anxiousbelle
08-12-14, 14:31
Hi,
I am a 17 year old girl who has suffered for many years with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I have periods of time that are so dark, and so frightening that I can't see a way out. Every time I go into these phases it's worse than the last one. Two years ago I was very bad didn't go on public transport, leave the house bar school, wouldn't go over people's houses etc. I got myself out of that over two years but still only managed to do little things like going out for a meal sometimes, and went on a bus twice, and a train once but then in the past few weeks I've plummeted again, something i promised i would try to prevent if i felt it coming again. But I didn't, and it took me so quickly. I am in the worst place I've ever been, i've pushed nearly all my friends away, had panic attacks in school so often everybody knows about it which i can't handle, even the prospect of going into school, or a lesson frightens me to the point of throwing up, and uncontrollably crying. I know I need help and we are trying to access it, but it takes time especially with anxiety because nobody takes it seriously.
Right now my depression has come paired with this awful anxious state I am in. I don't want to leave my bed, I can't physically leave it, and I just have no drive. For the past 6 years I haven't been able to feel anything, I've just been numb. My body still reacts like it should in the moment, such as crying, or being frightened, or smiling and laughing. But I don't feel it, it's like I am an empty numb pit, I know that makes no sense but that's just where I am at.
Anyway getting to the point, I want to finish my A levels, but I don't think I can spend two years in school like this - i could drop out but i know I would regret it for the rest of my life, and would most definitely not go back to school ever. But I also know if i continue this way I am going to run myself to the ground, and I can't even sit in lessons or walk through the school gates. Pathetic yes, i know. But all I am asking, is do you think medication would help me, or is it a bad move?
I am a 17 year old girl who has suffered for many years with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I have periods of time that are so dark, and so frightening that I can't see a way out. Every time I go into these phases it's worse than the last one. Two years ago I was very bad didn't go on public transport, leave the house bar school, wouldn't go over people's houses etc. I got myself out of that over two years but still only managed to do little things like going out for a meal sometimes, and went on a bus twice, and a train once but then in the past few weeks I've plummeted again, something i promised i would try to prevent if i felt it coming again. But I didn't, and it took me so quickly. I am in the worst place I've ever been, i've pushed nearly all my friends away, had panic attacks in school so often everybody knows about it which i can't handle, even the prospect of going into school, or a lesson frightens me to the point of throwing up, and uncontrollably crying. I know I need help and we are trying to access it, but it takes time especially with anxiety because nobody takes it seriously.
Right now my depression has come paired with this awful anxious state I am in. I don't want to leave my bed, I can't physically leave it, and I just have no drive. For the past 6 years I haven't been able to feel anything, I've just been numb. My body still reacts like it should in the moment, such as crying, or being frightened, or smiling and laughing. But I don't feel it, it's like I am an empty numb pit, I know that makes no sense but that's just where I am at.
Anyway getting to the point, I want to finish my A levels, but I don't think I can spend two years in school like this - i could drop out but i know I would regret it for the rest of my life, and would most definitely not go back to school ever. But I also know if i continue this way I am going to run myself to the ground, and I can't even sit in lessons or walk through the school gates. Pathetic yes, i know. But all I am asking, is do you think medication would help me, or is it a bad move?