View Full Version : Christmas and new year survival support group
I've discovered I'm not alone in struggling at this time of year,when the days have suddenly become short,and dark,and Christmas and New Year just around the corner.
It seems everyone is excited and looking forward to it,although I'm sure that's not the case.
Let's help each other through it.:)
Okay :)
I actually love New Years - it's my favorite holiday. Christmas is my least favorite. Kind of funny that they are so close together being that they are at such extremes for me.
But a support group is an excellent idea.
Hooray!! I though you were kidding??? I will be addicted to this thread. It will be my medication and savior. Thanks Aprilmoon. :hugs:
Heard my first Christmas song today on the radio arrrrrh and thought hear we go again thought I was just a misery this time of year (perhaps I still am :)).
I'm in too
Sunflower2
28-11-14, 19:53
Woo support group! I feel like such a grinch, I hate new year so much... So much alocohol and money and feeling awful on New Years day.. Which is meant to be a fresh start but people give up on their New Years resolutions after 1 week... And christmas has become just an excuse to go crazy in shops, did anyone see the news today?! Such crazy crazy people - a new television will not solve your problems! It's so dark this time of year too, which makes me depressed and with limited ability to leave my house as I hate driving in the dark!
But, together we will get through this and maybe even be able to enjoy ourselves :)
Kimberley I hate driving in the dark too and next Thursday is my husbands works party and I have to take him to a town 14 miles away and drive right to the middle of the town...so not looking forward to it :(
Sunflower2
28-11-14, 20:06
Oh I do not envy you! I've been driving home from work in the dark for the past few weeks now though and it's actually been ok because I've been concentrating so much on the road..
Could you practice the road at all in the evenings? At least in the town there is street lights!
I know that the holidays are a rough time for a lot of people regardless of anxiety. It was for me for many years as I was alone. I had family but all the commercials of happy couples and gatherings just got under my skin.
Then came my Chiquita :) Now, especially since I proposed and she said yes last Christmas morning (great story!), it's become something very personal and special to me and to us. While I don't care for the commercialism, crowded stores, and all the rest of the "business" of Christmas and the holidays, I do look forward to having some time off to spend with my wife. We cook something special (typically lamb) and enjoy some quiet personal time.
For those of you that dread the holidays, may I suggest you find something you enjoy and associate with the holiday. Maybe it's a time to take a few days vacation or perhaps you can start a personal tradition that makes you feel good. It doesn't have to be a "Christmas" thing. It can be anything that brings a smile to your face and joy to your heart. Volunteer at a soup kitchen helping those less fortunate or spend time at an animal shelter with puppies, kittens, dogs and cats.
Here's to making this time of year something more pleasant.
Positive thoughts
I don't mind Christmas but I absolutely hate the new year, it doesn't feel 5 mins since the last time and it just emphasises how quickly time passes :(
Unfortunately, my Partner and I have to split up over Christmas because we have two Mum's to care for in two separate houses in two different Counties, and as you know my Partner is not well either; as well as me. Relatives have scarped; don't want to know. :( So it's a bleak, bleak Christmas for me. :weep:
That's true about street lights in the town, at least I can see where I am going...the country roads to get there are the worst :(
We are going to my daughters for Christmas day but so are all her husbands family. We also have 20 family members at our house the Saturday before Christmas :scared15:
That's quite a house full Annie
Will you do a buffet type meal?
I can never seem to get all the food to the table at the right time :wacko:
Yes and I am doing as little baking/cooking as possible. I have just been online and ordered sandwiches from M&S, will get dominoes to deliver pizza and I will do some chicken and desserts :)
Aww Carnation I am sorry you and your partner can't be together for Christmas...we will all have to escape for a bit and chat on here :)
I'm in too, it's a horrid time for me.
And there I was thinking it was just me. I'd love to participate, I always struggle with Christmas/new year. As soon as December flips over on the calendar,up goes the anxiety. Last year it was the run-up rather than the actual event, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I mean,what is Christmas really other than a souped-up Sunday?
Carnation - I'm sorry to hear that, stay on the thread with us :)
Almost as if that cartoon was written just for us :winks:
Carnation
Hope it helps a bit to know others are thinking of you,and that coming on here helps.
Look after yourself :hugs:
Yes, it will not be a great time for me, but I knew this was coming, so I booked a week away just after Christmas with my partner and we are going to a big New Years Eve Ball. So, although Christmas will be painful and difficult, I have something to look forward to. That will be my reward. :)
Thanks everyone for your kind words, much appreciated. More than you think. :hugs:
Yes, it will not be a great time for me, but I knew this was coming, so I booked a week away just after Christmas with my partner and we are going to a big New Years Eve Ball. So, although Christmas will be painful and difficult, I have something to look forward to. That will be my reward. :)
Thanks everyone for your kind words, much appreciated. More than you think. :hugs:
That was exactly what I was saying in my post... something to look forward to! :D Make it a tradition!
Positive thoughts
I work in retail and I don't know what my hours will be over Xmas(it only closes xmas day) but retail has ruined it for me and I'm not having much success in finding a new job.
Hi Jen
Its hard for anyone in retail,I remember doing it myself years ago.
Hope the hours you get aren't too bad,and fair for everyone.
Its hard for anyone in retail
Imagine those who work for the postal service, UPS etc. Those folks bust their (*&^# through the holidays. Even in my line of work (music business - CD/DVD manufacturing), it's crazy this time of year as everyone wants to get their releases out for the holidays. But as the saying goes... "You gotta make hay when the sun is shining".
Positive thoughts
I had a house full of family for the two days of Christmas.
Been doing it for many years.
I stopped doing it two years ago. I am past it now.
Why? -because I was at the kitchen sink for most of the two days.
and the two days before making trifles and baking OH WHAT JOY!!!:mad:
Mostly my husbands relations.:scared15:
I would have happily helped out with the soup kitchen for the homeless.
New year we stop in. or child minding, that's fine with me.
Will be thinking of you Carnation:hugs:
In fact I will be thinking of all of you on NMP xxx
almamatters
29-11-14, 15:11
I work in health and am working right through Christmas this year apart from boxing day off. In a way I am glad of the distraction, I am not keen on Christmas and am usually very glad when it's all over.
t0rt01se36
29-11-14, 17:00
I dislike this time of year so much, when it gets dark, before teatime. Normally, I like to go out, late afternoon/early eve, but can't now, unless I get a lift.
The only highlight this Christmas for me, id the fact that I'll be spending Christmas Day, with my Niece for the first time.
The rest of my family will be there too, but I don't cope well, eating in a group.
This Christmas, will be the second year without Mum. Correction - second Christmas, not year.
I have an artificial Christmas Tree but cos I won't be getting many visitors at all, I don't feel in the Christmas mood for getting my place all decorative.
The only thing I like about New Year's eve, is that it's closer to a new year and things I want to achieve.
Next year, I am learning how to drive, so I can't aafford to buy many Presents, which sucks, cos I really enjoying Giving.
:hugs: For all who will struggle through Christmas.
MyNameIsTerry
30-11-14, 04:34
I always used to work through Xmas because it was quite and I found it easier to get things done as well as there being a nice relaxed attitude at work so I often used to volunteer for any duty manager slots. This was all before my anxiety though, I used to quite enjoy it and when you are a guy in your twenties with no responsibilities...Xmas is mostly about getting taked up anyway!
Thesedays I do not like it much because as someone with OCD, it does cause changes to routines that have become a problem so it ends up being a time of exposure therapy for me in some ways!!! If I'm struggling with low mood, frustration or feelings of being trapped, I tend to get a bit sick of seeing happy people out & about as it tends to act as a mirror to judge myself against.
I just try to do what I can to make my family happy, because I don't really care for Xmas anymore anyway as I don't have any kids to do it for. I'm not religious so just see it as a time for family, getting hammered or buying stuff for people. A lot of it is forced and false anyway, so you have to take your own meaning from it so for me it is solely about making my family happy and keeping my anxieties out of their view so they can enjoy themselves. I always prefer seeing others happy and opening their presents, whereas I don't really care if I get no presents in return...does that make sense?
Hello all.
For me, some of it is the gluttony around Christmas time. The build up is so over the top. Also the expectation to enjoy it. Also Many people don't even know how Christmas originated or what it's really meant to be about. I am not religious but feel this is part of it as well as its not supposed to be a commercial free for all but that is what it's become. I don't like to see huge amounts of money spent on it all, especially where people get into debt.
I do remember a couple of Christmases I enjoyed as a child but often it wasn't a happy time. That made me dread it. I have taken on board suggestions from others.... Like having new Christmases now... ones that are more happy and meaningful. building good memories.
This time of year with the short days and crummy weather is an issue for me.
I have tried combating that over the years and am trying to do the same this winter.
Getting outside every day for a bit of exercise, even a gentle walk. That really helps.
I tend to think Christmas now is just about 'Duties'. As MynameisTerry says, is about keeping the Family happy. I am not bothered about presents either and not a particularly religious person, but I have taking to prayer since having Anxiety. (Please God, let me be well), (Please God, stop the pain), (Please God, what have I done to deserve this?). I do have to say that I do like all the glittering lights, at least it brightens up the dark streets at night. I don't like the greed, the selfishness and the things that make people at Christmas in to Vultures. I can't say that I have met anyone lately with true Christmas spirit? Take my Partner's Brother, who won't take his Mother for Christmas Day because she will embarrass him at the Dinner table. Because she has had a stroke, she drops her food and misses her mouth when eating and that wouldn't do in front of his friends. So shallow. And her Grandchildren who are all in their late thirties, haven't visited her or even phoned her in the last 3 years, but they were ok taking the Birthday and Christmas cheques she used to give them.:mad:
NE21 worrier
30-11-14, 18:40
I felt my first bit of Christmas-based anxiety on stupid Black Friday when opting to use public transport to work as I was going out with some workmates afterwards. Everything was running late and, even leaving two hours before my shift, I thought I was going to be late as I had to travel around the MetroCentre (Annie might know about this).
In the end, everything worked out fine. Thankfully, this weekend, I saw the other side of Christmas. Not the greedy bit that Carnation mentions - but the lovely family/friends-orientated bit as I went to the theatre for a pantomime with my mum and sister, aunts, cousins and cousin's children. Had a wonderful time.
I know that I am lucky to have such a support base of family and friends and it makes me feel sad for those who don't, often through no fault of their own :sad:
I was going to mention the 'Black Friday' bit, but thought I had moaned enough. Sorry Ne21 Worrier, I know there are people that have a good Family and I am so pleased that you can enjoy it. Unfortunately, I do not have any Brothers or Sisters, so their are no Nieces or Nephews. And, I was unable to have Children either. (A bit lonely on the Family front). I do however have fantastic friends who I see as my Family. So, it's not all doom and gloom. I will be seeing them in the New Year and I value them with my Life! Friends you can choose, Family you can't!
