robin321
22-12-14, 18:52
I am having a hard time.... a really hard time lately. On the outside, I have held it together. But inside, I feel like nobody knows the anxiety and torment that I am feeling.
Right now I am worried about my wife. This is hard because first, I love her very much. We have 3 young children, and I am scared of her getting sick or losing her.
Second, it is tough because she is usually my sounding board. If I am worried about myself, she will lecture me and set me straight. Or at the very least, she will know I am stressed and why.
Right now, I cannot tell her. I don't want to worry her. I don't want her to be scared or anxious about her own health - because she does also tend to have some health anxiety.
So I have nobody to talk to. I have no friends who are close by. My best friend is actually a Dr, but he lives far away and we only talk once a year or so. I dont want to bother him with this. As far as family, my dad is far right now. We will see him over Xmas. I may talk to him. But he is not a worrier, at least not about health and doesn't really understand. But I need to let this out, and may talk to him.
Here is the issue. My wife has had 3 children in the past 6 yrs. She has low thyroid and just started medication. Back in June they told her that she had low ferratin. She was to take iron pills. She got a mild pill, there is supposed to be easy to digest. She took 1 a day, but missed some days. At this point, I wasn't worried and didn't think much about it at all. If I did, I may have made sure she took on a more regular basis.
Fast forward to October. She goes for blood test to follow up. Her ferratin is still low. The Dr finds out she wasn't taking it with OJ, says that is likely the issue, come back in 2 months and retest. Take 3 pills a day instead of 1.
Again, I am not worried at this point. This barely registers with me on my worry scales. Low iron - makes sense. She is vegatarian. And from what I read, this is common with low thyroid.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. I have a panic attack when I notice a new dark freckle. This turns out to be a scab that peels off. It was literally nothing. But what it did was set me off.... my attention turned to my moles. At this point, my HA started again.
While sitting with my wife, waiting to run a 5km race (we both started running this summer, I did 2 half marathons, she did many 5 and 10ks), she mentions the iron and how the Dr implied that if it didn't go up it could be an issue.
Bam - thought planted in my head. Worry starts. Just like that. Something that I knew about for months without obssessing on became an obsession.
She had a follow up appt last week. Ferratin was still low. The doctor said he has seen this many times - advises to take liquid iron. The pharmasist is surprised, says liquid iron is expensive and easy to Dr to say take it when he isn't paying for it.... Pharmasist says Ferratin takes at least 6 months to start improving.
Anyway - this was last week. Last Wednesday. Since that appt, I feel panic. I feel dread. I feel on edge... as if something is going to happen. But nothing is going to happen, at least not right now... The follow up blood test isnt even till Feb.... but I keep thinking ahead.
My worry is some kind of cancer. She doesn't have any obvious symptoms. She works out twice a week, runs 3 times. Yes she is tired, but she raises 3 kids. And at night, when I am tired and falls asleep, she stays up. To me, true fatigue would mean she is asleep early.
I looked up the stats of colon cancer for her age group. 15/100,000.
Super super low. Low Ferratin. Approx 10%.
But now I am analyzing everything my wife says and does. Yesterday I was noticing how pale or not she is. I compare her to others around her....
Today she mentions her stomach has been off. She also mentioned how she used to be consitipated, but not since having kids.
By brain thinks - boom, symptoms. I am on edge constantly.
We are due to go on vacation after Xmas. I don't want to feel like this all vacation. I am ignoring my kids - and even when I am 'present', I am not really present.
And I am not really present with my wife, as she doesn't even know what is flying through my head.
I am sorry this is long.... I know most of you didn't read. But I needed to vent, so even if one period read it, at least I got this out of my system.
I see a shrink but she is away for the next month - another reason I feel trapped.
Right now I am worried about my wife. This is hard because first, I love her very much. We have 3 young children, and I am scared of her getting sick or losing her.
Second, it is tough because she is usually my sounding board. If I am worried about myself, she will lecture me and set me straight. Or at the very least, she will know I am stressed and why.
Right now, I cannot tell her. I don't want to worry her. I don't want her to be scared or anxious about her own health - because she does also tend to have some health anxiety.
So I have nobody to talk to. I have no friends who are close by. My best friend is actually a Dr, but he lives far away and we only talk once a year or so. I dont want to bother him with this. As far as family, my dad is far right now. We will see him over Xmas. I may talk to him. But he is not a worrier, at least not about health and doesn't really understand. But I need to let this out, and may talk to him.
Here is the issue. My wife has had 3 children in the past 6 yrs. She has low thyroid and just started medication. Back in June they told her that she had low ferratin. She was to take iron pills. She got a mild pill, there is supposed to be easy to digest. She took 1 a day, but missed some days. At this point, I wasn't worried and didn't think much about it at all. If I did, I may have made sure she took on a more regular basis.
Fast forward to October. She goes for blood test to follow up. Her ferratin is still low. The Dr finds out she wasn't taking it with OJ, says that is likely the issue, come back in 2 months and retest. Take 3 pills a day instead of 1.
Again, I am not worried at this point. This barely registers with me on my worry scales. Low iron - makes sense. She is vegatarian. And from what I read, this is common with low thyroid.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. I have a panic attack when I notice a new dark freckle. This turns out to be a scab that peels off. It was literally nothing. But what it did was set me off.... my attention turned to my moles. At this point, my HA started again.
While sitting with my wife, waiting to run a 5km race (we both started running this summer, I did 2 half marathons, she did many 5 and 10ks), she mentions the iron and how the Dr implied that if it didn't go up it could be an issue.
Bam - thought planted in my head. Worry starts. Just like that. Something that I knew about for months without obssessing on became an obsession.
She had a follow up appt last week. Ferratin was still low. The doctor said he has seen this many times - advises to take liquid iron. The pharmasist is surprised, says liquid iron is expensive and easy to Dr to say take it when he isn't paying for it.... Pharmasist says Ferratin takes at least 6 months to start improving.
Anyway - this was last week. Last Wednesday. Since that appt, I feel panic. I feel dread. I feel on edge... as if something is going to happen. But nothing is going to happen, at least not right now... The follow up blood test isnt even till Feb.... but I keep thinking ahead.
My worry is some kind of cancer. She doesn't have any obvious symptoms. She works out twice a week, runs 3 times. Yes she is tired, but she raises 3 kids. And at night, when I am tired and falls asleep, she stays up. To me, true fatigue would mean she is asleep early.
I looked up the stats of colon cancer for her age group. 15/100,000.
Super super low. Low Ferratin. Approx 10%.
But now I am analyzing everything my wife says and does. Yesterday I was noticing how pale or not she is. I compare her to others around her....
Today she mentions her stomach has been off. She also mentioned how she used to be consitipated, but not since having kids.
By brain thinks - boom, symptoms. I am on edge constantly.
We are due to go on vacation after Xmas. I don't want to feel like this all vacation. I am ignoring my kids - and even when I am 'present', I am not really present.
And I am not really present with my wife, as she doesn't even know what is flying through my head.
I am sorry this is long.... I know most of you didn't read. But I needed to vent, so even if one period read it, at least I got this out of my system.
I see a shrink but she is away for the next month - another reason I feel trapped.