Finding it difficult to cope

[Carnation]

:weep:Help! Life is really getting me down. My Mother is constantly demanding my attention and trying to pick fights with me. My Mother-n-law is becoming worse with her Dementia, my partner now has full Anxiety as well as waiting for his Hospital appointment for his Cancerous lump; my Cat is depressed, I have no Job and no social life and I just can't seem to cope with any of it anymore. And, with Christmas approaching, dark and miserable days, nothing to do, no where to go, it's like sitting around the house in a morgue. I feel so depressed, so lonely, and can't see any bright future. It's been nearly a year since I had my independence cut from me, as I can't drive anymore, I live with the guilt that I was not there for my Dad when he was dying in Hospital, because my Anxiety would not let me see him. I struggle with looking after my practically housebound Mother, who seems to complain about everything and also blames me for not being there in Dad's last days. My Partner; who is ill and looks after his disabled/dementia Mother has no free time to even have a ten minute conversation with me. I feel so alone, trapped, sad and I feel like I am wasting my Life. I just don't know what to do anymore. :weep:

[Goldfinch]

Dear Carnation,

I didn't want to read and run. You really do have it tough at the moment and I'm so sorry. I don't know if you can get out to your local library but they usually have lots of leaflets on local groups and activities, there might be something within walking distance, even if it's not your first choice of interest it would get you out from the four walls for a bit. Are you able to cycle? I can drive but can't afford a car, and I find cycling gives me freedom in terms of going that bit further afield.

I hope your partner gets the help he needs soon. Look after yourself as much as you can.

[MrAndy]

chin up carnation ,you are coping well considering all that you are going through :hugs:

[Sunflower2]

There's no point denying this.. You've got it tough at the moment. But it's all problems of other people in your life. There's not much you can't change about the situation at all, sometimes life is utter poop to us and there is nothing we can do about it.

So what things can you change?

Loss of independence with the driving. I understand that soooo much! Try do what I do, little drives about often, every day if you can. Not far, but try and make it a hobby rather than a 'oh my god I have to drive again.' I'm just back from a 25 minute drive around the country and although I did get anxious, I felt happy for a lot of it!

No social life. Anxiety does that to us... Any local sports clubs/yoga/societies you fancy? Or any groups for supporting anxiety sufferers etc locally? Or any ancient friends you can contact again?

Guilt. What we have done in the past is done. We can't change how we acted. Yes maybe we should have done things differently. I wish I wasn't so weak that I didn't waste 100s of pounds on a flat I was too scared to live in. But this happens! We didn't chose to have anxiety. But we can choose to let go of what it's done to us and look into how we won't let it define us.

Partner, mother and mother in law. Keep them happy but don't get dragged into their own grief. Make sure you are having time for yourself! Even 5 minutes alone a day. Something you want to do. Tv program, bar of nice chocolate. Nice bath. Just some time to yourself.

You'll get through this Carnation, you're a lot like me and I DO NOT give up!!! :D:hugs:

:bighug1:

[Carnation]

Thank you Goldfinch, you have some good advice there. :)

Thank you Andy, and yes, I am coping quite well considering. :)

Thanks Kimberley; for taking time out because I know you too are up to your neck in Anxiety and fighting through the driving. :)

I think my stress levels are really high at the moment. I was out today running around doing errands and all of a sudden, I got this crushing feeling in the chest and was quite convinced I was going to have a heart attack. I felt sick in the chest, if that makes sense. A feeling of flutters and cramping, and I can tell you that I was really panicking and preparing myself to be lying on the ground any minute.
Well, it passed and I was ok, but I think I have been over doing things lately and pushing myself too hard. I am due a break soon, so I think that can not come soon enough for me. Except of course the Anxiety with the journey away, but hey, I'll get through it I suppose.

Kimberley, I have had many bars of chocolate and they always make me happy. :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hang in there Carnation.

I read things like this and wonder how people cope when I'm stuck in obsessional routines that I struggle to deviate from but I know from experience that sometimes doing something for others provides distraction and it can help but sometimes it can be just too much and it goes the other way again as there is no balance.

I hope you manage to have some less manic time and it helps you calm down and see beyond the current overwhelming anxiety.

[Ange1]

I also didn't want to read and run. Some great advice given so just wanted to say I think under the circumstances you are coping really well so don't beat yourself up and give you a great big cyber hug :hugs: x

[aprilmoon]

Keep going Carnation
One thing I've learned in life,is that nothing stays the same forever,good or bad.
Things always change,and often in ways that we could never have thought.
Something that has helped me a lot is doing crafting.
You can get everything you need on line,and you don't have to be an expert to get good results.
I've pretty much taught myself,and over time have made cards for several different charities,which has helped them in their fundraising.
Sort out an area where you can retreat to to do it,and enjoy going off into your own world.
You have something coming up for the New Year,try and keep focusing on that.
Sending you a hug :hugs:
You'll get through this.