MyNameIsTerry
01-12-14, 02:42
I tend to think Christmas now is just about 'Duties'. As MynameisTerry says, is about keeping the Family happy. I am not bothered about presents either and not a particularly religious person, but I have taking to prayer since having Anxiety. (Please God, let me be well), (Please God, stop the pain), (Please God, what have I done to deserve this?). I do have to say that I do like all the glittering lights, at least it brightens up the dark streets at night. I don't like the greed, the selfishness and the things that make people at Christmas in to Vultures. I can't say that I have met anyone lately with true Christmas spirit? Take my Partner's Brother, who won't take his Mother for Christmas Day because she will embarrass him at the Dinner table. Because she has had a stroke, she drops her food and misses her mouth when eating and that wouldn't do in front of his friends. So shallow. And her Grandchildren who are all in their late thirties, haven't visited her or even phoned her in the last 3 years, but they were ok taking the Birthday and Christmas cheques she used to give them.:mad:
I think that says quite a lot about your partners brother there Carnation. Not much of a man really. If my mother had had one and anyone so much as gave a funny look because he coordination was poor, they would be on the end of my anger! I wonder how many times she wiped his arse as a child? I would be embarrassed by his behaviour and that of his friends.
---------- Post added at 02:42 ---------- Previous post was at 02:40 ----------
I know that I am lucky to have such a support base of family and friends and it makes me feel sad for those who don't, often through no fault of their own :sad:
Yes, I agree and I think we may need to help some of the people on here who are lonely in general as they may find it harder over those weeks. :yesyes:
Christmas is like any other holiday in the fact that its a holiday without my mom... She died in 2011, she committed suicide. I'm just thankful I have faith that I'll see her again in heaven.
MyNameIsTerry
01-12-14, 04:33
Christmas is like any other holiday in the fact that its a holiday without my mom... She died in 2011, she committed suicide. I'm just thankful I have faith that I'll see her again in heaven.
Sorry to hear that kristaok.
I've known people who have had family members die around Xmas and thr first few years were very hard for them as they brought up so many contradictery memories of happiness & despair.
Have you managed to reconcile it and concentrate on the good before it happened?
Sorry to hear that kristaok.
I've known people who have had family members die around Xmas and thr first few years were very hard for them as they brought up so many contradictery memories of happiness & despair.
Have you managed to reconcile it and concentrate on the good before it happened?
I can't say I'm over her death, but I have realized that she's gone and I have to try and carry on to the best of my ability. My PTSD isn't as bad as it used to be, it was so bad before that the littlest sounds made me have panic attacks and fear of other family members dying. I still cry over her death a lot, and I still hold survivor guilt, but deep down I realize there was nothing I could have done to stop her or save her. I think of the good times we shared but of course the bad stuff comes to mind, I do think I've learned more ways to push the bad out... Unfortunately my memory has taken a turn for the worse, in the process of removing the bad memories somehow I'm losing the good, its like I don't wanna think a lot about her or I'll get really sad so I try to push it all out... Its a mess, but I gotta keep on keeping on.
State of panic
01-12-14, 12:44
good post, I was just thinking about x mas as my daughter was putting up her decorations at her home and I thought oh UGH CHRISTMAS, I can't even think about it. I have grown to dislike x mas for the past 5 years, probably because I was depressed for the last 5 years and just now recently got treatment for it.
I am going to stop focusing on ME and how horrible I feel this year and try to share in the joy of others happiness. Someone said maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen that sounds like the path I want to take, bring someone else joy and doing that would make anyone feel better. I can be grateful for seeing my son home from college, sharing x mas with my daughter's family, maybe stopping by and helping a friend in need who is single and has 5 kids to support. Chrisrmas is a sad and difficult time for many many people, in fact I see more people struggling this time of year than I see people truly happy. All the hoopla and fuss and killing yourself x mas shopping is just not worth it to me. Maybe my depression and recent breakdown has helped me to see what is truly important.. Nothing is more important than being at peace, your health and feeling good.
im sort of looking forward to it this year ,as long as my anxiety is in check it should be good.The black friday greed showed on the tv made my blood boil,my wife asked me what I want for christmas and I really only want peace of mind and time with my family.Thats how it should be not fighting over material things.
I can fully understand why some people hate Christmas,chin up everyone
Kristaok, my heart goes out to you about your Mum. I won't say too much, because I don't not want to upset you, but I hope you find whatever comfort you are looking for on here. :hugs:
Yes, Terry, I am afraid I have given him a piece of my Mind just recently; not even in my nature to do this, but it's been going on for many years. Basically Had enough of his attitude. He obviously has a very clean behind. :rolleyes: My Partner says he is forever talking through it.:D
Anyway, despite everything, I am trying to get in to the Spirit. Got lots of decks and lights to put up, so at least the place will look pretty. :)
I'm sorry to hear that kristaok
I'm sure you will meet her again,and hopefully,in time,the good memories will surface more and more .
I feel that I will meet mine again as well,she passed away 7 years ago on Sun.
On Christmas day I shall light a candle for her,and keep it burning throughout the day.
Carnation,shame on your partners brother,but you know what?
When these people are no longer with us,you will be so glad that you've done what you've done.
I'm thinking I might start to put a few decorations up this weekend,last year at this time I was about to have an operation and when I came home,I could hardly do anything,so I'm going to try and do them with a grateful heart.:)
You're so true, maybe I too should not avoid the issue, I need to get an ornament for her. I've thought about it, but it saddens me, but in the end it may help me cope better.
You're so true, maybe I too should not avoid the issue, I need to get an ornament for her. I've thought about it, but it saddens me, but in the end it may help me cope better.
it would not be easy to do this, kristaok, but i do feel it would be a step towards helping you cope. never easy to deal with such emotive issues because they do make you feel so bad. i find that even though people i have loved and lost are gone, i often think of them. especially when i am in situations they'd have been with me or perhaps places i have visited that they liked. i am then mindful of them and to me, the experiences and times i shared with them, are still with me. they (the people i loved) are still with me too. your mum with always be with you too.
---------- Post added at 13:06 ---------- Previous post was at 13:05 ----------
gonna drag myself out for a walk; i dont want to but i know it will do me good. i'd rather veg at my desk in work and look at a load of rubbish on the internet. but which will do me more good? getting outside of course. yeah i know its dull and i know its raining but i also know it wil help. Message to self: c'mon lazybones get those legs moving......NOW!!
Thanks Tessar, sometimes its good to avoid and other times its best to face things. I want to be able to face it, I want to just talk to her... I think I will.
Well Folks,
We went to meet our G/daughter from school yesterday and she told us something interesting. "My Mum has booked for all of us to go to the cinema on boxing day to see the new film called Paddington" I don't think so, I said." Oh yes she has"
Anyway my daughter came home from work earlier than usual.
And it is true. I gave my G/daughter a big hug and said sorry for not believing her.
I am so looking forward to it "PADDINGTON BEAR". Whoopie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunflower2
02-12-14, 15:06
Magic, me and my mum are going to see that when it comes out too! :D never too old to see a film about a teddy bear!
Love the sun today, its been blue sky all day here and only a couple degrees.. I could cope with a whole winter of this!
Doesnt it make a difference Kimberley
As soon as I see that blue sky my spirits lift.:)
I did have my walk :-) I think it helped mind you it was freeeezing out there!!!!
MyNameIsTerry
04-12-14, 04:16
You're so true, maybe I too should not avoid the issue, I need to get an ornament for her. I've thought about it, but it saddens me, but in the end it may help me cope better.
Maybe thats a step for you to take and then try to associate the ornament with good times. Then when you are feeling down, go to the ornament and let that wash over you, the better times? I wonder whether this is sometimes why people pay to dedicate park benches to loved ones, to feel near them again?
---------- Post added at 04:16 ---------- Previous post was at 04:15 ----------
Well Magic & Kimberley, I heard it had been given a PG rating because of sexual connations...so god knows what he's going to be doing with those jam sandwiches :winks::D
Hi, I'd like to join too, feeling low and not Christmassy at all.
Hi Goldfinch
Welcome to our group!
Sorry to hear you're having difficulties too,but hope, that by sharing on here with others who understand, helps.
Take care :)
All I wanted to do today was stuff my face. I did give in and eat chocolate and crisps. Will try harder next week. I know keeping to a healthy diet will help me thro winter. It's just this time of year makes me want to et all the wrong things :-(
chocolate and crisps at the same time?!
Sunflower2
04-12-14, 22:45
Chocolate and crisps at the same time makes the other taste so good!
MyNameIsTerry
05-12-14, 04:32
Yeah, it does work! Have you seen those chocs that are Pringle shaped? They are ideal for combining and they taste good as you get the different flavours hitting you at different times.
Don't go too far with it though or you might turn into a Heston! :winks::D
Good morning all. Sitting here trying to muster the energy to start work but feeling weepy. Think a brisk walk might be a good idea. I bought the tree yesterday. Now I find it won't fit into the stand. Only I could do this. Will try to improvise with a pot of compost - hope it won't fall over.
MyNameIsTerry
05-12-14, 09:24
Yeah, a brisk walk could help clear your mind and help you forget about it for a bit so why not?
Perhaps that was a subconscious thing "oh damn, it doesn't, Xmas is now cancelled!" :winks::D
Good point! Though the tree propped up accusingly against the lounge wall is going to remind me!
Good morning Terry and Goldfinch
Hope you managed the walk
I've always found it helps :)
Good morning! No, I haven't gone yet but think I will make the effort now. At least it's not raining today.
just been for my walk. glad i did. hasnt stopped me wanting to sleep (even tho i'm in the office) but it has heped i am sure. quiet at work. thats not helping. managed not to guy chocolate today. still want to stuff my face.
Sunflower2
05-12-14, 14:47
Had an awful start to the morning, I had a sore chest and back from stress and not eating properly so cried for an hour, argued with my parents, then spilled all my anxiety and treatment to my parents, then FINALLY calmed down enough to get myself to work. Still feeling teary now but at least I got myself out of the house.
Hi everyone. Well, I've made the effort. The Decks are going up and the place is adorned with twinkly lights and sprigs of holly. There's not a corner or crack in the house that is not filled with some kind of festive novelty. Even the tree outside has been decorated with a swirl of glistening white lights. Considering it is 10ft high, I did well to do this. It is actually one phobia I do not suffer with; 'Heights'. So, I'm making the effort, keeping my Mind busy and the place looks like 'Santa's Grotto'. :)
Tessar, I have started going for walks in the evening; whatever the weather conditions. I can pleasantly say, it has done me the world of good. (Why haven't I done this before?). It calms my Anxiety, I get plenty of fresh air and clears the Mind. It's the best thing in my day and I look forward to it. I do however, have a bar of chocolate when I get home, so I am not entirely well behaved. :noangel:
Kimberley, just posted on your other thread today. :hugs:
---------- Post added at 20:03 ---------- Previous post was at 19:54 ----------
Aprilmoon, you have had over 1,000 views already on this thread. You are surely on to a Winner with this one!!! :ohmy:
Hi everyone.
Kimberley, sorry you had such a rough start to your day,but well done for getting into work,and also for sharing with your parents,that has to be a good thing.
Hope tomorrow is a better one for you.
Carnation,We've put our tree up yesterday so here we go.:ohmy:
I don't have a problem with heights either,but put me in a lift :scared15:
Just think,3 weeks today and it will be nearly over! :D
I haven't put my decorations up yet but I guess I will sometime over the weekend.
Sunflower2
05-12-14, 21:29
I've gone for a walk at night every single night for the past maybe 7/8 year's now! I have to get out of the house and feel fresher for a walk!
