Tmi sex question

[mummyanxious]

Im not sure where the right place is to be posting this.

Ok I've been doing well. Really well. So well that I have met someone and its all lovely etc.
Naturally as an adult things have moved on and we are sleeping together.
What I have noticed is though, while I am fine while I am actually having sex, I have the stamina etc, no getting out of breath etc. when I orgasm I can't breath and get really short of breath and wheezy. It is really scaring me as it is putting me off doing it. Last night it was really bad. I know I need to make a dr app to discuss this but I can't get in for four weeks for a routine app.
Last night I was absolutely fine until I had an orgasm and then I felt like I couldn't breath under my ribs and partially up to where my ribs start to part. And when I lay there afterwards I felt the same. I didn't panic afterward and make it worse but it's really bothering me and playing on my mind there's something wrong.
Can anyone offer any advice?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi MA,

Do a search on the HA board about this because it was an issue raised recently and there were replies which could help you.

Orgasm does that to me too and those who commented on that thread, its natural. What may not be natural is your tendency to notice it now. Whilst I don't have HA, I have always been quite symptom focussed which included my breathing because I have asthma as well hence it becomes the focus when things appear like this.

Avoidance isn't going to help though. I would still do it, you know you can, but try to accept this for now. You have been going through very tough time recently and it could be due to your increased symptoms that you notice things more or it could even be that you are slightly less fit so it affects you more (I won't the 3rd option regarding how much effort you may have put in prior to it :whistles::D)

I know I notice strange sensations post orgasm thesedays that I would have had before but never attached anything to. So, it could be a hypervigilence issue.

[mummyanxious]

Thanks for your reply. I had a quick look and couldn't see anything. Maybe I'm not putting the right words in.

Maybe it's just tensing my chest up I don't know, but I was definitely winded and felt like I couldn't breath/was lacking breath. But no pain anywhere.

The other thing is, and sorry but I can't find any other way of talking about this without it sounding slightly graphic. When he is on too if me I get pain in my chest sometimes at the bottom of my ribs in a band across. It stops when he gets off me but it feels like crushing. Sometimes I do a couple of burps afterwards so whether its just my stomach being squashed I don't know but it all worries me.

I've not slept with anyone for about five years so I am struggling to remember whether any of this is normal or whether I have a real problem.

Like I say, I can be 'doing all the work' so to speak and not feel out of breath, it's just when I orgasm.

[MyNameIsTerry]

That sounds pretty normal to me MA, but perhaps some of the ladies on here can give you a better answer...all I can say is that it happens to men too when women are on top.

I really think that the crushing issue is hypersensitivity. With anxiety you get so wrapped up in slight sensations in the body that it all can make live horrible and most of what we feel, we probably felt all our lives but never noticed.

I do a lot of walking and run with my dog. I notice all the aches & pains far more now. I still would have had them before my anxiety because its a natural bodily function, a reaction to stress.

What I have found with exercise is that exposure is necessary. You do get used to things and notice them less or dismiss them more easily.

Orgasm does increase breathing and various muscle tensions in the body. I reckon this is all very normal, but as ever, health issues are always the sole decision of a qualified medical professional.

Do you find you take deep breaths from it and after a minute so it has really passed and that its more that you are thinking about it?

[jimsmrs]

If your GP surgery has a Family Planning/or Well-Woman Clinic one of the nurses may be offer you some advice, they may know breathing/relaxation techniques.

Take care

[mummyanxious]

Thanks guys.
Wish I could find the other post, would be interesting to read.
I don't want to get hung up on this as ice been doing mega well and I'm so happy at the moment but it is at the back of my mind. Well more prominent since last night.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think it was this one http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=162390 not quite the same but the reaction to it is the same.

I remember when I was earlier on in my recovery I would suddenly find myself focussing on the breathing issue but it was because breathing issues had been one of my anxiety symptoms.

This is why exposure therapy is successful because whilst you habituate, your subconscious also starts to find other activities producing similiar physical symptoms and starts to build new associations between them with thoughts & feelings and eventually you start to experience things in a positive light without the worrying.

[mummyanxious]

Ah yes. Not quite the same but similar.
I've noticed it every time now. I'm fine during sex. I can 'go for ages' but as soon as I orgasm I feel winded. It's starting to terrify me.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Honestly, I can remember becoming anxious during or once I got that under control, at climax. My GAD was so bad that any stimulus or changing sensation would make me anxious because I was noticing it. I struggled eating because of it until I got beyond that problem.

