Worried :(

[snowflake293]

Hi everyone

I feel I am at my wits end with my health anxiety and constant worrying/obsession over illness.

I have always been aware of any health problems I had (even very minor ones I would rush to the dr with) but things got much worse a few years ago after my mom had cancer. She is better now, but had a rough time with the treatment and I think that is what triggered off my health anxiety (although I would never tell her that as it would hurt her if she knew)

My anxiety isn't just about my own health but also that of loved ones, especially my partner and parents. I am worried about several health problems my partner has and I am thinking the worst now :( I am fixated on illness, death and loss. Every time my phone rings I assume its someone ringing up to tell me bad news, any time a loved one visits the doctor or has tests I am worried sick etc... At the moment I have convinced myself my partner has skin cancer amongst other illnesses. I hate myself for projecting all this onto him :(

I have suffered with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager (I am now 30) and this is the worst I have been, I really feel like I have hit rock bottom and I need some support :(

I have had two sessions of cognitive behaviour therapy so far which has helped me a little, although I know I have a long way to go. I do realise I have a problem and need to get better.

Anyway that is my story and here I am. I am a good listener and understand what it is like to suffer with anxiety and I am hoping I support others here too.

Snowflake x

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya snowflake293 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[snowflake293]

Thanks :) I really do hope I make some friends here, it is very hard 'in real life' to talk to my friends about this, very few people seem to understand. I will check out the articles too, thank you :)

[vpfrends]

Hi Snowflake,
I just joined as well to talk about my health anxiety and depression. Your post is very relatable to me! I worry about the exact same things, especially since my mum was hospitalised earlier this year (severe pain caused by stress). I'm horribly paranoid about my own health as well, anxious in general and depressed as a result. But I have had enough, and I don't want to be alone with it anymore. So I hope to be able to talk about these issues here, as well as hopefully getting some CBT quite soon. Just saying hi because I feel I'm in the same boat as you, and just wanted to remind you you're never alone :)

[snowflake293]

Hi vpfriends

Thanks for your reply. I am having a really tough evening so knowing I am not alone really helped :)

I am sorry to hear your mum being hospitalised, I know how upsetting and worrying that is. I hope she is doing ok now?

Does your health anxiety just relate to your own health or do you worry about the health of others too? currently I am deeply worried about my partner who has an open and infected sore on his leg and has had a skin condition on his lips for some time. Made the mistake of Googling the thing about his lips and now I am convinced he has a pre cancerous skin condition or even worse cancer! Hes at work at the moment and I all I've done all afternoon is Google about it and cry.

When are you due to start your CBT? I really hope it helps you to feel better.

Here if you ever need a friend :)

[vpfrends]

I'm so glad to help! My mum is very well now, thank you. She has had trouble with gallstones but at the moment they are under control.

My health anxiety is worse for myself but I worry about my immediate family a lot, especially since I am away at university and I am terrified something might happen when I'm not there. But at the moment I am obsessing over the thought that I have cancer, especially stomach cancer because I became convinced my stomach felt weirdly hard and it has made me very depressed and worried. Too much googling made it worse. But I will probably go to the doctor this week to try and put my mind at rest.

I want to see a student counsellor this week as well, which will hopefully lead to therapy of some kind. Nothing confirmed yet but I've decided I don't have to be alone with it all. I hope you are feeling the same way by wanting to talk about your anxiety - have you talked to a doctor at all about your partner? I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, but I think I know from experience that googling health issues only makes you feel more alone and afraid. If you talk to someone you come to realise that the problem is not insurmountable, and probably not as bad as you fear. That's what anxiety does after all. My best advice (which I have trouble remebering) is to remind yourself that the danger is not immediate, and you definitely have time to think about things, talk them through and plan what to do. My anxiety always makes me think I'm going to die NOW, but of course that's not true. And google is always so tempting, I've been going to it obsessively, but all it does is show you a huge list of cancer symptoms so you choose one or two and suddenly become convinced that's what it is. Hopefully this site is a lot more helpful for both of us, not to mention a doctor or a therapist!

