bluesdevil
16-11-14, 15:15
well..
I've always been a worrier. Started in primary school worrying about parents travelling anywhere. Pulled a few sickies to prevent them actually going away... Turned into a teenager and a couple of decent mates, discovering fags and booze the worry kinda subsided but was always there in the deep. Spoiled a few nights out by sitting nursing a pint wondering 'what if'.
Over the years it's manifested itself in me being obsessive about a few things car cleaning was one for a few years.
Anyway, a few years ago i was a bit out of shape so i took to a new regime of exercise and diet. Started mountainbiking again.. felt amazing, earlier this year i started running. I never thought i would do that, always was worried about what people would think when they saw me pink faced and wheezing at the side of the road! But somehow it didn't matter.
Fast forward to our holiday this september. 5 days before flying home i have a panic attack about the flight ( i've never been the happiest passenger on a plane ) which, basically, ruined the last few days of sun/sea/sand not only for me but for my wife and the MIL/FIL. IF I JUST GET HOME IT'LL BE FINE
I wish.
Got home and immediately started worrying about the damage i'd done to myself worrying. Convinced myself i was finished. Travelled to my brothers to collect our cat in a state of shock, i think.
Ended up at the docs who prescribed propanalol(?) which i took and was also given contact details of a therapist for 3 one hour sessions. This never happend as i couldn't get her on the phone ( and i REALLY did try.. 3 phone calls an hour on the two days they were available to contact ).
And now.. today.. weeks of worrying about impending doom ( heart attack, no? ) confusion and head bursting ( tumour ) stomach constantly churning, visual aura the list of ailments/diseases/conditions/symptoms that i've had or got over the last 3 months or so is diabolical. This all started with me hearing, on some tv programme or other, 'aortic dissection' .. oh i know.. i'll google that. Great idea that was so i've had that and a multitude of Cardio conditions since. This weeks conditions of choice is cancer and/or aneurysms.
So, basically, help? I'm back at the docs on Wednesday and i'm gonna ask for a booked appointment with a therapist so that it's nailed down. I'd really rather not take any more pills/medicine. That said.. i know i'm going to ask for some form of comfort that i'm not just going to keel over.
I appreciate the opportunity to put this mess down in print and the time you've taken to read it i hope it makes sense
I've always been a worrier. Started in primary school worrying about parents travelling anywhere. Pulled a few sickies to prevent them actually going away... Turned into a teenager and a couple of decent mates, discovering fags and booze the worry kinda subsided but was always there in the deep. Spoiled a few nights out by sitting nursing a pint wondering 'what if'.
Over the years it's manifested itself in me being obsessive about a few things car cleaning was one for a few years.
Anyway, a few years ago i was a bit out of shape so i took to a new regime of exercise and diet. Started mountainbiking again.. felt amazing, earlier this year i started running. I never thought i would do that, always was worried about what people would think when they saw me pink faced and wheezing at the side of the road! But somehow it didn't matter.
Fast forward to our holiday this september. 5 days before flying home i have a panic attack about the flight ( i've never been the happiest passenger on a plane ) which, basically, ruined the last few days of sun/sea/sand not only for me but for my wife and the MIL/FIL. IF I JUST GET HOME IT'LL BE FINE
I wish.
Got home and immediately started worrying about the damage i'd done to myself worrying. Convinced myself i was finished. Travelled to my brothers to collect our cat in a state of shock, i think.
Ended up at the docs who prescribed propanalol(?) which i took and was also given contact details of a therapist for 3 one hour sessions. This never happend as i couldn't get her on the phone ( and i REALLY did try.. 3 phone calls an hour on the two days they were available to contact ).
And now.. today.. weeks of worrying about impending doom ( heart attack, no? ) confusion and head bursting ( tumour ) stomach constantly churning, visual aura the list of ailments/diseases/conditions/symptoms that i've had or got over the last 3 months or so is diabolical. This all started with me hearing, on some tv programme or other, 'aortic dissection' .. oh i know.. i'll google that. Great idea that was so i've had that and a multitude of Cardio conditions since. This weeks conditions of choice is cancer and/or aneurysms.
So, basically, help? I'm back at the docs on Wednesday and i'm gonna ask for a booked appointment with a therapist so that it's nailed down. I'd really rather not take any more pills/medicine. That said.. i know i'm going to ask for some form of comfort that i'm not just going to keel over.
I appreciate the opportunity to put this mess down in print and the time you've taken to read it i hope it makes sense