My ongoing battle with HA. Feels like I'm losing.

[gallag]

Hi guys,

This site is great. So many caring people. A bit about myself (sorry don't want to bore). My anxiety came back big time last October. Brought on by work stresses I assume. Then a week later I had noticed a strange feeling in my leg, sometimes I thought it felt tight or weak or just sore. went straight to google and diagnosed myself with ALS like a real genius.

Anxiety went through the roof. Three doctors said I have no symptoms of it. I found it really hard to believe them. Put on anti-depressants, valium and sleeping tablets. Had to stop working. Anxiety made life hell.

Then things started to get a little better day by day. Then I crashed again. Then again day by day started to improve. Doing CBT, anti-depressants started to work and I was finally able to have fun again. I was finally starting to get the ALS monster out of my head.

Now, nearly three months later, I've crashed again. It's probably no coincidence that it happened a few days before I was to return to work. My leg symptoms are still there but I just didn't think about them as much. They were also joined by neck pain which the doc said was anxiety/stress related. I accepted that and dealt with it.

Then last week I crashed again. It's probably no coincidence that it was before I was finally due to return to work. My neck felt much sorer and I got it into my head that it was struggling to support my head. So I went to google again (I had been so good about not going it for so long) and found one post by one guy who said his als started with a sore and weak neck and slurring of words.

That set me off again. I don't know if my neck is weak or just constantly sore. I'm in constant fear again. Suddenly my rational voice seems like a whisper in the face of ALS fears.

Doc says sore neck is classic anxiety symptom. But it has been sore for over a month and seems to be getting worse. Is that consistent with anxiety?

Sorry about the long post and thanks for reading guys. Any help is much appreciated. Even anyone who has gone through something similar? I'd love to hear from you.

Edit: Anyone? I just would love to hear I'm not alone in this.

[Moscowolympics]

Hi guys,

This site is great. So many caring people. A bit about myself (sorry don't want to bore). My anxiety came back big time last October. Brought on by work stresses I assume. Then a week later I had noticed a strange feeling in my leg, sometimes I thought it felt tight or weak or just sore. went straight to google and diagnosed myself with ALS like a real genius.

Anxiety went through the roof. Three doctors said I have no symptoms of it. I found it really hard to believe them. Put on anti-depressants, valium and sleeping tablets. Had to stop working. Anxiety made life hell.

Then things started to get a little better day by day. Then I crashed again. Then again day by day started to improve. Doing CBT, anti-depressants started to work and I was finally able to have fun again. I was finally starting to get the ALS monster out of my head.

Now, nearly three months later, I've crashed again. It's probably no coincidence that it happened a few days before I was to return to work. My leg symptoms are still there but I just didn't think about them as much. They were also joined by neck pain which the doc said was anxiety/stress related. I accepted that and dealt with it.

Then last week I crashed again. It's probably no coincidence that it was before I was finally due to return to work. My neck felt much sorer and I got it into my head that it was struggling to support my head. So I went to google again (I had been so good about not going it for so long) and found one post by one guy who said his als started with a sore and weak neck and slurring of words.

That set me off again. I don't know if my neck is weak or just constantly sore. I'm in constant fear again. Suddenly my rational voice seems like a whisper in the face of ALS fears.

Doc says sore neck is classic anxiety symptom. But it has been sore for over a month and seems to be getting worse. Is that consistent with anxiety?

Sorry about the long post and thanks for reading guys. Any help is much appreciated. Even anyone who has gone through something similar? I'd love to hear from you.

Edit: Anyone? I just would love to hear I'm not alone in this.

The neck struggling to hold my head! I've had that.

What you describe is something I've been having to deal with since July this year, so around six months or so. I've had quite a rough year and began to get muscle twitches, so inevitably I looked on Google. The worst thing I ever did. Like you, I've been obsessed with the same thing (I won't type it as it sets me off and I'm trying to push it out of my mind).

