don't let fear or depressive thinking stop you.
If you have a car it opens up opportunities further away and that could bring new helpful things into your life like different learning or career opportunities or relationships. So to me, if there's nothing else going on, that's a really good one to tick off the list :shades:
Charlotteee89
01-08-15, 21:44
Had a nice day in London with my cousin today. :)
However, the train journey there to meet her wasn't so great! My train was cancelled so had to wait for an additional one which was packed full of people from the cancelled one plus the tonne of people waiting on the platform at my station. I couldn't get a seat so had to stand in the sections between each car/carriage and it was awful! I use Virgin and they have those tilting trains so I just felt so nauseous with all the swaying and another girl standing near me was feeling claustrophobic and kept saying how sick she felt which didn't help and then 2 guys with another guy who had special needs/a disability came into the same section and he wouldn't stop yelling, pointing and staring which just didn't help my situation! A very long 52 minutes of trying to not have a panic attack. :weep: I was also an anxious mess waiting for the train to come home, I was just dreading it. It was pretty empty though so I nabbed a seat pretty easily. When you feel that anxious you just want to be at home where you feel safe.
I felt very off, shaky and anxious when I got to the station in London and it took me until a few hours later when we ate to feel more 'with it', I was getting anxious over the thought of being anxious and was getting really frustrated with myself. I kept scanning all the people I came across on Oxford Street and in the stores just wishing I could feel 'normal' and relaxed as they did and even my cousin who was so happy and full of life! I got very envious of it. Anxiety is just such a kill joy at times. :mad: I just don't want my mind to be consumed by it and I want to enjoy the moment. Ah well.
"Had a nice day in London with my cousin today"
:yesyes: :)
Train ride sounded tricky.
Yeh, it's nervy doing stuff you're not used to doing. I'd be exactly the same. All those people are used to it.
Should go and visit her more often. See what it's like down there in London and what opportunities there might be. Could be the start of something AMAZING :yahoo:
(While all the other *cough* losers *cough* are still stuck up in the Midlands) :)
Charlotteee89
02-08-15, 00:20
I've been on trains so many times, even to London about 5 times and not been anxious at all. I'm not sure what happened today.. Probably just feeling a bit sensitive, and the fact that I was stressed about getting to London quickly to meet my cousin. :shrug:
My obsessive/intrusive thoughts are so intense aswell so that's throwing me off all the time, I just get so overwhelmed mentally, and then those feelings make me feel panicky anyways. It's just a vicious cycle really!
London is a whole different planet from my small-ish, quiet town but I've always said in the future I wouldn't mind moving down there, but not whilst my anxiety is sky high and obviously I need to get a job down there, which isn't easy.
Charlotteee89
03-08-15, 19:15
Bleh, having a bad day again today. My obsessive/intrusive thoughts have been non stop for 3 days, just constant. It's so horrible as I just feel so out of control of my life and body and I never know what are my obsessive thoughts and what's me. And it's becoming increasingly harder to distract myself from them, to mute them, I'm just at home most days, watching Netflix, even if I had friends to do stuff with I couldn't really, as I don't have any money to spend on things like that, I need to keep enough money in my account to pay for bills etc every month as I've no idea when I'll have another job. It's just frustrating, I'm so bored and fed up.
My anxiety and intrusive thoughts get triggered so easily - boredom, over-thinking, feeling a little sensitive about something, not being busy etc. I don't think my anxiety will ever completely go away I just need to learn to control my reactions to it and not allow it to consume me and scare me.
Definitely not easy though.
No it's not easy.
Get back involved as soon as you can. It's the worst thing in the world watching life from the sidelines. Confidence ebbs away and all you have is time to think. It's normal though. It's like that for everyone in that situation. Something will come along soon if you are applying for stuff and you can get involved again, in something more suitable, and shape it how you want it.
You can build your confidence back up, find a suitable friend or two and sort your finances out so you can start living again.
Can you not call anyone you used to work with and invite them round for a coffee and a catch up ?
