View Full Version : the school playground!!!!
HI EVERYONE
IT WAS MY DAUGHTERS FIRST DAY BACK AT SCHOOL TODAY AND I WAS REALLY ANXIOUS SO DID,NT SLEEP A WINK!!!
DOES ANYONE ELSE WAKE UP AND JUSTT DREAD TAKING THE CHILDREN?I LOOK AT ALL THE OTHER MUMS IN THE PLAYGROUND AND THEY LOOK SO RELAXED JUST CHATTING AWAY!I,M STOOD THERE HOPPING FROM ONE FOOT TO THE OTHER,JELLY LEGS AND HEART RACING!WAITING FOR THAT BELL TO GO IS LIKE AN ETERNITY!!!I ALSO WAIT IN MY CAR RIGHT UP UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE SO I DON,T HAVE TO STAY IN THE PLAYGROUND TOO LONG
SORRY TO MOAN JUST FEELING A BIT CHEESED OFF
TAKE CARE
RACH X
Hi Rach, you'd probably find that lots of those 'confident' mothers aren't together as they look. Many people just put on a good show and are often hiding the same kind of anxiety as we suffer. Don't let them bother you and concentrate on your child, after all that's why you're there.
Love Jo
Rach, I really understand what you are saying, this has been a long time dread of mine. I have 2 children, one is now 12 and makes his own way to big school, my daughter is 8 years old and wants mummy to walk her to school (all the way).
There are lots of mums in the playground, like you say they all look so relaxed and I find I am very jittery, its like my breathing is JOLTING and I hyperventilate [:I]
Also Ive notised the mums who are very CLICKY make me feel even worse, why this is I dont know ? I find they seem to be judging other people alot, and I dont like that sort of person.
So I made alot of good friends with the mums who were what i call "nice mums" they make me feel more relaxed and also Ive told them about my panic attacks and they are so nice and supportive.
If I take a funny turn they will do anything for me, they will let me go home and stay with my daughter if Im really bad.
These are the sort of people I think we need to support us.
So I think over time you will find it gets easier, it has for me although i still have very bad days. Is there a bench you can sit on ?
or how about taking some music to listen to.
Honestly Rach , you are certainly not alone with this problem (shame our kids dont go to the same school) cos we could support each other
:D
The more you think about doing it the harder it will be,so try to distract those thoughts.
You can do it, some things just take practise.
mirryx
thanks jo it really does help to know i,m not alone
and mirry thankyou for your kind words!i do have lots of friends up the school but none of them know about my anxiety and i,m finding it really hard to keep covering it up.i feel like i am distancing myself from them(e.g staying in the car until the last minute).i would like to be able to tell them but i think once i do they will notice it even more or keep looking at me to see how i,m acting
sorry to moan and thankyou so much for taking the time to reply
i really do wish that our children all went to the same scholl too then we could all help each other!!!!
take care
rach x
Hi Rach,
Have you ever spokent ot the teachers or school about it?
I'm a primary school teacher and have suffered with severe anxiety and panic attacks for many years now. I once ahd a mum with the exact same problems as you - the parents used to come into the class room with their children in the mornings - and I noticed she was having difficulties. One day I sat down with her for a chat, and it all came pouring out!
Since then, she has been able to come in and not feel threatened - try it, you never know!!
Caramelxxxxxxxxxxx
LickeyEndBlues
04-01-07, 14:21
Hi Rach,
School playgrounds can be a real lonely place at times. I have had a couple of periods where I have done the school run on a daily basis and both times were very different.
First off I felt really isolated and rarely spoke with anyone, it was a case of in and out as quickly as possible but trying to be there for the kids when they came out.
Second time, different school, I had actually joined the school Parents and Friends association and that made a heck of a difference.
As has already been said, you are probably not alone in that playground feeling the way you do and covering up how you feel is just adding to your difficulty. You mentiom you have many friends who take their kids, is it posible to tell one of them a little of how you feel.....I guess that is easier to say than do though.
Take care
Iain
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?
