vagabond
04-01-07, 17:20
Again, I have been advised to write how i feel right now...so here goes.
Only last Sunday...........i was full of anger and frustration for not having the courage to take my daughter to the wacky warehouse.
I got so many replies from people on here....that for once....andrew had decided to stop being stupid. Stop pretending i was alright. Stop joking all the time........and listened and noted what people had said.
THEN ACTED UPON IT.
Yesterday...i had a visit from a cbt lady who talked me into driving to areas i had not driven to before. One being my doctors surgery.
With that done...i came home hating her for putting me through it.
However, this morning.........in my car i got and not only did i drive to the doctors (3 times).........i drove in the opposite direction to a trigger point (twice) Wait for it.........there is more..........i even drove to a selection of traffic lights.........and yes........they were all at red...i was proper squeezing me little bum cheeks.
But...ya wanna know what...........not once....did i panic.....not once did i get that horrifying feeling i was gonna die on the spot. I wont deny i got anxious....its all very scary still.
So...........all i wanna say is thank you to all those people i have made calls to recently to help me get through the anxiety.
Today........specially to Pixie Licker..........who encourage me all the way.
Ya know........isnt self esteem a real tricky one...........i reckon...if we try and fake it..........then try and make it.............then start to beleive it.....i know then........that we can achieve it.
Just thanks to everyone. Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Even when i got home....i was dancing instead of running to my bedroom to hide from the anxiety.
Zinny is back.............watch me now !!!!!
p.s......anyone with shackles.........could you please lend me them so i dont start running before i can walk
If I could replace my Fear with Love - Even Jesus would ask my Secret !!!
Only last Sunday...........i was full of anger and frustration for not having the courage to take my daughter to the wacky warehouse.
I got so many replies from people on here....that for once....andrew had decided to stop being stupid. Stop pretending i was alright. Stop joking all the time........and listened and noted what people had said.
THEN ACTED UPON IT.
Yesterday...i had a visit from a cbt lady who talked me into driving to areas i had not driven to before. One being my doctors surgery.
With that done...i came home hating her for putting me through it.
However, this morning.........in my car i got and not only did i drive to the doctors (3 times).........i drove in the opposite direction to a trigger point (twice) Wait for it.........there is more..........i even drove to a selection of traffic lights.........and yes........they were all at red...i was proper squeezing me little bum cheeks.
But...ya wanna know what...........not once....did i panic.....not once did i get that horrifying feeling i was gonna die on the spot. I wont deny i got anxious....its all very scary still.
So...........all i wanna say is thank you to all those people i have made calls to recently to help me get through the anxiety.
Today........specially to Pixie Licker..........who encourage me all the way.
Ya know........isnt self esteem a real tricky one...........i reckon...if we try and fake it..........then try and make it.............then start to beleive it.....i know then........that we can achieve it.
Just thanks to everyone. Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Even when i got home....i was dancing instead of running to my bedroom to hide from the anxiety.
Zinny is back.............watch me now !!!!!
p.s......anyone with shackles.........could you please lend me them so i dont start running before i can walk
If I could replace my Fear with Love - Even Jesus would ask my Secret !!!