I've mentioned the muscle twitches to the doctor several times and he hasn't been concerned. I thought I had slurring speech but whenever I mentioned that to anyone they thought I was mad. I've revealed all these thoughts to my parents and they said that if they'd noticed anything untoward or odd, they would have told me. It just showed how much it's all in my head.

However, I've had a difficult last day or two; I've retreated into doing strength tests again and walking on my heels and tip-toes. I obsessively check my thumb muscles as well and keep testing my grip. Whenever I tell people this I now see the funny side - it's insane and utterly ridiculous. Yet I still haven't yet managed to rid myself of this entirely.

I'm currently on Citalopram 20mg and have been going to counselling for just over a month now.

Anyway, the point is is that you're certainly not alone. If your doctor or anyone else would have noticed anything unusual or alarming, they would have told you. Strange sensations and aches are part and parcel of anxiety and if they come and go, that shows it isn't anything serious. Much like my muscle twitching: one moment I'm calm and there's nothing there whatsoever, the next it'll kick in - most likely when I'm at my most anxious.

It's something of a battle this, but one I'm beginning to get a grip with. No-doubt you will, too :).

---------- Post added at 11:25 ---------- Previous post was at 11:24 ----------

Bear in mind as well, if you've got a sore neck that's probably because the whole of your upper back is tense. I've had neck ache intermittently and I'm sure it all stems from being so tense in the shoulders. I had this particularly when I started driving because I was so nervous. Yet the moment I was more confident, it went away.

[gallag]

Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it. I suppose the worst thing is every time I seem like I'm getting on top of this demon, everything comes crashing down again and I feel like I'm back to square one. I'm so sad as I feel like I'm letting everyone around me down. My poor parents and girlfriend.

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I'll have him test my neck strength (again) and then probably won't believe him when he says I'm fine. I think the scariest thing is I think my neck pain has been pretty much constant for about a month which points towards something terrible. I'm terrified of having this disease but also terrified of never getting over this anxiety. I've been on seroxat 30mg for well over two months now so they should definitely have kicked in. Maybe I'm beyond help...

I can relate to so much you said. Asking people about my speech, constant strength testing, noticing every single muscle twinge. I've been pretty good about not doing these things lately, the problem is I can't get away from my neck pain as I need to use it all the time obviously! I can't tell if it's weakness or just pain.

I'm so worried that one day soon I won't be able to lift my head or something.

Thank you again for your thoughtful post. I'm very sorry about the long, rambling reply.

[Moscowolympics]

If I remember what I've read, aches and pains aren't usually symptomatic of that particular illness. It usually affects a single limb first and its basic function and then progresses.

That's another reason why I know - or, rather, when I'm at my most rational, why I know - that I'm not suffering from that. The twitches are now much more intermittent and the little silly aches pop up all over: one moment it could be a dull ache in a thigh, then a hand, then a shoulder and then a foot. I had a brief bout of TMJ and jaw pain through jaw clenching as well, which has now disappeared. My ankles feel a little funny at the moment, but that's because I've been doing silly tests. My knees feel tight as well, but that goes away once I begin walking or just don't think about them.

I think because you're entirely focussed on your neck at the moment, there may be a psychosomatic element there. I remember when I developed an intense obsession with my mouth and tongue; I thought I was slurring as I mentioned, but was also obsessed about whether I could move my tongue properly.

Therefore, as well as testing it by moving it quickly from side-to-side and getting it to move around my teeth numerous times during the day, it was always throbbing and would feel too big for my mouth. I think the testing, coupled with the mental obsession, contributed to that. This has only recently stopped and went on for a good couple of months.

[gallag]

Wow ok, Sent you a DM there as well. That's really good to know. I've read way to much about the illness im scared of (same as yours). All it takes is one person on the internet to say they have vaguely similar onset symptoms and I'm off. I wish I never heard of the disease. I think I first read about it during the Ice Bucket Challenge.
I guess I will just keep telling myself that it is anxiety related and that it feels worse because I'm constantly focusing on this. I feel a bit more hopeful now. Thanks so much.