feel like I've gone backwards

[aprilmoon]

Not posted for a while,seemed to be doing ok,still battled some anxiety daily,but on a much lower level.
Reduced my meds right down,came off Mirt completely,and reduced the Venlafaxine,coming to the end of my CBT which helped me with my PTSD,but this seems like a different anxiety, and I'm getting intrusive thoughts again.
Fed up.
Why is this thing always ready lying in waiting?

[little scientist]

April - I understand you. currently feeling like I have gone backwards too, in the middle of another blip, where i have next to no appetite

[SADnomore]

I'm SO sorry to hear this! This may sound crazy, but is it possible that you are experiencing another increase in anxiety because of the season, less light, more confinement, more stress generally? Can you remember whether your anxiety worsened in winter last year as well? If so, would you consider going back up some, with the ven?

Clearly, you are trying to lower your medications, but if this may be cyclical, it might be helpful to raise the ven in response? Just got my thinking cap on, trying to help ... Wishing I could be as much help as you've been to me, keep posting okay? Don't despair, we'll get this figured out!

Big hugs and much love,
Marie xx
Little Scientist, you hang in there as well, alright, I'm sure others will have some thoughts too!

[Sunflower2]

I have also found an increase in my anxiety since the seasons have started to change.. And the winter was also when I had my first major breakdown.. So maybe you need to just have a bit more support through the winter? It's so rubbish thinking you've got past the worst, just for it to reappear out of the blue as something else! Anxiety tends to have a habit of picking different thing that we are not used to dealing with, meaning we have to start again with overcoming it!

[aprilmoon]

Little scientist
Sorry you're having a bit of a struggle too,keep posting,we'll push through it together

Marie
Thanks,as always for your kind words,and yes,I'm sure the season has a lot to do with it.I've started to worry that I've reduced my meds too much,although if that's the case,I think I would have noticed before,so it may be that I'm just getting myself in a bit of a pickle by overthinking it.
I've increased the Ven by 37.5 to 187.5,and made an appt to see my doc next week.
Hope he doesn't mind that I've done it of my own accord,but couldn't wait for two weeks till I saw him,and the reduction was my idea anyway.

Kimberley
My worst depressive episodes have been at this time of year too.
I think I've become phobic of it all now,particularly Xmas.
Knowing other people understand helps,although Im sorry you're having difficulties as well

Let's support each other
Sending you all a hug :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[MyNameIsTerry]

It sounds to me like you are not quite ready yet to completely come off them and by reducing the dosage its shown there is still some work to do. Because the winter & Xmas also have an effect on you, it sounds like the most testing time of the year to try so it might be better to try it in a period that causes less stress and then you will have time to build yourself up ready for the winter. It doesn't mean you won't be able to come off though, so don't let that eat away at you...its just going to be a but later maybe?

I really struggle with Xmas myself, it forces me to challenge my routines and this can bring a whole load of anxiety & depression my way as it has the last couple of days.

It's funny how so many of us are having blips at the moment! There must be something going on.

If that was the dose you were on, I think your GP would have probably told you to go back to it so I'm sure you will be ok, especially since it wasn't his/her suggestion to reduce it. Its just a shame its going to be 2 weeks when things like that could be dealt with quite quickly in terms of dosage adjustment...roll on email & telephone consults!

[Annie0904]

Me too...I have been doing so well and really thought my anxiety was a thing of the past then out of the blue its back! I have lost 5lbs this week because I feel so nauseous and don't want to eat, crying all the time and shaking. Group hugs :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Sunflower2]

We need a Christmas survival group for all of us!

Terry I'm going to struggle with the routines thing as well... Christmas food, eek, going out for lunch with family, double eek!

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much Annie, you've always been so knowledgeable in your posts so I'm certain you'll bounce back soon!

[SADnomore]

Love these, Annie!