Hi
New here but i am a recovered sufferer. Still consider myself Phobic like once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. What id like to add here is its not just the school yard but the library the supermarket the Mall anyplace people congregate! And it all stems from worry about what others will think if they "KNOW" What if i have an attack and they see? what will they think? We feel they can see our nerves right thru our skin. THEY CANT Ive had full blown panic attacks in public in my office and guess what NO one even knew! But we still worry. A big part of recovery is to NOT give a DAMN what other people think but to think about how we feel! Youre not going to have an attack and go screaming around pulling your hair out and even if you did youd probably look real funny LOL. Just kidding. People cannt see anxiety they only see a person who is quiet and contemplative. Believe that what others think is only secondary and you will not feel so worried about making yourself look silly
Hey start thinking about you, not about how others percieve you
Dan
Dan
thankyou all for your replies!
caramel-i would like to talk to my daughters teacher about it but i don,t think shes the approachable type!!!!!i think perhaps if i did hopefully she wouldn,t keep my daughters class in so long!she always seems to be the last one out!!!!lol
iain-yeah i know what you are saying is right and i don,t know wether trying constantly to hide my anxiety is stressing me out even more!!!!!!!but i think telling one friend would be like opening a whole can of worms!!!!!!
dan-yeah it is true i ALWAYS worry about what others think thats my problem(or so my hubby keeps telling me!!!!!!!!!!!!)perhaps i should take a leaf out of your book!
well thankyou all i,m so grateful that other people understand without judging me
take care rach x
Hi Rach, I told my daughter's school on both occasions when I had really bad episodes of depression and anxiety. It made all the difference. I never tried to hide it and found that some parents were very supportive. It also makes a difference to the teacher to know if you're having problems as sometimes it can affect childrens' behaviour.
When I told my daughter's school a year ago, the head said that explained why she had been falling asleep in class as I wasn't able to get her to bed at a reasonable hour.
Good luck. Support often comes from the most unlikely of sources.
Love Jo xx
Hi there...
Today i had a really horrible day taking and collecting my boy! I drove the 3 minute walk this morning and i left it until the very last minute this afternoon and i drove the 3 minute walk to collect him. Luckily....by the time i got there everyone else had gone (more or less).
I would suggest maybe leaving it a bit later so you don't have that wait...i hate the waiting!! Other than that, have a word with the teacher. All my sons previous teachers have known i am agoraphobic and we've had special arrangements at times where i have collected my son from the reception rather than having to wait in the crowds.
Sarah
I know this is going to sound cruel but as i read these posts i see a lot of compassion but mostly i see people looking for an easy way out or a better way to avoid something . Not gonna work!!! Believe me BEEN THERE DONE THAT! I know when your feeling bad your main concern is to pull your head in your shell and have that warm fuzzy feeling. But that isnt gonna make the problem go away. I am unfortunately suggesting confronting the fear (But only a little bit at a time.) its sorta like getting a bruise you have a scab build up a little bit at a time to protect the sore and allow it to heal. Your nearves are the same way the more they get sore the more easily they will feel anxiety. YOU have to build up that scab and as the nearves heal they become less prone to anxiety. How do you do it? Not by shying away as youd like to think but just the opposite. Instead of the meant well " leave a little later for school to avoid it leave a minute earlier and relax its only a minute but your building up that scab maybe next week leave another minute earlier and so on its a way of building up the scab a little at a time. Avoidance is gonna keep the sore open and never heal. I know its hard to do and hard to believe it works but it raelly does. and what have you got to lose you're not gonna die! You can always retreat if you feel overwhelmed but at least try. If you do what youve always done youll get what you always got!
Take it one day at a time but make that day better!
Dan
Dan
Dear Rach,
Sending you a big hug. You're not the only one that find the school run a tricky time.
I'm a primary school teacher and last year I had a mum who had really bad panics about facing the school rush and the playground mums in the morning. Once she let me know about her situation then I was able to do things to make it easier for her like letting her come in a little bit late or collecting her little girl from the quieter back door instead. If you can pluck up the courage then you could see your daughter's teacher or even send her a note or give her a call if you can't face her in person. I hope it helps.
Good luck and take care.