Still feeling quite teary tonight, my dad just spoke to me and said I do not need any therapy or anything. Think makes me feel upset because I have a hard enough time convincing MYSELF I have a problem let alone anyone else! :(
Congratulations on the decorations Carnation, we are putting ours up this weekend and also making the Christmas cake.. So I may as well embrace the festivities! Not long till it's over now.. I'm doing the rest of Christmas shopping tomorrow morning eek wish me luck! And meeting my old uni friends for lunch.. So it's not all gloom.
MyNameIsTerry
06-12-14, 04:19
Hi Aprilmoon (sorry, I was just logging off around when you posted) and everyone else.
Bit slippy walking tonight as the rain has been followed by freezing temperatures my way, but not as bad as it gets in Jan/Feb so still good for walking with a little extra care.
Kimberley, stick with it as and listen to the advice from your GP & referrals on that one. Is your dad a bit in the dark over all this in that he doesn't really know how you feel or has the old fashioned image of therapy?
Hi Kimberley and Terry. It's frosty here and I'm about to start work - need to catch up this morning as it's overwhelmed me a bit this week. I woke up around 5 and worried for a couple of hours. I hate this early morning waking. I'm going Christmas shopping this afternoon. I absolutely don't feel like it but it must be done. The tree is now in a pot, however the pot is too small so it keeps falling over and the tree is still propped against the wall ... Hope you both have some good moments today.
MyNameIsTerry
06-12-14, 08:58
Thanks Goldfinch.
Do you think it was worrying about the upcoming shopping trip? I always found a planned event would disturb my getting to sleep or I would wake up about an hour before I'm due to get up and struggle to get back to sleep and just become anxious from it.
Hope it goes ok for you.
Hi Terry, no I think it's mainly work related. I'm self employed and am buying a flat with quite a high mortgage (I live in the pricey south east) and my 15-year-old son lives with me. I'm quite cash-strapped and worry if I don't have enough work. Then I worry if I have too much work! And I worry that if I get too depressed/anxious I won't be able to work! One thing leads to another and my head is just buzzing. Unfortunately in the wee small hours I don't feel up to getting out of bed and doing something useful. I think the shopping trip will help take my mind off it all (it's going to be a cheap one, I'm doing most of it using Boots card points, and I'm going with my other half, who is always a calming influence!).
Good morning all
I'm going out to brave the crowds as well Goldfinch,hope it goes ok for you.
Hoping to get ahead of myself this year with the gift buying.
Going to treat myself to a Costa coffee as well I think.:)
My eldest daughter is autistic,and she's given me details of what she wants,she becomes obsessive about getting things exactly as she's explained,and from certain shops so it can be a bit of a nightmare.
She doesn't want expensive things,but gets in a tizz if things don't turn out how she plans them. Its a bit like in the film "rainman", where she has to stick to a rigid routine.
Hope you all have a good day.
I share your pain, aprilmoon. Christmas can be very challenging for autistic people and their families.. It has to be nothing short of perfection which guarantees "failure" from the word go! I'm looking forward to getting it all over with!
Have put Christmas music on and we are putting our tree up. I have even put a Santa hat on! Do I feel Christmasy ?...No not at all :( I feel nauseous and fed up. I really want to hibernate!
Sunflower2
06-12-14, 17:12
Christmas shopping complete, catch up with old friends was good, made the Christmas cake, and now I can relax!
Sorry you're feeling so bad Annie :( feeling unchristmassy is fine, it's only really kids that enjoy it anyway!
Hope your shopping went fine Aprilmoon and Goldfinch, town was soooo busy today!
You have done very well today Kimberley :)
The tree is up but it has stressed me out! I really need to chill :)
Hope everyone is having a blessed day. :)
Just got back from Chinese, I love it, its my fave cuisine!
Last night I had panic issues thankfully I talked myself out of them.
Well,try as I might,I couldn't get the particular type of chocolate that my daughter wanted.:wacko:
I know this sounds trivial,but its a big thing for her.
Will try again tomorrow.:)
Well, I rushed through everything a couple of days ago and now I don't have anything to do. Decks are up, presents are bought, cards written. Going out for Christmas dinner, so there's no hassle there; thank god. I will just have to sit through repeats of Channel 5's Christmas films for the next 3 weeks. :ohmy:
Kimberley, you did really good, be proud.
Annie, I know how you feel. I have been trying to find the spirit; not the drinking kind, but, it just ain't there!
Aprilmoon, hope you find the chocolate, you still have plenty of time.
Kristaok, Chinese? Yum. Thanks, you have just reminded me that I haven't had one for a long time, I must put that on my agenda for meals.
Pulisa, I want it over too. Not going to be one of best years.
Goldfinch, I live in the South East too. Not the best of Counties for Anxiety sufferers. The hustle and bustle, the queues, the traffic, the cost; need I go on?
Oh boy, this list is getting out of hand. So worried I have forgotten someone!!! :doh:
MynameisTerry; I knew you would join us; wouldn't be the same without you.
Aprilmoon what kind of chocolate are you looking for?
almamatters
06-12-14, 20:39
Am I the only person not putting decorations up? I feel a right misery!! x
I wasn't going to Almamatters, but I was getting so bored and I hate the dark!
almamatters
06-12-14, 20:53
Yes I know what you mean about the dark Carnation, but I'm not going to bother with them this year , mind you didn't put them up last year neither come to think of it. x
Milky way rolls Annie
She has a thing about them
Got them last year, but they've disappeared this time.:shrug:
Sunflower2
06-12-14, 21:04
Thanks Annie and Carnation, this is quite a thread to keep up with!! I did well on the getting out and living side of things.. Can't say I've eaten much today though! I suppose we can't have it all though. I had a biscuit for my lunch.. Not pleased with myself with that!
Christmas cake is about to come out the oven after 4 hours, it's looking good!! First time we have ever made it ourselves! :D
Christmas tree up tomorrow, I'm going to try and remember how exciting it was as a kid.. Plus I've got 3 chocolates to eat out my advert calandar because I've fallen behind. Anyone else have an advert calandar?! I'm never going to stop having one haha!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Milky-Way-Crispy-Rolls-Pack/dp/B003TCMRJI
---------- Post added at 21:10 ---------- Previous post was at 21:09 ----------
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/MILKY-WAY-CRISPY-ROLL-CHOCOLATE-BARS-FULL-BOX-24-x-25g-BARS-/150940761536
---------- Post added at 21:11 ---------- Previous post was at 21:10 ----------
They also have them in Tesco, groceries online
---------- Post added at 21:12 ---------- Previous post was at 21:11 ----------
Kimberley my cats have an advent calender :)
I love the smell of Christmas cake baking :)
Thanks Annie
I never thought of looking on line :)
MyNameIsTerry
07-12-14, 04:07
Thanks Carnation, I think I will be hanging out in here quite a bit as I've struggled with Xmas since all this happened. I love giving presents, its just I have problems with obsessional routines and I have to try to stop them for a few days to stay around for the family and sometimes it is hard because I prefer to get out for a good walk to burn the adrenaline off.
I know what you mean Greenfinch. You can't win because your mind goes from one extreme to the other. I wonder about being able to sustain full time employment after all this due to similiar issues.
Alma, we only put ours up about a week or so before. When I see people putting all their lights on in November I always think "well that will make the electricity companies happy!".
Evening all, hope everyone is doing well.
Good morning everyone. The tree is now up in the lounge and I have put a few decorations up. I too feel nauseous and fed up and my son doesn't seem particularly interested either, but just have to keep going. I belong to the local wildlife trust and we're doing conservation work on the common this morning. I really feel like giving this one a miss, but on the other hand fresh air, exercise, good company, not spending another morning catching up on work ... hmmm ... what to do. At some point in the night I wondered if it's possible to get mortgage protection cover for the self-employed. To my surprise it is. That might take a bit of the stress off - will e-mail my broker and see. I guess with this whole Christmas thing it's pointless waiting for Christmassy feelings to come. We just have to go through the motions and maybe the feelings will come later.
Not much Christmas as we know it (in the religious sense, or thankfully the mad shopping) in Japan where I am at the moment (but lots of Christmas songs etc).
I'll be flying home to Australia on December 25 - maybe I'll see Santa out the window!
Sunflower2
07-12-14, 07:37
Terry, for the past 5-6 years I've gotten my family out for a brisk walk on Christmas! I'm with you that my routines get in the way, timings, amount of food, type of food... It's hard work! But if you can find the time, a walk does make you feel so much better on Christmas, I walk past all the houses with families sitting playing board games and feel free!!
Goldfinch, we've just got wait and see if we feel Christmassy in the end and not force it.. It's not bad! We can let ourselves feel guilty for feeling like this! Fresh air will do you good and take your mind off stuff for a while, you should go out! Even if just for a bit.
Hanshan, never even thought about what Christmas is like in Japan! It's just so ott in the UK it's hard to imagine how the rest of the world is in December!
MyNameIsTerry
07-12-14, 08:48
Kimberley, I doubt mine would go for that, they are pensioners and my dad likes going down the pub for a pint on Xmas day for an hour or two while mum is doing all the cooking! I used to go out but it was more because I literally had to as the routines were really bad. I stayed in the last 2 Xmas's which were ok, but I'm worried this year as my sleep pattern has got so bad the Xmas lunch would be midway through the night in my terms and I really struggle adjusting it. Really need to correct it a bit for them but its proving hard at the moment.
Last time I went out walking I was getting pulled up by the police since hardly anyone was out.
Its funny but years ago I used to always see kids playing and riding bikes but I don't see much of that nowadays. When I was young, everyone was out on bikes and things.
I have seen the total of 3 people since I have been walking in the evening, (6 walks in total). We truly have become '1984'! I am so bored, don't feel Christmas at all, but do I want to feel Christmas? No, I probably don't. Struggling at the moment and the weeping has returned. If we have snow, I will definitely have those p..s holes! :weep:
Aprilmoon, this thread is steaming!!!!
Awww,sending you hugs Carnation :hugs:
I wish I could say something that would help a bit,
Finding that elusive' Christmassy feeling' can be hard,I haven't felt it yet,despite singing carols at church this morning,and putting decorations up ect.
I think I'll just stop chasing it and if it doesn't happen,then it doesn't happen.
Could you get some good dvds in? Its not as good as getting out into the fresh air though is it?
Its been freezing with hailstones here today.
Hope we get some more of those bright,cold days that we had last week.:)
Sunflower2
07-12-14, 20:19
Christmas tree is up today, felt really nostalgic putting it up.. I miss being a carefree child, not some neurotic mess I am now!
I went for a walk today and it was Baltic, so cold here now and snow forecast this week! Perhaps that will give my driving a adrenaline rush!
Watched ice age this afternoon too, the cheesy Christmas films are starting to come on tv...
:hugs: to you all, I think we're doing good!
Thanks Aprilmoon. I think that's the best thing, to let it just take it's own course.
Already started on the films. Think I am all filmed out!
Only two and half weeks to Christmas and from the 21st December, the days start to get longer!:yesyes:
Yes, Kimberley, we'll get through it, somehow?
Only two and half weeks to Christmas and from the 21st December, the days start to get longer!:yesyes:
Behold this amazing fact
How could I have missed this thread?! Can I join in?
