Made it to work today but still wired

[wabbit1]

I took yesterday off work as I was just panicking about how I am no good at the job and how the pupils deserve so much better from their teacher. I have just lost complete faith in my own ability.

In my personal life I'm just feeling useless too. I'm still in the same place I was a year ago and nothing is getting better. I had been feeling much more positive for a few months but now my mood has plummeted and anxiety levels soared. I just feel so tense. My usual release was self-harm but I'm trying to fight that and I'm kinda winning that battle.

I'm struggling to get to work but I'm more self-destructive when I am on my own so I get there somehow.

Anyway at GP today he has asked the CPN I saw last year to get back in touch for support and is referring back to Psychology.

I just can't stop feeling like a complete waste of space and totally not worthy. I feel so guilty that people are going through so much more than me and I am so selfsh.

[Annie0904]

Don't be hard on yourself, you shouldn't be feeling guilty at all. lack of self worth is a symptom of depression. It is good that you have seen your doctor and that he is getting more support for you, You have a very stressful job with a lot of pressure (I worked in secondary school) try to do things for yourself to help you relax, maybe have a massage or reflexology, anything to give you 'Me' time. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Sunflower2]

I feel EXACTLY the same! I struggle to get out to do my stuff I need to do in the day, yet I feel better once I'm out. And when I stay at home I get in a vicious circle of despair. I'm also in the middle of switching treatment so been left to my own devices while the nhs decide who is going to treat me :(
Don't give up, you're not alone and don't feel guilty about this, we didn't ask to feel like this!

[wabbit1]

Thanks - too much me time isn't got ATM.

I just want someone to fix it. I've tried. I've fought everyday for years. As I told doc today, I can only think of one way out. Although I don't think I'd ever go that far.

[wabbit1]

Went back to docs again today. Got some more diazepam, to take the edge off.