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scooter22
14-11-14, 23:22
Hello :) I'm posting here because I need some advice and I'm not really sure where to turn. I've been having extreme anxiety towards my relationship with my boyfriend and I'm not really sure why. Nothing is going wrong in our relationship (except for my constant need to worry), he's a great guy and I love him very much. I constantly find myself worrying that we will one day breakup and I will be left without him. The thoughts result in a rapid heart beat, panic attacks, and sometimes excessive crying. I feel so neurotic. We've been dating for over two years, I don't know why I can't just let go of my worries. The strange thing is that I worry I will be the one who ends the relationship. I feel like I have the power to mess everything up and that scares me. I've talked to him about my feelings, and he's totally supportive and understanding, but I feel the need to come on a forum like this where other people with anxiety may be able to help me out and give me some advice. I constantly have intrusive anxious thoughts all day and it's really starting to get to me. I really just want my anxiety to go away but I don't know how. I don't want the solution to my excessive worries about losing my boyfriend to be breaking up. I love him so much and I don't want this to impact our relationship. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?
Just to clarify, this is not the only thing I have anxiety about. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and social anxiety, for which I am currently taking medication. I tend to worry about every little day matters along with social situations, but this worry about my relationship is just being blown out of proportion.

Oosh
15-11-14, 09:36
I think you can have generally high levels of anxiety and it can focus itself on anything going on in your life.
Anxious people worry about work
Anxious people worry about relationships
Health
Cleanliness
Illness etc etc

So, like me and many others here you probably just have high levels of anxiety in general right now. Your mind is prone to worrying and getting neurotic about things in your life.

Your bf is very important emotionally to you and probably socially. It's understandable that you'd focus on this area.

But this implies also that you've focused on this scenario. Not sensations in your body, not leaving the house but this specific scenario of you messing things up with your bf and for some reason ending the relationship.

I think you are in control of what you focus on, how you see your bf, how you see yourself, your relationship and the world. And I think where your thoughts/focus goes your moods follow.

Seeing your bf and your relationship like this is just one way to see it.

What is the scenario you see where you end up ending the relationship ?
What happens ?

Try and just observe these anxieties too without giving them any weight or meaning. Observe you having them but let them just pass through. Just because an anxious part of your mind threw them up that doesn't mean they have any basis in reality. Recognise them as anxious thoughts and that that type of thought is a bit neurotic, over exaggerates things and you've found them not to be very helpful to you so now you choose to dismiss them and let them keep flowing through your mind and on their way. You do this knowing that (insert a much more rational, realistic view of your relationship, your bf and yourself)

Then there is these high levels of general anxiety you're feeling.
Have you been to the docs and had your levels of everything checked, like hormones ? There can be physiological reasons why your anxiety levels are cranked up high. I'm talking more about your thyroid pumping out the right levels of hormones.

How is your nutrition ?

Allergies, sugar intake, gluten tolerance etc
All of these things can play a part in that baseline level of anxiety being high leading to becoming neurotic.

Do you take fish oil ? I read recently that high doses of EPA in fish oil can reduce anxiety levels in ANYONE, whether your levels were high or not. It cleans up certain things in the blood stream that leads to lower levels of anxiety.

Exercise can be helpful too by burning up all of those excess stress hormones.

Don't let things get on top of you. Over time you can improve things.