HA - worrying about others health, help!

[snowflake293]

Hi all

I am new and have mentioned this in a few posts already but I suffer with health anxiety and it has gotten to the stage now where I am also worrying about the health of my partner who lives with me.

I feel terrible because he is getting over severe anxiety himself, but I am so worried he is seriously ill in some way and I keep asking if he is ok - he does have several health issues at the moment that the 'rational' part of me is thinking it will all be resolved, but the 'irrational' part of me is constantly thinking the worst, checking him, asking if he is ok. It is like an obsession, I wish I could stop. I keep running the same thoughts in my head over and over again like a video, I am imagining him being diagnosed with a serious illness and dying and I can't get rid of the thoughts :( I feel like I am being driven mad by this.

I just wanted to know if anyone else out there has this particular problem?

I love him very much and he is very understanding and caring (and so patient!) but I worry I am damaging our relationship :( its like my HA has crossed over from worrying about my own body to worrying about his too and I feel totally drained :(

I got really drunk last night cause I didn't know what else to do and I have been in tears on and off all day. I just feel like this is never ending at the moment. I know getting drunk was a bad thing to do (paying for it now) and I am going to lay off the drink for a bit now to give my body a rest.

If anyone has had this experience of health worries 'crossing over' to partners/family members etc... I would be really interested to hear from you.

Thanks

Snowflake x

[cattia]

I definitely have this problem with my children. I worry about them more than I even worry about myself because I think something happening to them would be worse than anything happening to me. It has also increased my own anxiety as I worry about dying and leaving them behind. With both of them I worried like crazy about SIDS. As they've got older I've obsessively worried about autism and constantly find myself analysing them to make sure they're interacting ok. I have also worried about them having other illnesses like leukaemia if I notice any bruises on them etc. I try very hard never to mention any of this to them or key them know I am worrying. I avoid taking them to the Dr unless it's really important because I don't want them to pick this up from them. I think it all comes down to a fear of loss in the end. It's a horrible horrible thing to think of something happening to a loved one.

[snowflake293]

I definitely have this problem with my children. I worry about them more than I even worry about myself because I think something happening to them would be worse than anything happening to me. It has also increased my own anxiety as I worry about dying and leaving them behind. With both of them I worried like crazy about SIDS. As they've got older I've obsessively worried about autism and constantly find myself analysing them to make sure they're interacting ok. I have also worried about them having other illnesses like leukaemia if I notice any bruises on them etc. I try very hard never to mention any of this to them or key them know I am worrying. I avoid taking them to the Dr unless it's really important because I don't want them to pick this up from them. I think it all comes down to a fear of loss in the end. It's a horrible horrible thing to think of something happening to a loved one.

Hi Cattia

Thanks for your reply. I am sorry to hear you suffer with HA too and you worry so much about your children :( It must be really hard trying not to show your worry in front of them.

I agree with you I think it comes down to a fear of loss. I just can't get the thoughts out of my head when they start. I try hard to do other things to take my mind off it and I have the odd 'good day' but the feelings keep coming back at the moment. It's an obsession and I know it isn't normal so I guess that's the first step in getting over it.

I feel so guilty for being so 'open' with my partner about my worries over his own health. I feel like I am being selfish, but I can't help it. For example, he has infection on his leg at the moment - probably from an infected hair follicle or chaffing or something, but because the wound has been oozing for 5 days now and looks bad I am convinced he has cancer or something terrible like that! Even though he has seen two nurses to have the wound dressed and the last nurse he saw said the wound seemed to be healing. I just can't help but always imagine the worse, I can't get the thoughts to go away :(

I had a terrible weekend, in tears and ended up getting drunk to deal with it. Then Monday and yesterday I actually started to feel better but today I am worrying again :( I am off work sick today as I feel fluey/achy and was heaving this morning, I think I have a bug but of course I am now worrying I have something serious. It is so exhausting feeling this was and I would literally give anything to go back to the time when I didn't feel this way. I look at other people who don't suffer with anxiety or give things like this a second thought with such envy :(

Sorry if this is a very negative, down beat post. I am determined to get through this though and pick myself up. It is just so hard at times. I know a lot of people will understand this and I hope this helps people in a way to know they aren't alone.

