Putting on a front

[chelsea]

Most people who know me on here know me as the cheeky one sometimes abit risky with me behaviour and most of the time a little bit tipsy. But i have always been good at putting on a front spent most of my life doing it. Someone commented to me the other week that i have two sides my public and my private one. So obviously most people will never get to see the private me. I very rarely talk about my issues in chat or on here because it would make me feel vunerable and i dont do vunerable very well. But underneath all the bravado im struggling. Not much makes sense anymore and i feel i have hit a cross roads in my life. If im really honest my life is a mess right now, ive got so many decisions to make and im not sure where to start. Im not sleeping because the minute i go to bed the thoughts of dread hit me and i become anxious. My doc has put me on new meds which have solved the panic (i managed the supermarket on them) but i have found that my anxiety has increased, maybe because im not concentrating on the panic i dont know. Im always telling people a day at a time, but cant seem to take my own advice on board. All i can see is the weeks stretching out in front of me, and tbh its scaring the s**t out of me. My problem is the front because my friends just dont see how messed up i really am. Thank god most of them dont use this site, but saying that i know i need to start dropping the front and telling people how i really feel. So i suppose this is my first step to doing it. Thanks for reading this if you have Any tips would be gratefully recieved.

Peace

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

donna

[dj9928]

I am the same, I put up a front. But I read in one of Claire Weekes books the more you act normal etc and don't give in to your horrible feelings etc the more they will subside

A happy person is fully caught up in the moment --and is not thinking about the past or the future.

[bearcrazy]

Hi,

I can go with what you say. I have put up a front my whole life Chelsea. I've always been he person with confidence who is always joking, usually about myself, and making iother people laugh. Its self-preservation, I make jokes about myself to pre empt other people from making fun of me, and I make jokes to take the attention away from me. Underneath I have often been close to tears and wanting to run away and hide. A lot of comedians on TV also have anxiety and depression, michael barrymore, freddie starr, etc etc. I think it goes wit the personality. My family are the only people who know the real me and only those very close to me! I am trying like you to be me, but I think mybe this is who I am, andwill be like this for ever!
Dont think I've helped, but take Care anyway,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Melina]

Hi Donna
putting on a front is soooo me too. ESPECIALLY when I was at work (a competitive sales environment) which was all about not showing any weakness, survival of the fittest and all that sales jargon the only person I am totally geninue with is my boyfriend. for me, I made my situation far far worse by putting on a front. If I had talked to someone about what I was going through the day I started getting what seemed like strange nerve attacks at the time (completely out of the blue, never had them before, one day when I was working) I'm sure I would not have picked up so many fears and be so anxious about almost everything which is the point I'm at now 2 years later. Its interesting though, because when I was at work feeling the most anxious, at the time, I thought everyone must know, be laughing at me, staring at me, talking about me etc, and because of that I felt I had to make excuses for 'the way I was' so would tell my line manager I was tired and run down and he actually thought I was trying to make excuses for work related reasons, sales performance etc, so again this made it worst not being straight. I feel I am now on a long long road to finding relief and some kind of recovery to all of this I wish you the very best on yours and would love to talk to you again if and when you feel like 'offloading'.

[Granny Primark]

Donna i always felt if i didnt put on that front of always laughing and cracking jokes then my friends wouldnt want me.
I stopped putting on that front when i started with panic and yes some of the people who i thought were friends dropped me and didnt want know me. But the friends that stuck with me are the friends il have for life.
I get lonely cus i was always surrounded by people and was always used to working.
Stop putting on that front, tell people how you truly feel. If they dont like it tough. Its their loss not yours. Dont bottle things up, my hubby almost had a nervous breakdown by doing that.
Feel free to add me to your msn, im always willing to listen and be a support.
I truly hope you begin to feel better soon. Just remember youve got many true friends on this site who are wishing you well.

Take care donna and chin up mate.
LYNN xx

[groovygranny]

Hi Donna :)

Granny is 52 and the really real me has only been visible in private and public for about the last 10 months !!

My illness (there..I've admitted it and said it now, that's a first !) showed me how futile it is to pretend even to oneself.

I can honestly say that I am much happier within myself, even with the 'hiccups' (I'm actually experiencing some now) and I truly couldn't try and put on a front now even if I wanted to (and I don't!!).

I'm absolutley terrible at practicing what I preach, but at least I know I'm trying now [:P] !!

Anyway, don't know if all that is much help. Hope it is!

Take care

lotsa luv

GG [:P]

xx

'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[Piglet]

I can't decide with me if it's a front, or if it's more a way of distracting myself that helps me keep it 'together'.

I worry that if I focus too much on my anxiety it will somehow overtake me and become all I ever talk about and give me a label I don't want.

Since I found the site I have a place to offload should I need it and just reading all the different threads makes me realise that everything I feel is experienced by you lot too. This is incredibly reassuring for me so I don't feel the need to talk about it so much off site, which means not so many people around me in the 'real' world get to know about it.

This of course does have it's obvious downside, as other than the piglets and one or two close friends no one else really knows, which in turns means I probably don't get the support that might very well help me build my confidence.

It's something for me to think on I guess! :)

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[redbaron]

Donna you have done what you needed to do to get yourself through difficult situations and dealing with people who would do you harm. No-one can blame you for that and if we are honest we all do it to a greater or lesser extent. The mask is sometimes necessary provided we never lose sight of who we really are.

We get used to leaving the mask on because we get used to the lesser vulnerability and because over time it becomes more and more difficult to trust people and therefore we give people less and the vicious circle continues.

That you have taken this step of slowly opening yourself up is a brave and correct one, take it slowly, allow yourself to build up trust in those who prove to be worthy of it.

The important thing about this time is that you remember who you are and that you have neither the duty nor the necessity to change for anyone. You are good enough for everyone else and if you can allow yourself to see it then you'll find you are good enough for yourself too.

Your anxiety is part of the fact that you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable, it hurts and will take some time for you to settle bt it is the right way forward and it is the way for you to come to terms with this long term.

Have faith in yourself, trust your instincts and let those who love you help you where and when and how you need it.

You will do this you are too strong and too important to be phased for any length of time by it. You have done the deconstruction, now it is time to rebuild, don't be scared to take it slowly, that way you will get it right.

xxxxxxxxxx

If what doesn't kill us makes us stronger it's a pretty fair bet it's going to hurt.

[manmoor]

BIG HUGS FOR YOU DONNA((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

Take Care

Mandyxx

[Nancydrew]

There should be awards for acting for panic sufferers cos we'd waltz up an graciously accept it then leave gracefully.....and then head for the nearest exit to panic/cry/scream[:I]

I have done my fair share of acting in other words talking to someone but at the same time legging it down the road in my head. Nobody could ever see my panicy side (what would they think) i am confident and funny right.....Wrong

We burn up so much energy putting on a front that we are exhausted afterwards. so i made the decision to tell my family, friends and colleagues when i began a course. I said if i need to leave a situation because of panic well they know an as a result i didnt panic as much in group situations..It took soo much pressure off me coz i could say it if i wasnt feeling great and most friends knew someone who had phobias or something a bit like what i had...I recieved sooo much support and understanding only sorry i didnt do it sooner!!