View Full Version : New member with extreme cancer fears
Hello everyone, I'm new to this and was hoping to just get it all out of my chest, feeling very lonely with my health anxiety. I've always been a hypochondriac but it got out of control about 2-3 months ago when my cervical screening test results came back with hpv+ and abnormal cell changes. Colposcopy and biopsy confirmed there is no CIN but after this my cancer fears got out of control. First I felt a lump on my leg and thought it was cancer, it turned out to be a muscle hernia. The doctor who examined me was an oncologist specialized in breast cancer, which is another fear of mine. I told him that my mum's breast was removed and she went through radiotherapy and chemo for precaution as she had precancerous cells. He said there's no precancerous cell if she went through chemo it must be cancer, it turned out my family didn't tell us how serious it was. My mum is fine now it was years ago. Anyway, I can't get out of google and I read a lot about HPV and read that it can cause oral cancer. Shortly after reading this I started feeling like something is stuck in my throat, something like phlegm. I started examining my mouth and realized that one of my tonsil is weird shaped and definitely different from the other one, I also found a tonsil stone in it. Went to GP, he said tonsils are asymmetrical, one gland is more swollen which freaked me out. I couldn't wait and went private and the ENT specialist said everything is normal. I continued my research and read that people with HIV can't get rid of HPV virus so boom I started being scared of HIV. Had one test it was negative, I didn't believe it and had another one it was again, negative. It didn't end here, I was having a lot of indigestion, hearburn and acid reflux and was feeling like food getting stuck in my chest. GP referred me for an endoscopy, when I was waiting for it one morning I woke up and went to toilet, there was blood in toilet paper, down the toilet, everywhere, went to the emergency room, they took blood, done rectal exam said there was no bleeding. Endoscopy showed nothing either. GP asked for a blood test before I went to emergency room and when I went to see my GP he said I had iron deficiency, although my blood came back normal at emergency room he said they didn't test your blood for ferritin and my ferritin levels are very low, it should be between 12-150 and mine is 9. Now I'm worried I have colorectal cancer. I really convinced myself I have it now yet nobody takes me seriously anymore. I just want to have a colonoscopy and know if there's something wrong but I don't even know if my GP will refer me and how long I will wait. Health anxiety is really consuming me, I'm seeing a therapist but not helping.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Very often health scares, whether our own and/or others', jettison us into full blown health anxiety. Our sense of safety has been challenged, and we no longer can just trust that we're heathy, even when all the tests tell us otherwise.
Medical tests don't lie. They're about as impartial and objective as you can get. If those tests tell you that you don't have a serious illness, believe it. Also, there are a million benign conditions that can produce the symptoms you describe, including anxiety.
Keep up with your therapy and hang in there.
Thank you for your reply. It really helps to hear from people who can understand you and empathize your situation. You're right about trusting the tests yet each time I feel like they missed something. Guess I should stop reading stories about how cancer patients misdiagnosed at first. Google is a monster, it's a very very strong addiction, each day I tell myself I won't google any symptoms today but each day I lose the battle and make myself scared :/
Welcome to the forum. This is a very supportive group...
I had head and neck cancer due to (among other things) HPV. Of over 100 strains of the HPV virus, there are only two strains of the virus that can cause oral cancer and if, in the very, very, very, very, X10 chance it did, that would take many, many, many, many X10 years to develop.
Positive thoughts
Hello Fishmanpa, thank you, I'm very glad to find supportive, helpful people I'm very lonely in this. I'm so sorry to hear that you had cancer, as you said 'had' I'm guessing you're doing fine and cancer free? Well the thing is there is no test here to know for sure whether or not I have oral Hpv, I'm hpv+ in the cervix but I don't even know which strain, all I know is it's a high risk one. As a severe hypochondriac, I like to see test results, biopsies to be sure. Ent specialist just felt my neck and examined my mouth bu since then I don't have any other symptoms, the lumpy feeling is still there but it comes and goes so I think it must be globus sensation.
If an ENT specialist feels there's nothing to worry about, trust what they say. They're the only specialists that can recognize and diagnose OC. And yes... 19 months cancer free from Stage IV H&N cancer.
Positive thoughts
Welcome to the forum and yes, we're a very supportive group!
You're probably describing what many of us are feeling. I too, kept thinking what if the doctor missed this, or the test produced a false negative, etc. The googling habit is a really bad one that is almost impossible to kick. The feeling of running through all possible worst case scenarios in our heads. We know all too well that each episode always end up being nothing, but we constantly worry what if the next one is the real one??
The comfort I found on this forum is knowing that I'm not alone.
And that we do have a choice to think positive and downplay the negative.