Love,
Bee Bee
thankyou bee bee jo61,sarahc and dan
i really do want to conquer this and i know if i could get through taking my daughter and not panicing i would have achieved something really great.
i know that i have to deal with this and really did think that after all this time i would have coped quite well,but no,every morning and afternoon i still get the same feelings!i did think about talking to the teacher but i don,t want them to single her out(you know what children are like,asking why she is doing something different)i have 2 daughters aged 10 and 15 and i haven,t told them of my anxiety(though i had to tell my 10 year old that my rescue remedy is breath freshner!!!!!)lol
thanks again
take care everyone
rach x
Hi Rach - you're not alone. Since I've not been working much at all of late, then I've tried to help out wherever possible including school runs.
To be honest, I'm not up in a morning and don't really help out there. Up until a few weeks before Christmas we were taking it in turns to collect my daughter and I felt anxious most of the time.
As misterg said, we shouldn't avoid these situations rather than try to cope with them. Having said that I must confess that I've avoided collecting my daughter because one day in early Dec I was asked into the classroom to have a chat with the teacher after school. She wanted to discuss her behaviour, then I was asked to see the head. It was horrid. The only thing that stopped me losing it was that I had my daughter on my lap - a great comfort.
It didn't help that they hadn't gotten to the bottom of the story and only related half the events, but I found the situation very difficult.
School runs are on my list of things not to avoid, and hopefully I'll be collecting her again from next week.
My other half also dislikes the school runs, and she doesn't suffer from anxiety. When we've chatted about it, she also has a fear of being asked into the classroom by the dreaded teacher to discuss our daughter as has happened in the past.
You're certainly not alone. Both with anxiety sufferers and all those other parents who seem so with it.
Krakers.
Hi
I know exactly how you feel, I hardly ever take the children to school, as mornings are not good for me, and the afternoon run is sometimes dreadful.
I did talk to the headmistress but she had no idea what a panic attack was! - not helpful.
My son is 9 so I always tell him if I'm not outside to walk out the school gates and I'll be waiting in my car - that takes the pressure off a little. But now my daughter has started, so I have to collect her at 1.30 and then go back at 3.10 ARH!!
I do know that the day I dont manage will be the day I stop doing it, so I try to be brave, I also stand in the playground, hopping around etc, and there is an awful lot of "clicky mums" which puts me on edge even more lol!
Dont despair, keep trying, and confide in one of the other mums, its good to have backup for the bad days!
Take care
Lisa
thankyou lisa and krackers your replies mean alot!lisa i know exactly where you are coming from about the day that you stop picking them up.this is my biggest fear and i,d like to thing no matter how i feel i always want to be there to pick her up.she only has another year and a half at this school before she goes to secondary with my eldest daughter,and i really want to be better before as i don,t want to look back and think of all the times i was afraid of going into the playground!
good luck lisa for the school runs you,ll be fine!
take care
and thanks again
rach x
Just picked up the post so my comments might be old.
Don't assume other mothers have it any easier than you.
Just because they look calm, you don't know what methods they have to use to get their cherubs to school
Plus you don't know what medication they are on.
You've probably seen the stats.
You are not alone
Regards
Brian
I agree so much with Brian. Having had the experience myself of feeling that I was the only one in the playground who was suffering, when it came down to it, and I did get chatting, half the playground mums were on anatidepressants. Good luck today with it.
Love Jo xx
thanks jo and brian
i really do want to get over this as i want to ENJOY taking her to school rather than dreading it!!!!i just think i,m such a people watcher and everyone just looks really relaxed!thanks again
take care
rach x
strawberrie
08-01-07, 12:18
hi rach, you are sooo not alone in this. i used to have major problems with picking my son up from school - i felt like all the other mums knew each other and were judging me or something. i didnt have so much of a problem dropping him off, i think because i had someone else to focus on (my son) rather than just waiting around on my own. When i had hypnotherapy, this was one of the main things we focussed on cos it was causing me so much upset.
The main thing that helped me (apart from the hypnotherapy) was that i got to know a couple of the mums on the way up to school, so we would walk up together sometimes. This really helped me as i felt like it took the spotlight off me arriving at the playground on my own - are you able to walk up there, because that might help a bit.
Another thing that really helped was when i went round to a friend's house (who is a mum at the school), there were lots of other mums there, and they were ALL talking about how scary and intimidating the playground can be - it made me realise its pretty normal to feel anxious about the school run.
