Tired of being diagnosed with an eating disorder...help please!!

[Blondiexxoo]

Hey guys! Hopefully you can offer some advice cause I am very distressed right now. This is kinda a long story, I'm going to try to shorten it the best I can. But I apologize in advance for the length.

I've had anxiety for years but it has always been controlled by my Zoloft 50mg dose...cause I was always in school getting socialization and exercise daily. I started having thyroid problems last June and I read how Zoloft can affect the thyroid so I wanted to do a test and I went down to 25mg. I unintentionally lost 8 pounds, I went from a healthy weight of 120 which I had always been happy with to 112. My anxiety increased but was still pretty well controlled WHILE I was in school. I was living in an apartment there. I was getting socialization and exercise. I was riding in other people's cars. My anxiety was not that bad at all even though it was a lower dose.

The following semester I commuted back and forth and didn't have classes very often. I noticed immediately how my anxiety revved up and I felt like I needed to run out of class. That semester was hard to make it through on the lower dose. Also during this semester, I had a lot more weight loss. I went from 112-105. I looked very unhealthy and emaciated. The reason for the weight loss is cause when I didn't have class, I slept all day (I was exhausted) and I would only eat 2 meals which caused me to lose weight. This semester I stopped going out to eat cause it just scared me but I ate fine, other than the fact I only had 2 meals which was due to me sleeping all day.

The summer came. A couple months in, I started having problems with food. I have a severe fear of throwing up so I was worried about throwing up and I ate but I couldn't try new foods, couldn't eat in front of people, couldn't eat foods with a lot of flavor or are really heavy (cause of the fear of throwing up). I went to my doctor. She couldn't figure out why the weight loss was happening and just said to eat more. I went to another doctor for a second opinion who diagnosed me with anorexia and wanted me to see someone for body image issues. :huh: :scared15: Really? Are you kidding me?!

Before we went to see her, I had just came down with a stomach virus (diarrhea only) so I was basically eating the BRAT diet along with baked potatoes and dry cereal. All stuff they recommend when you have a diarrhea virus. My mom told the doctor I wasn't eating much and that's when the doctor said I had anorexia. Totally ignoring the fact I was sick. After I got over the virus, my eating got better. Still not as good as it was originally but a lot better. I decided to go back up to the 50mg dose cause I knew I needed it. As far as my thyroid, I do have Hashimoto's which the Zoloft wasn't affecting but the Zoloft does significantly increase my TSH. But I knew I needed it and can't function without it. I started to feel much better and eating became a lot easier. But still no where close to how I was before.

I took a semester off school cause of my appearance and exhaustion. I was extremely tired and my hair was very thin. Also, I was too thin and it was embarrassing. I have very a low ferritin level (7.0) but I can't take iron supplements cause of my fear of throwing up and diarrhea. When I took the semester off, I got worse but the 50mg dose kept it more under control. I was able to get my weight back up. Right now I'm 117. I still want to get to 120 though. Even though I sleep all day, I force myself to eat 3 meals even though they're at odd times. Breakfast at 3:30, lunch at 6:30/7, snack at 8/8:30, and dinner at 9:30/10. So I've been able to maintain my weight. I can eat plenty and even started eating foods I used to eat that I had cut out of my diet before (oreos, banana pudding, Toll House cookies) but I basically eat the same thing everyday as far as meals go and can't eat anything different. I can't try new foods cause I'm worried I'll get sick. I can't eat in front of people still. And I can't go out to eat.

I saw a nutritionist who is at my doctor's office (the original one I saw). I saw her about iron rich foods but while I was there, I mentioned my worries about trying new foods and eating in front of people. She recommended me to an eating disorders place. :unsure: I told her I don't have an eating disorder and she said to think of it as "disordered eating." When I saw my doctor a week later for a physical, she kept encouraging the eating disorder place and was upset that I didn't make an appointment. She told me how her daughter had anorexia at one point and how her anxiety was sky high at that point. Also, when I asked her if the low ferritin can cause you to pass out (since I'm worried about that) she said no but low blood sugar can. That's when it clicked that they think I have an eating disorder!!!! I have never had an eating disorder in my life and I don't think I'm fat!!! I was ashamed of my weight when I was at 105!! I was a freaking stick and it was embarrassing! My face was sunk in and I hated it!