I really hope you find it helpful here, and I hope you will talk to a doctor as well if you are seriously worried about your partner. Actually taking action will feel much better than sitting and feeling helpless. And talking about it is taking action as well, so feel free to talk to me if you need to! I'll give you any advice I can :)

[kristaok]

Welcome to NMP :)

I find when I hit rock bottom God is there to raise me back up.

I too deal with health anxiety, even a puny headache has me thinking the worse... I can relate. I'm sorry you're going through it though, anxiety is never easy.

Have you ever considered doing a hobby? I find that drawing anime really helps me to ease my anxiety. I also raise animals like a mini farm to help me cope with my PTSD and depression.

Sometimes another good idea is relaxing and reading a book.

Good luck.

[snowflake293]

Thanks so much :)

I am glad to hear your mum is ok now (apart from the gallstones)

About the stomach stuff, hope this will help you but I worried for ages I had something seriously wrong with my stomach due to it feeling hard/weird and I know that anxiety can have a huge impact on your digestion so try not to worry if you can (easier said than done I know) During my last CBT session the therapist explained to me how focusing on a particular symptom can make it feel so much worse, I know you probably understand that already but I hope this comforts you in a way. It is hard not to Google things or think about them, I have to force myself sometimes to either get on and do some housework or pick up my knitting just to stop my mind churning...

God, Google is my nemesis. I wish I could just not do it, but I can't help but search for stuff at the moment. I reckon I do a search for either my own (or my partners) health problems at least 10 times a day, how bad is that?! I haven't spoken to my GP about my worries about my partner, but the therapist I am seeing at the moment knows about it. Just had a really nice and reassuring conversation with a friend I trust who told me to remember that he is a healthy young man and even if he did have anything serious he is in the best position to fight it off - that really helped me, but I still worry myself sick.

What you said about danger not being immediate really helped me, thank you. I will remember that :) I get this thing though sometimes, usually when he has finished his shift at work, if he doesn't text or ring I assume something awful has happened - his phone died at work once and I was so scared he came home to find me literally tearing my hair out. I know this is not normal behaviour but I do think I can get through all this.

It is interesting you say you anxiety makes you feel you will die 'now' - that must be a horrible feeling and I have never really experienced that. My boyfriend has though, he used to suffer severe panic attacks where he would end up ringing for an ambulance as he thought he was having a heart attack. He is much better now thank god and hasn't had once in a long time. I really hope things improve for you

xx

[ladyhawke77]

hello snowflake and welcome... if you need someone to talk to im a good listener :)

[snowflake293]

Welcome to NMP :)

I find when I hit rock bottom God is there to raise me back up.

I too deal with health anxiety, even a puny headache has me thinking the worse... I can relate. I'm sorry you're going through it though, anxiety is never easy.

Have you ever considered doing a hobby? I find that drawing anime really helps me to ease my anxiety. I also raise animals like a mini farm to help me cope with my PTSD and depression.

Sometimes another good idea is relaxing and reading a book.

Good luck.

Thanks so much Kristaok. Hobbies definitely help me, I really like swimming and yoga and I find if I got often it helps the anxiety. I also recently started knitting a scarf, I find that a good thing to do in the evenings when I start either 'checking' my own body (or my poor boyfriends!) for lumps and bumps as a way of distracting my mind from it all.

God helps me too and offers great comfort to me when I am at my wits end. My faith is a recent thing for me (only over the last few years) so its early days.

I am glad your hobbies help you, I wish I was better at drawing! I definitely find doing repetitive things like knitting help.

x

[kristaok]

Thanks so much Kristaok. Hobbies definitely help me, I really like swimming and yoga and I find if I got often it helps the anxiety. I also recently started knitting a scarf, I find that a good thing to do in the evenings when I start either 'checking' my own body (or my poor boyfriends!) for lumps and bumps as a way of distracting my mind from it all.

God helps me too and offers great comfort to me when I am at my wits end. My faith is a recent thing for me (only over the last few years) so its early days.

I am glad your hobbies help you, I wish I was better at drawing! I definitely find doing repetitive things like knitting help.

x

I've never knitted, I should try it sometime. :)
I can't say I'm the best drawer, but I do enjoy drawing. :3
Things I gotta focus on really help me, it helps take my mind off of things.

