View Full Version : Need some advice/help ASAP plz!!!
Hi guys,
I posted a long winded thread last night trying my best to explain my situation and whats going on with work.
I received a letter this morning from my work asking me to come in for a meeting from my new job as I am off currently on sick leave.
They now know why I am off with anxiety/depression for a few weeks and want to discuss if I can continue within my role. Its a catch 22 as I feel I am not in the right place to be working just now but at the same time admitting this to myself and more so them I dont know whether I should?
I think the comfort of knowing that I have a job still waiting for me keeps me sane and I the thought of losing it makes me feel more anxious and depressed.
I am currently writing an email back and I feel I just want to be honest with them and tell them that I struggled within my previous employer and that most of my issues have stemmed from there etc. I dont know whether this is a good idea or not?
I didnt even want to tell them that I had depression but my dr had obviously put this on my line he had originally told me to take 12 weeks off and has set me up with a course but I told him to reduce it as much as I need the time to sort things out I didnt want to send a 12 week line in after only being in a few weeks!
I feel its a viscious circle/catch 22 I know I cant have it all, any advice would be much appreciated, I dont even know if I can face them in a meeting, I am going to ask if I can give my boss a call instead to discuss!
Thanks in advance
Just be completely honest. I was off work because of amxiety/depression and when I returned it was with a letter from the hospital saying I'd attempted suicide and two sick notes from my doctor. I felt embarrassing but it's better to be open and honest. My employer have not been supportive or sympathetic at all. But maybe yours will. I think it's just best to be as open and honest as you can be with them. It doesn't matter how long you have been there. If you need time off you need time off. If you return to work before you're ready you won't be 100% it's better to get yourself right before you go back.
if you have anxiety and depression it does not go away in a few weeks, I have mine for over a year now. I have lost 3 jobs this year because of it so I understand where you are coming from. if your work is stressing you out then you know what to do, it is not good having work stress with anxiety, find a job that will make you happy and less stressful. make sure you don't stay in your house because that does not help at all, get outside even if you feel at your worse. :hugs:
I'm not sure on rights when you're off sick. Is there anyone you can talk to who can give you some advice about where you stand. I think it is best to be open and honest. Is there a union who can advise you?
MPsyStudent_1988
26-11-14, 13:04
Just be completely honest. I was off work because of amxiety/depression and when I returned it was with a letter from the hospital saying I'd attempted suicide and two sick notes from my doctor. I felt embarrassing but it's better to be open and honest. My employer have not been supportive or sympathetic at all. But maybe yours will. I think it's just best to be as open and honest as you can be with them. It doesn't matter how long you have been there. If you need time off you need time off. If you return to work before you're ready you won't be 100% it's better to get yourself right before you go back.
I have to agree with Lyrica's comment. In my opinion, I think your health should come before anything else. If you force yourself going to work when you're not ready, it will only exacerbate your symptoms and it will take longer for you to recover at the end of the day. Just my thought. :shrug:
Hey guys,
Apologies about the panic there just freaked out when i got that letter etc there!
You are all right though and I appreciate your comments, I have always had it and its gradually worsened and crept up on me, I have been telling myself im ok and kept pushing and pushing myself to keep going and now its hit the top or bottom whichever way you want to look at it.
The pressures of trying to stay afloat and not worry my family with it has really pushed me over, I finally realising its ok not to be ok (not quoting jesse jay or whatever her name is! :blush:)
My doc could see how bad I was getting last year and advised me on a few trips to him that I take time off, at the time in my previous employment the sick pay wasnt available to staff - cutbacks they said so it was only goverment SSP which wouldnt pay the bills.
I know health comes first and have now realised this the hard way but it's like they say the first step is to admit.
Unfortunately I can talk to you guys openly but I bottle things and dont feel I can talk to family my mum is abroad working and her job isnt looking to secure and I still stay in her flat and pay what I can towards it so dont want to worry her or stress her out anymore than she probably already is.
My Dad doesnt keep well and dont want to worsen him and my two grans I defo dont want to tell them i put the biggest face on for them and one of them is really not well just now either. Other than that its just distant family.
That wasnt an xfactor sob story just want to explain, my mates are lads lads we dont really get deep and eventhough I know deep down they are good guys I wouldnt feel comfortable telling them.
