Blondiexxoo
20-12-14, 23:38
Hey guys! Hopefully you can offer some advice cause I am very distressed right now. This is kinda a long story, I'm going to try to shorten it the best I can. But I apologize in advance for the length.
I've had anxiety for years but it has always been controlled by my Zoloft 50mg dose...cause I was always in school getting socialization and exercise daily. I started having thyroid problems last June and I read how Zoloft can affect the thyroid so I wanted to do a test and I went down to 25mg. I unintentionally lost 8 pounds, I went from a healthy weight of 120 which I had always been happy with to 112. My anxiety increased but was still pretty well controlled WHILE I was in school. I was living in an apartment there. I was getting socialization and exercise. I was riding in other people's cars. My anxiety was not that bad at all even though it was a lower dose.
The following semester I commuted back and forth and didn't have classes very often. I noticed immediately how my anxiety revved up and I felt like I needed to run out of class. That semester was hard to make it through on the lower dose. Also during this semester, I had a lot more weight loss. I went from 112-105. I looked very unhealthy and emaciated. The reason for the weight loss is cause when I didn't have class, I slept all day (I was exhausted) and I would only eat 2 meals which caused me to lose weight. This semester I stopped going out to eat cause it just scared me but I ate fine, other than the fact I only had 2 meals which was due to me sleeping all day.
The summer came. A couple months in, I started having problems with food. I have a severe fear of throwing up so I was worried about throwing up and I ate but I couldn't try new foods, couldn't eat in front of people, couldn't eat foods with a lot of flavor or are really heavy (cause of the fear of throwing up). I went to my doctor. She couldn't figure out why the weight loss was happening and just said to eat more. I went to another doctor for a second opinion who diagnosed me with anorexia and wanted me to see someone for body image issues. :huh: :scared15: Really? Are you kidding me?!
Before we went to see her, I had just came down with a stomach virus (diarrhea only) so I was basically eating the BRAT diet along with baked potatoes and dry cereal. All stuff they recommend when you have a diarrhea virus. My mom told the doctor I wasn't eating much and that's when the doctor said I had anorexia. Totally ignoring the fact I was sick. After I got over the virus, my eating got better. Still not as good as it was originally but a lot better. I decided to go back up to the 50mg dose cause I knew I needed it. As far as my thyroid, I do have Hashimoto's which the Zoloft wasn't affecting but the Zoloft does significantly increase my TSH. But I knew I needed it and can't function without it. I started to feel much better and eating became a lot easier. But still no where close to how I was before.
I took a semester off school cause of my appearance and exhaustion. I was extremely tired and my hair was very thin. Also, I was too thin and it was embarrassing. I have very a low ferritin level (7.0) but I can't take iron supplements cause of my fear of throwing up and diarrhea. When I took the semester off, I got worse but the 50mg dose kept it more under control. I was able to get my weight back up. Right now I'm 117. I still want to get to 120 though. Even though I sleep all day, I force myself to eat 3 meals even though they're at odd times. Breakfast at 3:30, lunch at 6:30/7, snack at 8/8:30, and dinner at 9:30/10. So I've been able to maintain my weight. I can eat plenty and even started eating foods I used to eat that I had cut out of my diet before (oreos, banana pudding, Toll House cookies) but I basically eat the same thing everyday as far as meals go and can't eat anything different. I can't try new foods cause I'm worried I'll get sick. I can't eat in front of people still. And I can't go out to eat.
I saw a nutritionist who is at my doctor's office (the original one I saw). I saw her about iron rich foods but while I was there, I mentioned my worries about trying new foods and eating in front of people. She recommended me to an eating disorders place. :unsure: I told her I don't have an eating disorder and she said to think of it as "disordered eating." When I saw my doctor a week later for a physical, she kept encouraging the eating disorder place and was upset that I didn't make an appointment. She told me how her daughter had anorexia at one point and how her anxiety was sky high at that point. Also, when I asked her if the low ferritin can cause you to pass out (since I'm worried about that) she said no but low blood sugar can. That's when it clicked that they think I have an eating disorder!!!! I have never had an eating disorder in my life and I don't think I'm fat!!! I was ashamed of my weight when I was at 105!! I was a freaking stick and it was embarrassing! My face was sunk in and I hated it!