You need to say to yourself that its a normal sensation, others are telling you that they have or do feel it, it can't hurt you, etc. It will pass with time, its just another one of those irrational anxiety thoughts about a sensation that it is now noticing.

If your partner is aggravating it when on top then perhaps compromise on position until you can handle it better but do try not to avoid it things if possible as they tend to be harder to start again later when your mind sees them as a bigger issue.

[mummyanxious]

I'm certainly not avoiding it. I don't want to get hung up on it. I think part of the on top thing was my stomach getting squashed as well because I didn't notice that as much last time.
It certainly is linked to the shallower breathing and tensing in my chest that causes the shortness of breath/winded feeling and it does pass when it's over. But my brain now keeps saying that its cutting the circulation off to my heart and that's dangerous.
I know you helped me with my issues surrounding shortness of breath in a previous post and that is still continuing too. It's frightening as I constantly feel like my chest is heavy. I get so out of breath going up stairs. Every time I bend over or learn forward I feel like there isn't enough air in my chest and my tongue feels tingly. The dr has just brushed it off of course but its very persistent.

[cpe1978]

Hi MA,

Well firstly glad you are doing so well. I can't imagine you having the headspace for a relationship a little while ago based on some of your posts. Incredible progress - you must be really chuffed!

In terms of this issue, it sounds completely normal to me. If the Dr has brushed it off then I imagine they don't think there is a problem and that needs to be good enough for you. When something plays on your mind then you notice it, and it is amazing how things drift into your sub conscience when you don't feed them. Probably many of the physical symptoms that we experience as HA sufferers is because we are on red alert all of the time and e notice things and then obsess about things that most people wouldn't give a second thought to.

Honestly - I would just revel in the fact that you are clearly getting an awful lot of great sex :) We would all be a bit breathless after that :)

[mummyanxious]

Haha your post did make me chuckle, the last bit anyway.
Yeah I wasn't looking for anyone, they sort of found me. Anyway I am generally in a much better place and because of this and how chilled they are that in turn makes me more chilled.
I'm trying not to dwell honestly I am because I don't want to go back down that route. Massive progress has been made and I want it to continue this way as I am genuinely happy at the moment.
Because its been so long since I actually had a sex life (and before that extremely infrequently) I can't remember how it used to feel.
I suppose I haven't really explained the feeling very well either as its not like I'm out of breath because I've been exerting myself, it's more a suddenly I can't get any air/winded feeling.

[Fishmanpa]

Because its been so long since I actually had a sex life (and before that extremely infrequently) I can't remember how it used to feel.
I suppose I haven't really explained the feeling very well either as its not like I'm out of breath because I've been exerting myself, it's more a suddenly I can't get any air/winded feeling.

Welcome back to normal :D

Positive thoughts

[danevanscoy968]

All very useful to us newbies, thanks for the info.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Do you find yourself really wanting to take a deep breath as well?

If so, I get this loads, but it doesn't bother me in the way it would someone with HA but I still worry about the fact its there due to my GAD. Its much better thesedays but its still there.

What I find is that I am tensing a lot. I would suggest you think about whether you have tension in your body at that point. Now, at the point of climax you have to remember that a load of muscles are going to tense up very briefly and this could be something your sensitized subconscious could send to your conscious mind as a 'possible symptom'. Then you start to think its a issue and it goes rounnd & round and reinforces itself the more you think it next time.

If you had a breathing issue, the exertion would bringing it on which you say doesn't happen. They used to test for asthma this way back when I was diagnosed (an incredible dumb method that they have banned thesedays!!!).

I remember your other thread about the lack of energy. There are things you could look into for this. Your GP has dismissed it, which may be because he/she doesn't think there is an issue (but should have given explanations) or isn't understanding the persistent nature of it. The thing is, there are various reasons that can found for lack of energy and they don't need to in need of medical attention. This can be where GP's can fall down because they don't take holistic approaches and look to diagnosis of conditions than can be treated a prescription. This is hard for the HA guys, but I too suffer badly with fatigue and I am finding changes through addressing things that I can such as through supplementation. I firmly believe my anxiety is propped up, if not caused, by deficencies and I won't be visiting my GP as he's not much use with this stuff from past experience, but I am trying making changes bit by bit to see if it helps. Perhaps you could look at your diet, exercise & lifestyle and assess whether you could be missing anything?

Things like fatigue can be addressed naturally and some of these issues can be related to breathing too. Obviously, we have to say "consult a GP" but many people look to supplementation to address what a GP doesn't believe if an issue...and some people on the GAD board and the Natural Remedies board report improvements. Have a read, maybe there are things you can try?