FormerSelf
03-12-14, 21:30
Hi,
This is probably going to be a long post so thanks in advance to those who stick with it and read it to the end. This is my story of what part of me believes to be Health Anxiety and what the other part believes to be something much worse :-(
In May 2013 I was sat at my desk at work (I'm a Software Engineer) when out of nowhere I suddenly had a huge head rush, went horrendously dizzy for literally a few seconds and then thought I was going to collapse. I stumbled to the toilets, was sick, couldn't breathe and genuinely thought this was the end for me.
I left work, went home and went to bed.
The next day I work I felt unsteady on my feet, not too bad but noticeable. I had a similar (though not quite as bad) incident, went home again and my local GP. They spoke to me about stress, anxiety etc (to which I replied I had never been a stressed person and had no anxiety). I was told it was probably some sort of virus but I was clearly stressed/run down and so I was signed off work for 2 weeks. I was also given Stemetil for the dizziness.
Over the next 2 weeks I had recurring bouts of this sudden flash of dizziness, again it was never as severe as the initial onslaught. It literally lasted seconds but left me feeling awful and off balance afterwards. During this period I had 2 ECG's done, 1 at my local GP and 1 at my local A&E (Hospital). They were both fine. I also had 2 rounds of blood tests - the 2nd round was to recheck and elevated level of something (can't remember what) which usually indicates an infection/virus of some type. The 2nd lot of tests showed it back in normal range.
I returned to work and continued to suffer with mild off balance feelings, though never those horrible flashes of Dizziness. However, a feeling of uneasiness never really left me, nor did the off balance feelings.
I have visited the doctors on a few occasions since for similar complaints and have been told it is Health Anxiety. We discussed CBT but I thought I could deal with it.
Now, I had a full private medical in June consisting of Blood/Urine tests, lifestyle/diet evaluations, ECG's (resting and during exercise etc) and was given a clean bill of health.
About 4 weeks ago I heard a brief swooshing sound in my ear, just for a couple of seconds, felt a bit funny and then was fine. A week or so later, I begun to get pressure building in my ears. I returned to my GP, was diagnosed with a sinus problem (despite having no runny nose) and given a nasal spray. 4 days after that, I was at work with a sense of dread all morning. I could feel something building. Just before lunchtime, that lurching Dizziness struck me again, I really thought I was going to pass out, was trembling, thought I was dying etc. I was taken to hospital, told I had an ear problem and told to go back to see my Doctor.
I asked for a referral to a Neurologist to have an MRI scan. I saw him 2 days ago. He talked with me, did all the "tests" and then agreed to order some further tests (MRI, EEG, Brain Stem Evoked Potentials). He also stated these were more so I could get my life back from the worry than because he expected them to come back as anything other than normal.
Since that day 3 weeks ago (the epic Dizzy spell at work) I have not made it back into work for more than a day. I get into work in the morning feeling OK(ish). Within and hour or 2 I get this feeling in my head that builds and builds and builds and I just know another Dizzy attack is coming. I am lucky in that I can work from home but it is not ideal as I manage a team of people.
My symptoms to date (over the last 18 months) are:
Flashes of Dizziness
Pains/Twinges in Head
Headaches
Feel like I am wearing a hat/band around head
Depersonalization/spaced out
Brain Fog
Lack of Concentration
Sparkles in eyes
General Unbalance (Disequilibrium is how the Neurologist described it)
Feels like the floor moves when I am standing still
Scared something is going to happen/is severely wrong with me
Heard pulse in ear (once)
Tingling in Hands
Noise of liquid or something in ear when bending over (a few times)
Head rushes/Adrenalin through body (is this panic?)
Over the last week or so, my mental state has worsened considerably. One of the days when I had to come home from work I was in tears. Most people would like a day off work right? I have not left the house really for a couple of days as I am scared of what might happen. I even started wondering whether I would be better off dead and looking at ways to end my life. I don't think I would ever do this but I feel in turmoil in my mind at the moment.
I have a very understanding partner and a 2.5 year old daughter and I am terrified that I have a serious problem and I will be leaving them without a partner/father. The more I think about it the worse it gets. I was actually hoping writing this down would help but now I see all my symptoms I cannot believe this is just anxiety.
I know I have my MRI scan tomorrow and I suppose at least I will find something out soon.
Can anybody offer me any advice/words of comfort?