I hope things improve for you, remember you aren't alone in suffering with health anxiety and it can and will get better.

Snowflake x

[popejoan]

Dear Snowflake, I exactly know how you feel. My health anxiety got out of control 3 months ago when I found out I have a high risk hpv and abnormal cells in my cervix, at the same time I found out my mum had breast cancer years ago and my parents never told me this before. I constantly have cancer fears.

I'm also so worried for my fiancee's health. He choked on food twice and I felt a lump on his neck the other day. I'm scared he has oral cancer. He's already having trouble emphatising my situation so me worrying about his health is just too much for him. I just want him to go to a doctor and get it checked :(

You are totally not alone and I just hope we all find a way to feel better. Take care x

[snowflake293]

Dear Snowflake, I exactly know how you feel. My health anxiety got out of control 3 months ago when I found out I have a high risk hpv and abnormal cells in my cervix, at the same time I found out my mum had breast cancer years ago and my parents never told me this before. I constantly have cancer fears.

I'm also so worried for my fiancee's health. He choked on food twice and I felt a lump on his neck the other day. I'm scared he has oral cancer. He's already having trouble emphatising my situation so me worrying about his health is just too much for him. I just want him to go to a doctor and get it checked :(

You are totally not alone and I just hope we all find a way to feel better. Take care x

Thanks popejoan,

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a bad time with it. I feel like my life is ruled by cancer fear. It must have been so tough for you finding out your mom had breast cancer. My parents try to keep there health concerns from me because they know about my HA and are trying to help, I always know when something is up though and I try and explain to them I would rather know in the first instance if something is wrong. It's the same with my partner, I think he keeps things from me too.

I really know how you feel with the worrying about your partner. Is there anything you do that helps make you worry less or feel better? In the last week I have convinced myself my boyfriend has skin cancer and an ulcerating tumour. I am scared of him having oral cancer too as he hasn't been to the dentist in about 10 years. He is booking an appointment soon though thank goodness but of course I will be worrying about that too.

Do you ever feel like you either worry about your health or someone elses or is it both at the same time? Mine chops and changes a lot. Its recently only spilled over onto my partner though.

I hope you find some comfort soon and begin to worry less and feel more reassured. I know how awful this is.

Snowflake x

[popejoan]

Hello Snowflake, I felt like I'm reading about myself when I read your reply. Definitely same for me, cancer fears rule my life and I feel like I have loads of symptoms, even if I don't I find the symptoms and it's like whenever I'm worried about one type of cancer, symptoms get worse :(
My family and also my partner definitely keep things from me. They know how much of a big worrier I am and I feel like they don't want me to be pain in their bums so they just don't tell me. I think I have control issues because I feel like if I know, I will decide on what's best to do and they need my advice.
I want him to see a doctor for his swallowing issues but he keeps postponing it. I try not to push him too hard because I really don't want my health anxiety to come between us.
For me it's all at the same time but when I worry about one thing specifically I show panic attack symptoms and focus on only that, like when I felt the lump on his neck, I still worry about other things but that one thing becomes the most important one.

I wish the same things for you, hope you have a nice Christmas and never forget that you're not alone, I'm here when you need someone to talk to. Take care x

[robin321]

I have the same issue right now. Except I am a man, worrying about my wife! She had her iron tested last May - it was low. 3 months of iron didn't help (although she wasn't great at taking it) and we are retesting this week. I am a nervous wreck. I know logically she has heavy periods, and is a vegetarian. But I cannot stop thinking that it will be something worse.

The weird thing is that from June to a week ago, I didn't worry much. But once the switch went on, I cannot get it off. It is harder than worrying about myself - because I love her. And because I don't want to say anything to her about it, as I don't want her to worry. If the issue was about me, I would probably tell her. So I am keeping it in. And the pressure to be happy over xmas is making it worse.

So we are all not alone! And I am sure your husbands knee will be fine. I had an infection like that, and I am still her 5 yrs later.