I wonder if maybe you're expecting too much by wanting to ENJOY taking your daughter to school, i really dont think most people find it a very enjoyable part of the day. :D
mag
strawberrie make a very important differntiation there:
When you drop kids off it's a case of 'done and run' you control the time so theres less stress.
When you collect you have to wait an unknown amount of time until they come out ( never on time, I'd guess! ) so your stress levels rise.
Next time try this:
If you can, stand somewhere at a right angle to the other parents and watch them, not the door way.
Let your mind relax and observe without opinions the atmosphere around the other mothers, those that you thought were all 'ok'. I think you'll surprise yourself as the leakage that comes off as body language.
Happens all the time, thats why there's so much chating - nervous tension being dissipated.
HTH
Regards
Brian
Hi Ceecee...
How did you get on today?
I walked my son this morning and it was okay. I did it without the panicky feelings.
However, this afternoon i will again (as always) leave at the time he is meant to come out so when i get there, there'll be no waiting around!!!
Sarah
Hi CeeCee
I know I said it before but cant say it enough Most panic and anxiety sufferers are most worried about how others see us and feel we will do something that will reveal our problem or have a bad attack in front of them. I know that when we finally give up this fear we do not feel as anxious. Once i joined a therapy group and a field trip trip we had was to a local supermarket and our exercise was to buy something that we normally would be embarrassed to buy for example one or two grapes or a single apple or one onion. Its usually the fear of appearing different to others that make us more anxious. I know its not something we can just turn off bit we CAN start thinking different. Like most posts here I suggest you confide in one or two other mothers at the school yard. Youll find that by revealing your problem it will take the worry about them finding out by seeing you have an attack. Youll be surprised at how supportive others can be and im sure they will simpathize with you and by talking it will distract you from your waitin period. I bet as soon as you mention it to them they will tell you stories about their anxiety, depression or both and definately will talk of someone close to them that is also a sufferer.
Try it and let us know
Dan
Hi
I really understand what you are going through. Since I gave up work due to unbearable anxiety I now do the school run, I had to sell my car recently for financial reasons which has forced me to face the mums/crowds at the school (when I used to have a day off, I would do exactly the same thing and wait right until the last minute, or drive as close to the school gates as poss (even though I wasnt meant to!) so my 9 year old daughter could just jump in.
Now, that I am on foot, I do the same thing in terms of arriving at the very last minute so I do not have to endure too much anxiety, also I tend to look down at the pavement most of the way so that I do not have eye contact. It rained today, and I was relieved - I love it when it rains because it means I can hide under my umbrella, sounds sad I know!!
Our school has lots of groups/clicks too - it almost makes me feel like a child again, the one that no-body talks to. I feel isolated anyway because I dont know any of the mums, this is the first time I have been out of work and so able to do the school runs (her dad used to do them before as he worked part time).
From the outside looking in, I know that it is because of the way that I am behaving which is distancing myself from anyone. I too, would really like to try and get over this, the advice above is really useful isnt it? I hope it gets easier for you. take care.
regards
melina
Melina..
My school is the same. There are always the same group of women that talk to each other and i when on the few occassions i have arrived early i stand on my own, like a little girl. I however haven't distanced myself, perhaps i just ooze some kind of repellent as to make people not want to talk to me.
Sarah
HOLD ON RIGHT THERE!!!
There is nothing oozing from any of you and there is no repellant! And please try not to blame others for shutting us out. The fact in most cases WE are the ones who feel different and shun the others who feel normal. I bet if any one of you woke up tomorrow feeling no panic or anxiety youd be one of those moms in the group within a few days ADMIT IT! Now what does that suggest? I think that a good idea would be to either find a local group of sufferers and join them or start a group. Put an ad in a local newspaper and see who comes out of the wood work. Probably be surprised at the amount of phobics in tour own neighborhood. I was! This website is a great start but in person is even better. Imagine walking to school to pick up the kids with another person who feels the same way you do! Wow you can probably get enough people to start your own "click"..LOL
To sum up my point i think that interacting with other people who have similar things going on in there minds is the best medicine. just by not feeling so alone is a great boost. i happened to join a formal neighborhood therapy group but have heard of people placing ads and starting informal groups with meetings and all. I guarantee your're surrounded by people like yourself and dont even know it.
