Please help me my bf gone crazy

[crystal17]

Hi, ive been with partner for almost 12 years, we have an 11 year old son. Things have been bad for years, he smokes weed, refuses to get a proper job, hes a musician, very talented.

For years hes played computer games through the night and slep throu the day, all that changed a few mkmths ago though, hes become fixated on doing his music whicj is great, but he sleeps til about 4 now and goes to bed 8-9am, i find this affects me and my feelings as ridiculous as that may sound. Tonight (new years eve) we had a few drinks, i feel im coming down with a virus and about 2.30 said j didn't want a drink for a bit. Hes gone mad since then, hhes called me names like old granny, 90 year old, boring etc. Hes played severely loud music, wont turn it down, he was screamingand said he will until his throat bleeds, to help him sound like a rock star.

Hes told me to f off multiple times, screamed at me and keeps turning musicmlouder and louder. Im v on edge, haven't been to bed yet.

Ive asked him to leave, but feel so guilty as yes i am boring and haven't had sex with him for months, maybe cos of antidepressants affecting me....sorry for spelling, on my tablet and hard to type.

Please help anyone :weep::weep::weep:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Crystal,

When you say you have asked him to leave, do you mean because of this or everything up to this point?

I remember your thread about the problems you were having because of your BF's strange behavior and retaining custody of your child because he had claimed you wouldn't keep him due to your issues (which were ludicrous as you are fine, your BF nevertheless sounded capable of looking after a child from what I read).

The problem with this guy is that his behaviour is out of control and he won't believe it is so without understanding whether any medical support can resolve this issue for you, you remain stuck walking on eggshells around him.

I hope you remember that those that commented on your thread all supported you and I'm sure we still do.

[crystal17]

Thanks terry yes i remember talking to you before. I told him i want him out due to tonights behaviour but its been a long time coming, anyway hes refused to leave and says im to blame for everything tonight as im so boring and hes sick of me cos of how old i look and act....which i dont btw.

Ive had constant insults all through the night and he threw all our milk away and cooked all our food then threw it away....he doesn't think hes done anything wrong tonight, he told his dad im to blame and his dad believed him! Speechless.

[MyNameIsTerry]

He might not have told his dad the facts though and this guy seems oblivious to things a lot. This is why I wondered if he had a personality disorder, autism or both.

It's hard to know what to say because you need some help with this guy as he doesn't want help as he views what he is doing is correct.

I think it would be a good idea to talk to a GP to get an opinion on what you can do and what support is out there. You could speak to one of the charity's that deal with conditions to see if they can offer advice or maybe pose questions on dedicated forums where these conditions are covered to see if they think its X, Y or Z and how they tackle this because things like autism can make people highly resistant to change.

Was he always like this? I remember you mentioning hiya family had suspicions of something but never followed it up. I wonder if they just bury their heads in the sand, which would also explain his dad's reaction to this?

I wonder how the weed impacts on this too?

[crystal17]

He might not have told his dad the facts though and this guy seems oblivious to things a lot. This is why I wondered if he had a personality disorder, autism or both.

It's hard to know what to say because you need some help with this guy as he doesn't want help as he views what he is doing is correct.

I think it would be a good idea to talk to a GP to get an opinion on what you can do and what support is out there. You could speak to one of the charity's that deal with conditions to see if they can offer advice or maybe pose questions on dedicated forums where these conditions are covered to see if they think its X, Y or Z and how they tackle this because things like autism can make people highly resistant to change.

Was he always like this? I remember you mentioning hiya family had suspicions of something but never followed it up. I wonder if they just bury their heads in the sand, which would also explain his dad's reaction to this?

I wonder how the weed impacts on this too?

Hi Terry, sorry for the very late reply its been a hectic day or so.

I'm going to go to the GP monday to talk about this whole situation.

I spoke to the local police in my area last night, they have assured me they will remove him if need be and I told them where I live so its noted.

I rang Women's Aid and they have assigned a support worker to meet me Monday to go through everything and all different options.

I agree that he has some kind of personality disorder or Aspergers but he will never get assessed for this or even admit it. My priority now is finding a safe way to have at least a short break from him without my son getting too affected...it feels like a huge mountain to climb to be honest.

He wasn't always like this no, I think the weed has definitely had some influence on how he behaves, again though he will never agree.

Thanks so much for your support, will update in a few days.

[MargaretHale]

I had a boyfriend like this, weed really doesn't help things. I wouldn't wait for his next outburst, I'd speak to women's aid and ask them to support you in getting him out. Hope you're ok, please don't blame yourself.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well done Crystal.

Once you know what can be done to resolve this situation, it will no doubt help reduce your anxiety.

Your GP will likely be concerned about all the extra pressure too and will encourage you to reduce such stressful factors as they will block your recovery.

[blueangel]

Years ago, I lived with someone who did a lot of drink and drugs. He eventually developed some sort of cannabis psychosis and started behaving in very similar ways to your boyfriend. The tipping point for me was when I found he was sleeping with an axe under the bed, so I took the cat and left.