Previously my doctor had told me to see a psychologist for my anxiety and now she's telling me to go to an eating disorder place. I had already found a psychologist who's been doing this for 20 years and specializes in generalized anxiety and worry, depression, panic disorder, phobias, and social anxiety. I think she would be a much better fit but whatever. They told me to go to this place instead and that they can also help me with anxiety that's not food related. Even though they specialize in eating disorders. I still have thin hair and am sleeping all the time. I need to get the iron up but can't take anything for it. I already eat 100% in food so I thought cooking in an iron cast skillet would be enough to get it up but my doctor said I can use it but she doesn't think it will significantly increase it.
Anyway I'm just really stressed and sad! I can't get help and get better when people don't listen to me and keep saying I have an eating disorder. When people say I have an eating disorder, I just want to pull my hair out (just an expression, not literally). But that's how annoying and frustrating it is. I just wish people would get it.
I went to another message board and explained everything and they said to listen to my doctor and that I have an eating disorder and nobody who has anorexia admits it until they get treatment and that they're in denial. And all this. If I can admit that I have severe debilitating anxiety and panic attacks and social anxiety, why would I not admit an eating disorder IF I had one? It just really irritates me cause nobody will believe me except family.
When the other doctor (the second opinion) said I had anorexia when I had that virus, I came on here distressed about having anorexia cause I listened to her. And someone on here said I don't have anorexia, I have anxiety-related weight loss. And that's exactly what it was. And I got my weight back up. But I would call it phobias or fears surrounding food and trying new foods and throwing up. Not an eating disorder. So I came back here hoping to get some advice/support. I'm just so stressed right now. I just want to cry cause people aren't listening to me.
What should I do? Would you go to the eating disorder place or the psychologist of 20 years that specializes in anxiety?
Thanks in advance!
I've had anxiety for years but it has always been controlled by my Zoloft 50mg dose...cause I was always in school getting socialization and exercise daily. I started having thyroid problems last June and I read how Zoloft can affect the thyroid so I wanted to do a test and I went down to 25mg. I unintentionally lost 8 pounds, I went from a healthy weight of 120 which I had always been happy with to 112. My anxiety increased but was still pretty well controlled WHILE I was in school. I was living in an apartment there. I was getting socialization and exercise. I was riding in other people's cars. My anxiety was not that bad at all even though it was a lower dose.
The following semester I commuted back and forth and didn't have classes very often. I noticed immediately how my anxiety revved up and I felt like I needed to run out of class. That semester was hard to make it through on the lower dose. Also during this semester, I had a lot more weight loss. I went from 112-105. I looked very unhealthy and emaciated. The reason for the weight loss is cause when I didn't have class, I slept all day (I was exhausted) and I would only eat 2 meals which caused me to lose weight. This semester I stopped going out to eat cause it just scared me but I ate fine, other than the fact I only had 2 meals which was due to me sleeping all day.
The summer came. A couple months in, I started having problems with food. I have a severe fear of throwing up so I was worried about throwing up and I ate but I couldn't try new foods, couldn't eat in front of people, couldn't eat foods with a lot of flavor or are really heavy (cause of the fear of throwing up). I went to my doctor. She couldn't figure out why the weight loss was happening and just said to eat more. I went to another doctor for a second opinion who diagnosed me with anorexia and wanted me to see someone for body image issues. :huh: :scared15: Really? Are you kidding me?!
