Mind Doesn't Stop - Can You Relate?

[SOBAY310]

Hi All,

I've dealt with anxiety on and off for the last few years. I went quite some time without even thinking about anxiety, no panic attacks or anything until one hit me really hard about a month ago. Prior to that spell a month ago, I was back to my anxiety-free self, or so I thought.

Now here I am struggling more than ever. I can't get my mind to shutup. I bounce from one spectrum to another, here's an example of what is going on in my mind at any given time today:

Feeling pretty good, then think about my kids and get depressed that they have to grow up, then I start to get depressed about how we all have to die at some point and be separated from our loved ones. I then start to think that maybe I'm depressed. Bounce back to anxiety and start to get nervous about taking my daughter to a football stadium because I might have a panic attack. Then I focus on my breathing. What if I can't ever catch my breath? Why do I feel sick after I eat? Then I start thinking about how I almost chocked eating a few months ago and I still think about it everytime I eat which triggers my anxiety which then makes me feel sick after I eat. Now I start to feel really sad because I can't enjoy life without thinking about all this stuff and fighting anxiety on top of everything else.

END OF EXAMPLE

So, you see? This is me every day now. It's like I have to talk to myself to block everything out and then it's like I'm having a fight within my brain. One side says all is good and the other side says "I'm bringing everything I got". Count your breaths, count your swallows, your blinks, here comes anxiety, you are depressed, one day you'll end up in the nut house.

It's seriously making me so sad and I feel like I'm nuts and letting my family down because I can't just be me again. For once things seem great. I have a great new job, money situation is good, kids are healthy, etc. Yet now this stupid mind of mine and anxiety feel like it's going to take be down a very scary path that I can't control.

I hope somebody out there can relate to what I'm trying to say. Hope I didn't come across as a loon. It was the only way I could explain what's going on.

Love you all.


Thank you.

[cmclarke]

If you're a loon, I'm a loon. I have definitely been there. I don't know what takes us down these spirals. Some people just worry more than others, can imagine a lot of worse case scenarios, are waiting for the "other shoe to drop". When everything is going well, sometimes I just feel like something has to go wrong. Maybe we've watched too many movies?

I had to manage my anxiety at first with medication, just to help my brain be more rational. My rock bottom was going to the ER for a heart attack (panic attack) that was an expensive outcome of my anxiety. There are many roads to recovery, you have to find yours.

you can start with your main doctor, see if they can give you medication. I had lexapro which was great, I had no side effects. I didn't stay on it longer than a few months though. Then Cognitive behavioral therapy, or any therapy. I've also done meditation, acupuncture (really good).

But the main thing that helps me is exercise! Getting out there and moving the body. Proving to myself that I am strong and healthy, and can breath just fine on my own. Also, getting together with friends, bringing me back into the rational world.

Just throw everything you can at this problem and see what "Sticks"...what helps you.

Now I am just trying to live in the moment. And not obsess about the future. I can't waste any more time worrying!! I've wasted too much already.
good luck!

[SOBAY310]

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I guess I just need to understand that this running of the mind is related to my anxiety, but I wish I could make the noise stop. Sometimes a few minutes go by where I'm feeling great because I managed to block it out of my mind, then it's like the phrase "hey, you can't enjoy things, you have to worry about anxiety and sad things, remember?" floods back in my mind.

It's so tiring having these mind battles and at times I just feel like crying and saying I give up, my kids and wife deserve better than me and my fearful mind that won't let me enjoy each day given to me.

Thanks again.