I think deep down they know especially now that I'm off work because of it. I have tried to dumb it down but one mate rang there and I started telling him a bit more as I was mid panic and his words were 'just be honest mate I know you have been depressed for years!' I thought I was doing a good job masking it.....obv not!
They are a good bunch though they come in to see me whenver they can and I try to do as much as i can to stay social with them but easier said than done sometimes.
As I mentioned in this or my original thread yesterday I finally broke down in the docs was in tears, I haven't really felt emotional just down and numb if that makes sense all just came out.
Again guys sorry for the long winded story, I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read and comment and be able to tell you all what's going on. It's good to talk to others going through similar issues and problems.
I try my best to read other peoples threads and comment if I can but again me being me I dont really feel I can give advice as I barely know what to do myself! :huh:
i dont really have any advice to give you . but i do no what you are going through .
Did the doctor prescribe you any medication?
MyNameIsTerry
27-11-14, 08:28
The first thing to do is ask one of your work mates to get you a copy of the company policies if you don't have them. Sickness comes under Capability in order to separate it from disciplinaries. They can determine whether the Capability process itself will be too stressful and agree redundancy that way or they can consider whether you will never come back and apply the same. If you tell you want to come back, its harder for them to apply this as they risk tribunal if they get it wrong so it can be a long process where you have several reviews x times part.
For me, it took about 3 months to start and then it was several months between stages. For me, it would have been about 3 stages before they had the option to dismiss on health grounds but I didn't go any further than stage 1 as I quit after a long process of displinary action due to my manager playing silly games and trying to 'doctor' paperwork so I decided not to keep fighting those trying to cover it up for him even when it went this far. It wasn't worth my mental health getting worse.
Hi guys,
Sorry not been on and replied. No he hasnt prescribed me medication and I had tried propranolol last year and made me worse couldnt focus in work and felt sedated and came off it.
Might be easier to start now im off but I really hate taking meds for anything tbh and if I can avoid them at any cost I will. I've to speak to my doc again in 2 weeks to assess.
He has set me up on an NHS course which they are to get in touch with me, still awaiting this, if I dont hear by friday I will ring him or them to chase up.
Thanks for the advice Terry, I have just put up on my original post/thread, unfortunately I received a letter this morning to say that they can't adjust my position etc and will be terminating my contract.
As I have posted on the other thread I am stressing and slightly bitter towards this situation after I felt I was honest with them and their previous letters seemed understanding towards my situation, bit out the blue after our previous contact but did kind of expect it just not as soon and as abrupt.
Don't want to dwell on the situation but need to sit and see what to do next, I haven't been in this position before and have no idea what to do tbh.
Sorry for doubling up threads just wanted to reply to everyones advice, If you could reply to my original thread please guys with any info advice on this situation would be much appreciated.
thanks
Hello! Okay, now that it is clear you were a contractor, then it seems there is no recourse for you through a union, and they were in a legal position to let you go in favour of any other contractor at this stage. In contract situations, I have found that I never knew whether I would be offered another contract or not right up to the last day. Personally I didn't like the insecurity, and will be looking for a regular job, next. Preferably unionized. Not sure what it is that you do, but if possible, when you are ready to work in a less stressful sort of job again, that might be better, as after the normal probation period, it's not so simple for them to let you go for mental health or other reasons.
Well, speaking from the practical side, there is different funding there in the UK as I understand it, and you may be eligible for some support through that. Your friends there will be more knowledgeable about that, but some money coming in may be worth the paperwork and interviews.
I should probably start a separate thread for it, but I know a thing or two about health insurance, due to having had to apply several times for mortgage insurance and considering having life insurance in place to at least cover off this debt in case of death. Whereas honesty is the best policy ordinarily, there are considerations on both sides when divulging such matters as depression, previous s*****e attempts and the like. Firms often have blanket health insurance coverage for their employees, and to the insurer, these issues are red flags in terms of risk assessment. Just as they may have their own doctor report to them any findings re: your physical health that may cost them in productivity and sick time paid, they will of needs consider mental health issues in the same light. Unless things have changed a great deal, or are very different in the UK than in Canada, their insurer may refuse to cover a particular employee on these grounds, and of course they may decide it's not worth the potential time loss/wages lost and refuse to hire a person, or continue to employ him or her on those same grounds regardless.
