Ridiculous But need guidance.

[frazm88]

So I've recently started dating(one date in) a new girl.

She's a bit younger than me (I'm 26, she's 21). Anyway, so far so good apart from one little detail, she is terrible at texting back often leaving me waiting for a reply for hours on end.

I really want to stop myself for sending numberous texts with no reply but can't seem to help myself, I never send two without a reply, often the second is me over analysing the one before it and worrying i've said something out of turn.

Anyone got any tips or tricks I can use to stop this annoying habbit.

thanks.

[MaxieP]

Hi there,
I can relate to this completely, I am just as insecure. I think only time will make this insecurity better, as you get to know each other, and if she really likes you, you will realise there's nothing to worry about.
In the meantime I guess it's just a case of stopping yourself, as much as it might torment you - but the last thing you want is to put her off. Once you know her a bit better, maybe talk about this to her (she may pick up on this before even) and if she really cares about you, she will totally understand.
I don't claim to be a relationship expert by the way, just recognize me in this situation! Good luck my friend:)

[frazm88]

Yeah I agree with the stopping myself, regardless of how edgy I feel.

I guess I just have to accept she will reply eventually... she admits to being terrible so I think she can understand.

thanks for your advice, its really appreciated, I felt abit of a fool posting something so medial amongst the rest of the posts.

[Moley]

I totally get what you mean, I am the same find it really hard waiting for a response and texting over and over again you risk irritating the other person. it is so hard to stop yourself from doing it I know. but as the relationship is so new I think you need to try and do your best to stop yourself from texting too many times before a response. I don't think what your asking is menial at all it is just a valid anxiety problem as any other.

could you maybe keep this thread going as an outlet for your frustration and the long time in between replies rather than the constant texting.

wish I had more advice as to how curb the urge to text.

[frazm88]

I'm usually pretty laid back about all that sort of thing and have been for last few years. I'm not sure whats making me uneasy this time. Maybe just my general anxiety is

That is maybe a solution if I'm honest distraction is probably the route to go with this as long as its not at the forefront of my mind.

thanks for your reply.

[gregcool]

its just your insecurity mate.i was the same and used to send a follow up message asking why she hasnt got back to me.used to really get on hear nerves.i just excepted in the end im over analizing it all andheld back in the end.good luck budy

[frazm88]

Yeah I guess so mate. Thanks for responding.

[debs71]

I can relate too.

I used to do this a lot with my boyfriend. I would text once, not get a reply, and then continue texting as I was working myslef into a tizz with all sorts of thoughts - what if he isn't interested anymore, what if he is freaked out by me texting, what if this, what if that, and then the more texts I sent which were not replied to, would then anger me, until I worked myself into a giant strop and sent a stroppy text.....NIGHTMARE.

I know it is my anxiety, lack of self-esteem and confidence, and my previous bad relationship history that is the cause of this. There is no easy answer about how to stop doing it, the answer simply is just.....stop doing it!

Try if you can to stop and pause before you type the next text. Take a breather and ask yourself whether it is wise or necessary, and what it will actually achieve, and what your motives for texting are. I know it sounds stupid and easy...and God, I know how hard it is not to text when you are compelled to, but you can do it with a little self-restraint and self-belief.

I no longer do it, as I learned that I really get nowhere doing it except in a huge flap mentally. I think it also comes down to just leaving it up to the lap of the Gods, as if she is truly interested (which I am sure she is...she went on a date with you) you will hear from her. Some people are just really slack at replying (my boyfriend is a classic example, grr) :hugs:

[frazm88]

I can relate too.

I used to do this a lot with my boyfriend. I would text once, not get a reply, and then continue texting as I was working myslef into a tizz with all sorts of thoughts - what if he isn't interested anymore, what if he is freaked out by me texting, what if this, what if that, and then the more texts I sent which were not replied to, would then anger me, until I worked myself into a giant strop and sent a stroppy text.....NIGHTMARE.

I know it is my anxiety, lack of self-esteem and confidence, and my previous bad relationship history that is the cause of this. There is no easy answer about how to stop doing it, the answer simply is just.....stop doing it!

