Stuck Thoughts

[elik]

How do you get rid of a stuck thought? I am feeling better with regards to my anxiety levels but am not happy as this one thought will not leave and it is haunting. I think its because I don't want to let it go as I am questioning it like 'Why would I think that' 'There must be a reason behind it' and then trying to look into it to understand it (which I know I shouldn't), but even when I push it to the back of my mind, I know its there and I want to know how to let it go. It makes me feel like I don't know who I am as it is such a horrible thought, but now its been stuck with me a week its almost like I am convincing myself I've actioned it (False memories)

Please help, I would be happy if I could just let it go.

Thanks

[hanshan]

Most people have momentary thoughts of unpleasant or uncharacteristic things or actions from time to time, but they quickly move on and dismiss the thought.

One approach is not to try to fight the thought, but accept it as something thrown up by your unconscious, but not representative of who you are.

I don't know if you are taking any medication, but several of the ADs and related drugs can help quiet down an unruly unconscious.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Is it an intrusive thought from the OCD spectrum with you mentioning it being horrible e.g. violence, sexual, religious, etc?

If so, then as you say, analysing it is counterproductive because you are trying to analyse the irrational.

I found that in order to decrease the severity of these thoughts and their frequency, I needed to do 2 things:

1. Stop working so much on my OCD because the underlying GAD was worse and kept my OCD higher than it should have been. So, I worked on being calmer and found my OCD not only decreased but I could work on it with more success.

2. Stop reacting to an abhorrent thought, reaction is reinforcement to your subconscious. It sees the reaction as a method of validation, not that the thought is right just thats it valid. The more you don't react, the less is is seen as valid and 'fires' less and when it does you manage it better because you have learned to distance the reaction. Eventually, they float through in a second like before an anxiety disorder except that you actually briefly notice it. I've found myself smiling or laughing at how ludricrous mine are sometimes and they just pass in seconds.

For me, Mindfulness did this. CBT just wasn't enough for me, I needed a tool to practice with that could talk to my subconscious as well and I didn't find conscious work very easy to apply given I'm very analytical by career.

[rainydayinsummer]

Admittedly, this is my problem too.

---------- Post added at 20:40 ---------- Previous post was at 18:23 ----------



1. Stop working so much on my OCD because the underlying GAD was worse and kept my OCD higher than it should have been. So, I worked on being calmer and found my OCD not only decreased but I could work on it with more success.



Yeah, I guess my OCD is bad because my entire mental state is bad. It used to be that when I was in a better mental place, I would only have OCD worries about the big things. Now I worry about literally everything.

[rainydayinsummer]

This is happening to me again.

[Confetti]

I work through it until I comprehend that there is nothing more to be stuck upon, that's just me though, I am a stubborn and persistent fool and it's how I've always worked, which is quite ironic as I'm stuck in my ways of processing and filtering but I eventually find clear paths and foliage I can navigate and leave as they are if nothing is shaking the stuff and signifying that I must forage until it shuts up, I can usually judge whether the severity of the insistence needs further investigation or needs me to tell it to shut the hell up and I put some distance between it and myself before I get caught in the raucous mud:madness: There's a lot of ground to cover in the mesmeric mess of the mind after all.

[elik]

Confetti, I am just like you in the sense that I will play out a thought until my mind has decided there is nothing more I can pick apart from it. However, when certain obsessions and thoughts actually impact on my life and others around me in an obvious way, I am panicked and it pulls me further in. Where things have got so bad and no one would know (apart from my best friend who I have pulled away from and my parents) I don't know how to overcome it. I rarely talk about my illness but there will be times I will have a melt down and it will be fairly obvious in my exterior (only with my parents) and this gives me a ridiculous amount of guilt. Unfortunately, they don't understand it and they see it for what it is. When I'm smiling they think I am good etc and this is incredibly gut wrenching for me because I go through SO much suffering undercover and the effort I put into ensuring I am affecting them in the least amount of way is pretty immense. This makes me very internally frustrated when this isn't understood and I find myself just flailing on the spot because I am paralysed for how I should act. Do I smile and let them think I am fine while continuing on miserably? Is this just what I have to do. (I do genuinely get a better feeling from putting on a brave face) but this makes me feel so set apart from others and so misunderstood. It also means that I am having to hide 90% of what I am feeling most of the time which does not form a good basis for any relationship. For instance, if I haven't done anything at the weekend I will say this but beat myself up for it because if I felt in the right mind I wouldn't do this, so I am not representing ME. Everyday I want to cry and break down and I keep going for fear of there not being a good answer and a hell a lot of regret. I live completely on the basis of survival. I can feel genuine contentment and happiness momentarily in the day but this is purely driven from being in control of my anxiety (successfully keeping someone happy for another day so I can breathe for a second) - It's not real. It's just containment of my horrendous state which I am scarily so used to that sometimes I don't even recognize how dominated my life is by my illness. The worst of worst things is that I have tried everything, therapy, hypnotherapy, medication, a hospital stay etc and I'm still here, battling and wondering what I can possibly do to help myself when I am downright petrified of how weak and lost I feel. I want to enjoy life. I don't want to have to live my entire life by the step by step rule and feeling stressed to calm myself to feel stressed again. It means I stay exactly where I am. I doubt I will marry and I've known for so long that I will not have kids. That's so hurtful in itself. I won't have kids because of this. Even if I miraculously felt better, I know how much I can become debilitated and I struggle to allow people near me that are there too look after me let alone try and look after people who depend on me. I can't even do that for a friend at the moment. Do you see how this builds so much inner self hatred? Its completely overwhelming. Even more so that I feel besides myself but I have smiled to the next person on from me in the library and you would never know. The next question is how do I act when I get home? Do I let them in (i freeze so i wont talk) and be sad just so I can spare feeling so alone with this for a moment or do I act smiley and 'me' (most likely, and it does do me some good) - but that's another day with nothing being done. I hate how momentary every day is and how I can't move forward without questioning my capability in maintaining my head in anything. I can't even make new acquaintances now and this kills me because its one thing i love doing, making people happy and doing things for them and I can hardly hold a conversation without crumbling from within. What has happened to me?!