View Full Version : Reassurance
..... oh that old chestnut! With HA you don't get it and if you do it is short lived. Please for anybody reading this who is in the camp of telling people to get it checked out or see the doctor for piece of mind when someone is worrying about an irrational health fear DON'T DO IT! By prefixing that to the front of any advice they are already thinking " yes that's what I'll do, they think I need to see the doctor, where's the phone book?"- you've lost them. Reassurance seeking in its many guises is the food of health anxiety.
almamatters
13-11-14, 18:53
I do agree with your advice, but I am afraid and I know from my own experience,that when someone is in the grip of HA, reassurance from whatever source is all that seems to work. I know this is short term and pretty futile as the mind just calms down about one health fear and immediately starts another one. I had CBT 8 years ago and while it did help with several of my problems, I have never really got to grips with HA. I sometimes reassure people on this site or share experiences as I know how debilitating HA can be.
What I have noticed is that much of the time, posters who seek reassurance will actually only acknowledge replies that fuel their anxiety.
You can reassure all you like, but the only thing that seems to sink in is, "oh yes, I have that too and I'm terrified. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow and insist he tests me for x,y and z. How did yours start?"
The posts that say, "I had this and it passed, once I realised it was anxiety." tend to get ignored. The ones that ask, "What are you doing to address your anxiety issues?" definitely do!
Reassurance may feel good to give and but it is not passive as as Chickpea says it only feeds and fuels HA. People may have a different opinion of how best to support on this forum but that is definitely mine.
What I have noticed is that much of the time, posters who seek reassurance will actually only acknowledge replies that fuel their anxiety.
You can reassure all you like, but the only thing that seems to sink in is, "oh yes, I have that too and I'm terrified. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow and insist he tests me for x,y and z. How did yours start?"
The posts that say, "I had this and it passed, once I realised it was anxiety." tend to get ignored. The ones that ask, "What are you doing to address your anxiety issues?" definitely do!
BAM! That's so true! And you know the poster is in a HA meltdown because the main symptom of reassurance seeking is the "yeah but's".....
Positive thoughts
almamatters
13-11-14, 19:26
I am guilty of reassurance seeking myself and if it helps me in the short term is that such a bad thing? But I do agree with you all, ultimately it does fuel the anxiety.
You answered your own question ALma. I too am guilty of asking and giving reassurance in the past. The reason I started this post is I can see clearly now and have a fair understanding on the workings of health anxiety. The compulsive hand washer gains short term relief when their fingers are scrubbed within an inch of their life ...... until the next time :hugs: Lucia
Sunflower2
13-11-14, 20:24
I think that it's a form of ocd! I have ocd about germs and nothing will satisfy the obsession until you've reassured yourself a hundred times or more. Or ever really! It's the what ifs about things that might have some how been missed and not being in control and having to believe what other people are telling you when your mind is telling you the opposite! And then even when you've calmed yourself down, a tiny thought pops into you head about another possibility and you can't stop the snowballing effect of your thoughts.
Reassurance seeking doesn't make you a BAD person, but it is a BAD idea. Until you can stop asking for reassurance, you will not get over HA. I don't underestimate how hard that can be. There have been times when I have been desperate for reassurance, and I have asked maybe two or three times on here, but the reassured feeling never lasts. It's difficult to stop it cold turkey, but you can do it in stages. Try putting a post it note on your computer/iPad etc, to remind you not to google or ask for reassurance. It may take some time before you can stop completely, but eventually it will get easier. When you feel the urge, get off the computer and turn your attention to something else.
Ooh believe me I had to make a conscious decision and a big effort to to break my habit no more broken record questions to my mam and hubby, no more mammograms, smears etc. My husband used to be the voice of reason but I could not hear him. I could only hear him when he said of course Lucia that is normal fat, of course Lucia that mole has been there for 25 years etc. Oh how he is one happy man now:D
What I have noticed is that much of the time, posters who seek reassurance will actually only acknowledge replies that fuel their anxiety.
You can reassure all you like, but the only thing that seems to sink in is, "oh yes, I have that too and I'm terrified. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow and insist he tests me for x,y and z. How did yours start?"
The posts that say, "I had this and it passed, once I realised it was anxiety." tend to get ignored. The ones that ask, "What are you doing to address your anxiety issues?" definitely do!
this is bang on the money. I think many of us HA sufferers can admit that we've searched for reassurance from time to time, but speaking for myself, when certain things are ignored, it makes me want to shake them. :scared15: Even though I know (from experience) it's not their fault, but then I think when I've searched for reassurance before, I've taken on board different opinions and the support this forum is for.
We are all at different stages of understanding and recovering from HA. When I read the reassurance seeking posts of those who are still chasing their tale and not taking on board advice my first reaction is frustration. However, I then remember the power HA had on me especially the obsessive component which obliterates every bit of rational thought. I was in a frenzy not able to even here the advice just needing a reassurance fix. Anyone who is in that situation and got to this point in this post without dismissing it, please try your hardest to step back and listen to many people who have or are on the way to beating HA when they say REASSURANCE DOES NOT WORK.
I used to be the best at seeking reassurance; from family and friends, Dr Google and this forum. I made a conscious decision to stop it for a number of reasons.
1. It didn't actually really help me, any googling ALWAYS ending up with me feeling worse.
2. My family and especially my husband ended up rolling their eyes at me. I realised that I was making their lives miserable too.
3. Only a real doctor is qualified to assess me, even a GP can't do it over the internet so why should I expect someone on an Internet forum be able to?
I am lucky that I have a fantastic GP who sees me regularly so that I can address any concerns with her. This helps me stop seeking reassurance in other places and actually the length of time between our visits are getting longer. I find I don't need her reassurance about things now, I just see her to get normal checks done that I can't face doing myself eg breast checks.
