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View Full Version : I was diagnosed as Agoraphobic



Seanesso
29-11-14, 06:49
My name is Sean. I'm 24 years old. When I was in my second year of college (about 2011), I got very ill in the middle of class one day. There was no change of routine. This was the start of an entire year being sick. I first tried the physical tests, and when nothing was characterized as odd, I went on to see a psychologist. The therapy itself never really helped me but I was put on Paroxetine and the illness finally went away. I went back to school, interned, got a job, fixed family problems, graduated with honors... basically what I'm trying to say is my life changed drastically for the better.

I still have panic episodes every once in awhile. It always seems to happen when I travel. I can't even really go to another county. Last summer, I went to Vegas as a way to celebrate graduation and got very ill not 3 hours after we got there. I had to force myself to go to the Cirque du Soleil shows and almost passed out at the first one. I felt as if someone was holding me upside down the entire show (the extreme light-headedness). I had to be moved to the back of the audience. I tried to take a day trip to Los Angeles and started having a panic attack in a restaurant.

The thing is, I'm never in a state of conscious fear. I am never afraid to leave the house. I was excited to go on vacation. It hits out of nowhere, and I am sick until days after I'm back home. Today, family came to visit that I haven't seen in a long time. I didn't sleep very well last night, and today I've felt nauseated all day, had a few brief shakey panic episodes, and my skin is very hot all over. I was not afraid to see family. I was looking forward to it. I enjoyed myself the entire time. I was completely comfortable.

I had to present a thesis I was working on to the professors in my field at college. THAT was terrible. I worried about it for weeks. I almost passed out during the presentation. I put my body through a roller coaster ride of panic with that one. However, I did not get sick. At all.

I don't know how I am going to get help with something that is so subconscious. My psychologist hasn't cured it. My psychiatrist hasn't cured it. My doctor hasn't cured it. I don't know what to do. I am afraid I'm going to have issues trying to get a new job, and I definitely have no hope of traveling anywhere.

If it helps, as a child I developed a lot of phobias towards things: spiders, enclosed spaces, theme park rides, drops, etc. Based on what I told my psychologist about my childhood, all of this developed from abuse from my dad. He had a horrible temper and I was under constant threats and anxiety (not to mention his disgusting need to terrify me to death every night to get a laugh). My psychologist said that, because of the abuse, my body does not know how to handle stress normally and it comes out in illness.

MidnightCalm
30-11-14, 23:59
Hey, I'm 24 too and I have agoraphobia. I've had it for 4 years now and it's got to the point where I can't even walk around the block, it's terrible. Have you tried any cbt? Didn't help me though .

Neurotic Nick
01-12-14, 01:18
Hi Sean, first off just to kill two birds with one stone let me say thanks for the reply you left on my thread. It gave me a nice little boost :)

Secondly i can totally relate about your dad. Mine was very similiar right down to the scaring part and ive also been told by a therapist that i cant cope with the strength and scaryness of my emotions and thoughts. Last night (almost 2 years after she told me) i had a little breakthrough about that. Hard to put into words but i finally got it and practiced mindfullness to ride out the rollercoaster so to speak.

Have you checked out the cbt4panic books you can get through this forum? They are very good and i would highly recommend them as they help you understand some things and give great tools for working through them.

Thirdly just from what you wrote i dont think your agoraphobia is all that mysterious. Lets look at the facts: youve had several big panics "out of town" and that has understandebly caused you to worry about going far from home. Even if the worry is subconcious. Circe de soleil is an easy one: i know lots of people who get freaked out by their shows. Just thinking about all the crazy aerial acrobatics is turns my stomach ;) Same about the presentation, perfectly common cause for anxiety.

My two cents is read up on cbt and mindfullness and when youve armed yourself with a little knowledge practice going out of town. Im not sure how doable that is but maybe start with little shopping trips to a nearby town with a friend? And if you panic on one on of those trips then good! Perfectly good opportunity to practice and see that actually you will come to no harm. I know that that is a tough one and i struggle with it every day but it really is the key: experience the panic and come out the other side. And just as a sidenote it turns out my recent setbacks with exposure were due to my meds. Im coming off now and all the darkness is going away. Before that my exposure was really working well and tomorrow ill be right back out there with my jelly legs and floating head learning that actually im perfectly safe.

At any rate the thing i would really like to press home is dont beat yourself up about it! From where i sit your condition is not that debilitating and with some time and patience i think you can beat it!

Seanesso
01-12-14, 04:28
Hi Sean, first off just to kill two birds with one stone let me say thanks for the reply you left on my thread. It gave me a nice little boost :)

Secondly i can totally relate about your dad. Mine was very similiar right down to the scaring part and ive also been told by a therapist that i cant cope with the strength and scaryness of my emotions and thoughts. Last night (almost 2 years after she told me) i had a little breakthrough about that. Hard to put into words but i finally got it and practiced mindfullness to ride out the rollercoaster so to speak.

Have you checked out the cbt4panic books you can get through this forum? They are very good and i would highly recommend them as they help you understand some things and give great tools for working through them.

Thirdly just from what you wrote i dont think your agoraphobia is all that mysterious. Lets look at the facts: youve had several big panics "out of town" and that has understandebly caused you to worry about going far from home. Even if the worry is subconcious. Circe de soleil is an easy one: i know lots of people who get freaked out by their shows. Just thinking about all the crazy aerial acrobatics is turns my stomach ;) Same about the presentation, perfectly common cause for anxiety.

My two cents is read up on cbt and mindfullness and when youve armed yourself with a little knowledge practice going out of town. Im not sure how doable that is but maybe start with little shopping trips to a nearby town with a friend? And if you panic on one on of those trips then good! Perfectly good opportunity to practice and see that actually you will come to no harm. I know that that is a tough one and i struggle with it every day but it really is the key: experience the panic and come out the other side. And just as a sidenote it turns out my recent setbacks with exposure were due to my meds. Im coming off now and all the darkness is going away. Before that my exposure was really working well and tomorrow ill be right back out there with my jelly legs and floating head learning that actually im perfectly safe.

At any rate the thing i would really like to press home is dont beat yourself up about it! From where i sit your condition is not that debilitating and with some time and patience i think you can beat it!

I hadn't even heard of the cbt. I will check those out.

As for Cirque du Soleil... it's been my biggest passion since 1995 so I don't think that's it. I've seen 14 of the shows live now and haven't ever had any problems. I think it was because I had to travel to see them, and I was so sick and anxious that it made me worse to think I was stuck in a theater for 3 hours. If I feel trapped, it gets very bad.

Have either of you tried hypnotism? Did it help?

Neurotic Nick
02-12-14, 00:38
Ah ok. I had a similair thing with the cinema, it used be my favourite thing to go see a movie with my friends. But then i kept getting anxious and that was made worse with the frustration of "i should be enjoying this" on top of the feeling trapped and letting people down worry. Now its totally off atm, wich sucks because i really wanted to go see gaurdians of the galaxy when it came out.

Ive always wanted to try hypnotherapy but i never went simply because the treatments are very expensive and not covered by my health insurance. Afaik its no full cure but can really help with symptoms.