And of course, we all need to learn to trust our doctors a little more. :)
Fishmanpa, I'm glad you're all cancer free. ItchyOne you're right we should trust doctor and stay away from google. I'm just having a hard time trusting doctors, especially GPs and emergency doctors weren't helpful either. It's just I went to GP told him about my stomach pains and he wanted to see my blood levels, asked for a stool sample and referred me for an endoscopy. I gave blood and the very next day I had rectal bleeding, went to emergency, they took more blood and gave me a rectal exam. They said my blood levels are normal, especially my hemoglobin levels are extraordinary for a woman. Okay, great, so that was a relief, I went home and started thinking that maybe it wasn't blood maybe it was the beetroot juice concentrate I've been drinking for two days. I had my endoscopy, it showed nothing so I was happy, I thought it definitely wasn't blood then. Then I saw my GP, he said there's no bacteria in stool, blood levels are ok apart from ferritin levels which are super low, and I have an iron deficieny. He told me I should see him again if I bleed again, I said I thought it was beet juice and he said "I very much doubt that". So I'm not bleeding in my stomach/esophagus, I have very low ferritin levels which might indicate that I'm bleeding somewhere in my body so why not referring me for a colonoscopy? I know it's uncommon for young adults to have bowel cancer (I'm 30) but it happens and when it happens the cancer is more aggressive in young adults (yeah google). I saw more blood on toilet paper and made an appointment with my GP on Friday, just hoping he takes me seriously and refers me. Otherwise I'll wait for a month, visit my family for Christmas in my country and will go to a hospital there. You don't need a GP referral there, you can just go and request any test you want, they just do it,yes you pay but it's much cheaper than the private hospital in the UK.
sarainadream
26-11-14, 18:14
I hope you get it all sorted out. I also Google alot and the stories of "this happened to me" are way worse than the symptom listings. The symptom ones have been silly in the past from plague to meningitis. The stories from survivors are the ones that get me me as, if it happened to them, it can happen to me!
I also don't always trust doctors as I get different opinions from different ones. I therefore feel that someone is missing something. I had an MRI 4 years ago as I was having chronic headaches. There was nothing and then my headaches got better, but they are back this year. Something new this year are "attacks" I have that are very similar to someone with low blood sugar (feel faint, dizzy, shaky, nauseated) but I don't have diabetes. Now that I had an MRI, no doctor wants to do another. They also diagnosed me with chronic daily headache with occasional migraines. My attacks however do not include head pain so my neurologist cannot figure it out and either can my doctor. I therefore end up feeling like I am going to drop down from an anurism at any moment and my anxiety makes the symptoms worse.
Really sorry you are going through such a tough time at the moment but try and find comfort in the fact that everyone here knows what you are going through. :) and we are always here to talk to :)
Sarainadream have you ever heard of a silent migraine?
Thank you for your good wishes. It is very difficult isn't it, I'm very glad I found this website, it makes me feel like I'm not the only one. Sarainadream same here, whenever I read posts from survivors and cancer patients I convince myself even more that I have cancer. It's very life consuming. It's exactly how I feel about the doctors, I lost my trust in GPs especially. Do you think your headaches might be from anxiety? Or maybe anxiety is making your neck muscles tighter and it's giving you headaches? This is happening to me, because my neck muscles are too tight, it even gave me sinus pressure.
Hello, I suffer from bad health anxiety and I understand you so well.
Low ferritine can be caused by heavy periods, have you considered that?
Are you sure that the blood does not come from your vagina? If your cervix is easy-bleeding it can bleed when you go to the bathroom.
spacebunnyx
27-11-14, 09:20
Just want to say I understand your fear. I had abnormal smears and precancerous cervical cells... I still have them! You can read through my long crazy posts to find out that I dealt with it in a very similar way to you.... Oral cancer scars, globus that ended in an endoscopy... Bowel cancer... The list goes on.
Can't say I know for sure how to deal with it, but accepting what will be goes some way to calm.
Xxx
Thank you for your replies.
Justina, I did consider that, I'm on yasmin for 10 years and my periods are not too heavy, can't say they're too light either and I suffered from bulimia for 14 years and only fully recovered 2.5 months ago so I considered that. So I don't know, you know it when you have health anxiety you assume that you have the possible worst case scenario. I don't know but I'm sure blood is not vaginal.
Spacebunnyx, it's very scary, I'm scared of not being able to get rid of HPV ever. I read a lot about it and some say once you have HPV you always have it, when your immune system is strong it goes dormant for years and whenever you're weak it comes back again.
Bowel cancer fear is so strong that it paralyses me, I definitely convinced myself that I have it and all I want is for my GP to refer me for a colonoscopy. Can't continue living my life like this, just want to know.
Hi,
I have the same fears although mine are cancer's involving breast mainly. But it has also been Cervical, bowel, ovarian.
If you go for regular smears etc CC is one of the ones they can easily treat especially before the cells become cancerous.
I totally emphasis with this as it is horriblexx
Hi Lily, I can understand why you're scared of breast cancer. My mum had breast cancer at a very young age, she was 38. She had chemo and radiotherapy and she's doing fine, she's 54 and very healthy now. She was lucky as the tumor was found early and she could afford the treatment. On the other hand, my mum's best friend from high school died from breast cancer as she didn't have full treatment.