Don't get me wrong, I still have to talk myself out of googling things. Just last night my tongue hurt and I wanted to know why, I thought 'I'll just ask google' then I realised that it wouldn't help and would probably make it become something sinister. Guess what? Today my tongue is fine!
Battling HA and these thoughts is hard work, but it's making my life easier and me and my family happier!
Hard to say about these things.
While most of the cases here are people just having random anxiety symptoms (of which there are a wiiide variety, as we all know), it's a fact that people do get sick. What's important is that you don't immediately freak out when you feel/start feeling something strange - the body has many many random pains, sensations and so forth, so usually it passes in a few days. However, if after a few days you are not feeling better, or if the symptoms (especially pain) are really unbearable, then the doctors are there to help you.
So, important thing: differentiating from something real and something psychosomatic using certain criteria, such as intensity of the pain, timeline of the symptoms and how long they last.
Obviously, you first need to rule out the most obvious possible causes of your symptoms (for example if you just ate a ton of food, and feeling palpitations, or slight stomach ache, there's probably an apparent connection) and work on yourself in general (with regular exercise, balanced diet, regular sleep schedule, maybe meditation etc.).
I think you make a valid point. People with HA have to learn to think like someone who doesn't. If for example my husband had a headache then he will take painkillers if it gets too bad. If he still has the same headache after a few weeks he might think about seeing a doctor.
When my HA was at it's worse I would assume that the headache was because of a deadly disease. Now that I have regular appointments with my doctor, I leave all of the 'what is causing this' to her and not my imagination or Dr Google.
I think you make a valid point. People with HA have to learn to think like someone who doesn't. If for example my husband had a headache then he will take painkillers if it gets too bad. If he still has the same headache after a few weeks he might think about seeing a doctor.
When my HA was at it's worse I would assume that the headache was because of a deadly disease. Now that I have regular appointments with my doctor, I leave all of the 'what is causing this' to her and not my imagination or Dr Google.
Really good point.
The majority of the population don't think diaorrhea is bowel cancer, a headache is a brain tumour, pins and needles is MS etc.
HA sufferers are no more or less likely to have any of these conditions than the rest of the population.
Think of all your friends and neighbours who never give their health more than a second thought. Actually, think of a friend you know who suffers from migraines/IBS/back ache - do you spend your time thinking THEY have a brain tumour/bowel cancer/ovarian cancer?
The best way to rationalise your HA thoughts is to project them not someone you know and ask yourself whether you have the same worries for them.
MyNameIsTerry
21-11-14, 08:07
:wall::wall::wall:
Whats the head banging for luc? All seems valid responses on here.
Ooh more than valid Terry. That is me getting my point across all arse about face. I wake up, make a coffee and have 10 mins before I get the kids up and hav a look at NMP. Most of the time I cannot offer any support as I have nothing left to say to some of the postees (a word??). Therefore I just bumped the reassurance post hence the hitting my head on a brick wall. Like I said Terry arse about face.
MyNameIsTerry
21-11-14, 09:38
Ah, I'm with you now, I wasn't sure if it was about points made.
Something I wanted to ask, I have GAD & OCD so can understand elements of the obsessional nature but not HA completely, but does everyone think its more about complete removal of reassurance or a form of habituation where you can Google with reaction or look at a physical symptom and apply the same rational thinking that you would have before the HA?
The reason I ask is because as an OCD sufferer I see that many people without anxiety disorders also have the same symptoms but to what is considered a normal range. For instance, whenever we get intrusive thoughts threads (especially sexual or harm ones) the requirement seems to be that they need to be gone completely but this is unrealistic as studies have proved that non anxiety disorder sufferers get them too but never really noticed them. To some extent the same can be seen in some of the rituals. Think about the old "touch wood" thing which is completely irrational and fits into one of mine, Magical Thinking OCD.
So, in seeing that HA and OCD share a lot of common ground, I wonder whether everyone needs complete irridication or some level of normalisation? I've seen a couple of threads on here before where therapists are using ERP to habituate clients to the stimulus so they can tolerate it or change their views to it, the latter would seem to fit with CBT's usual aims. Whilst I can appreciate this is a massive uphill task that can appear impossible until you start seeing it happen, it was for me with OCD, I wonder where everyone wants to get to that same position.
For me in terms of my OCD, I want to be able to decouple the association between the ritual or stimulus with the anxiety and then back out the ritual completely. Is this the same for HA in that people want to be able to Google and question their health in a more productive manner as opposed to the 'what ifs' and catastrophizing or does reassurance need a more permanent removal?
Hi terry, just going into work but will definitely respond as soon as possible as this is of great interest to me, Lucia.
Hi Terry,
The aim for me and for most CBT practitioners is to not completely cut out a ritual but to rewind back to pre-HA. So I would ask for reassurance in the past, have tests at the doctors, give blood etc get the results and that would be enough. The obsessive part of HA requires you to catastophize, exhaust every search, disbelieve the medics etc. In my case I also did a lot of ruminating and had to remember dates an conversations with nurses or consultants from way back. I once phoned a smear clinic asking them if they still had results filed from 1988 !!! I knew my behavior was not rational and from very early on thought of HA in the same terms as OCD. If I could only choose one word in relation to HA (well my HA) it would be control. I had to control the fear with rituals. I needed to exhaust every thought in order to neutralise them. Like OCD I could rub an area on my chest over and over again until my head allowed me to switch of . I have never had one hang up with say my legs or my head for example, so the way I touch these areas is the way People with out HA touch their entire body. Even now that I am so much better i am completely conscious when touching parts of my body. I think I'm waffling , so I'll leave it for now Lucia.
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