A little update from me

[IrishLondon]

Hey everyone,

I am exhausted - just had my second counselling session and boy oh boy did I let it out. Basically didn't stop crying from the moment I sat down to the moment I left.

I've been extremely anxious today and yesterday. Just when i thought i was getting a handle on this anxiety spike it came back and bashed me over the head. Increasing my sertraline dose might have done it or maybe stress at work. Who knows with this anxiety eh?

But the good cry at the counsellor certainly helped a lot tension that I had clearly be building up over the past few days. It's made it clear from talking to her that i've been bottling a lot of stuff up for years. In a way she see's the anxiety as a positive thing as she hope's it will make me change things in my life.

Would really love the increased sertraline to kick soon! No rush or anything sertraline!! :-) I've been toying with reducing the dose again as not sure if I can take the increased anxiety....but i've heard its so common, and if you push through, it gets better.

Anyway, after the counselling I went for one beer with my mate. So i'm in a talky mood. if you read this - let me know how you're doing - i'm up for a bit of a chat tonight!

Ryan

[chickpea]

Sounds gruelling...but constructive, Ryan!
Better to exorcise all the crap that you've been carrying around with you - your counsellor sounds good.
If you can, push on through the side effects of the new dose - not only because you've already come through so far and it would be a shame to have to do it all again in a few weeks, but also because you are showing yourself that you can get through even awful anxiety without falling apart.

I've had a weird couple of days. Not anxiety but some kind of depression (although not like depression I've had before) - one moment I'm ok, the next a wave of desolation and numbness sweeps over me. Very unsettling. I did an internet trawl last night, and think it may be side effects of the contraceptive pill I've been taking for the last month - lots of people saying it gave them horrible mood swings and depression, exactly as I've experienced. It doesn't help that I am a stay-at-home mum, with not enough to distract me - I used to have a pretty amazing career that I loved (you might even have seen me on tv...lol) but I gave it up to look after my children and haven't really filled the void.

I have also had some stomach issues, which I think are being caused by taking too much magnesium (I have Crohn's and IBS, but it's not that), so I'm ditching that too.
Onwards and upwards!

[IrishLondon]

Hey Chickpea!

Always love getting a message from you!! And nice to hear a bit about you - I always wonder about the lives of the people who support me on here! On TV eh?? I work in the media too - wonder I manage to hold a job down when i'm like this but I seem to get away with it...just!

I'm sorry to hear the depression has hit you a bit over the past few days - but well done finding out why it might be. Is it possibly to change the pill you are on?

I understand what you mean about the void. In a weird way, i'm the other way around. I have the busy high-paced career, but actually really miss having my family around me and do often think about chucking it all in and heading back to Ireland and opening a coffee shop, a book store or gardening centre! Or maybe all three together - actually that's not a bad idea :)

I know you're going through a bit of a tough time right now Chick - but you are a brilliant person and although I don't know you, I know you've got it into you to get through this like you have before.

Thanks again!
Ryan

[chickpea]

I'm going to give up on the Pill (should never have been prescribed it because it doesn't get absorbed if you have diaorrhea anyway - which is a bit of a feature of Crohn's!!)
My career was as a musician in a professional orchestra. :) I've performed all over the country (Royal Albert Hall!), on tv, radio, cds, with lots of famous people. It's how I met my husband - we toured together - and he still does it; he's a percussionist. I needed to be at home with our 2 children, but now they are both at school all day, I get bored. I don't have any family nearby, so it can be pretty lonely if I don't make the effort to het out and see people. I love baking, so my dream would be to have a little cafe or cake shop - I make cakes and bread for friends and things like school fayres etc.
My daughter has ADHD, which can be stressful - so baking is my therapy.:yesyes:

I'm learning mindfulness to help with things, and you know, I've been through some pretty horrendous times before (carjacking at knifepoint, for example), so a day or 2 of the blues isn't going to beat me. Just wish I felt more like eating - I hate the nausea that comes with it all.

Let's keep buggering on, eh?:hugs:
I don't think you realise how upbeat you sound, Ryan, compared to a couple of weeks ago.:yesyes::yesyes:

[IrishLondon]

Wow Chick!! In an orchestra....that's amazing!! Sounds like you had an amazing time. I really love music...I used to play the clarinet and the piano when i was younger. But gave both up when I went to Uni. What instrument did you play?

Baking is definitely something i'd like to be good at. Although I'd probably end up eating all the cake myself which wouldn't be very good! I'm definitely better at eating than baking i'd say!

I've read a lot about mindfulness, and I really believe in it. So much good evidence for it. I've downloaded the apps, but I just need to do it, rather than read about it. Although I do do find just reading about it quite calming as well.

Thanks for saying I sound more upbeat...I am trying. :) Big hugs to you!!

[chickpea]

I am a flautist - one of the generation of little girls inspired by Ireland's very own James Galway (I've met him and he's lovely!).
Which part of Ireland are you from? I've played in the Opera House in Belfast a few times - lovely city!

I love eating cake, which is what motivates me to bake - I am famous among my friends for always baking! By rights, I should be HUGE but Crohn's keeps my weight down. Sadly,I am about to trial a diet which is dairy and gluten-free among other things, so baking could prove challenging...

I think the Headspace Take Ten mindfulness would really suit you, Ryan. The chap who founded it is really laid back in his approach - he talks like a mate you might have. No hippy dippiness - just good explanations about our thought processes. The little animations are really helpful too.
Give it a whirl!

[Carnation]

Hi Ryan and Chickpea.

Glad your session went well. I was just the same. Crying definitely helped me release a lot of my stress and worries. Although you feel a bit awkward about it, these people are used to it and they say it is one of the best things you can do. I always feel better the next day. :)

Oh chickpea, we have a lot in common. My Partner is a professional musician and I have also had a short span myself. And last year we had a little Teashop by the sea with vintage crockery and everything homemade. We had to give it up due to illness. It was one of my dreams, but it was actually really hard work, but at least I can say that I lived the experience. We also had a Pub by the river and that was easier to run than the Teashop! Now I do nothing, well; apart from look after ageing Parents.:ohmy:

[Primula]

Hi Irish, in the beginning I used to feel a bit more anxious after a counselling session, I think it's normal, because you are facing your anxiety head on, and crying is a marvellous release for all of us. Hope you are feeling better today.