I'm not scared of breast cancer for some reason, I know I should but I'm not. I'm being checked yearly though as my mum had it.
I'm not scared of Cervical Cancer either, I know it take years to develop and I'm back to 3 years routine now.
I'm scared of having a virus that can cause cancer in my body. I feel violated and weak. Since I got the results the cancer fear is not leaving me and as I saw blood in toilet, low ferritin and changed bowel habits I'm really really terrified.
I'm seeing my GP tomorrow, he told me to come back if bleeding occurs again and it did. I don't know why he didn't refer me in the first place. Just hoping he doesn't prescribe me some IBS medicine and send me home. I have a dissertation to write and haven't even started yet because of my health anxiety :( xx
Have you ever had piles or a fissure at all?
If a fissure or piles bleeds it can cause anemia.
Thank you for telling me about your mum, it helps to hear a positive spin of survival story.
We all have different fears and anxiety but we all share the same fear which HA stems from and that is a terminal diagnosis.
I have had lots of symptoms of different sorts to indicate cancer, tests and worries it sucks!
The chances are you are just fine especially if your under 50 for colon C
I think it is very unlikely to have bowel cancer at such young age.
Maybe you have diverticulitis? I have read that diverticulitis can cause a lot of blood.
Tell your doctor about your fears, I don't think you have cancer but I understand that for you it's hard to believe. It is better to tell your doctor and he can help you through these fears!
Lily and Justina thanks for you supports. I know it's not too common in young adults but it still happens, unfortunately I couldn't help it and read a lot of stories :( Those convinced me really. I've never had bleeding from number 2 before so I've never been diagnosed with piles or anything else. I also have a dull pain/pressure on my sides and changed bowel habits :/ I've always been constipated all my life but now my bowel movements are very frequent and have loose stools, each time I go to toilet I feel like I couldn't empty it all. Sorry for the details but these make me sooo scared. I'll see my GP tomorrow morning, I'll tell all these and just see what he'll choose to do, the only thing that will convince me is a colonoscopy though.
I went to see my GP today and he referred me for a colonoscopy but not with a fast track, so I'm sure it won't be before Christmas, he said it will probably in 3 months. The only reason for that is my age, if I was over 50 with the same symptoms I would get a referral. I told him about my anxiety and said this leads to panic attacks but he said he can't refer me with a fast track just because I have anxiety :( I'll make the appointment anyway but I think I'll have a colonoscopy when I go to my country for Christmas. He also said I have increased folic acid levels, wish I didn't google it some studies say it can cause colorectal cancer :( I won't take folic acid and vitamin b complex any more :(
Cambrian49
30-11-14, 12:44
I've been really good with my HA for ages. It was actually having an operation in the summer that kind of "cured" it. However it's now back with vigour. I Keep getting pain around my hip/pelvis area which is sometimes helped by b/m ( sorry TMI) so now I'm convinced I have bowel cancer. Doesnt help that I've googled too. What a plonker. I'm sure it's muscular and I've had it for years but I can't get this latest obsession out of my mind. Gah
So sorry to hear that you've had a relapse :( I just hope you feel better soon. Unfortunately I'm on the same boat so all I can say it please try to stay away from google. You don't have the symptoms. Guessing no blood in/on stool? No change in bowel habits? No iron deficiency? I have these :( Anxiety makes muscles tense so you must be right. You can always see your gp and get your iron levels checked. Try to remember how you felt when you overcame HA and don't give in.
Cambrian49
01-12-14, 11:48
So sorry to hear that you've had a relapse :( I just hope you feel better soon. Unfortunately I'm on the same boat so all I can say it please try to stay away from google. You don't have the symptoms. Guessing no blood in/on stool? No change in bowel habits? No iron deficiency? I have these :( Anxiety makes muscles tense so you must be right. You can always see your gp and get your iron levels checked. Try to remember how you felt when you overcame HA and don't give in.
Thanks popejoan - it's nice to hear other people have the same issues though I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I've no "red flag" symptoms and I've booked an app with a chiropractor to sort my hip out. My problem is definitely Google and the bleeding Daily Mail. If I had't have had an op on my womb recently where they checked my ovaries etc.. ( ectopic preg) I would be convinced it was ovarian cancer. Have got a plan now tho - exercise helps me feel better so back to the gym, fewer glasses of wine and some healthy food. Hope you are coping as well as possible and thank you for your kind reply ️xxx
Chiropractors really help, I've been seeing one for 2-3 months and helped a lot with my shoulder and neck pains. I'm glad you don't have red flag symptoms. I've just booked an appointment for a colonoscopy. Unfortunately I have to wait until 8th of January, I have to book it in another city as the hospital in my city didn't even have appointments available. The health system is absolutely against people with HA. It's good to hear that your ovarians are clear. I think I will see a gynecologist when I go visit my family in my country, I can't deal with another waiting list here. Eating healthy always helps, there are also very good superfood powders that I would recommend. Ofcourse, you're welcome, I'm here to help whenever you feel down, take care xxx
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