My parents would never let me say 'no'

[lior]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-m-flanagan/the-reason-every-kid-should-talk-back-to-their-parents_b_4226417.html

This have given me a bit of a shock. My mum would never let me say 'no' to her. If I went out to see a friend that I'd planned to see rather than staying at home to babysit at an unreasonable last minute request as a teenager, she wouldn't talk to me for days.

Now I've just done a massive 'no'. The biggest 'no' I've ever said. I've rejected my entire family since July because I am sick of being the 'emotional sponge' they talk about in this article. I am saying 'no' now, and trying my hardest to hear my own voice - what do I want to do? Rather than what everyone else demands of me.

After being conditioned my whole life to do exactly as my mother says - lord help me if I don't - I am finally asserting my right to controlling my own time, aged 25. It's really hard to say 'no' to my expert manipulator mother, but I am succeeding.

This is pervading my whole life. I am learning to say 'no' at work too. I am learning to turn down money in favour of mental health. I am learning to shed unnecessary commitments and be more selective about opportunities. I am fighting some very deep conditioning. It's difficult but each time I say 'no', I find it a little bit easier than the last time, and I feel a little bit more confident.

Please read this article if your parents never let you talk back to them. It might help you too.

[b0yer]

My only worry is you are going to have a negative relationship with your mother moving forward. Maybe sit down and have a talk with her about how you feel and tell her that you are doing this because of x,y,z and you still love her.

I don't want you to shut out your family because at the end of the day, family is all you have left.

I am not in your situation though. So I don't know what you've experienced. I can just see what a negative family relationship can do to a person.

[lior]

Well, I didn't have a choice. It was cut them out or end my life. I decided to try to save myself.

I tried to explain patiently but they did not listen, and she has been manipulative and unreasonable since then.

I don't find it helpful that you said
I don't want you to shut out your family because at the end of the day, family is all you have left.
I have already shut out my family. They haven't been supportive for a very long time before that too. If ever.

I don't need to explain myself to you. I feel a bit attacked though. I don't want you to try to tell me what to do. It's been a very difficult decision for me and I have been holding on by a thread. I need more confidence in my decisions, not less. My therapist has agreed that distancing myself from them considering their behaviour is the right thing for me.

[graham58]

Well, I didn't have a choice. It was cut them out or end my life. I decided to try to save myself.

I tried to explain patiently but they did not listen, and she has been manipulative and unreasonable since then.

I don't find it helpful that you said "
"
I have already shut out my family. They haven't been supportive for a very long time before that too. If ever.

I don't need to explain myself to you. I feel a bit attacked though. I don't want you to try to tell me what to do. It's been a very difficult decision for me and I have been holding on by a thread. I need more confidence in my decisions, not less. My therapist has agreed that distancing myself from them considering their behaviour is the right thing for me.

I'd say your therapist knows what he (or she) is talking about.

[Brunette]

You don't get to choose your family - if they behave in a way that you wouldn't accept from other people then you are under no obligation to put up with it.

[Cheesemonster13]

Sometimes it's the only thing you can do, lior. Nobody should treat you like crap, and that includes your family. It affects your sense of self-worth, and ultimately your mental health.

I've just got back from a family visit, and my nerves are still jangling. Just getting on the train made me feel that I've escaped from a living hell. It shouldn't be like that, but it is.