vpfrends
06-12-14, 17:12
For just over a week I have been obsessing over the idea that I have stomach cancer. The idea came to me because I was feeling my stomach and I wasn't sure if I could usually feel hardness there-so of course I googled it and somewhere I read that abdominal hardness can be caused by cancer. Since then I have been compulsively pressing on my stomach and it feels the same, a sort of semi-hardness under the fat (I'm not really overweight but I have some belly fat). The thing is I have no other symptoms - I've always had mild digestion issues which I am certain have been exacerbated by anxiety, which I have suffered from for about 5 years.
Depression has been around for most of my life, and the worst form of it is an obsession with death which is thankfully infrequent but when it occurs, it is hell. I feel numb apart from constant dread, knowing life is pointless because it will end. I have worked hard to overcome these thoughts but a couple of weeks ago, after finally completing a very stressful assignment, I crashed and sank into this worst kind of depression. I managed to get myself out of it because I couldn't bear to feel like that again after several years, but I have still been dealing with stress which always causes anxiety and depression. My fixation on death has always led to worry about my health, and I have convinced myself I have cancer before, but for some reason I can't shake this one despite obsessively reading about symptoms and causes and knowing I'm far too young (20). Once it started every little thing became a symptom.
It is interfering hugely with my life, I feel constantly anxious and depressed and I don't want this hanging over my head when I go home for christmas. I may go to the doctor this week so they can tell me if there is anything wrong, because I just don't know how my stomach is supposed to feel! But what I know I really need to do is speak to a counsellor at my university because I can't live like this. I just can't work up the nerve. Plus there is always the horrible thought that just because I have health anxiety, it doesn't mean there isn't something wrong with me! Anyway, thank you for reading this, I have felt so alone and terrified for a while which makes the worry about death and illness so much worse. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with irrational worries?
Depression has been around for most of my life, and the worst form of it is an obsession with death which is thankfully infrequent but when it occurs, it is hell. I feel numb apart from constant dread, knowing life is pointless because it will end. I have worked hard to overcome these thoughts but a couple of weeks ago, after finally completing a very stressful assignment, I crashed and sank into this worst kind of depression. I managed to get myself out of it because I couldn't bear to feel like that again after several years, but I have still been dealing with stress which always causes anxiety and depression. My fixation on death has always led to worry about my health, and I have convinced myself I have cancer before, but for some reason I can't shake this one despite obsessively reading about symptoms and causes and knowing I'm far too young (20). Once it started every little thing became a symptom.
It is interfering hugely with my life, I feel constantly anxious and depressed and I don't want this hanging over my head when I go home for christmas. I may go to the doctor this week so they can tell me if there is anything wrong, because I just don't know how my stomach is supposed to feel! But what I know I really need to do is speak to a counsellor at my university because I can't live like this. I just can't work up the nerve. Plus there is always the horrible thought that just because I have health anxiety, it doesn't mean there isn't something wrong with me! Anyway, thank you for reading this, I have felt so alone and terrified for a while which makes the worry about death and illness so much worse. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with irrational worries?