Previously my doctor had told me to see a psychologist for my anxiety and now she's telling me to go to an eating disorder place. I had already found a psychologist who's been doing this for 20 years and specializes in generalized anxiety and worry, depression, panic disorder, phobias, and social anxiety. I think she would be a much better fit but whatever. They told me to go to this place instead and that they can also help me with anxiety that's not food related. Even though they specialize in eating disorders. I still have thin hair and am sleeping all the time. I need to get the iron up but can't take anything for it. I already eat 100% in food so I thought cooking in an iron cast skillet would be enough to get it up but my doctor said I can use it but she doesn't think it will significantly increase it.

Anyway I'm just really stressed and sad! I can't get help and get better when people don't listen to me and keep saying I have an eating disorder. When people say I have an eating disorder, I just want to pull my hair out (just an expression, not literally). But that's how annoying and frustrating it is. I just wish people would get it.

I went to another message board and explained everything and they said to listen to my doctor and that I have an eating disorder and nobody who has anorexia admits it until they get treatment and that they're in denial. And all this. If I can admit that I have severe debilitating anxiety and panic attacks and social anxiety, why would I not admit an eating disorder IF I had one? It just really irritates me cause nobody will believe me except family.

When the other doctor (the second opinion) said I had anorexia when I had that virus, I came on here distressed about having anorexia cause I listened to her. And someone on here said I don't have anorexia, I have anxiety-related weight loss. And that's exactly what it was. And I got my weight back up. But I would call it phobias or fears surrounding food and trying new foods and throwing up. Not an eating disorder. So I came back here hoping to get some advice/support. I'm just so stressed right now. I just want to cry cause people aren't listening to me.

What should I do? Would you go to the eating disorder place or the psychologist of 20 years that specializes in anxiety?

Thanks in advance!

[anthrokid]

I would take the referral to the eating disorder service first, and see if they can help. If the eating disorder clinic has psychologists on site then it shouldn't matter whether you have an eating disorder or not. They will be able to identify the cause of your weight loss (anxiety) and should be able to help you recover. Because they specialise in eating disorders, they may have some really helpful methods to help you minimise your anxiety, because many women with eating disorders also have anxiety. I'm not saying you have an eating disorder, I'm just saying that some of the things that work for women with eating disorders can also be helpful in managing weight loss due to anxiety and panic. I would say that because a lot of your anxiety is about eating new foods or eating in public, the eating disorder clinic would be really helpful, and they can also help manage anxiety not related to eating. If they feel like they cannot help you, they will refer you through to a service that can better support you, or you can request a referral to the other psychologist you have found.

[Blondiexxoo]

I would take the referral to the eating disorder service first, and see if they can help. If the eating disorder clinic has psychologists on site then it shouldn't matter whether you have an eating disorder or not. They will be able to identify the cause of your weight loss (anxiety) and should be able to help you recover. Because they specialise in eating disorders, they may have some really helpful methods to help you minimise your anxiety, because many women with eating disorders also have anxiety. I'm not saying you have an eating disorder, I'm just saying that some of the things that work for women with eating disorders can also be helpful in managing weight loss due to anxiety and panic. I would say that because a lot of your anxiety is about eating new foods or eating in public, the eating disorder clinic would be really helpful, and they can also help manage anxiety not related to eating. If they feel like they cannot help you, they will refer you through to a service that can better support you, or you can request a referral to the other psychologist you have found.

I'm not sure if you read the entire thing, but I mentioned how I gained the weight back. I went from 105 to 117. I'm at 117 now and have been for a while. I could see how the eating disorder clinic might be helpful if I was still at 105 but I just don't think it would be that helpful now. I could be wrong but I just really think the psychologist I found would be better. Thanks for your opinion though!