Don't get all anxious, recognise anxieties. Write them down if you need to.
Differentiate between real life problems that need solutions and just recurring insecurities and depressive thinking where you can see that all you're doing is worrying or telling yourself how negative this and that is.
Keep focused on real world problems and solutions. If there's nobody to talk to post here and in a diary. Get it all written down. I would find it really therapeutic.
Charlotteee89
05-08-15, 22:15
It's just so frustrating, I'm getting so anxious being at home all day, every day. I'm so bored. So agitated, I just want to be back out in the World, not stuck inside watching life pass me by.
I've got a job assessment next week so that's a plus, I think I'm in a good position for it but I've no clue what other people they've got that will also be a good candidate, but for the role I'm applying for there's going to be a good 3-5 off, working in the store.
I'm hoping to see a friend from my old job at some point this week but she's working silly shifts and night shifts and I *might* be seeing my close friend tomorrow evening for dinner if she doesn't bail on me, but it depends whether her mum is back in time from her work conference as she'll have to look after her younger sibling's if not.
I got my hair cut shorter yesterday, definitely a big change! Hoping it'll start off the new me. I was very anxious during it though, more anxious over the idea of being anxious though argh!
I've reactivated Tinder :blush: I feel a bit bleh about it but I'm doing quite well so far! Got a good handful of guys talking to me, so that's a confidence booster I suppose haha!
Job assessment - fantastic. Give it everything you've got. For all you know the next work environment and the people there might really make you happy so try and make it yours and see.
Your mate - I hope she doesn't pull out :/ Have alternatives.
Tinder - it'll give you something healthier to focus on now while you're at a loose end. Worthy a try :yesyes:
Charlotteee89
06-08-15, 18:21
Yeah I'm going to try my best, hopefully my anxiety won't play up too much, I need to get it under control to be honest!
And of course she's pulled out haha, her mum isn't back and won't be back till later tonight so she's got to stay in and look after her younger sister and brother as her dad works nights. But we've rescheduled for next week so lets see if that actually happens! I do sometimes wish I still worked with her as it's so much easier making plans in person, that's all we used to talk about whilst we were working! :whistles:
And I've got a few potential guys who I could go on a date with.. Not like I'm really looking for anything serious but hey, a date is a date. :shrug:
I had a feeling she would :/
Go on a date instead !
Study for your driving theory ! You'll be glad you did.
Charlotteee89
08-08-15, 21:03
Just had a pretty big argument with my mum... :mad: Just need to have a rant. :blush:
Long story short, some very old friends of ours (who we haven't seen for like 10 years) are coming to our house tomorrow and I told my dad I don't feel comfortable with having people I'm not used to in my house whilst my anxiety is sky high and I'm kinda embarrassed that I'm unemployed etc and don't feel happy in myself to be trying to have a catch up.
My mum was livid about this and said that if I can't cope with people being in our house then I should go to my grandma's or something as "We can't not have people in our house just because of you, we can't not live our lives..", so I said why can't you meet somewhere like a pub which is what they had originally planned, and my mum was still fuming and went off track saying that my anti-social-ness can come across as rude and that I need help and that I must have some other problem or issue that makes me this way (charming!). I didn't go to my second cousin's wedding reception the other night as quite frankly I didn't want too, partly cause of my anxiety and cause I'm not close to her at all and she never talks to me when she does come round our house with her mum, she's made no effort with me for years. So I was pretty annoyed when my mum said that she told people that I didn't go because of my anxiety, my second cousin and her mum are aware off it but have always been weird about it and treated me like some alien hence the lack of effort they've made with me. So my mum brought that up and said she didn't want people to think I couldn't be bothered and my lack of 'social-ness' comes across as rude and the reason why they don't talk to me is because I never talk to them and always stay upstairs when they come round (when I was very unwell SAD wise yes that's true, but nowadays I always come downstairs and sit there and try to make an effort - they just ignore me!).