[snowflake293]

Hello Snowflake, I felt like I'm reading about myself when I read your reply. Definitely same for me, cancer fears rule my life and I feel like I have loads of symptoms, even if I don't I find the symptoms and it's like whenever I'm worried about one type of cancer, symptoms get worse :(
My family and also my partner definitely keep things from me. They know how much of a big worrier I am and I feel like they don't want me to be pain in their bums so they just don't tell me. I think I have control issues because I feel like if I know, I will decide on what's best to do and they need my advice.
I want him to see a doctor for his swallowing issues but he keeps postponing it. I try not to push him too hard because I really don't want my health anxiety to come between us.
For me it's all at the same time but when I worry about one thing specifically I show panic attack symptoms and focus on only that, like when I felt the lump on his neck, I still worry about other things but that one thing becomes the most important one.

I wish the same things for you, hope you have a nice Christmas and never forget that you're not alone, I'm here when you need someone to talk to. Take care x

Thanks so much for your lovely post, it is sad knowing other people suffering with HA but it does comfort me to know I am not alone, so thank you.

I am so paranoid about my family keeping things from me. I can totally relate to what you say that you feel you have the best advice for them, I am exactly the same.

Also what you say about having 'the most important one' I get that too. Currently I am stressing over about 5 or 6 different 'health issues' either affecting me or my boyfriend. I worry I am pushing him too far, I cry loads and say sorry. I feel like such a wreck.

I hope all goes well if your partner goes to the doctors. You know yourself the most likely outcome will be its nothing to worry about, but I know that doesn't make the worrying thoughts you are having now any easier :( I really do know what it's like. I feel so guilty projecting this onto others, but I honestly can't help it at the moment.

I hope things improve for you and you manage to have a good Christmas and you can always message me if you need someone to talk to

Snowflake x

---------- Post added at 21:13 ---------- Previous post was at 21:04 ----------


I have the same issue right now. Except I am a man, worrying about my wife! She had her iron tested last May - it was low. 3 months of iron didn't help (although she wasn't great at taking it) and we are retesting this week. I am a nervous wreck. I know logically she has heavy periods, and is a vegetarian. But I cannot stop thinking that it will be something worse.

The weird thing is that from June to a week ago, I didn't worry much. But once the switch went on, I cannot get it off. It is harder than worrying about myself - because I love her. And because I don't want to say anything to her about it, as I don't want her to worry. If the issue was about me, I would probably tell her. So I am keeping it in. And the pressure to be happy over xmas is making it worse.

So we are all not alone! And I am sure your husbands knee will be fine. I had an infection like that, and I am still her 5 yrs later.

Thanks for your reply Robin. If it offers you any comfort I have had low iron before that was due to heavy periods. It is fairly common and I know a lot of other women with the same, but I know you will be worrying about it. It is so hard to stop these feelings when the thoughts are in your head, I really do understand how you feel. I have the same inner argument with myself with knowing what is logical, but then the scary thoughts always seem to win :(

I know what you mean about "once the switch is on I can't get it off" - I feel exactly the same. Previously I have been ok for months and months then something will trigger it off again and each time it just seems to get worse and I get more and more fixated on it.

I feel selfish for telling my boyfriend how much I worry about his health and it makes me feel so sad and guilty, but the thoughts disturb me so much I don't know what else to do. I feel I am making things worse for him.

At the moment he has an infection on his leg and the wound looks pretty bad and is weeping lots, he thinks it is getting better but I am paranoid he is only saying that to calm me down about it. When he showed it me last week before he saw a nurse I literally had a full blown melt down. He's on antibiotics and has had it dressed twice but I am so worried he said he will go to the doctors in the morning. I am scared it is a seriously underlying illness that has caused the infection and I am worried sick. I can't stop thinking about it.

I am totally obsessed with his health and my own health, probably more his at the moment. I can't think about anything else. I am having CBT at the moment and was offered citalopram, but I was on fluoxetine for 10 years and I found it tough to come off so I am a bit hesitant to start taking medication again. I just don't know though, I really need some respite from feeling like this.

Hope things improve for you Robin, I know what you mean about the added pressure of having to be happy at xmas. It really is horrible having these feelings.