telltheking
01-12-14, 12:18
Hi all,
I normally post here at my lowest moments but thought it would be good to share a relatively good day for my anxiety.
I have had a varicocele (for non-connoisseurs, it is a small varicose-vein type lump found in the scrotum) for about 6 years. It has been giving me some minor pain recently, but I was absolutely terrified to go to the doctors. I have been self examining my testicles for cancer about 3 times per day, I would even go far as to say I have become obsessed with it. Accordingly, my worrying has been worse than ever and I have felt genuinely depressed on several days over the last fortnight.
Today, I woke up and was able to get a doctors appointment for 11am (god bless the NHS). I was terrified but went anyway. The doctor saw me and felt around down there and confirmed that I had a varicocele and a hydrocele (another benign lump of fluid in the scrotum) and did not find anything on the actual testicles. She said even if she had the slightest concern over a lump she would send me for an emergency scan, but didn't. She said I could go for a scan if I wanted to get a full low down, but my condition is completely benign. I have one concern, today was a very cold day and my scrotum shrunk a bit and therefore I am not sure she got a good enough feel of my left testicle. I am sure that she would not dare tell me I have nothing wrong if she hadn't felt properly, I think I just need to get rid of some of this baggage anxiety, accept there is nothing wrong and move on. Does anyone else, when they go to the doctor, not accept their judgement?
So today was good because I genuinely overcame a fear of going to see a doctor. She gave me the news I had expected and thought in the back of my head, which my anxiety had blocked out for weeks. I am cautious of her diagnosis but am also slightly aware that it is ridiculous to suggest she would be negligent. But anyway, this is progress (however small), I think!
I normally post here at my lowest moments but thought it would be good to share a relatively good day for my anxiety.
I have had a varicocele (for non-connoisseurs, it is a small varicose-vein type lump found in the scrotum) for about 6 years. It has been giving me some minor pain recently, but I was absolutely terrified to go to the doctors. I have been self examining my testicles for cancer about 3 times per day, I would even go far as to say I have become obsessed with it. Accordingly, my worrying has been worse than ever and I have felt genuinely depressed on several days over the last fortnight.
Today, I woke up and was able to get a doctors appointment for 11am (god bless the NHS). I was terrified but went anyway. The doctor saw me and felt around down there and confirmed that I had a varicocele and a hydrocele (another benign lump of fluid in the scrotum) and did not find anything on the actual testicles. She said even if she had the slightest concern over a lump she would send me for an emergency scan, but didn't. She said I could go for a scan if I wanted to get a full low down, but my condition is completely benign. I have one concern, today was a very cold day and my scrotum shrunk a bit and therefore I am not sure she got a good enough feel of my left testicle. I am sure that she would not dare tell me I have nothing wrong if she hadn't felt properly, I think I just need to get rid of some of this baggage anxiety, accept there is nothing wrong and move on. Does anyone else, when they go to the doctor, not accept their judgement?
So today was good because I genuinely overcame a fear of going to see a doctor. She gave me the news I had expected and thought in the back of my head, which my anxiety had blocked out for weeks. I am cautious of her diagnosis but am also slightly aware that it is ridiculous to suggest she would be negligent. But anyway, this is progress (however small), I think!