This will be my first christmas ever away from my family. I fell out with them earlier this year. I have also missed various other Jewish holidays with them over the past few months that we usually celebrate together.
I am going to volunteer in a homeless shelter with my friend Annie on the day. I made a list about what's Christmassy about Christmas, and I am going to recreate as much of it as possible for myself, just leaving out my family.
http://i.imgur.com/FbZjNfhl.jpg
It's ironic because Christmas time is about family time - but I don't want to even hear from them this Christmas. Strangely I've bought them all Christmas presents anyway - haven't really thought that through. I'm going to send them over in one big box. They are simple presents and I'm not doing any stockings for them, so Mum is going to have a particularly thin stocking this year - Dad always forgets to fill hers up so it's usually me doing it.
I think it will be hard for them without me this Christmas and I feel bad about that, but I know that our relationships are so deeply unhealthy and we've all been in denial about it for so many years, that I need time away from them to understand exactly what was wrong and know how to protect myself from their emotional toxicity in the future. I hope that one day I am going to come out of this time with a clear mind and be able to firmly stand my ground.
Christmas is an opportunity for me to prove to myself that I can create my own world and enjoy it, outside of the limits of what my mother approves of.
I have to bear the guilt of them missing me over the season, and I hope it's worth it for our future more healthy relationships.
Sunflower2
07-12-14, 23:07
Hi Lior! Welcome to our big support group! (Love your nails by the way!)
I think that's a really nice idea helping the homeless, and I hope that this distance will ultimately help your relationships with your family.
I felt very faintly Christmassy this evening for a little while! Walking round my village with all the Christmas lights everywhere, it made me smile actually! There's something I don't do a lot of these days!
Woohoo about the shortest day only 2 weeks away, then the sun will be coming back again! Almost every year I have a nervous breakdown between Christmas and new year. this year I'm going to be prepared for it and now let myself get into a situation causing a breakdown!
I haven't been on much, but struggling this year. Holidays have been hard since I lost my mom this time of year. I was starting to get into it this year finally, but just found out this weekend one of my beloved kitties is dying :( she is only 14 months. I know it's just a pet, but I'm heartbroken. She's in my lap now and it's been hard to watch her struggle.
I'm going to try to read through the suggestions and support here. This site is always here when i need it. Thanks :)
You don't need to let yourself get into a situation causing a breakdown! You're aware of it that means that you have the chance to do things differently :) I know I always get ill when I start a new job, I still have to figure out a way of preventing that.
Thanks, I love my nails too! It helps with the Christmas feeling :) Barry M nail pens, £5 each, totally worth it :)
Sorry to hear about your kitty swgrl :(
Oh Swgrl, you must be heartbroken. I have cat and he is like my child. And, sorry to hear about your mom, that's another reason why Christmas is so hard. :hugs:
Lior, sometimes you have to take risks and sometimes you have to do what you think is right for you. Whatever you do, there is always support on here. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
08-12-14, 01:59
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Milky-Way-Crispy-Rolls-Pack/dp/B003TCMRJI
---------- Post added at 21:10 ---------- Previous post was at 21:09 ----------
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/MILKY-WAY-CRISPY-ROLL-CHOCOLATE-BARS-FULL-BOX-24-x-25g-BARS-/150940761536
---------- Post added at 21:11 ---------- Previous post was at 21:10 ----------
They also have them in Tesco, groceries online
---------- Post added at 21:12 ---------- Previous post was at 21:11 ----------
Kimberley my cats have an advent calender :)
I love the smell of Christmas cake baking :)
Aprilmoon, I saw these in boxes of 5x2 in my local Co Op today for £1.29. So, you should be able to get them out of there but they are more with the Xmas chocolate or selection box type of stuff.
Thanks, guys, for the support. Right now she is sleeping all the time, refusing food so we have to syringe feed her and she hates it. Tomorrow's the next vet appointment. I have work so my husband is taking her to have the dreaded conversation about how long she has and if we have to put her down. I am just so sad looking at her. She is the sweetest thing.
They say our other cat is old enough that she should stay healthy, but I'm still paranoid for her too... I can't lose both of them.
MyNameIsTerry
08-12-14, 02:07
Welcome Lior, always room for you!
Swgirl, really sorry to hear about your cat, that would make any pet owner feel like sacking Xmas for the year. Can you concentrate on spoiling her as much as possible to get you through it and give her loads of love, I think they really understand our feelings and get a lot of comfort from us in return. Its strange but a lot of people seem to experience loss of loved ones around Xmas, my brother's GF lost her mum a few years back around this time and she found it hard for a while until I guess she dealt with it and decided to concentrate on her dad at this time of the year. You are also a bit isolated after your move as well aren't you? So, perhaps its time to get calling your long distance friends and get them to help you as well?
Yeah, Terry, I am away from my good friends. I'm hoping they come for Christmas, as they couldn't for thanksgiving. Both are huge pet lovers too. I'm spoiling my kitty rotten as much as I can.
Hi Kimberley,
Only about 1% of the population in Japan is Christian, but a large proportion of the rest have no specific religion, so Santa Claus is big.
Christmas Eve has become a kind of romantic evening that you spend with your boyfriend / girlfriend. Christmas "cake" is definitely not fruitcake, either heavy or light. It's a sort of Swiss roll sponge cake affair - I don't know how that came about.
Morning Hanshan!
How are you getting on with the flute?:)
oh swgrl09; so sorry to hear your news. one thing I'm sure of, all of your beloved kitties (including your poorly one) will really appreciate your love. its very sad to lose a pet friend so young. i can relate as i lost some to the road when they were very young. no wonder you're heartbroken.
sending you hugs &extra hugs from my kitty to all of your but particularly poorly baby kitty.
---------- Post added at 10:49 ---------- Previous post was at 10:48 ----------
Am I the only person not putting decorations up? I feel a right misery!! x
i got the box out but nowt's gone up yet
I'm in ,the financial stress,the pressure to be on top of things,panic inducing,anxiety symptoms constantly popping up could cry have two children's birthdays as well 13th and 30th,on top of this I lost my younger brother to a brain tumour end of March ,really feeling awful
Sunflower2
09-12-14, 12:08
swlgrl, so sorry about your cat, its so sad when something like that happens! My boyfriends mum had a puppy a few years ago but they found out it had a hole in its heart.. was such a cute little dog but I'm sure it felt very loved, just like your kitty!
Hanshan, it must feel a bit surreal then? All Christmassy stuff but kind of different from the traditional? That cake sounds much better than Christmas cake, I really don't like it!! Always just eat the icing off of it instead haha!
Welcome Julia, you'll find a very lively group here! Sounds like you've got a lot on, make sure you take time out for yourself to recover!
I'm in ,the financial stress,the pressure to be on top of things,panic inducing,anxiety symptoms constantly popping up could cry have two children's birthdays as well 13th and 30th,on top of this I lost my younger brother to a brain tumour end of March ,really feeling awful
So sorry to hear that Julia :(
---------- Post added at 13:20 ---------- Previous post was at 13:13 ----------
One thing that came out of my therapy session today was that you can only take responsibility for your own emotions, and not others. I normally try to do things that will make other people happy at the cost of my own happiness. I particularly fall prey to that over Christmas, because Christmas is about giving.
I'm finding (at least in my fragile state) that I should only be giving when I genuinely want to be giving.
I'm going to focus on making myself happy over the season - doing festive things, decorating the house so it looks nice to me, cooking food I want to cook because I enjoy it... and if other people benefit from it, great. I'm happy to make surplus food and share it, but I'm not going to do it 'for them', I'm doing it because I want to, because I will enjoy it.
Also present giving - I actually enjoy wrapping presents more than buying presents in some ways. When I buy a gift I think about how I'm going to wrap it. This makes me happy - it's an excuse for a crafts project! I like it when people like my gift choice but I barely have control over that. So I'm not going to agonise over my gift choices, and just get about the right sort of gift for each person and some will like their gifts, and inevitably some won't, and it's not my problem if they happen to not like it. Either way, I'll enjoy wrapping them :)
Really sorry to hear that Julia, you must be feeling very fragile, please take care of yourself as much as you can.
I'm in ,the financial stress,the pressure to be on top of things,panic inducing,anxiety symptoms constantly popping up could cry have two children's birthdays as well 13th and 30th,on top of this I lost my younger brother to a brain tumour end of March ,really feeling awful
Welcome to our group Julia
So sorry to hear about your brother.
Make sure you take some time out for yourself,and take any help that's on offer.:hugs:
---------- Post added at 19:05 ---------- Previous post was at 19:02 ----------
Terry
Thanks for the info about the choc
Going to try there tomorrow :)
Hi Julia. In a similar situation to you this Christmas. My Dad also died at the end of March. It's our first Christmas without him and I am baby sitting my Mum over Christmas. It's also her Birthday on the 30th December, so have to keep her occupied.
It's difficult to know what to do, because everyone around me seems to be geared up and excited about Christmas and I just want it out of the way. :scared15:
Thanks, Tessar and Kimberley, for the support and kind messages :hugs: It's so hard, people who don't have pets don't get the bond can be just as close as some people!
MyNameIsTerry
10-12-14, 04:23
I'm in ,the financial stress,the pressure to be on top of things,panic inducing,anxiety symptoms constantly popping up could cry have two children's birthdays as well 13th and 30th,on top of this I lost my younger brother to a brain tumour end of March ,really feeling awful
Really sorry to hear that Julia, it must have bee a really tough year for you :hugs::bighug1:
---------- Post added at 04:19 ---------- Previous post was at 04:16 ----------
Thanks, Tessar and Kimberley, for the support and kind messages :hugs: It's so hard, people who don't have pets don't get the bond can be just as close as some people!
Yeah, they don't realise that pets can have a similiar bond as children since they are little innocents who need us to look after them. So, I think there is a possible comparable bond but since I don't have kids myself, I couldn't say.
---------- Post added at 04:23 ---------- Previous post was at 04:19 ----------
One thing that came out of my therapy session today was that you can only take responsibility for your own emotions, and not others. I normally try to do things that will make other people happy at the cost of my own happiness. I particularly fall prey to that over Christmas, because Christmas is about giving.
I'm finding (at least in my fragile state) that I should only be giving when I genuinely want to be giving.
I'm going to focus on making myself happy over the season - doing festive things, decorating the house so it looks nice to me, cooking food I want to cook because I enjoy it... and if other people benefit from it, great. I'm happy to make surplus food and share it, but I'm not going to do it 'for them', I'm doing it because I want to, because I will enjoy it.
I think you are right lior. The true spirit of Xmas is giving in my opinion but there has to be balance and it should be coming from the heart/soul and not expected. I always tell my parents I don't care what I may get, I'm an adult so can get what I need myself so they should never feel guilty if they have a tighter year. I by far enjoy seeing them opening their's, it gives me something back far more than presents I get.
I can't believe it's only two weeks away. Financial stress and pressure to be on top of things getting to me too. Just don't need any extra things to do.
MyNameIsTerry
10-12-14, 07:26
It does have a benefit though, having my anxiety disorders - I have lost my friends and have no work colleagues so I hardly have to write any Xmas cards and this was something I always hated every year from long before my anxiety started!