[Annie0904]

It is good that we have each other for support and don't have to go through it alone.
Kimberley, when my anxiety peaks I seem to get a phobia of food, I can't even look at it on TV...cooking programmes become a nightmare!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Kimberley, I know what you mean. I'm ok with food (although at my worst I did have problems with feeling anxious eating & afterwards which started when I went onto Duloxetine!) but for me its all about sleep pattern and mine has gotten really out of hand. I sleep through the days and I'm up at night and its a real obsessional problem for me that I struggle to make even minor changes to for some reason and I'm getting worried about Xmas because the family Xmas meal starts a few hours after I go to bed at the moment so I'm unsure how I'm going to peel it back all those hours. Its been going like this for years now for me, even when I was working I went to late shofts instead because of this problem and its things like this that raise it more in my head. Its such a silly problem but its become so ingrained in my mind over the years as it slipped bit by bit with not working thats it now a big hurdle.

[little scientist]

Annie, that sounds like me - my appetite plummets, and I can't even bear to be in the supermarket shopping for food. I've just opened a packet of crisps now and can't eat them.

I just want to be back to my happy self!

I am about 6 weeks into a reduction of citalopram, was going from 20 to 15mg and I am thinking maybe I just wasn't ready for it. Going to try and speak to the doctors again soon I think, maybe go back up to 20, or even 30mg

[Annie0904]

Little scientist I am staying on my meds, not trying to come off them again anytime soon. Maybe in the spring when the weather might hopefully make me feel brighter :)

[aprilmoon]

I am officially opening the Xmas survival support group!
Thanks for the group hug Annie.
Its the slooowww build up that does it for me.
Got a prescription for the med increase so its official now,although at the moment if doesn't feel like its going to be enough.
Only been on it for about 10 days though,so there's time yet.

[Annie0904]

I hope you start to feel the benefit soon Aprilmoon x

[aprilmoon]

Thanks Annie
You too x

[little scientist]

Little scientist I am staying on my meds, not trying to come off them again anytime soon. Maybe in the spring when the weather might hopefully make me feel brighter :)

I've rung the doctors and am waiting on a call back, also done a self referral back to the mental health people for derbyshire. I'm predicting a med increase, and like you say not trying anything any time soon to try and come off them! As my team leader at work says, if they are working, keep taking them and don't necessarily try and rock the boat - its sometimes just not worth it!

I've spent recent days at work litreally sat like a zombie, unable to think or concentrate, my memory has been diabolical, and barely eating, and realised that it just couldn't go on. Hoping to be signed off for a short period so that I can get myself back to who I should be. I've got the backing of people at work who know what has been bothering me, and hopefully things will be changing there for the better to provide me with better structure and support.

[Annie0904]

Little scientist, I am pleased that you are able to take some time off work. Here's hoping we all pick up again soon :)

[Carnation]

Can I join the Xmas Support Group Aprilmoon???
I'm dreading it! First year without my Father, Mother depressed, Partner ill and my Anxiety levels are up too. Apart from that, I hate Turkey and Christmas Pudding, I hate the short days, dark days and the miserable January that follows.
Sending Hugs to you all as you have all been so supportive of me. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[aprilmoon]

I've put your name down too Carnation
Got a feeling this list will be growing as time goes on :hugs:

[Carnation]

Maybe we all need to start a project over Christmas to take our Mind off of Christmas and Anxiety? Any ideas?

[Sunflower2]

I'm trying to make little things to look forward to.. Planning a weekend away with my boyfriend in January after my exams :) plus avoiding busy Christmas shopping at all costs!

[Annie0904]

all my Christmas shopping is done and wrapped up :)

[Sunflower2]

I bought half of mine today online.. And will finish it this weekend hopefully! I do like wrapping presents and making them really pretty :)

[Annie0904]

I bought nearly all mine online too and I also love wrapping :)

[little scientist]

Little scientist, I am pleased that you are able to take some time off work. Here's hoping we all pick up again soon :)

Been signed off for two weeks - hopefully this will give me the opportunity to recoup my marbles that have been rolling away from me in the last few weeks. I feel mentally exhausted.

