Physically stuck Inwards..

[Ollie28]

Why is it i can sit and think inwards about "it" and whats up with me all day but no thoughts or ideas never come about anything or anyone else? I have to tell myself to think about people i love like my wife and children but i physically cant do it, i do it for a feelw seconds and it physically hurts then my mind pulls me back to me, i say i cant think but if i can think inwards about "me" why cant i be thinking about other things naturally?

I feel like ive exercised my mind so inwards i feel locked away mentally, physically and emotionally, i full like i have nothing to live for or nothing to do for. I feel dead just numb lost lonley & detatched.

Every conversation i have is about me my illness like my minds gone inwards, im having the most horrible physical & mental symptoms i can imagin without not knowing, my breathing is becoming shallower, my body is starting to look out of shape im beginning to look warn out even my work collegues are starting to comment. I dont feel attatched to my thoughts or like i can learn nothing new.

It physically feels like all the back of my head is dead apart from the pain i constantly have in to my kneck.

How can i not naturally think and feel like i use to - why dosnt my brain naturraly produce thoughts & ideas and allow me to keep them and feel them do i do them and enjoy them, why cant i actually think about my family like inuse to and feel aware of my thoughts and feelings, where they are what there doing today. Why does my head feel locked up and i foret things within seconds things ild just be aware just happend or recently happend? Its as if they or it dont

Why cant some one help me get better?

Why do i have to conciously tell myself to think about things and people but cant physically do it!? instead of it just happening freely and normally !!!!!! Its driving mr insane!!!!! I feel stupid, thick, lost, crazy, lonelly.

Sorry for the rant! Todays been anothef horrible painfull lonley day to go with other 10 months solid worth.

Im getting desperate now to feel sorm sort of normality i cant take much more feeling like this. Medication is not helping im starting to lose hope.

---------- Post added at 18:56 ---------- Previous post was at 18:46 ----------

...why when i think different outwards quick when in this state im stuck in it suddenly hurts..(example realised i have to pick my little girl up from gymnastics) it physically hurts sends pain through my body like my nurves are being pulled -

Fed up

[Jayamashey]

Why? because you are battling anxiety and possibly depression.....and it tries to suck the life out of you.

This journey is a tough one and you will come out of it on the other side much better.

I like your description of it and I can relate to that feeling. I am having a particularly bad day today and been struggling to get out of my head, but that's what I need to do.

Have you tried mindfulness or non-exertive exercise (walking, biking, swimming, etc)? That may really help, I know it does for me. Yesterday I was having a similar day and went out and just walked for about 45 mins. Afterward I felt much better. The mindfulness helps as it allows you to focus on now. You can try it with eating something you enjoy. Just eat it slowly and notice every aspect of it (texture, taste, the way it crunches, smells, etc). The idea is to just focus on what is going on now and turn off your brain. It takes practice but it does really help.

[Ollie28]

I havnt tried it but yet im struggling to learn anything new. I feel like i cant.
My mind dosnt create ideas or think outwards, at the same time i feel like i have no emotions, just blank. Blank mantally and blank emotionaly, its so bad today ive finished work for christmas and feel nothing im petrified of having time off because i know im going to struggle to get through each day because of how i feel.

How can my brain not physicaly produce normal thoughts and ideas for me to act upon? I tell myself to think about someone or something ild normally think about and enjoy but then im aware of myself that im telling myself to do that,

I cant watch tv because i cant connect or follow story lines
I cant read because i cant take nothing in
I dont do things because my mind wont think to do it so if it dosnt think it how can it become a idea to follow up on
At the same time i feel "locked" up - my body becomes so tense all the top
Half of my body becomes so tense and my head & brain become so tense i can barely think!
It feels as if my brain is locked - its so bad i can barley even talk.

I dont feel connected to anyone or thing just like im existing just this second and theres nothing else.

My wife had a car crash today luckly everyones ok but because i feel how i feel i cant even feel anything, no emotion no ideas, no thoughts and no awareness o what to do, im basically forgetting things within minutes my memory is shocking!! Seconds sometimes.