I am from divorced parents so every christmas we have an arguement about who spends christmas dinner with who.It does my head in in the run up to Christmas,I hate family politics
It does have a benefit though, having my anxiety disorders - I have lost my friends and have no work colleagues so I hardly have to write any Xmas cards and this was something I always hated every year from long before my anxiety started!
This made me smile Terry
There's a positive in every negative :)
That's rough, Mr. Andy. I wish parents wouldn't do that to their kids. Sadly I don't think mine will be seeing their dad over Christmas; my daughter won't have anything to do with him and with my son it's a very intermittent thing. Do you have family, Terry?
I think big occasions like christmas bring out the best and worst in families
I am no stranger to family feuds ,as far back as I can recall as a kid my parents hated each other,I am sure thats why I grew up prone to depression and anxiety
That's interesting, so did mine! Maybe there is a connection - in which case I feel very sorry for my two. I think my son has a tendency that way, but my daughter wouldn't know anxiety if it walked up to her and slapped her in the face - and she's studying psychology!
Self awareness takes time to develop. You can know something intellectually but not understand it emotionally. It takes experience and challenging yourself to develop self awareness.
Sorry to hear about these family arguments. I guess we're expected to play Happy Families over Christmas so it makes it more apparent when things aren't perfect.
I agree about family arguments. Ours happen around this time of year too. I think in general emotions are higher around that time of year, be it good or bad emotions, plus in us Northern Hemisphere people it is winter with short days/long nights, financial stresses of buying gifts and travel - then you add to the mix families getting together and sometimes alcohol - all leads to one tricky combination that leads to conflict.
NE21 worrier
11-12-14, 00:07
Not sure if this has already been posted - but this thread reminded me of this article on the BBC News website last year, entitled "Christmas: A social anxiety minefield"
See: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-25416835
MyNameIsTerry
11-12-14, 04:27
That's rough, Mr. Andy. I wish parents wouldn't do that to their kids. Sadly I don't think mine will be seeing their dad over Christmas; my daughter won't have anything to do with him and with my son it's a very intermittent thing. Do you have family, Terry?
Yeah Goldfinch, I have parents, a brother, my mum had a brother and sister but my dad was the last of I think 11! So, loads of uncles, aunties, cousins, etc but I have little to do with any of them to be honest as I never grew up having that much contact with them and my friends were more important to me than cousins who I rarely saw so couldn't be arsed to stay in touch for the sake of it.
---------- Post added at 04:23 ---------- Previous post was at 04:21 ----------
One thing that does happen between my parents at Xmas is thre annual Xmas decorations argument consisted of "No, not there!!!", "You said put it here!!!" and "No, I did not!!!" repeated over the course of a few hours at varied increasing levels of volume!
On a good note, I have great memories of me and my older brother playing football inside with the baloons they would put up when we were kids.
---------- Post added at 04:27 ---------- Previous post was at 04:23 ----------
Not sure if this has already been posted - but this thread reminded me of this article on the BBC News website last year, entitled "Christmas: A social anxiety minefield"
See: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-25416835
I never really believe the celebrities that talk about their anxiety a lot of the time. They seem to be fine at major events and only seem to discuss it when they can get paid a fee for an interview. They have a long established trade of overexaggeration or twisting of conditions to match to their own requirements for shows they appear in.
Swgrl so sorry to hear about your kittie :( sending you hugs. I lost a very close friend a few years ago just before Christmas. My therapist suggested I hang something special on my tree and I have had a special decoration made with her name on. It sounds like a little thing but it has helped.
How is everyone doing so far? The wife and I did some shopping yesterday. The anxiety was fairly low level but keep having to do cbt. No doubt once the 'big day' is over we can start to return to normality.
Two weeks today!
So far ,so good.
Because I want to get things out of the way,I've actually got most things done.
Just the long,slow build up now,which I hate.
Hope everyone's coping alright.
Sunflower2
11-12-14, 15:52
I've just come back from a driving lesson! Driving is one of the main sources of my anxiety, and I've found an instructor who is going to help me regain my confidence and challenge that negative voice. I still felt really uncomfortable with the drive, but I've got heaps to work on and I can see a very small light at the end of the tunnel!!
Well done Kimberley!
You'll get there,I'm sure
Its great that you're tackling it,and have found someone you can work with :)
Sunflower2
11-12-14, 17:47
It does make all the difference being able to get the support you need :) I'm going to beat this anxiety one day
hoppipolla
12-12-14, 00:35
Yeah I'm feeling very weird about it all.
My body is giving me some rather embarrassing health wobbles of late which is making me self-conscious, and my family and I clash in several ways.
I'd rather just curl up really ._.
And do my own little thing without all the commotion and drama of it all.
I've just come back from a driving lesson! Driving is one of the main sources of my anxiety, and I've found an instructor who is going to help me regain my confidence and challenge that negative voice. I still felt really uncomfortable with the drive, but I've got heaps to work on and I can see a very small light at the end of the tunnel!!
Yay Kimberly! The driving instructor makes all the difference :)
well done kimberly....
i went into to town at lunchtime to pick up a few presents the roads and car parks were packed,all this talk of a recession is rubbish people are spending like mad :)
Sunflower2
12-12-14, 16:30
Thanks everyone, unfortunately I was driving with my dad today (who doesn't undestand my anxiety) and got upset, started crying and had to stop the car. But he made me drive home from there once I'd calmed down. I won't let this put me off and I will move on from it. No more moping about what's gone wrong, got to keep on going!
Hope everyone's doing fine, its hooooorrible weather here now up in north Scotland! I want the summer back its getting dark around 3pm now :(
---------- Post added at 16:30 ---------- Previous post was at 16:28 ----------
Oh yeah, just found out I got an A for some coursework I did! And my lecturers were worried I would fail!!
To MynameisTerry. On your post about having no friends is not rightly true. You have friends on here, but at least you do not have to post cards to us. Christmas is not necessarily about sending cards anyway. :ohmy:
Kimberley, I know you have bad weather up there, so you are doing really well with the driving. I have been good too, have been doing a little often with my Partner by my side and so far so good. :ohmy:
I have been busy putting up more yet more lights and festivities. For some strange reason, the street has gone mad this year. It's like Blackpool illuminations. I have just discovered battery controlled twinkly lights and I think everyone else has as well. :D
almamatters
12-12-14, 18:40
I have still not brought anything at all! :ohmy: Last year I did stuff on the 22nd of December but not sure if I could cope with that again. I did try and start today but soon went off the idea.
Still haven't managed to get a tree or decorations... having tonsillitis for weeks as well as struggling with depression is not conducive to proactivity!
My friend got me free tickets to a concert though, so that was really lovely and a bit Christmassy.
Well done Carnation and Kimberly for continuing to plug away at the driving. I might try driving again once I'm better, hopefully next year.
Hi Aprilmoon,
Modest progress with the flute. I can (sort of) play a melody or two in two octaves. I haven't tried any traditional music yet, just songs and tunes so I can get the notes. The flute has only five holes in a minor pentatonic scale, which limits the range of what you can play without half-covering holes, which is a bit difficult. Some songs which fit are a popular Japanese melody from about 30 years back "North Country Spring", and from the western repertoire (with a few half notes) "Danny Boy", "Wooden Heart", "Marlboro Theme", "Country Road", "Auld Lang Syne" ... an odd collection.
Hi Kimberley - In some ways I think I prefer Christmas in Japan - it's around, but it's not forced on you, so you can take it at your own speed. New Year is the big holiday here, with cards all arriving on New Year's Day (the Post Office collects them all, then delivers them in a bunch). Fortunately, foreigners like myself don't seem to get caught up in all of that. It's winter, too, which is so different from Australia, where it's all barbecues and trips to the beach.
Im in such a bad place right now with my health anxiety but just reading posts from you all makes me feel less alone..... thankyou xx
Annie, sorry for the delay in reading your post ... just wanted to say thanks for the support and love your idea. I'm sorry to hear about your friend :hugs: Losses change the holidays forever, that's for sure.
We ended up losing our little kitty Thursday morning. I miss her so much already, and can tell her sister is confused about where she has gone. She's been having messes on the floor.
I hope everybody is hanging in there. It is hard this time of year for so many reasons, but maybe we can find something to make the holidays different than they usually are for us. My husband and I thought about making little bags of cookies to hang on everybody's door in our apartment building. Just not sure we have the time! We have a pretty big building. I bought some toys for the toy drive, which felt good.
Lior - hope you feel better soon. I was fighting a bug last week and it was frustrating to feel so unproductive.
Baking cookies is such a lovely idea. Even if you just do it for your next door neighbours, that's still a lovely thought :) any little thing you can do is enough.
Really sorry to hear about your kitten x
Uh ohhhhhh...... I can't stop eating.......
I have tucked into chocolate that's meant to b for presents :lac:
Hi all. I did some shopping today but without getting caught up in the manicness. And this evening I made some passion fruit curd and fudge for gifts. So little by little it's getting done.
I had what I thought was good news - I got my tax return from my accountant and the amount due was a lot less than I was expecting. Then when I checked I realised I hadn't sent him the P60 for my pension, so that hadn't been included. Instant panic reaction - silly, as it will only take me back to where I thought I would be.
I've collected my cipralex prescription from the chemist and it is sitting in my bedside drawer. I keep bottling out of starting because I remember how grim the first few weeks were last time.
Have a good evening, everybody.
Hello everyone
I hope you're all coping well with whatever you are doing in the preparation for this madness we call Christmas.
Swgrl
Sorry to hear about your kitty.x
The cookie idea is a lovely one,if you can manage it i think it will be really appreciated.
Tessar
Tut tut
Not that I've ever done that myself!:noangel:
Starry
Glad that coming on here helps,take care.
Goldfinch
Passion fruit Curd sounds delicious! :)
Hope you feel able to begin taking the Cipralex soon
Although I can see that the next couple of weeks might not feel the optimum time to begin.
Lior
Hope you're feeling better now.
Take care everyone x
And so the 'big event' gets closer. If we believe all the TV adverts, if we're not in a house packed with jolly people and having a great time, there is something seriously wrong with us. As if this yearly hysteria needs whipping up any more than it already is. Good luck to my fellow anxiety buddies :)
Just wrapped up the first two presents for my family who I am not going to see this year. Still got a few more to wrap. Then I'm going to put them in a box and send them by post. I'm going to need more ribbon!
I don't know what I'm going to put in their cards. 'Sorry I can't bear to spend a single second with you, here are some presents and this is why I chose each gift...'
I don't hate them, I just don't want to risk spiralling into a dangerous volatile place, which I think is a risk of still. I'm putting my mental health before their desire to pretend that everything is normal by having me there for Christmas. To be honest, there is 'something seriously wrong' with me and my family relationships, which is why I'm not going to be pretending to have a great time with them - instead I am going to make Christmas for myself and my friends fun in a different, unforced way, and I hope my mother for once will try to make the best of her situation rather than dragging everyone else down because things haven't gone her way.
I am really struggling with putting my needs before my mother's needs, but it is getting ever so slightly easier as time goes on. Especially when she puts her needs before mine. It makes me realise that I am the only person who is ever going to put my needs first, genuinely. And so it is my responsibility to myself: to put my needs first.
Sorry if that's a bit depressing for this thread... things are not good for me but I am making an effort to at least feel empowered, and hopefully in time I will have more positive family relationships.
