This is me

[gemdrop84]

So hello, not sure what to write but here goes!

I have started to experience nightly panic attacks since last weekend and general anxiety everyday since. This has never happened to me before... Merry Christmas to me! My mum died at the age of 49 of a coronary embolism in spring this year, to say the least it's been a stressful time for me. I'm the eldest so have found myself in a position of sorting everything out whilst running a house, looking after my children and starting a business. I have felt symptoms of mild depression since she passed away, which I don't know whether this is normal due to grief or if this has contributed to the panic attacks. The panic attacks generally get me in a iron like grip and I feel like I'm having a heart attack or my heart will fail, and like my mum, I will leave my children. I am hoping to see a doctor soon but it's proving hard finding anyone this time of year, thankfully there's a drop in clinic tonight, I'm ready to talk about it.

I have an amazing family, also a dog, a goldfish and a young ringneck parakeet. I usually love to read and play video games but my lack of concentration is proving frustrating at the moment.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya gemdrop84 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Tessar]

Hello gem. Welcome to nmp and i am so sorry u lost your mum, it must have been so awful for you. Sounds to me like you have had so much going on it really is no wonder you are struggling. Also as the eldest, no doubt in addition to practical things, you nave also neded to be strong for everyone else.
There is no doubt in my mind, that from what you describe, your panic attacks are the result of the immense stress in your life. So much going on.
Gem, it is totally normal and very understandable that you would feel depressed. She was your mum and mums are special. I doubt you would have anticipated losing her so young. It is a lot to take in and often we have thoughts and feelings we never expected.
I wonder if you have considered seeing a counsellor?. In particular one specialising in bereavement? In addition to helping you deal with losing your mum, you could also learn some relation techniques to help you cope it's the stress. Ultimately this would lead you to feel more relaxed, leave the stresses behind and begin to live your life more fully again. It is entirely possible for this to happen and although it might take some time and need some hard work.... It already sounds to me like you are the kind of person who can be strong, but maybe with help of someone who can help you piece it together, you will find your way there.
You have come to the right place as there are so many lovely people here, all very caring & will be glad to help you.

[gemdrop84]

Thank you for replying, I appreciate it. Yes I think the time has come for me to seek help on how to deal with the stress as I don't think I've been dealing with the grief and consequently the stress at all. I am as you guessed and have always been the coper of our family, the strong one that gets things done. But it does look like even I have my limits with what I can cope with. I had a mild attack in the car yesterday, did some breathing and distraction. Passed eventually but felt exhausted and just wanted to be at home for the rest of the day. I actually slept last night though! Feel teary today but hoping I can get into the drop in clinic this afternoon. My husband has been extremely supportive and helped me through a bad attack on Friday night. I'm noting it all down so I can hand it to a doctor. I'm not sure how to put it all into words without rambling on and minimising it.

[Tessar]

hey gem, you could always have the rambling notes as private ones. then you could pick out what you consider to be the most triggering things and make a shortlist as it were for your doctor?
it must be so hard to go about daily life with all those emotions inside you. no wonder you are tearful. i'd give you a hug if you were here. i'm certain that seeing a counsellor will make a difference for you. also keep posting here too.
i'm so glad your husband is supportive as that must make a big diffence to you. i know my partner gets upset if i am upset. but then it can work both ways so thats what being in a relationship is about. sharing bad times and providing support and then also being able to enjoy each others company and good times too.
if you feel like rambling with your writing, then you can do that. i find writing helps alot. i just scrawl down whatever comes into my head sometimes. you dont even need to go back and read it ever - its not an exercise. sometimes i do read my notes back, not always straight away and as i say maybe never. but writing is an outpouring of thoughts and feelings and can be very helpful.
:-)

[katy87]

welcome to the group x