W.I.F.T.S.
05-01-07, 16:12
As far as I'm concerned I have been depressed for most of my life: as a kid I didn't socialise that much; I didn't get my first girlfriend until I was 22; I haven't really persued that many interests or hobbies; I've been socially awkward....
I'm now starting to think that either I've confused feelings of anxiety with depression quite a bit or that my nerves are the principle cause of my long-term, chronic depression (or both). The sort of complaints that I have, which make me feel depressed are: that I'm too shy to talk to women (fear of rejection/humiliation); that I know that I'm smart, but that I can't seem to get a career going whilst everyone else can (fear of failure in a job with more responsibility, meaning that I haven't persued a career as much as i could have); I'm too scared to travel (agoraphobia, fear of being away from home and not having my family to take care of me); I don't know if I'll ever be ready for a marriage, kids and mortgage (fear of responsibility); I don't have that many friends (fear of rejection)......
Throughout most of my life I have taken the non-threatening, non-challenging option because I've been so afraid, which has often meant that I've done a very unsatisfactory job, not really socialised or stretched myself and came home most nights to watch the telly. The monotony of that sort of tedious existence has caused me to feel so depressed.
Thankfully I've realised it and now my life is much fuller: I've got an exciting job starting shortly; I'm going to sign up to do the level 2 coaching course in the summer; I'm running 4 football teams.....very shortly my evenings should go from stopping in most nights to Sunday: Football, Monday: Football, Tuesday: Music Course, wednesday: jamming, Thursday: Football training, friday: Tai Chi, Saturday: Pub.
I think that you've got to take those first steps and face your fears and things quickly snowball, so where you might be nervous about joining a class, you quickly make new friends and you find the course inspiring, so you go out socially with your new friends and take a further course or whatever....the anticipation that you associate with anxiety turns into excitement, you start looking forward to going to the class and your thoughts start becoming a lot more positive and optimistic.
I started volunteering as the social coordinator for my local gym about a year ago and now I run loads of teams (two of which should win their leagues!! Trophies for me) and know lots more people, it's got me back into sport for the first time since school, it's pushed me into being more assertive and organised, I've ended up working with the town mayor as a charity organsier and whenever I have an idea of something fun to do (such as paintballing), I can put it on the noticeboard and meet new people doing it. Ultimately, I'd love to organise foreign trips...but that's very ambitious at the minute.
My point is that I've suffer from chronic depression all my life and this is my fourth year of recovering from a nervous breakdown, so I'm as ill as most people on the site. But, I realise how I've fell into being like this and what i think I need to do to get out of it. I'm as nervous as anyone, but I'm able to organise sports teams because, the way i see it, everything is scary to me on pretty much the same level, whether it's putting a side together or driving to the next town. I need to drive to the next town, so i face the fear. If I can do that then I can manage a team. Face the fear. It WILL feel horrendous, but it's the most liberating thing that you can do for yourself because sooner or later, if you keep facing the fear, you won't feel the fear at all.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
I'm now starting to think that either I've confused feelings of anxiety with depression quite a bit or that my nerves are the principle cause of my long-term, chronic depression (or both). The sort of complaints that I have, which make me feel depressed are: that I'm too shy to talk to women (fear of rejection/humiliation); that I know that I'm smart, but that I can't seem to get a career going whilst everyone else can (fear of failure in a job with more responsibility, meaning that I haven't persued a career as much as i could have); I'm too scared to travel (agoraphobia, fear of being away from home and not having my family to take care of me); I don't know if I'll ever be ready for a marriage, kids and mortgage (fear of responsibility); I don't have that many friends (fear of rejection)......
Throughout most of my life I have taken the non-threatening, non-challenging option because I've been so afraid, which has often meant that I've done a very unsatisfactory job, not really socialised or stretched myself and came home most nights to watch the telly. The monotony of that sort of tedious existence has caused me to feel so depressed.
Thankfully I've realised it and now my life is much fuller: I've got an exciting job starting shortly; I'm going to sign up to do the level 2 coaching course in the summer; I'm running 4 football teams.....very shortly my evenings should go from stopping in most nights to Sunday: Football, Monday: Football, Tuesday: Music Course, wednesday: jamming, Thursday: Football training, friday: Tai Chi, Saturday: Pub.
I think that you've got to take those first steps and face your fears and things quickly snowball, so where you might be nervous about joining a class, you quickly make new friends and you find the course inspiring, so you go out socially with your new friends and take a further course or whatever....the anticipation that you associate with anxiety turns into excitement, you start looking forward to going to the class and your thoughts start becoming a lot more positive and optimistic.
I started volunteering as the social coordinator for my local gym about a year ago and now I run loads of teams (two of which should win their leagues!! Trophies for me) and know lots more people, it's got me back into sport for the first time since school, it's pushed me into being more assertive and organised, I've ended up working with the town mayor as a charity organsier and whenever I have an idea of something fun to do (such as paintballing), I can put it on the noticeboard and meet new people doing it. Ultimately, I'd love to organise foreign trips...but that's very ambitious at the minute.
My point is that I've suffer from chronic depression all my life and this is my fourth year of recovering from a nervous breakdown, so I'm as ill as most people on the site. But, I realise how I've fell into being like this and what i think I need to do to get out of it. I'm as nervous as anyone, but I'm able to organise sports teams because, the way i see it, everything is scary to me on pretty much the same level, whether it's putting a side together or driving to the next town. I need to drive to the next town, so i face the fear. If I can do that then I can manage a team. Face the fear. It WILL feel horrendous, but it's the most liberating thing that you can do for yourself because sooner or later, if you keep facing the fear, you won't feel the fear at all.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.