need advice for bf with anxiety!!

[Elz0710]

Need advice!!
Last week my bf of nearly a year who I live with had his first panic/anxiety attack. I was sadly out of the country at the time but as soon as I got back the next day I could tell how distressed he was and he had completely changed.
Since last week pretty much every day he has been very very on edge and has had an attack nearly every day.

I am trying my best to be there for him when these attacks come on, usually in the middle of the night. I rub his back, am calm and he usually doesn't want to talk.
The only thing is he has become very agitated by me and seems to not like me on a daily basis despite me being extremely patient and calm and doing pretty much whatever he wants.

He doesn't want to talk to me, goes to bed early, doesn't hug or kiss and snaps over the littlest of things.
We had an argument the other night because he blocked me, said he was going to bed then turned out he actually was talking to someone else all night.
When I brought it up he responded by putting me down, pointing out I was useless at helping him and that he isn't happy with me and hasn't been for a long time.
He broke up with me then the next day took it back and said he didn't mean it.

Obviously this has put me on edge now.
I am trying to not argue with him or do anything to make him uneasy or upset as I know this isn't his fault and it's an illness.
I just need to know how much I should put up with (I know that's a horrible way to put it)
And btw if I do try and talk calmly about how anything is making me feel, I'm being selfish according to him.

How do I support him and handle these situations which are pretty much verging on emotional abuse?
Please help, thank you!

[Oosh]

I appreciate he has had a panic attack and must be agitated now. He could be walking around feeling like he has this incredibly big worry on his shoulders and only wants to focus on that so when you attempt to communicate with him he can't help but snap at you.

HOWEVER i don't think you can be expected to put up with a lot of that behaviour you've written about. It's effectively him taking his stress out on you.

I think all you can do is somehow communicate to him, maybe in an email, that you're trying to be understanding and you really want to help if he allows you to but these things (the poor behaviour towards you you've written about) you are finding unacceptable and he needs to show a bit of empathy to how this all must make you feel.

Communicating that to him is NOT selfish.
Not liking being treated like that is NOT selfish.

With that communicated to him, when you're next there helping and showing support, let's hope he shows a bit of empathy towards you and sees there's a line there that shouldn't be crossed.

I don't see any reason why he should be treating you badly just because he has had a panic attack while you were away.

If he continues then he has nobody to blame for what happens next as you put a great deal of effort into communicating to him how you feel.

[Dazza123]

I can be quite unfriendly to my other half at times especially if I am not feeling great or in the middle of a panic attack. I do my best to temper it, but I have explained to them that they must take no notice and reassure them that its the anxiety. Thankfully he is used to it now and understands, but you need to communicate to your other half that its not nice and ask them to take your feelings into consideration also. If you generally have a good relationship then its clearly just his anxiety that is making him this way, but he does need to understand how it makes you feel and attempt to have some control whilst he is feeling this way. A panic attack is very scary, so do try to be understanding, but obviously do not let him be mean to you because that isn't fair.

[Elz0710]

Thanks for the advice guys, I tried to talk to him about how his words hurt and he's broken up with me now. I know I tried all I could he's made it clear he doesn't want to be with me anyway.
Oh well.

[Oosh]

Oh no. Sorry to hear that.

I still think you've done the right thing. I think respect and being treated right has to come before everything.

I don't know what's gone on there but it seems to be more than just a panic attack.

If communicating to your partner that things are upsetting you results in a break up something's wrong. I wouldn't want to be with someone who treated me like that, panic attack or not.