Struggling

[bingjam]

Can't believe my anxiety and panic attacks is at the worst it's been in a long time

I'm just struggling with everything, it's making me snappy, emotional, scared and lonely

I thought I got past this but it's taking it's toll on me again

I'm so stressed

I've got back to my Melonoma fears, the same one on my boobie which I haven't looked at in months and I'm to scared to look at it. Is that silly? I mean what if it has change and because I haven't looked at it it's too late for me?

Is it a sign me thinking about it??

Also worried about a brain tumor even though I guess I haven't got anything to concerning for it to be one

And one that I've been struggling with these past few weeks is my breathing and not being able to swallow food without thinking I'm choking it's like my throat closes up. And I'm terrifed I'm going to stop breathing

I can't believe I've let myself get consumed by it all again

Is it possible for someone to actually stop breathing??

Wish this anxiety would leave me alone
I mean I'm 24 and suffered from this for 8 years. Seems like a waste of 8 years and don't want to spend all my life being a health anxiety panic attack worry wart

[eeesh]

'Health anxiety panic attack worry wart'

Cool.

The first thing that happens to me when I start to panic is the throat closing thing. That's incredibly common and many people have reported this also, so I wouldn't worry about it - not that you can't considering it's always in the context of anxiety! Just bare in mind that it is a symptom of the anxiety, rather than a rightful cause of it.

Why are you scared of melanoma? I assume you have a mole somewhere you are worried about? Have you got it checked? Not because it could be melanoma, but because it may put your mind at rest? What I try to do is think about what would definitively reassure me, and I can't think of what would. I'll always have a niggle, most likely, that causes the 'what if's' to sprout. Just try to remember that these are mentally constructed and not due to any physical symptoms you have.

What's your life like? Are you keeping busy seeing friends, working etc? I always find these things get worse when I'm in a period of uncertainty/nothingness.

[bingjam]

Hiiiii

The melonoma thing... Since I can remember I've had this funny multicoloured uneven mole by my nipple and it's always freaked me out its never changed always the same but as my boobs grew it grew and wen a weird shape, my aunt who is a nurse checked it when I went through my 5 months of dying of melonoma about 6 months ago and she laughed at me turns out it's a birth mark not a mole... But I've got it in my head it's actually reall a mole again

I lost my job and I'm struggling to find a new one

My mum was rushed into hospital 2 weeks ago and was put in a chemical induced coma from her brain swelling due to an infection on it so I'm always up there whenever I can, she is better but won't be out for a bit yet, I hate hospitals and have had numerous panic attacks there throughout these past 2 weeks

The breathing thing , it wakes me up gasping for breath, and I physically sometimes cannot make myself swallow food, it's like my throat say nah ha no going in this way!! So then I get all worked up and make it worse, it hasn't been to bad today or yesterday but it's always in my mind when I eat

---------- Post added at 23:48 ---------- Previous post was at 23:47 ----------

Also baring in mind.... I've had this melonoma fear since I was 12 when my sister had to have a pre cancerous mole removed so for 12 years it's always been a worry of mine

[eeesh]

Hiiiii

The melonoma thing... Since I can remember I've had this funny multicoloured uneven mole by my nipple and it's always freaked me out its never changed always the same but as my boobs grew it grew and wen a weird shape, my aunt who is a nurse checked it when I went through my 5 months of dying of melonoma about 6 months ago and she laughed at me turns out it's a birth mark not a mole... But I've got it in my head it's actually reall a mole again

I lost my job and I'm struggling to find a new one

My mum was rushed into hospital 2 weeks ago and was put in a chemical induced coma from her brain swelling due to an infection on it so I'm always up there whenever I can, she is better but won't be out for a bit yet, I hate hospitals and have had numerous panic attacks there throughout these past 2 weeks

The breathing thing , it wakes me up gasping for breath, and I physically sometimes cannot make myself swallow food, it's like my throat say nah ha no going in this way!! So then I get all worked up and make it worse, it hasn't been to bad today or yesterday but it's always in my mind when I eat

---------- Post added at 23:48 ---------- Previous post was at 23:47 ----------

Also baring in mind.... I've had this melonoma fear since I was 12 when my sister had to have a pre cancerous mole removed so for 12 years it's always been a worry of mine

I thought something like that would have been the case. i've recently left my job (working my notice period) because I felt so empty and stagnant inside, which has largely triggered anxiety, feelings of being trapped and lonely etc. Having a lack of purpose seems to really exacerbate things like this.