Lior, I give you so much credit for putting yourself first this year. I know what it's like to struggle with family relationships and it doesn't help that the holidays seem to make it worse. But you are making it your own this year and that is awesome. Sometimes the realization that you are your own biggest advocate can be sad-it was for me at first when I accepted my family couldn't be what I wanted them to be. They just are who they are and I can't change that. But then once I got past the sad, it was empowering because when we take responsibility for putting ourselves first, we can do whatever we want!
So good going, you are doing great things for yourself.
Thanks so much swgrl :) it's a relief to hear that I'm not the only one.
I've got a way to go to accepting them - I'm still at a stage where I don't like them. How long did it take you to accept them? I know everyone takes their own time.
The guilt is slowly lessening in waves; sometimes I feel good and aware about being able to do exactly what I want which is good.
Hi Lior,
You are absolutely right not to get pulled into any negativity with relatives you don't want to see. It's your day to spend however you want, not theirs.
Honestly, it took a few years and a lot of therapy lol and the sad still pops back up once in a while, but I can recognize it and move through it quicker and feel confident in my own decisions.
My family is very reactive when I do anything that isn't accommodating to them - a lot of families are. I had to work on not getting triggered by their reactions and just staying calm. I do sometimes get sad though still, as my husband has a great relationship with his brothers and parents and I wish I had that. I do feel overall more confident in myself and what I do though.
Well, so much for trying to make an effort. :ohmy:
The Christmas lights have packed up already. Spent about an hour trying all the bulbs, but No, nothing happened. Made a big mistake by going in to the Supermarket on Saturday. Oh my, it was like an assault course and it isn't even the last weekend! In fact the shops are only closed for one day! Why does everyone turn in to crazy people at Christmas?
Hope everyone else is ok, there's quite a few names on here now to list.
Swgrl, Sorry for the loss of your little Kitty, I am a big cat lover, so I know how you are feeling.:hugs:
P.s. Tessar, not only have I eaten the choc bars in the fridge, I am eating the ones put by for Christmas and now on to Chocolate puddings and tarts. :ohmy:
Thank you for your comments hanshan and swgrl. You're giving me confidence that I'm on the right path, which is important now because I feel like I'm in the wrong too much of the time.
I feel like I have made progress - my mum left a voicemail the other day and I didn't break down like I normally do. I thought, 'you're doing what you want to do, and I'm doing what I want to do. It just so happens that those things don't fit nicely together right now.' And I accepted it. I don't have to feel guilty about not doing what she wants me to - I am finally beginning to believe that.
Just had a lovely Christmas dinner at a friend's flat; we all brought a dish. Pretty much stress-free and we were all in fits of laughter thanks to the mulled wine followed by champagne! Even a couple of the cracker jokes got well received, which can only happen if you're sozzled :) Christmas with friends is so good.
Carnation, we went to 6 shops around south London before we found a Christmas tree today... and the traffic was terrible! Tip: Homebase in Wandsworth has loads of trees!
Good for you, Lior! You're exactly right. You don't need to feel guilty for doing what's right for you!
I'm glad you had a good time with your friends :)
Hi Lior,
A friend of mine who also had parent problems said her parents had buttons they knew they could press just to work her up. Why? I don't know.
If those parent buttons are zinging, leave them on voicemail and have a good time.
MyNameIsTerry
16-12-14, 07:52
To MynameisTerry. On your post about having no friends is not rightly true. You have friends on here, but at least you do not have to post cards to us. Christmas is not necessarily about sending cards anyway. :ohmy:
Thanks Carnation, that means a lot :flowers:
It was more formality with work people with the cards. I remember taking a few spares with me just incase someone gave me one right before we finished for Xmas!
Struggling a bit at the moment with it all. Trying to adjust my routines which is one of my harder issues and not having much success other than increased anxiety and feeling low which doesn't help as it makes you want to give up! Its one of my big problems in that my daily routine has become so badly skewed, I'm living at night and I can't get to the shops much now so have spent a few nights online searching out presents and deals but I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this years family meal if I can't sort this out at least a bit...and I thought it was tough last year with the sleep routines! :doh:
Terry can you go late night shopping? The Sainsbury's near me closes at 10pm on weeknights. Maybe it's worth travelling a bit to go somewhere that will still be open? I do that on Sundays - if it's past 5pm, I know that the Sainsbury's in town is open til 10pm so I go there.
Also online shopping is a really good solution :) I haven't tried food shopping online...
By the way, I read that Lidl has the cheapest turkey and Iceland has the cheapest mince pies.
I did all my shopping in one go last sunday to get it out of the way,the shops were packed and I thought people have no money !
Hope everyone is coping ok and not getting to stressed out,I see it as only a week off work and view it as a short break.I try not to think about it being Christmas if that makes any sense
MyNameIsTerry
16-12-14, 09:28
Yes, thanks Lior, I go to the late night 24hr Tesco's as there are 2 near me. I used to go to the shops earlier and even to such as Aldi that are open later but its got so out of hand that I don't even make it there now! It sounds trivial, but its one of my ingrained issues and I really struggle with it and it gets me down when I don't adjust it. I'm just trying to say to myself that it will get easier as it starts moving and I see that I am getting somewhere. I wanted to be back in the normal hours stores as part of this but I just keep coming unstuck with it.
Done most things online this year as its a lot of books and electronic stuff, perfume, etc and perfume is always cheaper online by far!!! Just a bit annoyed with myself that I have failed to adjust it when I should be shopping for loved ones and putting the effort in!
Imagine Boxing Day and the New Years sales MrAndy!
I agree, I do most online too with Amazon Prime ... I get free shipping often and I don't feel badly because Amazon usually has the best prices. We went to the mall for a day and it was so crazy I couldn't take it. Terry - just because you are shopping online doesn't mean you aren't putting the effort in :)
the only thing with shopping online is that its a pita to return anything
Shopping online can be a lifesaver.
Last year I'd just had an operation and couldn't drive,and my husband isn't able to because of health reasons,so all our food was ordered in.
We put huge numbers up on our door for the delivery vans because a lot of people don't number their houses,and in the dark,the delivery men can really have problems.
The only thing is you can't choose the freshest stuff the way you normally can or check the best dates on things.
MyNameIsTerry
17-12-14, 07:06
I agree, I do most online too with Amazon Prime ... I get free shipping often and I don't feel badly because Amazon usually has the best prices. We went to the mall for a day and it was so crazy I couldn't take it. Terry - just because you are shopping online doesn't mean you aren't putting the effort in :)
Thanks. I spent a load of hours looking for things and then trying to find the best deals/prices for them. I just get down because I wasn't seeing the Xmas lights in the shopping centres, looking for stuff and taking in Xmas like I do every year. Still trying to adjust things this week to see if I can make a few days of it, although there won't be much to get now with ordering it but if I can change my routines, I will just look for ways to spend a little more on family whilst I'm out.
I always do a lot online anyway, its far cheaper so can get more for people but I like to have a mooch too.
Maybe it will be a bit less stressful going to mall or out shopping if you don't have the pressure of finding something for people? Then you can just take in the Christmas atmosphere? Or just look for little things, stocking stuffers, etc. That's nice to hear you are trying to make some changes to spend time with family.
Sunflower2
17-12-14, 22:46
I hope everyone is doing ok, lost track of all the posts a little bit!
I was feeling really anxious today and I didn't want to go out, but I went out ice skating tonight after work and had so much fun! It's amazing how much better you feel when you get yourself out and also out of your anxious mindset! Two weeks left of 2014... Shortest day is almost here too!
Glad to hear that you had fun Kimberley :)
I can't find any volunteering opportunities for my friends and I on Christmas day... so I'm not sure if we'll be volunteering after all. Not sure what to do.
MyNameIsTerry
18-12-14, 08:18
Sounds good Kimberley. I've been once many years ago...I was really bad at it!!!
Where have you looked Lior? Did you try Do-It? How about looking for the local churches who may put things on for the homeless or old? Or maybe the Salvation Army website may say if there is anything you can help with?
Thinking outside the box a bit...you could always work on a project together on Xmas day that brings you together but outputs something that can be passed onto the charity. Is there anything that could be built or done in one hit to help a charity out? Even if its a ton of their sorting/paperwork, etc?
I remember on Do-It that they had various creating opportunities such as editing for charity theatre groups. Its perhaps a busman's holidat for you guys, but do any of them need some creative help that you could get together and do on the day?
That's really encouraging, Kimberley! It's my craft group Christmas social tonight and I don't feel like going, but as you say it's amazing what a change of scene can do.
Sunflower2
18-12-14, 10:13
Definitely go Goldfinch!! Makes all the difference :) haha Terry I was unless too, I must have been the slowest person there! Got going a little bit at the end but only with the help of my boyfriend!
I hope you find volunteering to do Lior, i think that would be such a good experience for you!
Totally agree, Kimberley, about pushing yourself to do things you don't want to do. For me, the challenge has been getting back into exercise. I had a good run this year but now I fell off the wagon. Been trying to make myself after work even if I'm tired or lazy. It does feel better when I do it.
I came across this, made me smile
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=b1qb-p05EBM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=b1qb-p05EBM)
That's really good! Never thought I'd feel sorry for the grim reaper! Kimberley, I went to the do last night and though I wasn't at my best - couldn't eat much and it was an effort to talk to people - it was good to see them all and I did feel slightly better for it. Then I came home and fell asleep on the sofa for two hours while watching a documentary about continents!
MyNameIsTerry
19-12-14, 09:10
Try not to read into that experience Goldfinch, thats the medication. You will be much stronger next time so don't allow doubt to end up as an avoidance which I have done in the past.
Goldfinch - Glad you got out despite not wanting to go... it takes a lot sometimes and you are stronger for it.
Less than a week left until Christmas ... most of the shopping is done, just work has been soooo busy. I am glad it's Friday. I have been such a grump and feel badly for those around me.
Hope everybody is hanging in there!! Any weekend plans? I am going to lunch with my dad and sister ... my dad has my husband's gifts I got for him so I need to get them from him and wrap them up. I really just want to sleep all day :blush:
Sunflower2
19-12-14, 13:54
So glad you went! I've got a night out on Saturday that I'm not looking forward to because it'll be busy and I'll be stressed.. But I've got a plan, a new dress, not staying out late and will try enjoy myself! Otherwise I'll just mope about being worried about seeing the doctor on Monday.. May as well enjoy myself up until the point of finding out what's going to happen with me!
Hope everyone's coping alright.
I'll be so glad when its here now.
Had a cry today when I went to see my therapist.I just let the tears come.
She said its probably just anticipatory anxiety.
Its not as if I have much stress going on at all,its just that I haven't had a Christmas for quite a while where I wasn't depressed/anxious and its left me feeling jittery around this time of year.
She stressed the importance of "working to a plan" as opposed to "working to a feeling", in other words,do things whether you feel like doing them or not.
So that's what I'm trying to do.
Went to my work Xmas meal last nite. Had no nerves at all. None.
First time ever.... I used to have social neither really really bad, such that I'd obsess over going out, not anymore.
Walked at lunchtime today :-) it was good to be out.
