this wont ever end and i will never be normal

[cookieme]

ok im writing this at a guys house that im now seeing after splitting with my bf of 2 years. i still actually live with my ex and cant bear to go home so am staying here and going home tonight. im stressed. i am in unbelievable debt with no way out. im only 19 but i feel 30. i cant take this. my ex hates me and has moved on with someone else. i cant afford to move out. im have panic attack after panic attack at my new guys house. hes not home but his sister and dad is. i dont know what to tell them. im just sitting in his room downing a abottle of rescue remedy and hoping il feel better soon. did i mention i cant take this? i want to rewind 2 years and be living with my parents, happily single and very well looked after. my parents live ages away and so moving in with them is not an option. i havnt been sleeping and i cant think straight. i feel as though im dying and i cant shake it. i want to be normal and brush this off normally. i want t o be able to enjoy my new guy instead of worrying all the time. hes never going to like me i know it. who would? he comes from a perfect home with no worries and hes happy 24/7. thats not me, at least not anymore. i cant do this. i cant have a normal life and it kills me . im just so scared that no one els eis going to love me agaiin like this. its only just the start of the year and its becoming the worst iv ever had. i feel so alone and no one gets it. i just want things to go bk to normal. i want to be normal.
sorry for ranting, i really am. you must think, same old story. and when i look at other posts on here , i agree, it is. but i know venting on here will help in some way and make me realise that there are people who care and its not just me who feels like this.

[den64]

hi there,
sorry youre feeling so bad at the moment, it probably does feel like you have no way out but believe me you do, first of all the fact youre living with youre ex-boyfriend and you hate it is enough to make anybodys stress levels reach a high, is there anyone in youre area looking for a room-mate to share the bills etc,or is there a friend you could move in with,as for youre debts are there any debt councellors you could talk to, they would come up with a plan for you that would benefit you rather than the debtors, dont try to do everything at once sort one thing out at a time, gradually you will start to feel better

take care and best wishes

denise [8D][8D]

[Insomniac]

Hi cookieme

You've come to the right place for advice and support here. You are not alone. I posted something similar a few months ago. I am happily married but had the feeling the control the panic had over my life would not end, and I would never live a normal life.

I have seen my GP and am now on meds and getting counselling. I am also able to help myself by using breathing and relaxation exercises (and Rescue Remedy - though not as often as before). I am regaining control over my life. I still feel anxious or panicky sometimes, but I can get it back under control now.

Taking small steps has been good advice. Try not to worry about the big picture, just be content to take small steps and appreciate that these steps are big achievements for you personally. Your confidence in yourself will grow and you will start to feel better.[^]


Lisa.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.