blondielady
30-11-14, 16:49
Here's the background info:
I am 34 years old, take college classes online that are pretty intense 8 week courses. I also do wedding photography on the side and have 6 & 8 year old girls at home. Money has been very tight and a stressor as well. I went through a really ugly divorce that was finalized 2.5 years ago. I am remarried. So, there's been big life changes and a lot of stress.
I do have a confirmed health condition - AVNRT - which is a form of Tachycardia that strikes out of the blue. I've had it since I was a teenager and it happens maybe a couple times a year or sometimes I even go a few years between episodes. The past couple of years I've had an episode during December. I think I'm subconsciously worrying about that since we are about to enter December. The experience is super unpleasant, like a panic attack on steriods, but it just involves going to the hospital and getting a drug that stops it and then I go home and I'm fine. It still isn't pleasant to go through though. Eventually I can have surgery to hopefully correct it, if it becomes more of a bother, but I am afraid of surgery (of course!). I actually didn't know what was wrong with me till the episode I had a couple of years ago. That's when they finally had a name for it. I'd seen cardiologists before but I think the knowledge of what was going on was a bit limited because it is hard to know what is going on unless they actually catch an episode on the heart monitor.
So anyway... a little over a month ago, I ended my first 8 week set of courses at school. I felt relieved at first. Then I had a 2 week break. During that break I felt anxiety creeping in like crazy. I think I had been covering it up by staying busy. I started feeling tense when I went to bed and had issues with tight muscles. I found myself stretching in bed over and over. I felt off-balance and I bit dizzy. I started feeling a bit panicky. There were a couple of mornings where I'd feel dizzy getting up out of bed. That of course made me super anxious. Thats when my health anxiety kicked in and I started googling like crazy (against my better judgment!). I of course started finding all kind of stuff about MS and panicking that I had MS. Then I started losing my appetite and losing weight..... unexplained weight loss... MUST BE CANCER!!! (I'm sure some of you have been there!!) Well then one day I started peeing a lot... like 4-5 times one morning.. MUST BE DIABETES!!! Finally this week Monday I called the doctor because I was so freaked out. In the back of my mind I suspected anxiety, but I was also panicking that I'd go to the doctor and find out I'm dying. I also had been having some issues with feeling motion sick while driving from time to time. I suspected this was an anxiety issue because it was worse when I was upset and I was ok if I was happy. However, I wondered if it was an inner ear thing too.
Well I went to the doctor and complained that all of my symptoms were making me anxious. She told me my eyes looked red and I told her I'd been crying earlier telling a friend what was going on. I started to cry at the visit and just said all these things were just overwhelming and that I wanted to know if something was actually wrong before jumping to a conclusion of anxiety. She immediately said it was anxiety and wanted me to go on antidepressants. I refused, wanting to get tested for other things first and try some alternative methods. Plus the thought of side effects from antidepressants freaked me out!!
My lab work came back fine... all levels were normal including thyroid. The thing where I pee a lot only happens once in a while so I've calmed down some on thinking that is diabetes. However, this week I lost 6 lbs from losing my appetite. I've been trying to force feed myself foods that are nutrient dense and a little higher in calories. I've found that some protein shakes are easier to tolerate that certain food textures so I've been trying to drink those more.
I also think I'm prone to getting SAD. I live in Michigan where it is dark most of the winter because it snows or is cloudy almost every day. When I was younger I would suddenly get these feelings of doom... it was always in the winter. It was a terrible feeling, but I was able to alleviate it by cross country skiing outside. I also used to get a lot of anxiety attacks in my early 20's during a time when I had nasal polyps and sinus infections (that all completely went away with a simple surgery).
My course of action in combating this thus far has been Dr. visit w/ bloodwork (I'm apparently fine). I started going to a Chiropractor 2 weeks ago but all he did was contribute to my anxiety by saying my cervical spine was too straight and slightly curving the wrong way (which the doctor said shouldn't actually cause major issues and that I should be more conscientious of good posture and not staring down at computer screens and stuff). He cracked my neck, which freaked me out. I was able to move my neck a little better but I still felt "off" and hated the experience. I'm planning on not having any more visits to him because he tries to convince me that all my vitamins are wrong, that I should buy his supplements, that my spine is going to cause all kinds of bad problems. So yah, I think he's more harm than good.
I've also just started counseling. I had my first session this past Wednesday. We didn't talk about my health anxiety but instead talked about reducing stress in other areas of my life. I felt good during the session and had a more "up" day afterwards.
