I need advice, quickly!!

[Mayalight]

Hi I just added myself to this site, I just turned 20.. i've reached this site because ive reached the point I call dead end... the mix of of my fear the my health problems, my family detaching and no longer being able to listen or care is turning me into a huge messs.

I dont even know where to begin but i'll make it short because I do not want to overload you...

About three years ago or so I got hit in the head by a speaker that I knocked myself into. I didn't black out but i went into a panic, I had to go and then play ( i play drums ) a 40 min show after.. the next day i didnt feel so well but over all i didn't make that big of a deal and it seemed to pass...

now i've always had anxiety and panic attacks of some sort... and depression.. but also its importent to know that up until now ive had binge eatting disorder and that i threw up during my high school years, and my binge episodes are horrible.. but back to the anxiety, my first panic attack was at 17 when i was on prozac and stupidly! smoked weed. the next on the a plain when i sick. etc

then last year,,, i had the worst year of my life... i thought i wouldnt make it out alive, panic attack after panic attack, and this all drove me to do an MRI... because i thought maybe it was something in brain.

MRI came out clear.. but health anxiety worsened... been going to the doctor consently, but never taking anything! because I have a fear of pills too.. so i dont take any anti anxiety meds, I dont take any pain killers I dont take anything, i dont drink I dont smoke, hell i dont even drink tap water, im paranoid all the time. Whenever i get sicks its un curable! it has to be.... And i break down and cry. I do blood tests non stop and all clear...


so this has made my family completely sick of me. i can't even say i dont feel well without them eye rolling, guilting me. I've ruined there lives, im wasting there time. im fine.. im fine.. im fine...

now currently in the presant, I've been having horrible digestive problems, and burping that seems chronic, after i eat all this added up gas just starts to come up to my chest and I have to release it.. its like this for almost two year...

So i went to get a gastro test, where they put the tube in your mouth... my mother was screaming that if i take the test she wont ever speak to me, my father said if i dont take it he'll never help me with my health again... this all broke into a big fight... and in the end i chickened out and i didnt take the test, went straight into a panic attack after they put the numb spray in my thoat (because i refused sedation) once i got home i got very sick...

Now prior to all this, I finally am Getting to the where I need helP!!

since my mri I got hit in head 4 times the last three months.... once by hitting my head on the wall when i was going for the pillow, and i felt scared and started screaming, the next two days crying.... but it passed

Again I hit my head ramming it into a pole about 3 weeks ago... this one was bad. pain in the place i got hit for so long. AGain i broke down and after two weeks felt sick, nausia, depressed.. but it also seemed to be calmer...

then four days ago i hit my head into a door... this was the least bad one.. just pain in the area i got hurt..

now im very sick and two nights ago . I hit my head bad. agaist my wall again when i was gong for the pillow. i started to scream and curse myself not again! i felt it all rush to me,, not only was i very sick with the flu.. which i still am and is scaring me. I hit my head!! i didnt black out but i felt so weak .

I felt nausia, and my head hurt. and weaknesss. faint. it was very late at night.. i called the 24/7 nurse and said told her what happened she said go to the er...
but my boyfriend who was with me said no you shouldn't its nothing and you shouldn't do it now.
so we didnt go.

the next day i was mostly in bed and i felt even more sick, pain in the side where i got hit ( i got hit on my left side near the back) But the whole left side hurt and felt pressure, it was horrible but i was able to pull though it, i kept crying and mom really cant take me anymore she doesnt want anything to do with this she said.. and i know im 20 but sadly im dependent...... in the night we had birthday party and i went... didn't throw up either but i felt like i wanted to... when we got home i feel alseep, nothing easily
the next day wope up, felt like my hands were numb and i still felt sick,, but i was functioning, still had pain in my head and now my face, neck pain and my body weak... again im sick.

the basic doctor checked me, the pupils and eye movement and he said i dont show any first outward signs... and that little kids hit there head all the time and im talking to him and i seem fine...

i came home and criend and cried, i also dont wanna go to the er. im afraid im right and i will die alone... and i dont want a ct scan because of the rediation... and also because EVERYONE is telling not to go and i can't deal with all this...

so last night i stayed home too..

then this morning i wake up, right hand numb again! pressure feels worse and im able to move around and all but my face feels tingling and numb weried feelings...

around 12 i feel tired fall asleep again, and my hand goes numb again... and then i just went online and wrote this... no one will come with me, everyone is agasint me going

All the symtoms im having could be anxiety... and i know that i will only want to do an mri which also scares me and is a harder test to get...

im so alone

and i feel like im dying and no one has the energy to care anymore

my sickness is pretty much in the same place, and ihave neck pain..

im so lost,, im so lost, and i dont wanna lose this life...
im afriad im bleeding or swelling or had to many concuscions... i dont know what to do


please help

[AlexandriaUK]

I think deep down you know exactly what's wrong with you, in fact just registering on here should also tell you, the name of the forum says it all.
You are still ill though just not a physical illness its a mental health issue and the sooner you are honest with your self and go docs and ask for help the better.
Tests are great if after the test you move on and except the results but if you still continue to question the experts there's no point to taking them, and if you want help yourself no one else can.
Sorry to be harsh but go docs and take the meds, you don't have to be on them for the rest of your life, just long enough to get you on an even keel

[mummato2]

I absolutely agree with the above advice.

It's one thing to have health worries - you need the courage to get them checked.

But when a professional tells you it's nothing - and you doubt it so start the cycle of seeing Dr's for reassurance (it sounds like you are seeking in tests and Drs the reassurance you aren't getting from those around you).

You need to trust the Dr's word.

The symptoms you are listing are ALL anxiety related symptoms. The Dr has told you there is nothing there.

So now you need to treat the main cause - your anxiety.

Go and see your Dr and explain what is going on. Explain that you know it's the anxiety and you want to get that under control.

Do NOT second guess the Dr in this case, do NOT consult Google.

Just take yourself to the Dr and work on the anxiety. All of your other symptoms will ease once this is under control.

In the meantime, download or youtube some meditations and look up how to practice proper slow breathing. That will get you started.

[Carnation]

Yes, that all sounds like Anxiety with a lot of 'Health Anxiety'. It can give you all sorts of symptoms and make you fell like you are dying; which you are not, but you have some to the right place. :) P.s. Your head can take a lot of bashing and you would know if you had something serious to your head, but, I know how worrying this is for you. Been there, got the T.shirt and still Alive! :)