It all just went very off track and I'm still livid over what she's said.. :mad: She makes out she understands my anxiety but makes insensitive comments like she does and starts shouting at me when I get annoyed at her for saying them...
And I'm already feeling down in the dumps that I've been in the house all day, wishing I was making the most of the nice weather.. Not being able to drive and not having any friends who don't work weekends is annoying... I just want my social life back! And to be independent and not rely on others all the time and of course making a few extra friends would be good! Hate seeing everyone on facebook out with their friends, having a great time!
Sigh. :wacko:
Oh no. I've had a hundred of those arguments. :) Daft things are said when we end up arguing. Draw a line and forget it.
Mum was just being mum. She has a different perspective. She just wants to see you happy so is having a moan about the things she sees as stopping you from doing that. People always tend to put their foot in it though but I'm sure she means well. I went through it all too.
I still don't like all that socialising stuff. And with people who treat you like an alien anyway ! No I wouldn't want to bother with them either.
I see another side now though. Alienating yourself causes them to treat you like that. They think YOU don't like them. They think YOU aren't interested in THEM. And nobody likes that. Just like you don't like them treating you like "the anxious girl" or "the alien".
You can give a LITTLE and avoid the whole thing. Give a LITTLE to them so they feel that you are ok with them, like them and have a slight interest in whether they're dead or alive or have had a good or bad time lately.
You can be shy, you can go back off afterwards, but if you've "clicked" with them just a little they'll feel 100 times better about you and I guarantee your world will feel like a warmer, friendlier place, inhabited by friends and people who like you.
That's because you communicated to them in that small way that " I'm ok with you. I like you" and they'll appreciate that from then on.
And for you, you've created an environment (your life) in which you feel people are ok with YOU ! They know you a bit, like you and are generally ok with Charlotte. You like yourself and your world more.
Alienating yourself and feeling like you are seen as the alien creates a cold empty world where you don't like yourself very much because you feel not liked.
You have to watch what you put out and how it makes others feel. By default you can feel people are generally rubbish but it's not true and it's not helpful.
A lot of the time they're just responding to what you have given THEM. Which for the socially anxious can be nothing. Give them a little friendliness, try to like them and they become something different and more useful to you.
I completely understand your avoidance of these things. I've lived it all my life. I know it's hard to stop doing it. But avoidance doesn't really go anywhere or change anything.
I love that you told your mum she should take her guests round to the pub and not her own house ! :yahoo:
I used to make mum tell me before visitors came so I could get the hell out of there and up in my room :yahoo:
I hope your Sunday goes ok.
Charlotteee89
11-08-15, 00:50
It's just really hard sometimes, I let what people say to me (especially family) get to me so much. Me and my mum have had issues for years, she has an attitude problem which she occasionally admits to having but not when she's 'on one' or on a verbally aggressive rampage, she can never see how she's in the wrong and she'll just turn it on to you and make the subject/argument change so then I'll get defensive and then she'll get even more angry and start playing the victim and find any way to justify her behaviour (by putting me or my dad down), it's just a never ending circle.
Yet again tonight we've had another big argument, probably due to the fact she's been out with her friends drinking so she's a little drunk, and she's never pleasant when she's had a drink, she even admitted herself that she's vindictive only cause my dad started to defend me. She's been making sny comments all day as we went shopping earlier, she's so opinionated and judgmental and makes me feel like crap, she just knocks everything I do. And she has been laying into me all day about the fact I used my credit card to pay for clothes that I brought (which I've got 21 months to pay off before I start incurring interest) and made me feel so useless and stupid and that "I have no idea how the real world is and that I need to mature and start paying bills to realise how difficult it is..", blah blah blah.
I really do feel that I've inherited some of her bad traits though or maybe it's cause I'm around her so much that I've picked up on them subconsciously. I don't think she knows how to be positive, like now for instance I can hear her saying to my dad downstairs how unhappy she is and how she can't do right for doing wrong, she's definitely on one downstairs, she can't see how she brings it on herself, she keeps saying how MY attitude causes her to act a certain way however it is definitely the opposite, I have to tread on egg shells judging her mood everyday and even my dad has admitted it and at one point her attitude was so bad that he was contemplating leaving her.
