Friend being horrible, not sure what to do.

[anx01]

I'm not sure if this is the right place, I just felt the need to write this to vent a little bit and maybe get some advice.

I have a friend that always tries to get me to go out to the pub or to social occasions. I don't always go and he get's annoyed. I know he's trying to be helpful by asking me to come out but sometimes you just don't feel like it.

It's gotten to the stage where i don't know what to say to him. If I say no he moans at me constantly and if I say yes I get sarcastic texts all day asking if I've made up an excuse not to come yet.

He was nagging me to come out last night and even though I felt terrible I went out for him. On the way there I tried to tell him how I felt, that I didn't really want to come out but I did for him. That I didn't know what he wanted me to do as he seems to get annoyed whatever I say to him.

He obviously took this the wrong way and started being vile to me, spouting all sorts of horrible crap, some of which he knows I'm sensitive about as I've talked to him about my anxiety before. He only stopped after I told him if he didn't shut up he could get out of the car and walk, and his girlfriend gave him a disapproving look.

He didn't say much on the way to the pub and when we got there I got a sarcastic "Are you coming in or not" because he was being a dick I went in, to show him I wasn't going to listen to him when he was being horrible.

He was fine all the time at the pub laughing and joking as normal, and I though maybe he was just in a mood earlier and just needed to vent.

He was also fine all the way home being polite and thanking me for giving his girlfriend a lift home. And then as soon as she left he went quiet. I dropped him off home and he got out and slammed the door without saying anything.

So when I got back I sent him a text asking him what was wrong and why he didn't say bye.

In return I got a torrent of vile abuse, him saying horrible things like I had no friends and I can't get a proper job, basically personal things he could think of to be vile.

My other friend that was with us was also shocked at all the crap he was sending me. And he also got some abuse after texting him asking why he was being grumpy, although no where near as bad as he was giving me.

He was also trying to blame me for him showing himself up in front of his girlfriend.

Now he's usually a nice friend and I don't really want to lose him as one. But if he is being like this I'm not sure I want to be friends with him. I've been shaking all night and I can't sleep because I'm so angry about it.


He seems to do this every few months just talking rubbish and being a bit mean, but he's never been this bad before.

And I have no idea what to say to him to stop him from being so horrible.

Thanks to anyone that reads this, if you have any advice I'd love to hear it.

[Oosh]

It just sounds like you have a friend who is more social and because you are less social it's creating this friction. Your friends are supposed to share your interests etc so these clashes don't happen.

I think you did the right thing communicating how you felt to him. He needs to understand who you are and what you do and don't like. Then you'd hope he respects how you feel. He seems to be having trouble with that bit at the moment. I can't see any reason why he would feel he's justified in being angry about it. It's possible he feels he has always tried to help in dragging you out of your shell to social places like pubs and so when you complain he took offence ?
But it could just be that he was not showing enough respect. I can't know that without knowing him.

All you can do is be nice to him, show him you value his friendship and despite you liking different things you still want to be friends with him. Clarify specifically why he is so upset by it all. And hopefully you can get him to respect how you are.

You're not withdrawing are you and he has been just trying to prize you out of your shell ? You sound like you have other friends so that doesn't sound the case.