greatsun
04-12-14, 18:36
Hi all,
I am new to this forum. I have very bad health anxiety and OCD. Whenever something painful, irregular, unfamiliar, or abnormal happens to my body, my biggest fear is not whether or not it will kill me, but whether or not it's going to last forever (or for a long time) and ruin my life. Ironically, nothing that I've ever worried about lasting forever has ever lasted, but I still fall prey to this trap that my mind sets for me. It happens every time.
Lately my anxiety has been horrendous due to an ongoing hip injury that has severely limited my mobility. So, last night I booked a massage to help with the stress. It was the second massage of my life. I told the therapist that I wanted her to be extremely gentle with me, and only work on my extremities. It went all right until the end, when she began to work (with a lot of pressure) on my neck. She was kind of "pulling" up through my neck towards the base of my skull. It was very uncomfortable and worried me excessively, but I didn't have time to vocalize this. Soon after, the massage ended. I thanked her, went home, and that's when the panic started.
Now, nearly 24 hours after the massage, I am experiencing pain and stiffness in my neck. It hurts to tilt my neck downwards, and I have some crunching noises when I turn my head from side to side. I am terrified -- terrified that she somehow herniated a disc in my neck, or misaligned my vertebrae, or did some other permanent damage. I have a phobia about developing tinnitus and am paranoid that what she did to my neck will somehow lead to tinnitus. Most of all, I am worried that this "relaxation" massage I got will somehow lead to permanent physical damage.
I can't stop freaking out and sobbing. I was already severely depressed and in pain prior to getting the massage. I already have so much pain in my hip from an injury that I acquired during a yoga class over the summer (which I was doing to try to calm my anxiety). My hip pain was made even worse a few weeks ago when I got a cortisone shot into my hip joint (which I did to try to restore some normalcy and function to my life). And now, this?? I truly feel that, on top of everything else I am dealing with, I do not have the capacity to deal with this new neck pain and the accompanying anxiety after what was supposed to be a stress-relieving massage. I feel like every single thing I do to try and care for myself and relieve my anxiety ends up hurting me and making me worse. It feels cruel and sick. I am devastated and panicked beyond words.
Can anyone offer any words of advice? It would be so appreciated. My partner doesn't know what to say to me anymore; neither does my family, and neither does my therapist (I need a new one).
Thank you so much.
I am new to this forum. I have very bad health anxiety and OCD. Whenever something painful, irregular, unfamiliar, or abnormal happens to my body, my biggest fear is not whether or not it will kill me, but whether or not it's going to last forever (or for a long time) and ruin my life. Ironically, nothing that I've ever worried about lasting forever has ever lasted, but I still fall prey to this trap that my mind sets for me. It happens every time.
Lately my anxiety has been horrendous due to an ongoing hip injury that has severely limited my mobility. So, last night I booked a massage to help with the stress. It was the second massage of my life. I told the therapist that I wanted her to be extremely gentle with me, and only work on my extremities. It went all right until the end, when she began to work (with a lot of pressure) on my neck. She was kind of "pulling" up through my neck towards the base of my skull. It was very uncomfortable and worried me excessively, but I didn't have time to vocalize this. Soon after, the massage ended. I thanked her, went home, and that's when the panic started.
Now, nearly 24 hours after the massage, I am experiencing pain and stiffness in my neck. It hurts to tilt my neck downwards, and I have some crunching noises when I turn my head from side to side. I am terrified -- terrified that she somehow herniated a disc in my neck, or misaligned my vertebrae, or did some other permanent damage. I have a phobia about developing tinnitus and am paranoid that what she did to my neck will somehow lead to tinnitus. Most of all, I am worried that this "relaxation" massage I got will somehow lead to permanent physical damage.
I can't stop freaking out and sobbing. I was already severely depressed and in pain prior to getting the massage. I already have so much pain in my hip from an injury that I acquired during a yoga class over the summer (which I was doing to try to calm my anxiety). My hip pain was made even worse a few weeks ago when I got a cortisone shot into my hip joint (which I did to try to restore some normalcy and function to my life). And now, this?? I truly feel that, on top of everything else I am dealing with, I do not have the capacity to deal with this new neck pain and the accompanying anxiety after what was supposed to be a stress-relieving massage. I feel like every single thing I do to try and care for myself and relieve my anxiety ends up hurting me and making me worse. It feels cruel and sick. I am devastated and panicked beyond words.
Can anyone offer any words of advice? It would be so appreciated. My partner doesn't know what to say to me anymore; neither does my family, and neither does my therapist (I need a new one).
Thank you so much.