Aprilmoon, I know it seems sad when you cry at your Therapy session, but I think it is needed. It's a neutral environment and I always feel a weight lifted when my session has ended.
I can't believe it's only days now to Christmas and only one day to the shortest day!
MyNameIsTerry
20-12-14, 05:49
Went to my work Xmas meal last nite. Had no nerves at all. None.
First time ever.... I used to have social neither really really bad, such that I'd obsess over going out, not anymore.
Walked at lunchtime today :-) it was good to be out.
Well done, a massive corner turned by the sound of it.
You'll be up on the karaoke next! :D
---------- Post added at 05:49 ---------- Previous post was at 05:44 ----------
Hope everyone's coping alright.
I'll be so glad when its here now.
Had a cry today when I went to see my therapist.I just let the tears come.
She said its probably just anticipatory anxiety.
Its not as if I have much stress going on at all,its just that I haven't had a Christmas for quite a while where I wasn't depressed/anxious and its left me feeling jittery around this time of year.
She stressed the importance of "working to a plan" as opposed to "working to a feeling", in other words,do things whether you feel like doing them or not.
So that's what I'm trying to do.
It sounds like she means you should not let how you feel rule what you do and to do it even if you feel bad so you don't use avoidance & safety behaviours. Eventually you habituate to things the more you do them and the subconscious starts to make associations between thoughts, feelings & scenarios that are now ok and they replace the anxious associations that it had built. I find through exposure, this has a greater effect than purely habituating to the event itself e.g. exposure to exercise causing you to habituate means any other physical activities are treated the same because the sensations are the same as the exercise.
Another way to go is the Mindfulness route and work towards BEING. Just let stuff happen and go with it. This doesn't need a plan but otherwise its very similiar.
psychadelic-brie
20-12-14, 11:06
I have just seen this thread. I suddenly feel less alone, although I wish no-one suffered from anxiety at the best of times. I wish you all a calm, relaxing period. I, personally, really am struggling with the whole Xmas thing. We have family coming round on the day and I am actually dreading it. I also particularly suffer with anticipatory anxiety. I have also been invited to spend NYE with someone I am seeing. I would love to, deep down, but I feel incredibly anxious and panicky about it. Best to just focus on getting one thing out of the way first though eh?
Sorry to butt in! There are an awful lot of posts to read through on here and it seems like it's a general open thread. If anyone needs to chat for support, I am here ^_^
NE21 worrier
20-12-14, 12:36
Not sure the media (and therefore everyone else) calling today 'Panic Saturday' is particularly helpful :sad:
I thought I was doing well until I got a letter for a hospital appointment on Monday :( I will need to have drops in my eyes and I have heard they sting so I am panicking. I really get anxious about hospitals. Added to that I have 24 family members coming tomorrow evening for tea. I am just doing a buffet. I can't wait for Boxing day when I can relax ALL DAY!
Sunflower2
20-12-14, 13:41
Annie I've got a doctors appointment on Monday that I'm completely panicking over because it's to discuss a report on me.. No idea what to expect! So you're not alone in panicking about Monday - good luck hopefully we will both be fine! :)
Monday will be the first day of longer days though woo! This time next week it'll almost all be over... Not long now!
She stressed the importance of "working to a plan" as opposed to "working to a feeling", in other words,do things whether you feel like doing them or not.
That's interesting aprilmoon. I think I work to a plan mostly but then when I feel bad it goes out the window. For example today - I was going to go to Winter Wonderland and meet a friend, and I was really looking forward to it, but since I ended up staying out til 8am, I really needed a sleep, so I had to cancel. All I've done today is basic food shopping.
There's a tense sort of atmosphere in the supermarket.
Sending positive thoughts to everyone struggling with Christmas. I'm not doing 'too' badly, but its the unpredictability of everything at Xmas that gets me every year. People wanting to visit at the very time of year that is most stressful. Or is it the prospect of such visits that ratchet up the anxiety in the first place? A self-fulfilling prophecy.
MyNameIsTerry
21-12-14, 03:33
Annie & Kimberley - try to accept it for what it is and whilst it may have some unpleasantness, you know you will get through and there is a very strong chance you will be back on here reporting how well you coped with it. Try and distract yourself when you find your thoughts are drifting back to these events.
I'm sure Annie, you will find your mind distracted by the 150th triangular sandwich you've cut!
And remember Kimberley, you are in control and can ask them to stop at any time, refresh on something, etc.
NE21 Worrier - haven't we had 50 of those already this year? :roflmao:
Terry I have cheated and bought the sandwiches from M&S :D
Less worried about the family tea now as the worry has been taken over by my hospital appointment tomorrow.
I always thought that there could be nothing worse than having treatment on my eyes because you can't be sedated for that and now it is becoming a reality for me. I will be pleased when Tuesday is here and tomorrow is in the past.
Kimberley I hope all goes well with your doctors appointment. Yes longer days to look forward to from tomorrow :)
Annie & Kimberley - try to accept it for what it is and whilst it may have some unpleasantness, you know you will get through and there is a very strong chance you will be back on here reporting how well you coped with it. Try and distract yourself when you find your thoughts are drifting back to these events.
I'm sure Annie, you will find your mind distracted by the 150th triangular sandwich you've cut!
And remember Kimberley, you are in control and can ask them to stop at any time, refresh on something, etc.
NE21 Worrier - haven't we had 50 of those already this year? :roflmao:
Great advice from Terry. Couldn't have put it better myself.
---------- Post added at 09:39 ---------- Previous post was at 09:39 ----------
Stayed in bed way too late this morning, feel rather crisp but thall improve once I get myself going.
Sunflower2
21-12-14, 10:43
Thanks Terry and Annie, trying my hardest to not worry about it!
Good luck with the family gathering today annie! About eyes.. When I was in school I had an accident with my eye which ended up me having to get litres of salt water washed through it and dye put in it to check for damage.. Now I can put anything in my eyes and it doesn't bother me at all! It'll be over before you even realise, it's the waiting that is worst :)
I went out last night for my friends birthday, I spent most of the night in a complete anxious mess! Car crash on the road which made me panic on the way in (second one this week with their hazard lights on in the field, what is wrong at the moment!!), paranoid about drunk people everywhere and generally couldn't wait to get home!! But I made an appearance which I think my friends were pleased about. Plus it was nice getting dressed up!
grapefruitmoon
21-12-14, 11:14
I've been anxious for most of December at work and have been counting the days, desperate for my 2 weeks holiday at Christmas with the wife and kids. Now im here at home, overwhelmed by not having activities and busyness at work to distract me from all this spare time I have, so I just notice how depressed I feel in the pit of my stomach so I kind of wish I was back at work!!!
Mad life.
One of the problems of Christmas is that it dislocates people from their normal routines - instead of being at work, they're inactive, instead of being at home by themselves or with the usual people, suddenly it's having to deal with a whole lot of people - new, old, unexpected, expected with dread ...
Then there's expectations - buying things, cooking meals, travelling ...
So dislocated routines, new expectations ... Is there anything else?
Not having a good morning
..anxiety has kicked in, splitting headache and trying to bake cakes. Really worrying about the hospital appointment. Wish I could hibernate :( Kimberley I hate travelling this time of year too, everyone seems to be in such a rush to get places.
grapefruitmoon
21-12-14, 12:43
One of the problems of Christmas is that it dislocates people from their normal routines - instead of being at work, they're inactive, instead of being at home by themselves or with the usual people, suddenly it's having to deal with a whole lot of people - new, old, unexpected, expected with dread ...
Then there's expectations - buying things, cooking meals, travelling ...
So dislocated routines, new expectations ... Is there anything else?
Add in exposure to large amounts of alcohol, will it clash with my meds? and unpredictable people due to the alcohol. Kids with high expectations, financial stresses and strains, family tensions.
Im going to go jogging a lot and run like Forrest Gump.
I give you permission to hibernate, Annie, on Tuesday.
I can't wait for Tuesday even though I will be battling a big shopping centre then. All my shopping is done but I am going to support a friend who is struggling at the moment. Will treat them to lunch.
Good luck for tomorrow Annie
It'll soon be over.
Shortest day today :)
Good luck tomorrow Annie and Kimberley at both of your appointments. I know it doesn't feel like it, but Tuesday will be here before you know it and these appointments will be little blips in the past.
Is today the first day of winter, aprilmoon? I can't believe how early it gets dark here ... it's dark by 4:15 PM now. I go to work in the dark and drive home in the dark. Glad the days get longer from here on out!!
Hanshan -- totally agree about disruption in routines. My work schedule is all different and I really get anxious when I don't have a normal schedule. I don't go with the flow well. All these holidays interfere with the norm if people are trying to eat right or exercise too. I'm not saying eating poorly makes anxiety worse, but I know for me exercise helps me not feel so depressed and it will be hard with traveling.
Next weekend I'll be traveling up to New Hampshire to stay with my in-laws and am a bit nervous about that. They have had a rat problem and I don't want to stay in the house - we usually stay in the guest room, but eeek I will be too afraid to sleep. They live in an old farmhouse, so it happens, but I am skeeved out!!!
I see my sister tomorrow, who is over from California. We don't get along at all and I'm not looking forward to it.
Here we go, Christmas week!! Hang in there everybody, you are all doing amazingly.
swgrl the rat thing would freak me out as well. We've just got mice and I haven't slept well since. I don't know how to get over it. I am getting paranoid that they will come into my bed.
Good news the shortest day is over,bring on lighter evenings
Well, it's certainly Christmas alright. My Mother-n-Law has Flu and now the House is in Panic mode because we have days to get the car M.O.T.ed, taxed and Insured. We thought we had until the end of January. This is another one of my things that I panic over. Plus, we have got a Holiday in the first week on January and the Panic setting in over the journey. Is it going to snow? Will there be fog? Will there be people on the road that are still drunk from Christmas? And, most importantly, will I have a Panic Attack? I made it last time, but I wasn't as stressed as I am now.
Hope you all ok on here. Aprilmoon this thread has had so many views already; at least we are not alone here. :)
t0rt01se36
21-12-14, 18:54
My anxiety has definitely set in now, about being with family and inlaws on Christmas day.
I just wish it was me and my immediate family, I could spend Christmas day with, but there'll be 8 of us I think.
MyNameIsTerry
22-12-14, 08:17
I know what you guys mean about changing routines. I remember I would really struggle with this and it caused me to work very long periods before taking any holidays because I didn't want the change.
Since my relapse I have found this change issue to be a real problem for me now. For about 6-9 months of my worst period I would find my mood would sink and I would become anxious because it was the weekend! I really struggled big time with bank holidays which went on beyond a year. I'm much much better with all this now as I have come a long way from that but it was the obsessional routines I put in place to get myself through the dark times which were made up of daily long walks with some shopping involved to be around people (which I didn't do much of the first time and suspect it made things harder to return to work) but it made me dependant on the routine so any change made me suffer, like Sundays when shops were closed and bank holidays.
So, I really can understand the change in routine issue. The problem is though, we need to be able to experience it without this impact so in some way we do need to work on this so we can learn to be ok with it in the future. This has happened to me with the above and I now struggle more with the timings which is an obsessional issue within my routines that I need to work on.