Sounds like you're having a rough time at the moment... Really sorry to hear about your mum, but glad she is on the mend! Yeah, hospitals do my nut in. Being the paranoid fool I am, I often find myself in A&E. Horrific place, people arriving crying in agony etc sends my head spinning, but they're alsoa luxury - if anything happens to us we can get looked after.

Having pre-cancerous moles removed is very common. But why the melanoma fear around the nipple? I'm assuming you're not spending the majority of your time sunbathing naked!? There is absolutely no reason for it to be melanoma so why are you concerning yourself? Plus, it has been checked out by a professional, and has been present for years and years. If it were cancer you would certainly know about it by now - you would be very very ill.

If maybe you can see a pattern in your life when these things have worsened, you can then adjust things accordingly to prevent the conditions that seem to be stimulate this sort of thinking. If you're struggling to find work do some volunteering or something constructive that you can find meaning in. Otherwise the mind wanders to places it shouldn't. At least that's what I've found.

[bingjam]

Yeah she's gettin better thank you, it's just horrible knowing I have to go there loads, I'm one of them who avoids doctors and everything of the sort

Yeah it's like to the right of my nipple it's totally scary looking well so I think,

I know my anxiety Is as high as it is because of all the stress happening right now, just got to ride it through I guess,

I always try and keep my mind busy so my mind stays off it but it's harder said than done sometimes ��

Hope your ok??

[Catherine S]

You're trying to cope with alot just now bingjam and your spirit is low. If we are stressed out we become exhausted mentally as well as physically and that's when our insecurities and fears can creep up on us again. I think this has happened to you. Your mum has been really poorly and your mind is coping with itby focusing on your fears aabout yourself instead perhaps. The birthmark on your boob is still a birthmark and the rational part of you knows this, but the emotionally tired part of you isn't accepting it at the moment. You'll get through this and you'll become more rational as your stress levels reduce again. Be kind to yourself, look after yourself. Good to hear your mum is recovering...where would we be without them eh?

ISB x

[SOBAY310]

Hey bingjam,

I can relate to your thoughts always going towards to something else going to happen. A few months ago I had my food go down the wrong pipe and for the first time in my adult life, I was really choking on something. So now it's hard for me to eat without having that awful experience race through my head. When I swallow I can now feel my food slowly go down and it's nerve racking, but just like anxiety you can't run from it and you have to have the understanding to know that you won't choke.

If I calm myself about that, then my mind takes me to panic attacks I've had in the past and then I start to think I'm going to have a huge one. Once I calm myself from that, then my new favorite thing is that I start to think, "What if I lose the feeling of happiness? What if I become depressed?". It's exhausting to have this all go on in my head lately, and it's starting to become something that is making me tired and unhappy because I just want to be my old self again who was able to focus on "real life" and enjoy every day instead of always worried about the what ifs.

I too and terrified of melanoma. My daughters are fair skinned and we live by the beach. I remember last month my 9 year old daughter had this weird discoloration on her hand. I googled exactly what I saw and guess what the first thing to pop up was? Yup! Melanoma! Guess what she actually had? Just some dry skin and it went away. But I was literally sick to my stomach and wanted to cry after I read that from Google. I need to be better at that because you can google any symptom and it will lead us to the worst scenario.

So, I just wanted to let you know that I'm right there with you. I'm so tired of my mind racing, of being worried about something bad happening. Perhaps we love life so much that we don't want anything to end it. Ironically we spend so much time worrying that we can't fully enjoy it. I know you/we can get over this, it's just going to take time to understand we can control the thoughts flooding into mind.

Much love!