Hey what have you got to lose?
Dan
For me the school playground has always been the hardest place to conquer. I just make sure I stand with a friend who knows I suffer from anxiety problems and that really helps me.
http://www.mumszone.co.uk
I know how you feel. When my eldest started school I lived about half a mile away. It may have been 10 miles away for all the good it did me!
I used to walk to school with a very understanding family member and after a while, had to do it alone. I would wait till the very last minute to leave and how I got to school sometimes, I don't know.
I would run home and spent the rest of the day dreading the walk back. My youngest is now at school and I can now walk him every day. Sometimes I feel like running but for his sake I take my time and never say a word about it.
You are not alone.
It's not enough to say "I tried!" You must try and try again.
hi everyone
thankyou all for replying!
yesterday was not too bad i have had a really crap weekend,went out on friday night for a meal and then to the casino with my hubby and our friends.felt well and was pleased that i had managed it!the next day my friend who i went out with phoned to say how much weight she thought i had lost!!!!!!(she knows my situation and i just felt as though she was putting me down(i don,t know wether thats paranoia!)so i have really tried over the weekend to eat healthier and do a fitness dvd,i just want to look better although i have weighed myself and actually haven,t lost any weight.yesterday took my daughter to school ok but then when i went to pick her up it started again!and this morning was quite shaky too!i really do sympathise with all you mums (and dads!)as it is really hard to do these things when you feel so terrible.up until 2 years ago i worked as a school escort so never took my daughter to school,but i know that i really am distancing myself from all the other mums and thats what hurts asi dont want them to think i,m a bit arrogant
well sorry for moaning onand take care all
rach x
I don't have to do the school run anymore as mine are all teenagers now but I empathise with you all I used to feel just the same.
On the walk there could you listen to music (one ear left free to hear the traffic - ever safety concious is old piglet :D) that's a good way of occupying your mind and if it's something jiggy then that keeps you positive too.
I used to mess about on my mobile quite alot while I was waiting too.
I had to laugh at Melina loving wet days so she could use her brolly - ditto hun!!!
You know though of course Dan is exactly right that avoidance behaviours only really lead one way don't they. I think the idea from the experts these days seem to be rather than avoiding panic attacks at all costs we must learn to accept and live with them. The day we can deal with them by saying 'so flippin what, who cares' - is ironically the day they will diminish, but you have to feel this from your very soul and believe it and that's the bit we all find so hard!
Now I don't do the school run though it has made going out to practice exposure more difficult, in that it all seems a little aimless just going out for no real reason. So be proud of yourselves that you are doing these little daily exposures and reward yourself with a little treat everytime you do it!! :D:D:D
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
thanks piglet yeah your right and although i get really nervous about doing it i,m glad i do as i know that i HAVE to go out!!!!my daughter will be joining my eldest in secondary in 18 months so i really want to conquer this just so i can look back at the times i did enjoy taking her!
take care
rach x
Dan what a great idea. I would feel so so so relieved if I knew I could meet up with other mums (or dads) with the same problem - the same way I would feel huge relief if I could find a job where other people had the same problem.
Melina
We ARE surrounded by people who feel the same way. You pass them every day! They work where you do! they are out there trying so hard in Restaurants and movie theaters and everywhere you go or want to go! Unfortunately we dont have signs on our backs or foreheads claiming our ills. Might be a good idea but thats the biggest problem Phobics have "Being identified as 'Different"
Different Cr_p!!! Everyone phobic or not has problems! tell you otherwise they're lying!
My Grandma used to say" if we all threw our problems in the river and we had a chance to fish them out we'd be lucky to fish out our own"
I really suggest strongly that each and every one of you find a way to locate others that are either sufferers or lucky enough to be Ex-Sufferers. and meet and TALK. share and lean on each other. Try local bulletin boards in your neighborhood community centers or place a small ad in local newspaper.
They're out there you have to take the initiative to find them.
Dan
Do you know I'm definately going to go for it, we have a local community centre, where I can start. I'll tell everyone my story to let them know how I got on
Melina
(NB. logged on as a new user "calmdown" coz could not get back onto my original user name)
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