Try if you can to stop and pause before you type the next text. Take a breather and ask yourself whether it is wise or necessary, and what it will actually achieve, and what your motives for texting are. I know it sounds stupid and easy...and God, I know how hard it is not to text when you are compelled to, but you can do it with a little self-restraint and self-belief.

I no longer do it, as I learned that I really get nowhere doing it except in a huge flap mentally. I think it also comes down to just leaving it up to the lap of the Gods, as if she is truly interested (which I am sure she is...she went on a date with you) you will hear from her. Some people are just really slack at replying (my boyfriend is a classic example, grr) :hugs:

Thanks for the reply and advice, I've sent on message today with no reply and I'll leave it at that, I had sent two last night but one was simply correcting the other as I was dosing off and texting at the same time.

I'm just working myself up.

If she wants to text back I'm sure she will and if not then so beit I guess.

[Fishmanpa]

Do you like her? I take it you do :)

The advice given is sound. If it means sitting on your hands or turning the phone off or whatever you have to do, find a way, whatever you have to do to quell the behavior. If you're freaking over it, do it in solitude and by no means bring this up as a subject of contention! If not, you stand the chance of turning her off totally.

I know that's how I'd react if a woman was doing that to me and I speak from experience.

Positive thoughts

[frazm88]

Do you like her? I take it you do :)

The advice given is sound. If it means sitting on your hands or turning the phone off or whatever you have to do, find a way, whatever you have to do to quell the behavior. If you're freaking over it, do it in solitude and by no means bring this up as a subject of contention! If not, you stand the chance of turning her off totally.

I know that's how I'd react if a woman was doing that to me and I speak from experience.

Positive thoughts

Agreed, I'm not going to bring it up that her not replying gets to me in the manner it does.

I'll leave it as it is just now.

Luckily I have something on tonight so that should divert me.

thanks for the reply Fishmanpa

[jimsmrs]

She maybe in work and can't use her phone, turn off the text alert sound on your phone so you're not waiting...being impatient can make you anxious and wind you up even more :winks:

[frazm88]

She maybe in work and can't use her phone, turn off the text alert sound on your phone so you're not waiting...being impatient can make you anxious and wind you up even more :winks:

yeah that is true, i'm currently checking my phone every 5 mins! so annoying. :blush:

[blondielady]

Best thing to do is keep yourself entertained with something else and stop looking at your phone. My husband sometimes texts me and I'll be in the middle of something and I'll forget to text back later. He'll freak out and be convinced that I'm mad at him or something. I'm more understanding of it than most women because I know his ex didn't answer texts because she was cheating on him. It does bug me though if he keeps sending them over and over and I'm busy. Sometimes we are just busy and it really has nothing to do with the guy and it certainly doesn't necessarily mean we aren't into them!

[frazm88]

Best thing to do is keep yourself entertained with something else and stop looking at your phone. My husband sometimes texts me and I'll be in the middle of something and I'll forget to text back later. He'll freak out and be convinced that I'm mad at him or something. I'm more understanding of it than most women because I know his ex didn't answer texts because she was cheating on him. It does bug me though if he keeps sending them over and over and I'm busy. Sometimes we are just busy and it really has nothing to do with the guy and it certainly doesn't necessarily mean we aren't into them!

Yeah you are right, after all that yesterday I did get a text back, I genuinely think she's just forgetful when it comes to replying and I hope it has no reflection on how she feels.

Again you are right on the keeping myself busy front as well, it certainly does help.

thanks for the reply :)

[kristaok]

I'm still like this even now with my husband, its something you can work on but everything takes time. Don't be so hard on yourself , and don't sweat the small stuff.

Ever tried immersing yourself into something? Reading, painting, writing, any sort of hobby helps the mind focus on one subject and not pace/over analyze on others.

[frazm88]

I'm still like this even now with my husband, its something you can work on but everything takes time. Don't be so hard on yourself , and don't sweat the small stuff.

Ever tried immersing yourself into something? Reading, painting, writing, any sort of hobby helps the mind focus on one subject and not pace/over analyze on others.

It's mostly at work that it seems to be hitting me, to be honest there was a little drama at the weekend there so I'm not entirely sure whats going on.