Before we went to see her, I had just came down with a stomach virus (diarrhea only) so I was basically eating the BRAT diet along with baked potatoes and dry cereal. All stuff they recommend when you have a diarrhea virus. My mom told the doctor I wasn't eating much and that's when the doctor said I had anorexia. Totally ignoring the fact I was sick. After I got over the virus, my eating got better. Still not as good as it was originally but a lot better. I decided to go back up to the 50mg dose cause I knew I needed it. As far as my thyroid, I do have Hashimoto's which the Zoloft wasn't affecting but the Zoloft does significantly increase my TSH. But I knew I needed it and can't function without it. I started to feel much better and eating became a lot easier. But still no where close to how I was before.
I took a semester off school cause of my appearance and exhaustion. I was extremely tired and my hair was very thin. Also, I was too thin and it was embarrassing. I have very a low ferritin level (7.0) but I can't take iron supplements cause of my fear of throwing up and diarrhea. When I took the semester off, I got worse but the 50mg dose kept it more under control. I was able to get my weight back up. Right now I'm 117. I still want to get to 120 though. Even though I sleep all day, I force myself to eat 3 meals even though they're at odd times. Breakfast at 3:30, lunch at 6:30/7, snack at 8/8:30, and dinner at 9:30/10. So I've been able to maintain my weight. I can eat plenty and even started eating foods I used to eat that I had cut out of my diet before (oreos, banana pudding, Toll House cookies) but I basically eat the same thing everyday as far as meals go and can't eat anything different. I can't try new foods cause I'm worried I'll get sick. I can't eat in front of people still. And I can't go out to eat.
I saw a nutritionist who is at my doctor's office (the original one I saw). I saw her about iron rich foods but while I was there, I mentioned my worries about trying new foods and eating in front of people. She recommended me to an eating disorders place. :unsure: I told her I don't have an eating disorder and she said to think of it as "disordered eating." When I saw my doctor a week later for a physical, she kept encouraging the eating disorder place and was upset that I didn't make an appointment. She told me how her daughter had anorexia at one point and how her anxiety was sky high at that point. Also, when I asked her if the low ferritin can cause you to pass out (since I'm worried about that) she said no but low blood sugar can. That's when it clicked that they think I have an eating disorder!!!! I have never had an eating disorder in my life and I don't think I'm fat!!! I was ashamed of my weight when I was at 105!! I was a freaking stick and it was embarrassing! My face was sunk in and I hated it!
Previously my doctor had told me to see a psychologist for my anxiety and now she's telling me to go to an eating disorder place. I had already found a psychologist who's been doing this for 20 years and specializes in generalized anxiety and worry, depression, panic disorder, phobias, and social anxiety. I think she would be a much better fit but whatever. They told me to go to this place instead and that they can also help me with anxiety that's not food related. Even though they specialize in eating disorders. I still have thin hair and am sleeping all the time. I need to get the iron up but can't take anything for it. I already eat 100% in food so I thought cooking in an iron cast skillet would be enough to get it up but my doctor said I can use it but she doesn't think it will significantly increase it.
Anyway I'm just really stressed and sad! I can't get help and get better when people don't listen to me and keep saying I have an eating disorder. When people say I have an eating disorder, I just want to pull my hair out (just an expression, not literally). But that's how annoying and frustrating it is. I just wish people would get it.
I went to another message board and explained everything and they said to listen to my doctor and that I have an eating disorder and nobody who has anorexia admits it until they get treatment and that they're in denial. And all this. If I can admit that I have severe debilitating anxiety and panic attacks and social anxiety, why would I not admit an eating disorder IF I had one? It just really irritates me cause nobody will believe me except family.
When the other doctor (the second opinion) said I had anorexia when I had that virus, I came on here distressed about having anorexia cause I listened to her. And someone on here said I don't have anorexia, I have anxiety-related weight loss. And that's exactly what it was. And I got my weight back up. But I would call it phobias or fears surrounding food and trying new foods and throwing up. Not an eating disorder. So I came back here hoping to get some advice/support. I'm just so stressed right now. I just want to cry cause people aren't listening to me.
What should I do? Would you go to the eating disorder place or the psychologist of 20 years that specializes in anxiety?
Thanks in advance!