CalmOnTheOutside
13-11-14, 12:05
Hey
I've come across this forum a few times over the past couple of months and so figured I'd finally make the leap and join. I'm CalmOnTheOutside (COTO is easier), and I guess I've been fighting with anxiety as long as I can remember.
I had my first (and only, hopefully) 2 panic attacks when I was 8 (I'm 24 now) - once when a girl fainted in choir and the 2nd was when I thought I had been bitten by an insect. The anxiety resurfaced at random moments when I was a teenager: before a certain lesson with an unpredictable teacher, or before assembly I would worry that we would be given bad news about someone dying. I don't really get it, looking back on it, but there you go!
I moved cities with my boyfriend back in February, and that's when it first started coming to a head, I took a job in a children's home and was always worried that a child would assault me. I would worry that I haven't got enough shifts to cover our bills and food for the month (I'm currently supporting myself and my boyfriend while he complete his studies). I went to the Doctor and they just pushed pills at me dismissively and asked if I wanted to be signed off work.
Currently I've just walked out of my most recent job because my manager was affecting my mental health to the point that I started drinking heavily on a nightly basis to cope with the fact that I would have to go back. My confidence is completely shot and I just feel so jobless, isolated and lost at the moment.
And so! That's the slightly (though not very) abridged version of my sorry state of affairs at the moment. Hopefully I'll find my place here on NMP.
See you around
COTO
I've come across this forum a few times over the past couple of months and so figured I'd finally make the leap and join. I'm CalmOnTheOutside (COTO is easier), and I guess I've been fighting with anxiety as long as I can remember.
I had my first (and only, hopefully) 2 panic attacks when I was 8 (I'm 24 now) - once when a girl fainted in choir and the 2nd was when I thought I had been bitten by an insect. The anxiety resurfaced at random moments when I was a teenager: before a certain lesson with an unpredictable teacher, or before assembly I would worry that we would be given bad news about someone dying. I don't really get it, looking back on it, but there you go!
I moved cities with my boyfriend back in February, and that's when it first started coming to a head, I took a job in a children's home and was always worried that a child would assault me. I would worry that I haven't got enough shifts to cover our bills and food for the month (I'm currently supporting myself and my boyfriend while he complete his studies). I went to the Doctor and they just pushed pills at me dismissively and asked if I wanted to be signed off work.
Currently I've just walked out of my most recent job because my manager was affecting my mental health to the point that I started drinking heavily on a nightly basis to cope with the fact that I would have to go back. My confidence is completely shot and I just feel so jobless, isolated and lost at the moment.
And so! That's the slightly (though not very) abridged version of my sorry state of affairs at the moment. Hopefully I'll find my place here on NMP.
See you around
COTO