[SADnomore]

Count me in, Aprilmoon! Thanks honey :noangel: Good to hear you are on the increase now, and all the best to you with it! Very smart and courageous of you to recognize that what you need, most likely, is a little more ven to get you over the wall. :). I'm doing well at 225. Never thought I would consider going up this high, but tonight when I drove in the dark without the usual accompanying gut-wrenching sadness, I knew this winter will indeed be different! And you know what? Come January, if it gets miserable, I am willing to look at a small increase again! Done slowly like this, I think we get a better feel for where we are at and if we needed it or not. And, it's not a big drop if we would rather back off again.

This is in no way meant to suggest that everyone should do a painstakingly slow increase! Lots of people have no trouble moving up quickly, and in lots of cases it is necessary so they can return to functioning. I just think that for me, literally feeling my way through my first winter on meds, it has been empowering to have a bit of control over the dosing! :D. And I got started way back in August, as my doctor feels that's best for seasonal depression ...

Oh, and I am taking the easy way out this Christmas and just doing gift certificates. Getting parcels into the post is the worst part, as far as I'm concerned. What joy to be able to glide past the long lineups and just pop my cards through the slot in the counter! I can feel the knives in my back from the glares behind me, though! :whistles:
Have a nice cup of cocoa at your favourite pastry place, everyone, and listen to the Christmas music over the speakers and ... then ... Go home and watch a Christmas show on TV! :flowers:

Marie. :bighug1:

[MyNameIsTerry]

I haven't started my shopping yet, its probably going to be mostly online the way things are looking as my sleep routine is so far out that the shops are mostly shut when I'm out thesedays. I would like to get out to do so though, so hoping to make some changes...but its a real problem for me as my head just seems to want to sabotage it at every opportunity and make me more isolated!

I don't really mind the busy shops that much thesedays, I got past a lot of that earlier in my relapse by trying to be in the supermarkets every day. It does tend to get to me that everywhere I look there are people having fun and I'm struggling with all this!

[aprilmoon]

I think that's one of the hardest things,my names Terry,that everyone else seems to be enjoying it all and seeming so happy.
I suspect that's far from the truth of it though.
I just wish I hadn't come off the Mirt now,but I seemed to be doing so well without it....
Do you think the extra Ven still needs a bit longer for me to judge its effectiveness?
I have a docs appt next Friday so by then I might have a better idea.
Going to what I think is my last CBT today,will see what she thinks,maybe she will allow me a couple more sessions while I sort myself out.
Its almost as though I've worried myself into being like this by thinking,'wouldn't it be awful if I'd misjudged my meds and I'm starting to get depressed again,'and voila,here I am.
My scores up until this last couple of weeks had showed that I've been out of depression for a few months now so maybe that's what I've done to myself,and things really arnt as bad as I fear they might be.
Will let you know what she says.
Thanks gang,for your support.
Hope you're all having a better day.

[Goldfinch]

Hi all,

Could I join the Christmas support group as well? I can't remember ever feeling so unenthusiastic about Christmas. I'm well into my new life as a divorced, self-employed mum with a mortgage. Money is tight and I am constantly anxious that I won't earn enough to support us. I haven't been on any meds since February - summer is usually the worst time for me and I managed to get through it without. I'm also menopausal, which I understand can make depression and anxiety worse, but I'm holding off going back to my GP as I know she'll push meds again and I've heard very mixed reports of HRT, which is the other option. As I write I am looking out at the grey day and bare trees tossing in the wind. Ho hum, back to work!

Goldfinch.

[jimsmrs]

Hi
feeling the same, I had my sertraline reduced from 100mg 8 months ago to 75mg (had to break a 50mg in half) 4 months ago, but 2 weeks ago started feeling jumpy, tearful and anxious all over again. GP has put it down to the Levothyroxine I'm on. Hosp is reducing it then increasing it after the blood tests show changes.