So here's where I'm at. I'm overall more tired than usual. This morning I broke down and googled because my whole body hurt. It brought me to fibromyalgia. I got off google because it depressed me. I've been having a hard time with sleep, like sleeping lightly where my husband flips over or whatever and it wakes me up. Then I find myself stretching and trying to get comfortable again. I've been going to bed earlier than I used to, because I wasn't getting more than 6 hours of sleep before and that was making me edgy. So now I go to bed at like 11PM and I'm typically sleeping by midnight. I have found I'm waking up naturally shortly after 7AM, even though I still feel tired and agitated from waking up on and off during the night. I'm not awake for long periods or anything (although I've had a couple nights like that) but its still annoying. I've been trying EFT tapping, which does seem to help a bit... but then I found another youtube video that called it DANGEROUS (so i panicked... of course). I've been forcing myself to take 1/2 hour walks at least every couple of days too, which I think has helped. Last night I felt hungry for the first time in a week AFTER eating dinner! So I had some pie. This is the first time in a long time I'm actually TRYING to eat lots of calories.
So, why am I here this morning? Well... I had a pretty good day yesterday. It started off a little panicky, but I was able to go out for a walk. I finished up a wedding I'd been working on. I did the dishes and made a meal for my husband and I (I'd been to overwhelmed to do that and told him to fend for himself for a couple days). By the end of the evening I was smiling and feeling GOOD. I had taken an epsom salt bath.. just a short one.. because the floaty feeling makes me feel off balance. I congratulated myself for even sitting in that tub 20 min, because I was actually a little afraid of the floaty feeling. So this morning I wake up after my husband woke me up a few times at night tossing and turning and whatnot. It was only 7:30. I was disappointed because I had hoped to at least sleep till after 8. I had some orange juice and forced myself to have some granola cereal to make sure my blood sugar wasn't low or anything (there's still some fear there since I've woke up a couple of times feeling heavy headed and dizzy). I then went out to the couch to try to relax out there but it bugged me that the couch was too squishy and I couldn't get comfortable. I finally gave up and got up and went to use the computer (which is when i started googling my aches). I started to think hey, I think I'm a little panicky... I should meditate. I found a youtube meditation soundtrack type thing. Suddenly I felt weird. I felt almost like weak but heart racing. My mind jumped to allergy attack. I took my blood pressure with my wrist monitor. Heart rate was 105 with bp like 110/70. My normal HR is somewhere around 75-85. So... I was feeling panicky. I found a tapping session on youtube for panic attacks and did a couple of those. I took my bp right after and my bp was back up around 130/85 but my heart was down to like 85. I drank some water. Noticed I was peeing a lot this morning too, so I got some water to drink hoping not to get dehydrated.
So that's where I'm at right now. At this current moment I'm not feeling too bad. Earlier I had considered going to the hospital, convinced I was having an episode of some sort. Now I'm just trying to figure out what to do with my day to keep these yucky feelings at bay. If anyone has been there or has handy suggestions, I welcome your thoughts. Thanks in advance.
I am 34 years old, take college classes online that are pretty intense 8 week courses. I also do wedding photography on the side and have 6 & 8 year old girls at home. Money has been very tight and a stressor as well. I went through a really ugly divorce that was finalized 2.5 years ago. I am remarried. So, there's been big life changes and a lot of stress.
I do have a confirmed health condition - AVNRT - which is a form of Tachycardia that strikes out of the blue. I've had it since I was a teenager and it happens maybe a couple times a year or sometimes I even go a few years between episodes. The past couple of years I've had an episode during December. I think I'm subconsciously worrying about that since we are about to enter December. The experience is super unpleasant, like a panic attack on steriods, but it just involves going to the hospital and getting a drug that stops it and then I go home and I'm fine. It still isn't pleasant to go through though. Eventually I can have surgery to hopefully correct it, if it becomes more of a bother, but I am afraid of surgery (of course!). I actually didn't know what was wrong with me till the episode I had a couple of years ago. That's when they finally had a name for it. I'd seen cardiologists before but I think the knowledge of what was going on was a bit limited because it is hard to know what is going on unless they actually catch an episode on the heart monitor.
So anyway... a little over a month ago, I ended my first 8 week set of courses at school. I felt relieved at first. Then I had a 2 week break. During that break I felt anxiety creeping in like crazy. I think I had been covering it up by staying busy. I started feeling tense when I went to bed and had issues with tight muscles. I found myself stretching in bed over and over. I felt off-balance and I bit dizzy. I started feeling a bit panicky. There were a couple of mornings where I'd feel dizzy getting up out of bed. That of course made me super anxious. Thats when my health anxiety kicked in and I started googling like crazy (against my better judgment!). I of course started finding all kind of stuff about MS and panicking that I had MS. Then I started losing my appetite and losing weight..... unexplained weight loss... MUST BE CANCER!!! (I'm sure some of you have been there!!) Well then one day I started peeing a lot... like 4-5 times one morning.. MUST BE DIABETES!!! Finally this week Monday I called the doctor because I was so freaked out. In the back of my mind I suspected anxiety, but I was also panicking that I'd go to the doctor and find out I'm dying. I also had been having some issues with feeling motion sick while driving from time to time. I suspected this was an anxiety issue because it was worse when I was upset and I was ok if I was happy. However, I wondered if it was an inner ear thing too.