Just in filling out forms for personal insurance myself, I have always come up against having to answer pointed questions about my mental health in past and present, any medication I'm on and what it is for, and knowing full well that they may ask my doctor to disclose all he knows. I have abandoned applying for these, and my husband and I stick with the one bank that asks only relevant financial questions for mortgage coverage. Sad but true, and scary that we must always be aware of being turned down for health insurance because of depression and other mh issues.
Just something to perhaps consider as you make some decisions. Good luck, it is a very good thing that you are taking care of yourself, well done! You are the only one who can really protect your health, and you seem to be a very responsible person. Bodes well for the future, try not to worry, it will get better!
Hello! Okay, now that it is clear you were a contractor, then it seems there is no recourse for you through a union, and they were in a legal position to let you go in favour of any other contractor at this stage. In contract situations, I have found that I never knew whether I would be offered another contract or not right up to the last day.
Personally I didn't like the insecurity, and will be looking for a regular job, next. Preferably unionized. Not sure what it is that you do, but if possible, when you are ready to work in a less stressful sort of job again, that might be better, as after the normal probation period, it's not so simple for them to let you go for mental health or other reasons.
Well, speaking from the practical side, there is different funding there in the UK as I understand it, and you may be eligible for some support through that. Your friends there will be more knowledgeable about that, but some money coming in may be worth the paperwork and interviews.
I should probably start a separate thread for it, but I know a thing or two about health insurance, due to having had to apply several times for mortgage insurance and considering having life insurance in place to at least cover off this debt in case of death. Whereas honesty is the best policy ordinarily, there are considerations on both sides when divulging such matters as depression, previous s*****e attempts and the like. Firms often have blanket health insurance coverage for their employees, and to the insurer, these issues are red flags in terms of risk assessment. Just as they may have their own doctor report to them any findings re: your physical health that may cost them in productivity and sick time paid, they will of needs consider mental health issues in the same light. Unless things have changed a great deal, or are very different in the UK than in Canada, their insurer may refuse to cover a particular employee on these grounds, and of course they may decide it's not worth the potential time loss/wages lost and refuse to hire a person, or continue to employ him or her on those same grounds regardless.
Just in filling out forms for personal insurance myself, I have always come up against having to answer pointed questions about my mental health in past and present, any medication I'm on and what it is for, and knowing full well that they may ask my doctor to disclose all he knows. I have abandoned applying for these, and my husband and I stick with the one bank that asks only relevant financial questions for mortgage coverage. Sad but true, and scary that we must always be aware of being turned down for health insurance because of depression and other mh issues.
Just something to perhaps consider as you make some decisions. Good luck, it is a very good thing that you are taking care of yourself, well done! You are the only one who can really protect your health, and you seem to be a very responsible person. Bodes well for the future, try not to worry, it will get better!
Thanks for the advice sadnomore, much appreciated!
I im the the construction sector and I truly enjoy what I do, I do the drawings basically and I know this is what I want to continue to do its just getting my confidence and self esteem back. It was a permanent role I had not contract work but was under a 3-month probation period therefore I dont have a leg to stand on in terms of letting me go under my health.
They are also a small family business so theres no HR or unions etc as was my previous position.
I was in a great job when I came out of uni and I can deal with the relevant stress like meeting deadlines and the problems that my arise from this line of work.
It wasnt until I started my previous job that things took a turn for the worst, I think I mentioned before I took a drop in wages to get the job and over the years never received any inflation in wages and the boss was unbelievably unprofessional and negative, I could tell that even my other work mates including my manager were pretty much depressed to a point with how we were treated and the place was run but I knew things would never change and the only way to help myself was to find another job and to get away from it all!
I know money doesnt make the world turn but as I mentioned previous as well but things like going to the gym going out with friends and family etc I started to avoid to make sure ends met first.
Over the 3-4 years trying to get another job was easier said than done and as much as I tried to ignore it I always put work first and my health second until I started my new position and it hasn't worked out either and I have just hit the point now where I need to put myself first and admit I'm not in a good place and fit to continue.
Its all the other consequences of not working and having to admit to my family my problems that adds the extra anxiety and stress.
I need to go down tomorrow and speak to my local Citizens Advice which can inform me of what to do in terms of bills and work etc. and chase up my doc about the NHS programme tomorrow to see if its been set up.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.