Anxiety about my relationship

[vanxious]

Hello eveybody,

This might not be a big deal to the most of you, but i'm having some troubles coping with this feeling i'm having for the last few weeks. Let me talk about it:

For the past 7 years or so i didn't believe in relationships. I never got in love with anyone, and thought that a relationship was nothing more than troubles and, well, a bit of a waste of time. Don't get the picture wrong, i've had some girlfriends in my life, just caught thinking that they were not worth it. For the last years i've had no more than some "friends with benefits". But one day i met this girl. And i got fed up of being the way i was and started beliving that a good and strong relationship is really the way to go. Ok, this was just to give you a setup for the history itself. There it goes:

Me and her are dating for a couple of months now. Started really soft, because she was very unsure about getting into a new relationship (she has left from an earlier relationship not a long ago and she felt that she might not be ready for a new one just yet, altough she likes me), and i think that everything is going well. When we are togheter everything is as good and smooth as a relationship can be. Troubles start when we are not togheter - at least for me. She is not the kind of girl that is much expressive on her words about her feelings; she doesn't verbaly sais "i like you" or anything related much often, and we are now living 90km apart, so we're not togheter more than one or two days per week, sometimes less. And when i'm not with her, i'm starting to feel really anxious, thinking about her real feelings, and what is this relationship all about in the end: Is it for real? Is her just playing with me? She's on her phone all day, why doesn't she text me more often? These are questions i find myself doing over and over again, and then i start to feel anxious about it and kind of lose control of myself.

I could use some common sense here, and get my feet on the ground on this subject. I've never talked about this with my family or friends, and of course i don't feel that i should talk to her also, because that might seems that i'm rushing the relationship or something, and she might freak out.

Sorry for the long post, and sorry for some mispeling on my English... :)

...and thanks for reading my post.

[Catherine S]

Your English is very good and I understood everything you said. My feeling about this is that you should really have a talk to her...what's the worst thing to happen? If she reacts badly then she obviously doesn't feel the same about you as you do about her, and in the end that's not a good relationship to be in. You said that in the past you had more casual relationships, 'friends with benefits', but it sounds like you have deeper feelings for this girl and you don't know where you stand with her. I would say take a risk and ask her, then you will know for sure and knowing for sure has to be good for your anxiety. If she rejects you then you have to move on, but at least you will know how she feels. Best of luck.

ISB

[vanxious]

Hello ISB,

Well... where to start? Yes, i do have deeper feelings for her. And yes, talking to her is an idea that comes to mind from time to time. It only scares me to do it because i'm afraid that having this conversation i might be forcing her to take "the next step", rushing things, and i really don't want that to happen.

Thing is, when we're togheter, everything's fine. Her mother knows about me, some of her best friends too. I stay in her place as long as i like it, she doesn't seem to be "hiding" anything from me... except that she isn't much expressive on emotions. And she told me that right in the begining of the relationship, so that's really not a surprise to me... i think that i could cope with that but it's been harder that it should. Most of the time i think everything it's in my head. She's always trying to find hidden clues of something that might not be right. For instance, if someday she doesn't text me the same way that she does normally, i tend to think that something is wrong... I try to respond normally, not making any fuzz about it and true is, in the next day, everything looks normal again!

I must say i'm a bit insecure. And this could be why i'm always nervous about this, i know it can and i know i must overcome this, because it's not healthy... neither to me, or the relationship.

Thank you for your support, ISB, and for the compliments on my English... I must say that i've been to the UK a coulpe of times now and i really enjoyed every visit!

[popejoan]

Hello, I agree with 'I Still Believe' just talk to her and you will know for sure about her real feelings. You said her ex left her maybe she's even more insecure than you? Maybe she doesn't want to get hurt that's why she doesn't text you much or talk about her feelings much. As a woman i must say I would like to hear my boyfriend's feelings about me, it's very cute that you care about her and worried about where this is going. If she's really into you, talking wouldn't push her away.

[vanxious]

Yeah, i think that's what i really need to do. I'll try to talk to her soon, as i can't cope with this situation much longer, i need to find some piece of mind... Thanks!

[kristaok]

I never been one for friends with benefit type of relationships, they seem to only cause issues. Sometimes when you enter into those sort of relationships one or the other may fall in love or possess stringer feelings and want more, this is why its not good to be in that sort of relationship.

Ever tried talking to her?