Well I went to the doctor and complained that all of my symptoms were making me anxious. She told me my eyes looked red and I told her I'd been crying earlier telling a friend what was going on. I started to cry at the visit and just said all these things were just overwhelming and that I wanted to know if something was actually wrong before jumping to a conclusion of anxiety. She immediately said it was anxiety and wanted me to go on antidepressants. I refused, wanting to get tested for other things first and try some alternative methods. Plus the thought of side effects from antidepressants freaked me out!!
My lab work came back fine... all levels were normal including thyroid. The thing where I pee a lot only happens once in a while so I've calmed down some on thinking that is diabetes. However, this week I lost 6 lbs from losing my appetite. I've been trying to force feed myself foods that are nutrient dense and a little higher in calories. I've found that some protein shakes are easier to tolerate that certain food textures so I've been trying to drink those more.
I also think I'm prone to getting SAD. I live in Michigan where it is dark most of the winter because it snows or is cloudy almost every day. When I was younger I would suddenly get these feelings of doom... it was always in the winter. It was a terrible feeling, but I was able to alleviate it by cross country skiing outside. I also used to get a lot of anxiety attacks in my early 20's during a time when I had nasal polyps and sinus infections (that all completely went away with a simple surgery).
My course of action in combating this thus far has been Dr. visit w/ bloodwork (I'm apparently fine). I started going to a Chiropractor 2 weeks ago but all he did was contribute to my anxiety by saying my cervical spine was too straight and slightly curving the wrong way (which the doctor said shouldn't actually cause major issues and that I should be more conscientious of good posture and not staring down at computer screens and stuff). He cracked my neck, which freaked me out. I was able to move my neck a little better but I still felt "off" and hated the experience. I'm planning on not having any more visits to him because he tries to convince me that all my vitamins are wrong, that I should buy his supplements, that my spine is going to cause all kinds of bad problems. So yah, I think he's more harm than good.
I've also just started counseling. I had my first session this past Wednesday. We didn't talk about my health anxiety but instead talked about reducing stress in other areas of my life. I felt good during the session and had a more "up" day afterwards.
So here's where I'm at. I'm overall more tired than usual. This morning I broke down and googled because my whole body hurt. It brought me to fibromyalgia. I got off google because it depressed me. I've been having a hard time with sleep, like sleeping lightly where my husband flips over or whatever and it wakes me up. Then I find myself stretching and trying to get comfortable again. I've been going to bed earlier than I used to, because I wasn't getting more than 6 hours of sleep before and that was making me edgy. So now I go to bed at like 11PM and I'm typically sleeping by midnight. I have found I'm waking up naturally shortly after 7AM, even though I still feel tired and agitated from waking up on and off during the night. I'm not awake for long periods or anything (although I've had a couple nights like that) but its still annoying. I've been trying EFT tapping, which does seem to help a bit... but then I found another youtube video that called it DANGEROUS (so i panicked... of course). I've been forcing myself to take 1/2 hour walks at least every couple of days too, which I think has helped. Last night I felt hungry for the first time in a week AFTER eating dinner! So I had some pie. This is the first time in a long time I'm actually TRYING to eat lots of calories.
So, why am I here this morning? Well... I had a pretty good day yesterday. It started off a little panicky, but I was able to go out for a walk. I finished up a wedding I'd been working on. I did the dishes and made a meal for my husband and I (I'd been to overwhelmed to do that and told him to fend for himself for a couple days). By the end of the evening I was smiling and feeling GOOD. I had taken an epsom salt bath.. just a short one.. because the floaty feeling makes me feel off balance. I congratulated myself for even sitting in that tub 20 min, because I was actually a little afraid of the floaty feeling. So this morning I wake up after my husband woke me up a few times at night tossing and turning and whatnot. It was only 7:30. I was disappointed because I had hoped to at least sleep till after 8. I had some orange juice and forced myself to have some granola cereal to make sure my blood sugar wasn't low or anything (there's still some fear there since I've woke up a couple of times feeling heavy headed and dizzy). I then went out to the couch to try to relax out there but it bugged me that the couch was too squishy and I couldn't get comfortable. I finally gave up and got up and went to use the computer (which is when i started googling my aches). I started to think hey, I think I'm a little panicky... I should meditate. I found a youtube meditation soundtrack type thing. Suddenly I felt weird. I felt almost like weak but heart racing. My mind jumped to allergy attack. I took my blood pressure with my wrist monitor. Heart rate was 105 with bp like 110/70. My normal HR is somewhere around 75-85. So... I was feeling panicky. I found a tapping session on youtube for panic attacks and did a couple of those. I took my bp right after and my bp was back up around 130/85 but my heart was down to like 85. I drank some water. Noticed I was peeing a lot this morning too, so I got some water to drink hoping not to get dehydrated.
So that's where I'm at right now. At this current moment I'm not feeling too bad. Earlier I had considered going to the hospital, convinced I was having an episode of some sort. Now I'm just trying to figure out what to do with my day to keep these yucky feelings at bay. If anyone has been there or has handy suggestions, I welcome your thoughts. Thanks in advance.