She's also angry cause she got a fine whilst we were shopping for putting her fag end on the floor (£80 :|) and I've also just heard her going on downstairs saying how it's all my (me) fault as she wouldn't of been there and done it if I didn't ask her to come shopping with me.. I'm so angry right now! But I need to stay calm and I'm staying upstairs for the time being.
Anyways I'll shut up waffling/ranting on now.
Update:
An hour later - She went to bed then slammed something in her room, now has walked out the front door.. No clue what the hell is going on with her. Dad just told me she's angry (and a bit drunk I persume) and to just let her get on with it. All this is just flaring up my anxiety SO bad. -_-
It's just no way to live and I'm sick off it, I can't be happy living in this house with the atmosphere and the tension...
:wacko:
It's difficult living as an adult with your parents. With me it was conflict with my dad. And it went a lot worse than that.
Maybe she is frustrated because she thinks putting pressure on you to mix is helping you but it ended up in an argument so she feels she cant do right for doing wrong.
She's in a mood isn't she. Maybe when your dad stuck up for you she stormed out.
It's all a massive waste of energy. Try and just let the dust settle and carry on as normal as soon as you can. Maybe say "sorry mum. I know you are only trying to help"
She may then think "she gets it. I'm just trying to help. Thank you !"
But, for you, it enables things to quickly return to normal so you can concentrate on the real issues in your life.
Saying sorry like that is just making up, you're not giving up any ground.
You probably hate me for suggesting an apology. Sorrrrry :)
I just see these kind of fights as a massive waste of energy and a distraction. Sometimes you have to offer a little gesture just so you can put a full stop on it quicker. Anyway, youre the one who knows her so it's very much your call.
See instead of thinking about jobs, driving licenses, your own place, boyfriends and swimming the channel for charity, you're going to be ruminating on this fight with mum. So put a full stop on it soon as poss.
It's horrible living like that, I know. I had nightmares about arguing with my dad for a long time.
Use it. Let it motivate you to get an income and your own place. JOIN THE RAF. Get an RAF boyfriend. You'll have your own place and lots of money !!!
They might base you in Gibraltar and you can lie on the beach all day !!!
(I'm glad the RAF aren't reading this hehe)
Charlotteee89
11-08-15, 16:24
I'm definitely not saying sorry as I didn't do anything wrong, all that does is make her feel like she's in the right and that's one thing my mum gets a buzz off. She loves condesending me. I can just imagine her ranting to my aunt or something "Me and Char fell out the other night, she said sorry so she knew she was in the wrong, I didn't do anything she just started on me asusual!" - How many times has she done that where my auntie has had a word with me over how I treat my mum and I'm sitting there baffled as it couldn't be more opposite! I'm NOT having that anymore. She wasn't trying to help last night, the argument originally had nothing to do with the credit card thing, she just brought it up during it. I remember talking to therapist's about my relationship with my mum over the years (as a lot of it made my anxiety worse) and they've all said that it seems to be some form of emotional bullying and that she clearly has a lot of issues with verbal aggression and stress.
She's been in a vile mood all day today, she's angry and upset over the fact she was fined, she just won't let it go and is taking it very personally. It was just one of those things and she's just got to accept it and move on from it but she can't right now it seems. She keeps exaggerating what happened and saying she was just an innocent woman. She's also saying that it's made her very scared and that she thought the patrol guys were going to mug her (?), I've no clue where she got that from.
I'm just not getting involved and going about my day without saying anything, I'm trying to prepare for my interview tomorrow but it's very hard when all I can hear is her ranting downstairs and then getting very snappy with me when she does talk to me. Nightmare!
I might take a walk to my nan's as she lives close by, I need to clear my head.
