CleverLittleViper
22-12-14, 22:39
As some of you know, I have a number of halo nevi combined with fading moles. My doctor has looked at a couple of them and declared them fine. But of course, I want to know the whys and the how, and the what ifs crop up. Reading somewhere that halo nevi can be inspired by a MM elsewhere on the body terrifies me as I have not had a full skin check. Just the odd mole here and there looked at. Of course, that means I'm now glaring at every mole with suspicion.
I have one mole on my arm that troubles me. It's perfectly round, tan in shade, symmetrical, borders are nice and even, and it's fairly small (well within 6mm). However, it appears to have something underneath it. It's not firm, so I know it's not nodular, which is good, and it's not really elevated. It feels infected/like acne is growing underneath. Now, I do have a lot of acne around my shoulders/arms so I know, chances are, that is what it is. I poked and prodded and now it's looking all angry and irritated and forming a tiny bump. I know that's my fault.
There's a mole on my leg that again is symmetrical, borders seem even enough (not jagged at least) colour seems OK (a kind of medium brown with slight lighter shading around the edges but again, it could just be yet another fading mole-nothing would surprise me) it's small, but still it concerns me. I have a couple on that same leg, if I'm honest. They just look funky. I can't pinpoint why.
They're all symmetrical, round, with even borders, small enough, even enough colour (although one or two do have a slightly lighter line running through, and one seems to have some darker shading on one side but to the best of my knowledge, they've always looked like that). So, other than some slight colour discrepancies, there's nothing major to worry about.
There's a couple of my other knee. I liked these ones so if they are going, I'll be quite sad. http://www.anxietyzone.com/Smileys/default/traurig001.gif They simply appear to be fading/getting lighter. Again, small, symmetrical, nothing in them that would give the appearance of a MM. Still, I'm worried.
One on my belly causes me great concern. It's quite big but still within the appropriate diameter of 6mm, tan in colour, a little raised off the skin (it's just above where I'd fasten my jeans) and it's flappable (gross imagery, I know). From what I can tell, its symmetrical, borders are regular, colour is uniform (aside from a tiny pin prick of a spot in the right hand side) but it has some odd pigment around it. Kind of like my skin tone but in tiny squiggles. It's probably nothing to do with the mole.
A few on my arm are cause for concern. One in particular. It is one of my halos. It's quite of a squished up mole, currently forming a semi-circle. All the same, it is symmetrical, borders are regular, colour is uniform and not too dark, size is good, and all seems to be in order. However, it looks dodgy to me.
I know I'm trying to find explanations for why all of this is happening so I can have some certainty. I also have small white spots on my arms and shoulders and chest, bone white. I've considered vitiligo as the cause for the HN and the white spots, and honestly, I'd be OK with that. I'd be happy, even. Least I'd have an answer and then a treatment plan. It's incurable, but benign. It would account for a lot.
Still, I fear it is part of some terrifying disease. Whilst my doctor has only seen a couple of my HN (and she didn't diagnose HN, because the areas of hypopigmentation are not that obvious in certain lights), I assumed that if a couple were OK, the rest would be too. Since the main one that first attracted my attention looks freaky as anything and is fine, I've been using that as a benchmark. Now, I'm uber scared that I should have told her to look at all of them.
I don't know what to do. I wanted to be OK by Xmas. That was the idea. I went to her on Friday, and was prescribed Prozac. I'm not taking it until after Xmas because I don't want to feel worse during the Xmas period, and after I've started on them, I'm to see her again in 2 weeks. I want to go to the doctors tomorrow. I know that's crazy, but right now, I think if I leave it too late, I'll find out it's too late and I'll be dying. http://www.anxietyzone.com/Smileys/default/traurig001.gif
I have one mole on my arm that troubles me. It's perfectly round, tan in shade, symmetrical, borders are nice and even, and it's fairly small (well within 6mm). However, it appears to have something underneath it. It's not firm, so I know it's not nodular, which is good, and it's not really elevated. It feels infected/like acne is growing underneath. Now, I do have a lot of acne around my shoulders/arms so I know, chances are, that is what it is. I poked and prodded and now it's looking all angry and irritated and forming a tiny bump. I know that's my fault.
There's a mole on my leg that again is symmetrical, borders seem even enough (not jagged at least) colour seems OK (a kind of medium brown with slight lighter shading around the edges but again, it could just be yet another fading mole-nothing would surprise me) it's small, but still it concerns me. I have a couple on that same leg, if I'm honest. They just look funky. I can't pinpoint why.
They're all symmetrical, round, with even borders, small enough, even enough colour (although one or two do have a slightly lighter line running through, and one seems to have some darker shading on one side but to the best of my knowledge, they've always looked like that). So, other than some slight colour discrepancies, there's nothing major to worry about.
There's a couple of my other knee. I liked these ones so if they are going, I'll be quite sad. http://www.anxietyzone.com/Smileys/default/traurig001.gif They simply appear to be fading/getting lighter. Again, small, symmetrical, nothing in them that would give the appearance of a MM. Still, I'm worried.
One on my belly causes me great concern. It's quite big but still within the appropriate diameter of 6mm, tan in colour, a little raised off the skin (it's just above where I'd fasten my jeans) and it's flappable (gross imagery, I know). From what I can tell, its symmetrical, borders are regular, colour is uniform (aside from a tiny pin prick of a spot in the right hand side) but it has some odd pigment around it. Kind of like my skin tone but in tiny squiggles. It's probably nothing to do with the mole.
A few on my arm are cause for concern. One in particular. It is one of my halos. It's quite of a squished up mole, currently forming a semi-circle. All the same, it is symmetrical, borders are regular, colour is uniform and not too dark, size is good, and all seems to be in order. However, it looks dodgy to me.
I know I'm trying to find explanations for why all of this is happening so I can have some certainty. I also have small white spots on my arms and shoulders and chest, bone white. I've considered vitiligo as the cause for the HN and the white spots, and honestly, I'd be OK with that. I'd be happy, even. Least I'd have an answer and then a treatment plan. It's incurable, but benign. It would account for a lot.
Still, I fear it is part of some terrifying disease. Whilst my doctor has only seen a couple of my HN (and she didn't diagnose HN, because the areas of hypopigmentation are not that obvious in certain lights), I assumed that if a couple were OK, the rest would be too. Since the main one that first attracted my attention looks freaky as anything and is fine, I've been using that as a benchmark. Now, I'm uber scared that I should have told her to look at all of them.
I don't know what to do. I wanted to be OK by Xmas. That was the idea. I went to her on Friday, and was prescribed Prozac. I'm not taking it until after Xmas because I don't want to feel worse during the Xmas period, and after I've started on them, I'm to see her again in 2 weeks. I want to go to the doctors tomorrow. I know that's crazy, but right now, I think if I leave it too late, I'll find out it's too late and I'll be dying. http://www.anxietyzone.com/Smileys/default/traurig001.gif