I have episodes of pure confussion i dont know what where or how im doing things. Its horrible and scary! Ive litrally come off the phone to my wife and within seconds not sure if i actually spoke to her so ring her to check because im confussed, i comstanlty feel ill, not right not my old normal self, 24/7 i dont feel "me" im worried where ive gone.

I feel so "thick" so vulnerable & so lost, i was told il get better but i seek
To be getting worse.

I wish all these pains would go away too!

Just a mention too i cant half feel the adrenaline i think it is feels like a waterfall has rushed through me - for my symptoms to be so intense im wondering if i have an adrenaline problem.

I cant go on feeling like this though, im just existing in a horrible way. Il give myself another 6 months max.

Thanks for you post.

xx

[Jayamashey]

I understand. That is the depression side speaking. I experience that as well and it is really hard to shake it. As for the adrenaline rushes, I get that as well. The last few days have been really tough for me as well. I too just finished work and feel "blah" toward it. Normally, I was feel great that work was done and that I can do something. Reading and TV are tough for me as well right now ... no interest/focus.

If you can, try to go out for a walk. If your wife is up for it go with her. Hold hands and just don't think. Just pay attention to what is around.

[Ollie28]

Can you help me with some tips for mindfullness?

I think how im thinking is making me 1000 times worse but i dont feel in controll of my thoughts. Ive excercised my brain in such a way i cant break the habbit

[Jayamashey]

There are many ways and many descriptions. Some are better than others. headspace.com has a good methodology and a free trial. Since your concentration level is low right now try a few of these basic ones. Below are some basic ones I took from this site: http://www.practicingmindfulness.com/16-simple-mindfulness-exercises/

Mindful Hand Awareness Exercise
Grasp your hands really tight and hold for a 5 to 10 seconds, then release and pay attention to how your hands feel. Keep your attention focused on the feeling for as long as you can.

Mental Focus Exercise
Stare at any object and try to remain focused on just that object for as long as possible. Keep a mental watch on when your mind starts to wander, then just bring it back to the object. The longer you can remain focused, the more your mindfulness will increase.

Tactile Exercise
Pinch your arm and pay close attention to how it feels and what your emotions begin doing. Pay attention to the pain it causes, and how it radiates out from the site where you pinch. This exercise can really tune you in to how your body deals with discomfort and what emotions rise. Do you get angry when you feel pain?
Musical Stimuli Exercise

Listen to your favorite song and pay attention to how it makes you feel. What emotions stir? What memories come up, and how do those memories make you feel? Engage the emotions and see where they lead.

Olfactory Sense Exercise
Smell something strong like coffee beans or perfume and pay close attention to what happens in your nose, and then what feelings these scents evoke.
Just as in step 5, but with taste instead of smell.

Melting Exercise
Sit and relax, and imagine yourself melting into everything around you. You might begin to feel at one with everything after some practice.

Full Sensory Awareness Exercise
Wherever you are, just stop and look around when safe to do so. Become aware of everything that your senses pick up. How do you feel? Do you feel over-stimulated? Do you feel anxious?

Silence Exercise
Spend an hour or two in complete silence, and just absorb your surroundings. Earplugs might help this exercise.

I Exercise
Become aware of every time you use the word “I” in a sentence. This forces us to focus on how self-centered we all are. I was shocked when I started doing this…

Challenge Your Beliefs Exercise
Take one long held belief and pretend that you believe the direct opposite. Make a mental note of how you feel and what thoughts come into your mind.

Cause and Effect Exercise
Contemplate cause and effect for everything that you do for some predetermined amount of time.

The Mindful Plot Exercise
Watch a movie and observe how you become engrossed in the story. Take mental note of your emotions as you watch the film.
Do the same as 13, but with music.

Undivided Attention Exercise
Do something around the house that you’ve never done before and do it with utter and undivided attention.

Candle Staring Exercise
Stare at a candle flame for ten minutes straight while studying everything you can about it. When your mind wanders, become aware of where it’s going, then bring it back to the candle flame.