Argh too much stress at the moment, don't think I know what it's like to live in a more relaxed, calm, pleasant household.
No I know what you're saying. Come to think of it, I never could have apologised to my dad for the same reason. You'd have had to have dragged me kicking and screaming because I'd have resented it so much.
A walk and nans sounds like a great idea.
Good luck with your interview !
Charlotteee89
22-08-15, 23:43
Just another update. :)
Had a bleh week or so, my anxiety has been bad but had my second interview for a more supervisory role at a retail store yesterday though, so fingers crossed! I should hear on Monday.
I am slightly peeved that the annoying 19 year old from my old job (who used to fancy me and who I stupidly kissed on a night out) has already got a supervisory job at the same place (it's a new store opening) and I really don't want to work with him if I even get the job as he's really cocky and full of himself and a massive blagger! I'm intrigued to see how he copes.
I went out with my close friend last night for a few drinks, however I am feeling quite disheartened about it as she seemed really keen and up for it when we were organising it then about an hour into the night, tiredness kicked in and she clearly didn't want to stay out any longer and was pretty miserable (she'd been up since 5:30 and had work this morning at 6am so it was only going to be a few drinks anyways) and I was trying to have a little dance and stuff and she was just standing there looking really awkward texting her boyfriend telling him how much she hates town and wants to get into bed and sleep, I thought that was quite rude but I do sympathise as she was knackered but she could've made more of an effort in all honestly. I don't know. We hadn't seen each other for weeks either.
And right now she's out having drinks with a girl from my old work at the same places we went to as it's the girl's birthday night out and she hasn't got work tomorrow so I bet she's going to stay out longer and probably have a better night - she seems really happy in their snapchats.. She doesn't seem tired even though she's been up since like 5am... Charming. And to top it off a lot of my old work colleagues from my last job (not the one I left the one before) are all out tonight as it's their pay day weekend, that would've been me a few months ago... Ugh sigh. I'm not jealous of them personally I'm generally jealous that my social life has hit a major low recently.
Ah well eh! Maybe it's not a bad thing us drifting apart a bit as she clearly doesn't take friendship that seriously, only when it suits her.
I just want a new job where I can meet new people and hopefully new friends! Hopefully soon. :)
Ah it's hard when friendships fade a bit. Maybe she really was tired. It'd bother me too. Do well, that's the best thing to do. Get a new job, a couple of new friends at a new workplace, maybe a new bf and then give her a call for a catch up.
Well if that 19 year old can get a job there you can.
Contact your old colleagues. Tell them you miss them and want to go out on the next payday night out. Be assertive and be honest, there must be some good hearted people amongst them.
New job, new people, new friends. That's the way forward.
Good luck with the result of your interview on Monday.
Charlotteee89
01-09-15, 16:10
I've been offered the job! :yahoo:
I've got the Supervisory position on the brand I really wanted working 30 hours a week! They took over a week to ring me so I was thinking I wasn't going to be offered anything so phew! (Miss Selfridge in an Outfit store), they said they really wanted me to work for them but were just indecisive about which brand they thought would suit me the most and that's why they took a while to get in touch, and as Miss Selfridge is a young, trendy brand they thought that'll suit me to the ground and it's the one of my favourite clothing stores/brands anyway! I own so much Miss Selfridge clothes! So I'm familiar with it.
I've been stressing so much about money and everything for a week now so the relief is major! I'll be earning £900 + a month plus great company benefits and a fantastic clothing allowance. :D I'll be in charge of my little brand, it's a lot of responsibility but it won't be too overwhelming (I hope) as the department is about a quarter of the size of the one I was running in the job I just left and the pay is much better as I'll be a Supervisor!
YAAAAAAAAY! :w00t2:
HOORAY ! :yahoo:
Oh that's great news. That's a bit better than baby clothes isn't it !
It'll be just like shopping in your favourite shop but you get paid for it.
A clothing allowance too !
Oh I'm really happy for you, well done :yesyes:
Supervisor too ya big show off :shades:
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