[Juan Inch]

Hi Snowflake,

Im in exactly the same boat now. My dad was diagnosed with cancer about 2/3 weeks ago and the last few weeks have been really hard. Not just because my dad is ill but because its also made my health anxiety go through the roof.

I am convinced I have some kind of cancer - even to the point of thinking I have the same as my dad (pancreatic). I have been told by two doctors that there is no way a relatively healthy 34 year old would have this rare, non-generic type of cancer - least of all have it within a couple of weeks of my dad being diagnosed. It really is quite ludicrous to think that I do have it (and actually, I feel quite selfish for worrying about myself when its my family that needs me).

In the last 2/3 weeks I've had pancreatic, stomach and bowel cancer. I've had testicular cancer and skin cancer!

I seem to s l o w l y be dragging myself out of this blip day by day (and I've felt a bit better since my dad had some encouraging news) but its still very hard. I'm starting to think that the bad backs, stomach issues etc can ONLY have been brought on by all the stress and worry (because thats when the symptoms started). Oh, and 6 weeks ago I had a beautiful baby daughter - which too, as much as she's a great baby, probably brings about a certain amount of stress (atleast another lifestyle change).

Day by day. We'll get there!

[snowflake293]

I've never knitted, I should try it sometime. :)
I can't say I'm the best drawer, but I do enjoy drawing. :3
Things I gotta focus on really help me, it helps take my mind off of things.

I was told by a nurse once to try knitting lots of squares with different coloured wool, then when I had enough squares (and get better from my anxiety) I can stitch them together to make a 'recovery blanket) which is a nice idea :) at the moment though I am just making a scarf! Knitting is really easy once you get into it, try looking online for videos to get you started, I really recommend it :)

---------- Post added at 09:58 ---------- Previous post was at 09:49 ----------


Hi Snowflake,

Im in exactly the same boat now. My dad was diagnosed with cancer about 2/3 weeks ago and the last few weeks have been really hard. Not just because my dad is ill but because its also made my health anxiety go through the roof.

I am convinced I have some kind of cancer - even to the point of thinking I have the same as my dad (pancreatic). I have been told by two doctors that there is no way a relatively healthy 34 year old would have this rare, non-generic type of cancer - least of all have it within a couple of weeks of my dad being diagnosed. It really is quite ludicrous to think that I do have it (and actually, I feel quite selfish for worrying about myself when its my family that needs me).

In the last 2/3 weeks I've had pancreatic, stomach and bowel cancer. I've had testicular cancer and skin cancer!

I seem to s l o w l y be dragging myself out of this blip day by day (and I've felt a bit better since my dad had some encouraging news) but its still very hard. I'm starting to think that the bad backs, stomach issues etc can ONLY have been brought on by all the stress and worry (because thats when the symptoms started). Oh, and 6 weeks ago I had a beautiful baby daughter - which too, as much as she's a great baby, probably brings about a certain amount of stress (atleast another lifestyle change).

Day by day. We'll get there!

Thanks for your reply Juan Inch, congratulations on having your baby daughter by the way :)

I am sorry to hear of your dad's diagnosis, really hope his treatment goes well. Sorry this is affecting your health anxiety - I totally understand how that is. My Mom had breast cancer a few years ago and just as she was starting treatment I found a lump on my breast and had to have a biopsy which was terrifying but thankfully it was nothing.

I totally get what you mean about the feeling guilty. I feel terrible obsessing over my own health when people around me need me. You shouldn't feel guilty though (I know its hard not to feel this way) because having health anxiety is totally disabling at times. I am at a real low ebb with mine at the moment but I know I will get better in time.

I really understand where you are coming from, I can self diagnose myself and my partner with several different illnesses each week - I hate myself for projecting my problems onto him, especially as he is recovering from severe anxiety himself. I know my behaviour isn't normal and it isn't fair for me to project my fears onto him. I am getting help though and I know I have a problem.

We'll all get through this. I am so glad I found this forum it is sad to hear other people suffer so badly with health anxiety but comforting to know I am not alone.

---------- Post added at 10:27 ---------- Previous post was at 09:58 ----------


hello snowflake and welcome... if you need someone to talk to im a good listener :)

Only just seen your reply :) Thanks Ladyhawke - same goes for you x

[ladyhawke77]

thank you snowflake x