Thanks for reading.
This is probably going to be a long post so thanks in advance to those who stick with it and read it to the end. This is my story of what part of me believes to be Health Anxiety and what the other part believes to be something much worse :-(
In May 2013 I was sat at my desk at work (I'm a Software Engineer) when out of nowhere I suddenly had a huge head rush, went horrendously dizzy for literally a few seconds and then thought I was going to collapse. I stumbled to the toilets, was sick, couldn't breathe and genuinely thought this was the end for me.
I left work, went home and went to bed.
The next day I work I felt unsteady on my feet, not too bad but noticeable. I had a similar (though not quite as bad) incident, went home again and my local GP. They spoke to me about stress, anxiety etc (to which I replied I had never been a stressed person and had no anxiety). I was told it was probably some sort of virus but I was clearly stressed/run down and so I was signed off work for 2 weeks. I was also given Stemetil for the dizziness.
Over the next 2 weeks I had recurring bouts of this sudden flash of dizziness, again it was never as severe as the initial onslaught. It literally lasted seconds but left me feeling awful and off balance afterwards. During this period I had 2 ECG's done, 1 at my local GP and 1 at my local A&E (Hospital). They were both fine. I also had 2 rounds of blood tests - the 2nd round was to recheck and elevated level of something (can't remember what) which usually indicates an infection/virus of some type. The 2nd lot of tests showed it back in normal range.
I returned to work and continued to suffer with mild off balance feelings, though never those horrible flashes of Dizziness. However, a feeling of uneasiness never really left me, nor did the off balance feelings.
I have visited the doctors on a few occasions since for similar complaints and have been told it is Health Anxiety. We discussed CBT but I thought I could deal with it.
Now, I had a full private medical in June consisting of Blood/Urine tests, lifestyle/diet evaluations, ECG's (resting and during exercise etc) and was given a clean bill of health.
About 4 weeks ago I heard a brief swooshing sound in my ear, just for a couple of seconds, felt a bit funny and then was fine. A week or so later, I begun to get pressure building in my ears. I returned to my GP, was diagnosed with a sinus problem (despite having no runny nose) and given a nasal spray. 4 days after that, I was at work with a sense of dread all morning. I could feel something building. Just before lunchtime, that lurching Dizziness struck me again, I really thought I was going to pass out, was trembling, thought I was dying etc. I was taken to hospital, told I had an ear problem and told to go back to see my Doctor.
I asked for a referral to a Neurologist to have an MRI scan. I saw him 2 days ago. He talked with me, did all the "tests" and then agreed to order some further tests (MRI, EEG, Brain Stem Evoked Potentials). He also stated these were more so I could get my life back from the worry than because he expected them to come back as anything other than normal.
Since that day 3 weeks ago (the epic Dizzy spell at work) I have not made it back into work for more than a day. I get into work in the morning feeling OK(ish). Within and hour or 2 I get this feeling in my head that builds and builds and builds and I just know another Dizzy attack is coming. I am lucky in that I can work from home but it is not ideal as I manage a team of people.
My symptoms to date (over the last 18 months) are:
Flashes of Dizziness
Pains/Twinges in Head
Headaches
Feel like I am wearing a hat/band around head
Depersonalization/spaced out
Brain Fog
Lack of Concentration
Sparkles in eyes
General Unbalance (Disequilibrium is how the Neurologist described it)
Feels like the floor moves when I am standing still
Scared something is going to happen/is severely wrong with me
Heard pulse in ear (once)
Tingling in Hands
Noise of liquid or something in ear when bending over (a few times)
Head rushes/Adrenalin through body (is this panic?)
Over the last week or so, my mental state has worsened considerably. One of the days when I had to come home from work I was in tears. Most people would like a day off work right? I have not left the house really for a couple of days as I am scared of what might happen. I even started wondering whether I would be better off dead and looking at ways to end my life. I don't think I would ever do this but I feel in turmoil in my mind at the moment.
I have a very understanding partner and a 2.5 year old daughter and I am terrified that I have a serious problem and I will be leaving them without a partner/father. The more I think about it the worse it gets. I was actually hoping writing this down would help but now I see all my symptoms I cannot believe this is just anxiety.
I know I have my MRI scan tomorrow and I suppose at least I will find something out soon.
Can anybody offer me any advice/words of comfort?
Thanks for reading.