I agree with Margaret - get him out now and get some support to do this. Your own safety (mental and physical) is the most important thing.

[crystal17]

I had a boyfriend like this, weed really doesn't help things. I wouldn't wait for his next outburst, I'd speak to women's aid and ask them to support you in getting him out. Hope you're ok, please don't blame yourself.

Thanks Margaret :hugs:

Yeah I don't doubt it will come to blows again at some point, its just when...

He's been nothing but nice to me since the other night, I'm so confused and depressed.

---------- Post added at 21:17 ---------- Previous post was at 21:13 ----------


Well done Crystal.

Once you know what can be done to resolve this situation, it will no doubt help reduce your anxiety.

Your GP will likely be concerned about all the extra pressure too and will encourage you to reduce such stressful factors as they will block your recovery.

Thanks Terry, and for being there that morning as I had nowhere else to turn and your replies reassured me. It took me hours to stop shaking after what had happened and my anxiety and low mood has been horrendous since.

He's been better than ever! Full of apologies at first, then confidence about his music, plans for the future, with me in it. I'm baffled :wacko:

Didn't make it to doctors today but rang womens aid again as I didn't hear from that support worker and she's actually off until tomorrow but will ring me then apparently.

I've also booked an appointment with a private psychotherapist.

Later on New Years Day, after if had all happened I asked his mum and sister to come over to help me with it all, he utterly charmed them, he said I was overreacting and he was just drunk and acting silly, they ended up believing him after 2 hours of chatting to him and listening to him playing his songs.

Neither of them have rang or text me since to see how things are after I told them I was so frightened.

I'm in a very strange place.

---------- Post added at 21:20 ---------- Previous post was at 21:17 ----------


Years ago, I lived with someone who did a lot of drink and drugs. He eventually developed some sort of cannabis psychosis and started behaving in very similar ways to your boyfriend. The tipping point for me was when I found he was sleeping with an axe under the bed, so I took the cat and left.

I agree with Margaret - get him out now and get some support to do this. Your own safety (mental and physical) is the most important thing.

Hi blueangel, omg that's not good about the axe :/ why did he do that?

How else did his psychosis present itself?

The thing with my partner is he's actually moody and horrible when he hasn't smoked after just waking up, then he's happy and ok when had one. He doesn't seem to get 'stoned' even after smoking loads.

It's when he drinks that he gets aggressive, and what caused the problems with other night. Therefore he, and his family, defend his smoking by saying it calms him down and at least he doesn't drink often.

I'm glad you took the cat :)

[courierdude]

smoking might well make your bf even more inconsiderate but i wouldnt worry about any 'cannabis psychosis'-that is a 1950's 'stop the kids enjoying themselves' government fear mongering campaign.

you need to catch him when he is in one of these 'lighter' moods and tell him that he is worrying/scaring you and creating an unhealthy environment for your kid to grow up in.

what does your child think? how do they feel or react in this situation?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Its worth reading the OP's other thread where she discussed her BF's behaviour as its likely there is more to it than this alone but I think she needs a chat with a suitably qualified medical professional as it could be making it worse.

[courierdude]

he sounds selfish for sure, bit self absorbed maybe? i couldnt really say, buti dont think that you have to be labelled with a mental health condition to throw your weight around and act like a child.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Based on this thread maybe, but the other one showed some strange behavior which could be more like autism or perhaps a personality disorder. That's why its worth reading because he has obsessions which seem to rule his life and he doesn't understand their impacts on the relationships with Crystal and their child.

[crystal17]

smoking might well make your bf even more inconsiderate but i wouldnt worry about any 'cannabis psychosis'-that is a 1950's 'stop the kids enjoying themselves' government fear mongering campaign.

you need to catch him when he is in one of these 'lighter' moods and tell him that he is worrying/scaring you and creating an unhealthy environment for your kid to grow up in.

what does your child think? how do they feel or react in this situation?

Hey courierdude,

I'm not worried about cannabis in general - I think it's vastly safer than lots of other drugs, such as prescription drugs and even good old SSRI's, but won't go into that one lol...

I think it's the classic 'moderation' thing, he smokes it every single day, he clearly depends on it psychologically to help him 'process' through the day (or what's left of it by the time he gets up), and he is like a different person when he hasn't had it. That to me is a problem, especially when my young son will no doubt hear all about it soon as his dad will definitely not hold back in telling him when he's a bit older.

He's smoked it daily on and off for nearly 30 years, I just worry that this has affected him, just because of the sheer volume.

However, the weed is the least of my worries, as I say I'm not against smoking weed any more than I am about someone having a couple of glasses of wine to relax.

My son is all over the place :weep:
He possibly has OCD and has serious control issues around food and bedtime routines.

He also loves his dad so much and is devastated everytime there is a disturbance at home between us or a hint of things not going well.

However, as long as I keep quiet about everything then there are no arguments, but if I challenge my partner about his behaviours then I'm, classed as 'causing trouble'.