[anthrokid]

Yes I did read the whole thing. Sorry if I misunderstood, but you said you gained the weight back and that you've been able to maintain that weight (which is good :) ) and then continued on to mention that you still can't try new foods because you are worried you'll get sick, and that you still can't eat in front of people or go out to eat. Most eating disorder clinics don't work solely with people who have anorexia or bulimia. They work with people with a number of different disorders (including anxiety, depression, physical illness, etc) that can also involve an aspect with food. For example, someone with severe depression who has no motivation to eat can benefit from an eating disorder clinic, even if they don't have an eating disorder and haven't lost a significant amount of weight :)

At the end of the day, it is your decision where you would like to go for support :)

[Blondiexxoo]

Okay, I understand now. That’s true and makes sense. I just want doctors to call it what it is, anxiety over trying new foods and going out to eat and eating in front of people like you said. They don’t need to classify it as an eating disorder cause that’s not true. So I just get so frustrated when they say I have an eating disorder. But I didn’t realize that eating disorder clinics work with people who have other disorders as well. So I’m glad you clarified that for me :)

I already have an appointment scheduled with the eating disorder clinic. I was going to cancel it but instead, I think I’ll schedule an appointment with the psychologist I found before the other appointment and see if this is something she thinks she can help me with or if I would benefit more from going to the clinic.

Thanks again :)

[anthrokid]

You're welcome :) I'm currently training in psychology, so I have a little more knowledge about specialised services than the average person. I understand your frustration. Doctors may be trained to identify mental illness, but psychologists are the experts in the area, and often doctors can get it wrong and make the wrong assumptions without understanding how frustrating and upsetting that can be to people.

I like your plan, sounds like a good way to cover all bases. And you'll be able to get the opinion from a mental health specialist rather than a GP. Best of luck! Let us know how you go :)

[anthrokid]

There is another young woman on here who has been dealing with something similar. She has been suffering from eating/weight issues due to anxiety, and had a referral to both an eating disorder clinic and a psychologist. She decided to take the eating disorder clinic referral as it was the quickest appointment to get into, and was worried about the same thing as you. However, at her most recent appointment they told her that she didn't think she had a specific eating disorder and that it was anxiety related, so the psychologists there would work with her to treat and manage the anxiety. I thought this might be helpful for you to know given that you are in a similar situation :) The thread is http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=155655&page=43 if you haven't already seen it.

[Blondiexxoo]

There is another young woman on here who has been dealing with something similar. She has been suffering from eating/weight issues due to anxiety, and had a referral to both an eating disorder clinic and a psychologist. She decided to take the eating disorder clinic referral as it was the quickest appointment to get into, and was worried about the same thing as you. However, at her most recent appointment they told her that she didn't think she had a specific eating disorder and that it was anxiety related, so the psychologists there would work with her to treat and manage the anxiety. I thought this might be helpful for you to know given that you are in a similar situation :) The thread is http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=155655&page=43 if you haven't already seen it.

That does sound very similar to what I've been going through. I haven't seen it. I'll check out the thread. Thank you! :)

I saw the psychologist today and she was terrible. She didn't give an opinion one way or the other about the eating disorder clinic. She didn't laugh or smile. She just had a stoic expression on her face the whole session like she was evaluating me. It appeared like she thought I was a freak cause of my issues but Idk cause you couldn't tell what she was thinking. She said that I needed to be on a much heavier dose of my medication. She totally dismissed the fact that a year ago on a smaller dose (than I'm currently on) of the medication, I was much calmer cause I was in school getting social interaction and exercise. Now I'm on a larger dose and I'm more anxious than I was on the lower dose cause I'm not in school and barely leave the house. She didn't seem to understand this and sent me to a psychiatrist for a medication evaluation saying it's not working. She also ignored my mom when she spoke up too.

I'm just so frustrated at this point! I guess finding a psychologist you like isn't easy and takes a lot of patience and effort of finding the right one.

