Pebble
07-01-07, 11:56
Hi all, I thought I would post a quick message about myself as I have had OCD quite a bit in the past but am nearly recovered now.
At one point about 6 years ago the OCD was very bad. I could take a couple of hours to get out of bed in the morning because I had to keep redoing things. Then I took an hour or more in the shower because I had to keep rewashing. And then when I finally managed to get out the shower it was getting dressed which sometimes would take an hour or even longer than the rest redoing things.
It was at such a stage that doing anything could be an obsession. Picking something up, putting something down, walking, taking a couple of steps, washing hands, pressing buttons, writing, eating, drinking, anything was something I had a thought about and felt I had to re-do again. Reading a book was particularly difficult I had to keep re-reading the page again and again.
Sometimes I would be doing an individual thing for a couple of hours or more and I would end up crying in such frustration. It was driving me mad. I could hardly do anything without redoing it and it's a wonder that I managed to get anything done in the day at all.
The thoughts were really bad. Probably the worst you could imagine. My main thought was that if I didn't do something again then I would get ill. The thoughts were particularly tailored in my mind towards my anxieties at the time. For example, if I was worried about being sick then I'd have thoughts that if I didn't do something I'd get sick and the anxiety meant I was more likely to give in to the thought. Or if someone I knew was ill I'd have thoughts that they might die if I didn't re-do something. Or I'd have paranoia, fear of falling, think I would be hurt by someone etc. Some thoughts were surreal, strange, cruel or hell like.
Sometimes the thoughts were so outlandish that they actually made me giggle to myself because of the absurdity of my mind. It's good to keep a sense of humour.
At my worst because my mind was so tired with all these thoughts and obssessive behaviour I was doing, I also had unreality feelings as well, feeling I was disconnected from the world around me, it felt really bad.
I managed to get better, but it took quite a while. I started by following the section about OCD in a Claire Weekes book. Understanding and accepting the thoughts in my head and not acting on them. That was extremely difficult. A lot of the time I kept giving in to them. And not doing the obsessions was so hard that even hours after the original thought I would still feel the impulse to act on it because the worry in my head was so strong, so severe that I felt like the thought was actually going to happen if I waited any longer and didn't do something about it right then.
But I had courage to wait, I somehow held on, and eventually after most of the day had passed, the obsession to the thought didn't feel as bad. The obsessive impulse died down. And I started to gain confidence as I was managing to accept these awful thoughts and impulses. I tried to do something to distract myself like read or keep myself occupied like doing a hobby. I know it can be so hard but I did manage to accept the thoughts. Not all the time though. I had setbacks. It wasn't a quick recovery, I think it took several months of accepting the thoughts each day before they started to come less often. About a year after I started accepting the thoughts they hardly came any more. That was about a year or two ago.
They aren't completely gone. I still get thoughts occasionally. Usually only when my mind is overtired and I find the thoughts might come back. Reading can be difficult when I am tired so I try not to read if I am tired. But I accept the thoughts and they go away.
Now my days are pretty much back to normal. I can get up normally, wash, dress and get on with my daily activities without hardly thinking an obsessive thought. And usually if I do think a thought in the day as they still pop up sometimes, I find I can accept it now and it passes.
I thought I would post this in case
At one point about 6 years ago the OCD was very bad. I could take a couple of hours to get out of bed in the morning because I had to keep redoing things. Then I took an hour or more in the shower because I had to keep rewashing. And then when I finally managed to get out the shower it was getting dressed which sometimes would take an hour or even longer than the rest redoing things.
It was at such a stage that doing anything could be an obsession. Picking something up, putting something down, walking, taking a couple of steps, washing hands, pressing buttons, writing, eating, drinking, anything was something I had a thought about and felt I had to re-do again. Reading a book was particularly difficult I had to keep re-reading the page again and again.
Sometimes I would be doing an individual thing for a couple of hours or more and I would end up crying in such frustration. It was driving me mad. I could hardly do anything without redoing it and it's a wonder that I managed to get anything done in the day at all.
The thoughts were really bad. Probably the worst you could imagine. My main thought was that if I didn't do something again then I would get ill. The thoughts were particularly tailored in my mind towards my anxieties at the time. For example, if I was worried about being sick then I'd have thoughts that if I didn't do something I'd get sick and the anxiety meant I was more likely to give in to the thought. Or if someone I knew was ill I'd have thoughts that they might die if I didn't re-do something. Or I'd have paranoia, fear of falling, think I would be hurt by someone etc. Some thoughts were surreal, strange, cruel or hell like.
Sometimes the thoughts were so outlandish that they actually made me giggle to myself because of the absurdity of my mind. It's good to keep a sense of humour.
At my worst because my mind was so tired with all these thoughts and obssessive behaviour I was doing, I also had unreality feelings as well, feeling I was disconnected from the world around me, it felt really bad.
I managed to get better, but it took quite a while. I started by following the section about OCD in a Claire Weekes book. Understanding and accepting the thoughts in my head and not acting on them. That was extremely difficult. A lot of the time I kept giving in to them. And not doing the obsessions was so hard that even hours after the original thought I would still feel the impulse to act on it because the worry in my head was so strong, so severe that I felt like the thought was actually going to happen if I waited any longer and didn't do something about it right then.
But I had courage to wait, I somehow held on, and eventually after most of the day had passed, the obsession to the thought didn't feel as bad. The obsessive impulse died down. And I started to gain confidence as I was managing to accept these awful thoughts and impulses. I tried to do something to distract myself like read or keep myself occupied like doing a hobby. I know it can be so hard but I did manage to accept the thoughts. Not all the time though. I had setbacks. It wasn't a quick recovery, I think it took several months of accepting the thoughts each day before they started to come less often. About a year after I started accepting the thoughts they hardly came any more. That was about a year or two ago.
They aren't completely gone. I still get thoughts occasionally. Usually only when my mind is overtired and I find the thoughts might come back. Reading can be difficult when I am tired so I try not to read if I am tired. But I accept the thoughts and they go away.
Now my days are pretty much back to normal. I can get up normally, wash, dress and get on with my daily activities without hardly thinking an obsessive thought. And usually if I do think a thought in the day as they still pop up sometimes, I find I can accept it now and it passes.
I thought I would post this in case