I survived all the family over for tea last night and it was a distraction from my hospital appointment today. This morning however I am very anxious, feeling nauseous and tearful. My appointment is 1:30 and they said I should be prepared to be there all afternoon :(
MyNameIsTerry
22-12-14, 09:12
Sometimes sucking on something can help with the nausea and distract you a bit, perhaps something ginger to help with the stomach?
It might help to do some deep breathing exercises this morning as well.
When you are there, try to distract yourself when you are waiting. Intensely look at something for at least a few minutes which can help with panic and playing with something in your pocket can also help. The latter can be used in a Mindfulness exercise, if you have learned how to to it?
Annie, good luck today, I am sure you will feel so much better this evening.
Sunflower2
22-12-14, 10:19
Annie I am so nervous too! We can do this, stay strong!
I am spending Christmas with family in London im also very nervous about this.i dont want my Christmas ruined by stupid anxiety.I can hide it well so it wont show but it still worries me I will feel ill.I really want to enjoy it ,thats not to much to ask is it ?
Thank you Terry, yes ginger does help...I may just nibble on some ginger biscuits :) I have been doing breathing exercises all morning and have my Bach rescue remedy. I can't wait for the appointment to be over with.
Kimberley what time is your appointment?
Mr Andy I think it is harder when you are out of your home environment and feeling ill is always a big worry for me. The worry is always worse than the event though.
Sunflower2
22-12-14, 12:12
My appointment was at 11am, so I've been and gone.. No idea how I managed to drive there, I was a complete nervous wreck! But appointment went better than expected and none of my worries came true! I did a lot of breathing exercises and also did some exercise to burn off the adrenaline, think it worked a bit. Good luck :)
Thank you Terry, yes ginger does help...I may just nibble on some ginger biscuits :) I have been doing breathing exercises all morning and have my Bach rescue remedy. I can't wait for the appointment to be over with.
Kimberley what time is your appointment?
Mr Andy I think it is harder when you are out of your home environment and feeling ill is always a big worry for me. The worry is always worse than the event though.
I agree but being out your comfort zone can be hard,i am sure I will be ok I always am if I am honest.One day we will all beat this I am sure :)
We will beat it Mr Andy :) We have to keep that determination!
swgrl I spent the night with earplugs in, and it helped me sleep. I couldn't hear any mice sounds. I couldn't hear any sounds in the house to misinterpret as mice. So when you're afraid of the rats, get earplugs. If you can't get rid of them, you can at least protect yourself from the fear of them.
Also I looked up what diseases mice carry, and even if they bite you or a flea of theirs bites you which is really unlikely anyway, you only have a 10% chance of death if you DON'T get it treated. So it is seriously unlikely for rodents to actually harm you at all. Also, don't eat their poo: keep your food in tupperware/in the fridge.
I'm not doing too well, I have time off not but I'm focused on all the stuff I have to do to prepare for Christmas. I'm drinking too much and feeling ill. I'm a bit out of control. Trying to get myself back on track, kind of forgot how to do that. I don't feel like talking to anyone.
Kimberley I am pleased your appointment went well. I am in the waiting room now and tummy is gurgling like mad!
Lior - thanks for the information, that is really helpful. I'll definitely bring earplugs. They have two dogs (who are AFRAID of the rats!!!) and they make noise, so I know I'll be worried it's the rats lol Also take some time to take care of yourself. I felt like that this weekend - went to a party with friends and had too much wine, felt really anxious after. I ended up calling out sick today, not feeling well. Sometimes we over-exert ourselves and our bodies/minds then can't take anymore and want to shut down.
Glad it went well, Kimberley. Annie, good luck!
I am back home but it was quite traumatic for me. I have really sensitive eyes and he struggled to get the drops in, then he put a blue light thing on the surface of my eye and then a lens against my eye. He had trouble doing it as I couldn't stop blinking then I started to cry :(
Oh well it is over with now. My eyes are still stinging though. The angle is narrower than it should be but not bad enough for surgery yet (thank goodness!!!) I have to go back next December.
It is over now, thankfully, but I'm sorry it was so difficult :( Take some deep breaths, you are all set for another year :hugs:
well done Annie,that would have been traumatic for anyone :hugs:
Sunflower2
22-12-14, 15:20
Lior, I know what you mean, I feel a little bit out of control at the moment too.. Make sure you look after yourself this week and next. Thanks annie and swgrl, glad it's over. Annie you did so well, it sounds scary but you managed it! :)
It was scary and he kept telling me I must keep still and stop moving away from it and to relax. Well how do you not move when you know someone is going to poke something in your eye! If I had relaxed it would have been the first time ever :D Good excuse to get hubby to make me the tea and tidy the house now :)
hope xmas treats everyone in this thread well! Almost here and gone :)
Anything remotely eye- related makes me very queasy and there's no way I could possibly relax! You did very well Annie- all over now!
Well done Annie
I had to have a cateract op last year,and although I was sedated for it,it wasn't nice.:unsure:
I had a couple eye surgeries while awake as a child ... not fun at all and have avoided eye doctors since ... guess I'm just lucky to have good vision! I hope you are feeling a little better now that it's over.
I have to see my sister tonight ... the one who lives in CA ... not looking forward to it. We had a falling out because of some awful things her husband did to me. They both are back home for Christmas. I'm hoping she doesn't bring her husband. Last year she made us have a family meeting with him and I had a panic attack and locked myself in the bathroom screaming. Haven't seen her since. She is very good at pretending everything is normal and nothing bad ever happened.
What an awkward situation swgrl 09.
Hope it goes ok .
Well done Annie. :flowers:
I am proud of you.
Come to think of it... i am proud to know everyone here..... :-)
Annie, could you push to get your Husband to do dinner as well? :)
So, pleased the ordeal is over for you. :)
Swgrl, I hope it all goes well for you, not a nice situation to be in and I can understand you not wanting to be near him.
My hubby made dinner and I am now going to bed as my eyes really ache.
swgrl 09. I never understand why some family members can be so cruel & unsupportive. What ever happens.... You are a worthwhile person and you have friends (& forum family) here. You remember that, sending hugs & hoping it goes ok.
Thanks all for your support, we leave in an hour ... wouldn't go, but one of my best friends who lives across the country will be there and I never get to see her.
---------- Post added at 17:53 ---------- Previous post was at 16:05 ----------
husband is running late from work, so the clock ticks as I wait to get this over with ... ugh!!
---------- Post added at 21:44 ---------- Previous post was at 17:53 ----------
Back, it was very uncomfortable. Just my sister there, not her husband at least. Nex time I see her is Wednesday. Ughhhh
MyNameIsTerry
23-12-14, 03:39
Well done Kimberley, Annie & swgrl.
Swgrl - don't let some idiot make you feel like you can't be anywhere regardless of who is married to. If you want to be there, be there and be confident because you are entitled, you are not the idiot around the table, he is.
Annie - I love it when people say things like that. If you have an asthma attack you get told to "breathe normally"...I sometimes wonder if they would tell someone on fire to hold still! I remember having an examination up the bottom which involved the flexible rubber tube and some air inflation (was done on the day of the examination hence no diet changes beforehand, so was this a colonoscopy? It was nearly 20 years ago now and no pain relief) which was a bit uncomfortable considering I was being referred to check for anything beyond the suspected internal hemorrhoids and the guy kept saying hold still to me. I was pretty still but it wasn't particularily nice and I was tempted to tell him to stick his test up his a#se! :winks::D
That sounds like a sigmoidoscopy, Terry. Not the most natural experience to have....It would be good if Consultants had to have these tests performed on them to give them a true "feeling" for their vocation-that would give them a bit more insight into how easy it is to relax when you're getting probed?:D
Relax, my arse (literally)
Haha one of my friends had quite a painful examination and scrape on her cervix and the doctor kept telling her to relax so the nurse whispered to her "squeeze his balls and see if he stays relaxed!" At least it made her laugh.
MyNameIsTerry
23-12-14, 09:40
Thats Pulisa, it didn't feel all the way in, it was just the air that made me wonder! The guy never even told me what it was at the time, just that he wanted a look...so maybe it was for personal gratification :ohmy:
Well, its funny you say that because to become a therapist it is recommended by reputable bodies that you go through a period of therapy with your supervisor. Lets hope the physical medics do it too...but I doubt many F1's would be volunteering for the STI clinic :winks::D
---------- Post added at 09:40 ---------- Previous post was at 09:37 ----------
Haha one of my friends had quite a painful examination and scrape on her cervix and the doctor kept telling her to relax so the nurse whispered to her "squeeze his balls and see if he stays relaxed!" At least it made her laugh.
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::rofl mao::roflmao:
So....did she do it? And did she end up with his phone number? :winks::D
Hahaha, all these posts gave me a good laugh this morning at work. Thank you!!
Happy Christmas Eve Eve, everybody! We're in the home stretch!
How are you all holding up? I've got half a day of work tomorrow, then spending Christmas Eve with my sisters, dad, nephew, husband and then going to my aunt's house. Busy day for sure.
MyNameIsTerry
24-12-14, 08:27
I'm doing really well to be honest.
I have spent the last 2 nights wrapping tons of Xmas pressies which took a couple of hours at a time and I felt good for it. Even last night, I hadn't had much sleep and was knackered, but just getting on with it rather than relaxing energised me and made me positive.
I'm starting to think differently about the events coming up. I know the sleep pattern is going to need a big shift in a short time to make the family meals, but I'm not dreading it much now.
I've also noticed that my OCD with my walking & shopping routines has altered. Every Xmas I have found myself checking because its my last opportunity before Xmas day (its part of my Magical Thinking OCD, like a 'cancelling out' routine) but this year I am not having these thoughts much and the ones I am getting, I am handling well.
So, hopefully I might have a good Xmas this year...the first one in probably 3-4 years.
go for it Terry you know you can do it,I am determined to relax and enjoy myself
Sunflower2
24-12-14, 10:06
Terry that's great!!
Its clear sunny skies and 1c here, very beautiful! Already back from the supermarket and helping to make soup later today. Hopefully a trip to my local pub tonight to meet my friends too, if I can be brave enough and drive there!
Trying my hardest to not get upset over food, going to think of other things instead!
I'm glad you are doing well, Terry and Mr Andy. I've just picked up the hire car (quelling any panicky thoughts that after not driving for a year I might have forgotten how to do it!), delivered last minute presents and cards, and I think we're on track now. I'm not expecting too much as I'm still in the Cipralex side effects phase, but just planning to relax with family and friends as much as possible, and my daughter is back from uni for a few days, which is lovely as I haven't seen her since the summer. Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas day.
Right I am off to London for Christmas take it easy everyone and try and enjoy yourselves
Merry Xmas and a happy new year :)
Hope it goes ok for everyone
Happy Christmas to all xx :)
I've taken a turn for the worse.Haven't got all the ingredients for trifle. And didn't manage to send off presents on time. Didn't manage to make one present. People are going to get their presents late and one person gets a backup present. My friends want to meet me tonight earlier than I can get there and I'm exhausted from clubbing which was a bit forced to be honest. I've been trying to calm myself down but I've been swearing at myself and feeling terrible all day.
No Terry she wasn't that brave :D
Enjoy London Mr Andy
Happy Christmas Eve everyone :)
Kimberley try not to focus too much on the food, just eat what you can but don't let food rule your day. x
happy christmas to you all.:hugs:
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