[Sunflower2]

I think this may be me anthrokid and blondiexxoo! I am in a similar situation to you, I don't eat much because I have a fear of throwing up too and I am quite a bit more underweight than you. I made that thread I think in the summer now, so there is a loooooot of posts on all my worries about it. My eating disorder referral was rejected, as they thought the issues were just related to the anxiety and it's a symptom rather than the cause of my anxiety. Unfortunately that has made me realise it isn't quite as simple as that for me.. But it does sound like it for you. It's a shame your psychologist wasn't much help, perhaps you could push for the eating specialist one as they do kind of work on the same things... Figuring out solutions for the reasons you're not eating. I think it's rubbish that just because you don't have extremely distorted body issues you aren't classed as having an eating disorder, despite the fact that everything else is the same! Low weight, restrictive eating due to emotional reasons. It should be more flexible to help others who struggle with keeping on weight due to emotional issues. Same result, just different reason. If you can I'd suggest finding another psychologist, they are strictly meant to treat the psychological side rather than advising on medication. I'm lucky that my psychologist is very nice and understanding.. I hope you find the same!

[anthrokid]

Technically speaking, a psychologist doesn't have the authority to advise on your dosage of medication. So it's probably a good thing that she's sent you to the psychiatrist because they are trained specifically to work with medication and have a lot more knowledge in the area. It may be that the psychiatrist will help with the medication - I doubt they will increase it given the information you've provided - but they may be able to find a better suited medication or help decide whether you could go back to a lower dose.

It doesn't sound like you had a very friendly psychologist at all, which is a shame. have you decided whether or not to take a visit to the eating disorder clinic? They may have someone there who will be better at understanding and treating your situation.

Kimberley, yes you were the young woman I was thinking of. It's a shame that you're clinic referral was rejected, I thought they saw you. You have a very different process in the UK for mental healthcare, it seems much simpler over here. Although perhaps that's only because I understand the process here a lot more. I don't know very much about the US system at all, however.

I hope you are both feeling better soon :)

[Blondiexxoo]

Kimberley, It’s nice to know I’m not the only one going through something like this. A lot of people don’t understand my anxiety in relation to food. It’s good that they are still going to work with you in overcoming your anxiety even though they rejected your eating disorder referral.

Anthrokid, I’m still considering taking a visit to the eating disorder clinic. I’m thinking I might go there at least once, just to see how it is. I think they would still be helpful even though I don’t have an eating disorder, like you said. They have a team of psychologists there who could work with me on my anxiety and also a nutritionist who could help me with my diet.

I am starting to wonder though if some of my anxiety is being caused by vitamin deficiencies. I know Vitamin B12 which I’m deficient in can cause anxiety. In high school, I wasn’t deficient in Vitamin B12 and my anxiety was very well managed. So probably when your nutrition isn’t good, it can make already existing anxiety a lot worse. My doctor kept pushing nutrition over and over saying that’s the cause of a lot of my problems.

I’m trying to decide if I should go to the clinic once and see how it is or if I should wait until after I start taking this vitamin (I’m about to make a thread about it) and see if my anxiety improves once my vitamin deficiencies improve.

Thanks to both of you for the support :)

[anthrokid]

You're welcome :) I would go to the clinic for at least one visit if I were in your position. As you said, they have a team of psychologists to help work with you in your anxiety, which could be really beneficial. And, given that they also have a nutritionist, you would also be able to explore whether a vitamin deficiency could be contributing to your anxiety, or even causing it.

[Sunflower2]

I would say go to the clinic anyway, you never know they might be more helpful than you realise! Take ALL the help you are offered with this :)

[Blondiexxoo]

Thanks to both of you! You are right. :) I think I'm going to go at least once and see how it is. I'll go ahead and schedule that appointment.

[anthrokid]

Awesome to hear :) Please let us know how it goes!

[Blondiexxoo]

I definitely will :) I have an appointment next week.

[anthrokid]

Good luck!